to think that you cannot work full time and support your children's education?

[IslandGirlie]

I've tried to juggle FT work and 2 DCs, they are in Reception & Y1 and failing miserably!
This month I've missed a few school request/ preps for events & kids are having to rush to get things ready for said events. Teachers sending notes to remind things..
I feel like I'm not supporting them in their school work / not spending quality time with them.
Is it possible to be on top this and work full time? School sends at lest 1 email a day! Most days it's two!! There's is always a leaflet in the bag..
DH works full time too and he is helpful as much as he can do. I can't stop wondering that it's not possible to work FT and support children.
How do you do it?

Yes, I agreed that costumes can be a pain- but surly costumes aren't required that often?

A couple of times a term is still a pain, BR, if not enough notice to order from eBay.

I don't understand why the sort of requests people are talking about on here would "stress or frazzle" anyone- unless it's a matter of money.Which, as I said, should be taken up with the school.

More people are in work now but the school hasn't caught up. I struggled with my dd in primary when I was working part time/ I did 2-6 and was always shattered in the evenings

I'm with the OP. I work part time with a lot of flexibility and it is still difficult to keep up with. DH works full time and is about as much use as a chocolate tea pot when it comes to this stuff anyway.

Our school is very demanding with this kind of thing and I have one in Yr 2 and one in Reception . . . so far I've managed not to drop the ball anywhere, but I do feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants most days! December is the worst with charity days, christmas plays, church service's, choir performances . . . add to that the usual birthday parties, after school clubs, reading, homework and you've got yourself an organisational nightmare!

You can choose to ignore certain things. I have gotten a bit better at that with things that I think the kids really don't notice, but some things I'd feel way too guilty about missing. Like if there's an afternoon for parents to come in to share a book or whatever, I'd hate to think of her being one of the few who's mum doesn't come.

My eldest has also been on at me since Reception to come in and be a parent helper. I couldn't in Reception because my DBS hadn't cleared, and Yr 1 I was mostly having a horrendous pregnancy with DC3, so I'm trying to add that into the mix this year too :/ Oh and then they both want me to come in for lunch too and I can't even do both at the same time, because Reception and Yr 2 eat at different times!

My mum worked full time when I was growing up and I do remember feeling sad that my mum never came in for lunch or picked me up like the other mums did. And there was one horrific forgetting of a dressing up day incident that sticks in my mind! I know a lot of kids probably wouldn't be bothered but since I remember my own sadness it makes me determined not to let mine feel the same. We're all shaped by our own experiences I guess.

A calendar is essential OP. Make sure you get everything on there as soon as the e-mail comes through and check it daily. And try to get things done as soon as you can. I.e. Sort the costume as soon as you know about it rather than waiting till a couple of days before!

One more week to go then we're home free for a couple of weeks! Phew!!

Bertrand, I can assure you that if you are keeping the show on the road of work/kids/anything else in your life, an additional email from school can just tip you over the edge. It may not look like that to you, but it sure as hell can.

I've never made a costume in my life and the idea of 'running one up' makes my blood run cold.

DS is in reception and I find it hard to keep up. I shudder to think what it's going to be like when DS2 is older and they're both in school.

I want more time to do these things. Part of the problem is DS is small and bedtime comes hard on the heels of the evening pick-up -- can't get there until 5:30, which means we're not home until 6. That gives 90 minutes for bath, homework, reading, and bed. That would be hard enough if I only had one child, but there are two vying for attention plus there's dinner to cook, laundry to do, all of that stuff.

