to think that you cannot work full time and support your children's education?

[IslandGirlie]

I've tried to juggle FT work and 2 DCs, they are in Reception & Y1 and failing miserably!
This month I've missed a few school request/ preps for events & kids are having to rush to get things ready for said events. Teachers sending notes to remind things..
I feel like I'm not supporting them in their school work / not spending quality time with them.
Is it possible to be on top this and work full time? School sends at lest 1 email a day! Most days it's two!! There's is always a leaflet in the bag..
DH works full time too and he is helpful as much as he can do. I can't stop wondering that it's not possible to work FT and support children.
How do you do it?

Im a SP to 2; in YR and Y6, eldest has SEN and I work fulltime

I think you are making mountains out of molehills. How hard is it to bake a cake or pull together a costume

Maybe your housekeeping standards are too high? Do you spend ages cooking and cleaning in the evening?

I think it's tough on DC whose parents cannot provide a lot of support and back up. Our DC are older (20, 18 and 11) and always had a lot of support. It's very easy to see the difference between their peers who did and didn't have a lot of support for their education.

Will your husband be looked down on if he doesn't make an effort with the pta? I mean, as you both work ft..
I doubt it somehow. I bet it all falls to you, but there is no reason why it should.
I also ignore the majority of stuff, just try and filter the essentials, but I too think it's hard to keep up with everything from school. There is just an overload of information.
( Some people may find it easy to juggle the requests from 3 separate school classes and working 50 hours a week, but us mere mortals can tire of it.)

How so, BoboChic? Do you think my DC stand out because their father left and I stayed, and worked full-time to support us all?

I'm a single parent working just under full-time hours. I am very organised and I do some of my organising in my lunch hour at work. I have learnt to bin things quickly that aren't that important, putting all dates in my diary first.

I feel a bit guilty that I can't go to all the award assemblies etc and I have to miss some things, but the alternative (i.e. me not working hard) would be far worse. We have a good routine and catch up with school work on Sundays. My child has always been at the top of the class.

NameChanger22 agree that a diary / calendar is essential.

You have to pick your events. Tbh, as the DCs got older they were really good at specifying ahead of time which ones they wanted me at, and which were a bit 'meh'.

But reading every day when they were young, was a big deal.

I'm on maternity leave and just keep up- a network of the other mins means we generally scoop up the stuff we will miss just before it's actually missed iyswim!
I dread going back to work and the juggle- at nursery you paid you dropped off you collected. In 3.5 years maybe 4 dress up days max
This week in contrast- nativity play, cake for fayre, raffle tickets to sell & return, stuff for stalls, come as you like day, school fayre and a day to drop off / pick up at different times due to trip. And school clubs not running (ie French / art etc) because it's a busy week - so if you work and usually collect at 445 on those days you now need to be there at 315.
Yay....

I'm trying to pull together a plan to do things better next term..I did say to DH today that 10yrs down the line, I'd regret not supporting children at school / education.
I need to get organised, we do have a calendar but it's actually hung in a place only DH can reach (doh!) will be changing that!
Get a bigger cork board.
Probably not throw away notes from school until end of the month, easier to go back in paper.
Get a routine going with shopping & other weekly stuff.

We do cook in the evening, some batch cooking works for us but not always.

My top tip is get a family organiser and write everything on and check daily. Also read before bed (preferably DH with one child you with other at same time). Only do other homework first thing one morning at weekend. I find it really hard though just to do the basics.

How hard is it to bake a cake or pull together a costume

For me, personally, it's very hard to make a costume. Even when I didn't work making a costume was a BIG DEAL I may have wanted to cry when DS1 refused to wear the Roman costume I created

I have managed to win the Victoria sponge cake competition at the summer fair two years running, though, and my cup cakes came 2nd

I don't bake and have absolutely no creativity when it comes to fancy dress, so yeah actually Shortcut baking and costuming is hard for me. I also have limited time as my DS has SN which means things like homework, self care and teaching emotional resilience take up a heck of a lot of time. But yeah. I'm totally failing him cos I don't do cupcakes

We don't compromise on reading, we let them read school books and we read for them everyday except some really really busy day for them.

I'd like to do spelling / maths/ follow curriculum / support their school week plans at home..none of this gets done..

Op how is DP going to feel 10 years down the line? This isn't all on you, you know

I don't bake for school, I've not had the time..I've cooked for PTA events and support PTA most of the time.

Lonny, I'm not sure tbh, he thinks the kids are doing just fine, I think they could do better with just a bit of assisting, I don't mean pushing them, just repeating what they do at school.
DH by nature is very laid back, minimal effort and doesn't like stress.

Its not easy op. I'm a single parent who works full time and I am running constantly to catch up with myself. I do see the difference between my dc and the ones who have a sahp. But theres nothing I can do. I'm lucky that the dc's school are very supportive of us and do everything they can to ease the load.

It is hard, I agree. I work in a school office and send all this stuff out and still lose track sometimes! Add in Beavers, cubs, football etc and its really hard!

The most organised parents I know - several of whom work full time and/ or have lots of kids - seem to return slips and payments immediately . They obviously deal with stuff immediately, and don't stick it into a 'to do another day' pile.

I try and do that too, and put envelopes straight into pockets / bookbags so they can't be forgotten. When it comes to non uniform days, cake sales etc, can you set a reminder on your phone a few days beforehand?

