to think that you cannot work full time and support your children's education?

[IslandGirlie]

I've tried to juggle FT work and 2 DCs, they are in Reception & Y1 and failing miserably!
This month I've missed a few school request/ preps for events & kids are having to rush to get things ready for said events. Teachers sending notes to remind things..
I feel like I'm not supporting them in their school work / not spending quality time with them.
Is it possible to be on top this and work full time? School sends at lest 1 email a day! Most days it's two!! There's is always a leaflet in the bag..
DH works full time too and he is helpful as much as he can do. I can't stop wondering that it's not possible to work FT and support children.
How do you do it?

Mt DC are older now but I do think you are in the busiest time for dressing up days etc.
My tips - or in other words what works/ed for me:

Have all emails come to my phone - check at lunchtime and respond straight away is response needed, or add to calendar, or add "to buy" the required thing to my weekly to do list (again on my phone)

Deal with all pieces of paper that come home from school only once. So fill in that form/cheque that evening and put back in school bag

Have a bull dog clip per child hanging from the notice board and place their letters there - go through every Sunday, binning the old ones and bringing the new ones to the front.

I have a family calendar and my phone synced - I update my phone usually first and then update the family calendar. Every Sunday I transfer the weeks events to a blackboard by the back door that also contains static info such as which days sports kits are required /after school clubs are.

It becomes a habit after a while and you just "do it".

If I know a cake request is coming up I might bake and freeze ahead or make something easy like cornflake crispy cakes the night before.

BR, that's clearly not the point if you read what everyone is doing

I like the sound of nulgirl school! Much better to talk about a book than dress as superman cos you have that outfit even if you have no matching book

I don't work at all OP and take my hat off to those who manage to work even pt and keep up with it all.
The ones I know who do manage it are super organised and most things are timed to the nanno second and everything organised, never left to chance.
I know I wouldn't want to live my life like this, so didn't do it.
It must be very difficult.

OP - in my house I have an 17 yr old on an apprenticeship, a part time yr4 (dn, dsis runs a bar so lots of evening and night shifts), a yr2 child and a reception child. As long as you do the reading and remember the non uniform days you're doing great. I had to hurry the DC to be ready for school this morning early so I could buy party food before school. I'm part of a group of mums who text each other reminders, especially if we know someone's had a child off sick so they haven't got a letter.

i think it depends on the children, the parents, the school and the job. It is also about more than admin or costumes but the general support.

We have six children although two of those are not at school yet, one is too old for all of this and only one is at primary. However when I was working I would be at my desk for 11 hours a day with no down time and have a few hours to do at home. Alongside DH I also had a house to run. DH did far more of this kind of stuff than I did. I thought this was about general support, so the youngest child was reading each evening, I was on the PTA and a governor of his school and therefore there was a time commitment there. DH would do the assemblies, plays and events during the day. We split costumes, prizes, parties. The older ones have sports kits needed most days, after school activities most days, sometimes that they travelled for, matches to watch, homework to monitor, revision to help with, my eldest also had special needs and therefore that could be intensive at times. Most weeks somebody needed ingredients for a cooking lessons, materials for a project etc. Education is probably the one thing that we are strict over so we had them doing homework in one room together, we would take time to check their books, discuss their work, review their diaries etc. That does take time when you are trying to squeeze it in between 6 and 9 pm alongside a proper meal each night.

I chose to have that many children so I am not moaning - just saying how it is. i realised when baby six came that being a SAHP would make life much easier.

DH and I have a shared online calendar that the older children also post things to. We had a whiteboard made which was divided for each member of the family over two weeks - onto which appointments or deadlines was added so we can see clashes. We have a second one for evening meals, everyone picks a meal they would like to eat and a day of the week they would like to cook. Sharing the load makes life much easier and also trains the children for running their own homes.

There's too much pressure. Honestly there is more to life than school stuff. My children know they try their best and we are here to support as necessary, but they also know that school isn't as important as teachers and plenty of other people make out.
I'm ill, ongoing ill, I work part time and also have a dog. My mental health needs are high..so my kids don't always do their homework and we don't bother baking cakes..we buy, but they are happy, well fed, well rested, loved children.
Most won't agree with me, but relax about school stuff, it isn't everything, it really really isn't.