I'm pretty organized -- have a spreadsheet for everything. I manage loads on the lunch hour since I work close to home, but this is just too much. I don't see how other people balance it.

one thing that really helps is training your DC up as soon as possible to do as much of the organising themselves. even my reception kid is responsible for packing her bag with the correct stuff the night before. if letters come home late then sometimes we can't meet whatever the request is. they will forget things sometimes, but TBH that's where the learning is

costumes and craft requests - i have a well stocked craft cupboard and dressing up box. the DC go for a rummage, and we do the best we can with what we've got. I have told them that on ecological grounds I am not trotting off to tesco to get new clothes etc for costumes that are then only worn once. For Xmas jumper day () they can pin a paper snowflake to whichever jumper they like.

we do homework most of the time. the school know I value the kids' education, but if I'm stuck at work late then we sometimes skip a night, and I put a note in to the effect that we'll catch up at the weekend. No-one's ever raised concerns re this.

Oh! Island Girlie Another tip. Some parent or other at our school took it upon themself to start a private Facebook group for parents of children in the Yr Group. It's become a bit of a thing and I think there's one for all Yr Groups now. Certainly I'm in the Yr 2 one and the Reception one.

That can be invaluable! As often the SAHP's will post reminders about things on there and if you have any last minute questions you can always stick it on there and someone will reply. A community of parents all trying to remember the same dates!

It's saved me a few times. Maybe start one of those if there isn't one

It can be tough if you both work full time, don't have a cleaner and you are trying to do all the PTA stuff. When I was teaching I was often working 70 hours a week, DH about 50 and we managed it but only by sharing the load. One of the bonuses of having a large family is that an older child can bake a cake or help with a costume. I agree with previous posters who say that this should not be solely down to working mothers.

As a SAHP it is now very easy to keep on top of everything.

What is all this costume crap about, anyway? I am pretty sure that we didn't do endless costumes when I was at primary school.

I discovered that just not doing the stuff worked fine for me.

I resented the fact that most of the school demands assumed I was a SAHM.
I'm disabled so making and doing all this stuff wasn't going to happen.

My view is the school are there to educate - homework and home projects that cannot be done without an adult for 5 yo are ridiculous. I stopped doing them.

I joined the PTA only to find it was full of SAHP with too much time on their hands who wittered away and wasted time - I assume because they didn't have anything else to do. Also the chair was a full on control freak who wanted everything her way. Total drag. I left.

I really don't know why schools think the parents need to put in hours of additional work - what is the school doing with the children all day if maths and writing is given to the parents to do?
When I was at school there was no question of your parents taking hours a day to do school work with you.

I getcha OP. I made a decision early on that I would go part time for as long as possible and I've stuck to it (and I know DH resents me because he thinks its for 'me' but I do ALL the organising in our household and its not for me its for the kids)
Two days a week, I work short days, meaning I can do the drop off and pickups of both DSs (Y1, Y4) It makes such a difference to them. DS2 in particular would be exhausted by doing 8-6 every weekday, which is what they would have to do if I worked full time. I deliberately made my short days Weds/Thurs to break up their week. It also means we can fit in extra-curricular stuff/after school clubs/friends coming over which otherwise we'd have to cram into our family time at the weekend. When they come home at 6 they are just knackered and just want to play and/or watch tv, not do homework.
I try to be as organised as I can. I have a timetable up near the front door, so I can double check before we leave that we have the appropriate outfits (DS2 has forest school once a week and I always end up having to change him last minute as I've forgotten and put him in his school uniform by mistake) the swim bags, the packed lunches, the homework, the reading books, the meal sheets and anything else the school has asked for like cake day money and so on. Costume requests always seem to come very late in the day, but I usually manage to find something around the house.

The company I work for are brilliant wrt flexibility. If there are shows to go to/assemblies to attend and so on, I can swap days around so I may have to put them in after school club on a Weds but I can attend something they'd like me to be at.
Its a juggling feat, that's for sure.

I feel we do, bit dp and I both compressed our hours into fewer days and dp pulls his weight. Is your dh really doing half in terms of the mental work of remembering and planning as well as the physical work?

Bertrand Russell, believe me, many primary schools ask for shedloads of this stuff.

Costumes needed at the drop of a hat, more for ridiculous dressing up days, some for some school trips too. Cakes for the cake stall, none uniform day, prizes for tombola, harvest festival, sports days, end of year concert, choir practice, end of year play, Christmas carol service, nativity play, summer fete, Christmas fete. Supply stuff for the class Christmas party.