I'm sorry to say that in my experience all this administration gets worse before it gets better, and the children get older and hobbies and clubs add to the list. Hope you can find a system that works for you.

On, and do pull the school up on it if they are asking for things at short notice. We have to give a months notice for asking for money( ie trips etc) and also for themed dressing up days and plays, where special outfits are involved. Cake sale dates are published at the beginning of term for the whole term. If you're not getting notice of these things, go in and have a moan !

Ah yes the short notice! We get 4 days notice sometimes for things! What do we? Most parents will adhere to it and if we don't then kids miss out. I don't want to be problematic parent who moans at schools lack of planning..

Have a tickler file. It's a concertina file labelled anyway you choose- daily, monthly etc. When you get a letter about something file it in relevant week/month. At beginning of each week/month look through all paperwork for day/week ahead and deal with. Sounds complicated but is easy and a lifesaver for us. Never lost a bit of paper since.

It is very true that there is no need to participate in absolutely everything.

Reading and homework are the musts. You don't need to bake cakes if you don't have the time, nor feel obliged to run a stall at the Christmas fete. Little else unless you want to.

I feel for you. This term our school hasn't stopped with the demands.It has been a costly term. In one day I counted 14 emails from them.

2x plays - had to source odd costumes - not nativity.
4x mufti days
1x Christmas jumper day
1 x Carol Service
2x school Christmas fayre
Teachers present donations
class party donations
2x doughnut sales
3x cake sales.......the list goes on .

I have two children close in age and I have to bin a lot of the school requests unless educational now because otherwise it just consumes my whole life. I don't want to do the cake baking for the school or the costume making, been there done that and I don't have the time to do this at a drop of a hat.

Totally with the OP... school seems to think nothing else happens in peoples lives bar school. Barring a bit of reading, I hate homework for children in early years anyway, it's unnecessary and always a fight to get it done that takes twice as long as doing it. It's not just 10mins, it's 10mins getting everyone to sit down, find pencils, get the stuff out, 10 more for me to workout what the instructions are supposed to mean, then guess at it anyway, 10mins of toilet breaks, requested for desperately needed water and snacks, then maybe 10mins doing the homework, and another 10mins of persuading everyone to put it back in bags and clear up rather than just wander off and leave it half done....

And in our house we have cubs, beaver, swimming, dancing, rugby and one night I work late so it's after school club, so getting work out on Monday to be handed in Friday is pretty challenging... and I think a variety of other activities is better for them than a pitched battle about writing out this weeks words.... so quite often... we just don't do it, and I don't feel guilty.

I do talk to their teachers and explain my POV on the homework, and our busy schedules. I say we will do our best to get it done, but that I am not going to force it, and mostly the teachers are quite accepting, and my kids do just fine at that.

Where I do lose my rag is the full on projects at home that are expected of very young children, which are simply projects that are going to be done by parents... I have built models, done experiments, produced powerpoints and videos... and usually, necessarily, with limited input from child, because they can't use powerpoint or hot glue or a screwdriver etc... but I have spent hours on it.... and I really don't see the point.... I do activities with my kids at home when they are relevant... but them watching me make a model "underwater scene" is hardly helping anyone.

I think it's tough on DC whose parents cannot provide a lot of support and back up. Our DC are older (20, 18 and 11) and always had a lot of support. It's very easy to see the difference between their peers who did and didn't have a lot of support for their education.

Yeah but big difference between supporting reading and supporting bake sale. Bake sale participation= zero impact on child's academic progress.

Apparently some schools in the US give you an opt out whereby you just write a cheque at the start of the year and then no requirement to engage with any other fundraising or volunteering activity- you're removed from all mailing lists about bake sales. I'd be all over that.

Where I think schools can really help working parents is by (1) giving a weekend's notice for things that require a few hour's prep. There's no point in telling me on Tuesday that DS needs to make a lantern by Thursday but if I had a weekend, i'd fit it in. I'm not going to start making a lantern with a tired 5 year old when I get home at 6.30pm. (2) What's with all the paper? Use email or diaries. SMS for emergencies (e.g. school closures) The multiple communication methods are really annoying.

crispytruffle our term was like yours. It gets ridiculous! Its entirely geared towards SAHMs, but then in a year group of 36 I'd say 2/3 are SAHMs and many of the working ones do very part time eg. 3/4 hours a day.

Our end of term day was especially ridiculous:
drop off 8:45
come back at 10:45 for special assembly
go home again at 11:30
Come back at 1:30 for nativity
Go home at 2:30
Come back at 4 to go to special after school PTA organised event from 4:30-6:30 at another venue.

Some of the SAHMs live 15 miles away, I wonder if they just sit in the school car park on laptops all day!?

.. and IslandGirlie... DO be the parent who complains about lack of planning... we've recently had a change of head and now actually get annual calendars out with the dates for things and it make such a difference.... it's not your fault that they aren't planning, and they won't change unless do people complain.

... and its not even about being time consuming, it's about schools assuming they can appropriate your (limited) free time without a by your leave, and put you in the position of having to produce costumes, cakes, change of clothes etc etc on pain of your child feeling left out.... it really annoys me that I'm just expected to do all this stuff at their whim....