The list is endless. If working even just part time it is still like an Olympic event to keep on top of it all.

I am so relieved that my youngest is now at secondary school. Yes, she likes to go to hockey and netball after school, but none of the other bollocks. Far less "in your face".

Too many primary schools are stuck in a time warp thinking that there must always be a SAHP. That needs to change.

I'm a SAHM with one in school, one in school nursery and a baby. I don't have much of an excuse really but I find it really tough to keep on top of the school events and requirements. Especially with two dc needing different things at different times etc. I can't imagine working on top of that, it must be incredibly stressful.

I've had quite a bit of success with the organised mum calendars, we each have a column and I stick to it religiously. EVERYTHING is written down. I've only had one error where I sent them both in Christmas jumpers but only DS needed one, have remembered most other things!
It doesn't help that I was the kid whose mum forgot everything, I went in in uniform on mufty days, never returned letters promptly etc. I relive that everything I forget for the Dc and I don't want them to feel the way I did.

I honestly don't relate to any of this stress and angst about school. Lots of these long complicated lists that people are writing are events over an entire calendar year and aren't very complicated anyway - what is so difficult about dress as you please days and providing a prize for a tombola?

Perhaps this is a leafy middle-class school issue as our inner-city schools certainly don't expect that much involvement from parents.

F it's a mufti day, it's fine

If it's a costume day, less so.

And if you get a text about the children's tombola the day before it happens, you need to be lucky to have a spare sticker book etc to hand.

Sometimes the text arrives between 8 and 9 when mine have already gone in to breakfast club.

Some people find Last minute stuff more stressful than others. Some can whip up a book day costume from a roll if tinfoil. Others can't.

Do people not have diaries?

Doesn't help if told the day before, BR!

Sports day was in my diary - the text about needing team colours came out the day before.

A diary, two spreadsheets, a shared calendar with DH and my office Outlook (for letting my boss know about things like the nativity play.)

It still doesn't invent more time in the day to make a cranky five-year-old do homework that arrives on the day.

Diaries are no use if only a day or so's notice is given.

Nor do diaries resolve the perennial problem working parents have of there never being enough hours in the day.

I have had to agree and pay for school trips with less than a day's notice, as school admitted that they had forgotten to send out the letters until the day before.

I have had wrong dates for stuff publicised by the school, even wrong school holidays once or twice (pre internet days then).

Do you actually have children, BR?

What this all seems to come down to is badly run schools and parents scrabbling to pander to the school and the PTA. There is no excuse for the school to be that poor about communication. If the school communicates properly in advance there is no reason why it should be a drama or last minute panic.

I think I am quite organised, but with three dc all it's hard to get everything done.

We have the Middle school system here, so dd1 moved up in September. This has been brilliant, they seem to require less from parents now, no cake sales/requests for dressing up so far. We have been invited to take part in lessons twice which was nice and about 50% of children had a parent there and then an evening christmas concert last week.

In contrast at the first school where I have 2 dc, in one term, we have had 4 school assemblies/concerts, 2 choir concerts in the town for Christmas, 5 own clothes days and 2 dress up in costume days and four discos. Add in a couple of charity fundraisers where cakes have been asked for/bought, part food sent in for Christmas parties and a Christmas jumper day on Friday. It's ridiculous. Ds (7) has also had three projects to do, two that required a model and he chose a power point. When I have complained about it all, I have been laughed at for being miserable. Apparently the majority of parents don't mind it (I will add, that the parents I speak to, which are varied across different year groups, and different friendship groups all seem to get hacked off with it all, they just don't tend to mention their frustration it to the staff).
i do wonder if I am just getting more and more miserable as I get older. (Probably because I work full time, as does DH and I am constantly trying to play catch up with everything the children need for school and figure out which one of us is going to make it to the next school event).