If you come from my kind of background school is important because it is the most reliable route out of a shit life.

So what's the solution? Should schools just drop anything that isn't purely academic?

Schools should stop assuming that parents - and in the vast majority of cases that means mothers - have the time and the resources to do things at short notice. And stop setting homework for parents to do.

Absolutely agree about homework for parents.

But as for other stuff, a lot of it couldn't happen without parental involvement. So. Academic stuff only? No plays, trips etc?

Schools should scale back on a lot of this, yes.

More needs to be done with working parents in mind. The ridiculous dressing up days should go. They are a total PITA.

Most of these "projects" are beyond the age of the children they are set for and are done by parents, who are often working and are strapped for time.

Yes, certainly scale it well back.

I agree about the homework.

But I would hate a school with no fun stuff.

The majority of trips from schools my DDs have been to have not required parental input, except if some stupid costume is required. Been lucky there, but the rest was non-stop.

I agree with dressing up days/costumes for plays etc - hate them, rarely enough notice but I found they tend to come round more than once - so eg DD1 had to dress up as a viking - I made a costume (when I used to be keen). I kept the costume (it actually did for a medieval feast as well!) - and then sure enough DD2 - dress up as a viking ..no problem. I will keep them until I'm sure they aren't doing medieval and then pass onto someone or donate to the school...then the DCs whose parents can't do a costume still have something to wear (but tbh I knew which DCs in my DDs class won't be dressed up /attend things etc -and they aren't the ones whose parent's work full time... )
One year DD1 had to wear a brown top and trousers - for the play they had been rehearsing for weeks - I was told 3 days in advance- when brown was extremely untrendy - I couldn't even get plain boys stuff - looked on line, phoned places up etc - finally managed to get leggings and top from ethel austin - I put them away for DD2 just in case she ever needed them (she didn't) ...
Anyway two points mentioned - I don't think it is really the schools fault you get homework that the DCs can't do on their own, or countless open mornings etc. It is the governments fault - although can't speak for the UK government this might only be true in Scotland - but part of the requirement of the curriculum etc is for 'learning establishments' - schools but nurseries, playgroups, etc too - is to encourage parental involvement in their child's learning - they have to show ways in which they have to the inspectors. It is all part of being a partnership - they also need to ask for feedback. We get at least one questionnaire a year from the school asking for feedback...and they struggle to get anyone to give any but without it they risk being marked down...so if you get one please fill in it - Our HT said that in our school of 140ish families they got 26 returned surveys... which if they were inspected would count against the school...
Second point the £20 cheque - I agree in principle -it seems crazy for parents to spend £10 on ingredients for cakes that sell for £10 (or less). But one they are supposed to be a social thing too - (illustrating that important parental involvement again ) but I see things like school fairs to raise funds for equipment etc as a redistribution of wealth -if you did the £20 thing some people would struggle but feel obliged . With fairs you don't need to donate any raffle prizes/baking etc - you pay £1 entrance and then spend £2-3...feel like you have contributed, not been stretched and no one really knows how much you spent. (If you are really skint, just don't go but DCs often like going) Then people with more disposable income can pay £10 worth of raffle tickets, £10 on home baking, etc etc -spend £30+. And all the children get equal benefit...

"The majority of trips from schools my DDs have been to have not required parental input, except if some stupid costume is required. Been lucky there, but the rest was non-stop."

Right. What exactly do you mean by "non stop?"

My school is not badly organised (apart from a couple of occasions where they've rung me 15 minutes before the end of school to say that an after school club has been cancelled and can I collect her normal time! . . . it's just the sheer volume of things and stuff to do and remember. I'm organised, but it's still a lot to keep on top of. And December is the worst!

The worst thing for me about dressing up days/charity days is that a donation of £1 is always required. I NEVER have cash, do everything on card, so often when I need 2 £1 coins and can't find them raiding through my DH's pockets I have to go to the cash point, buy something and ask for the right change! Lol!

I think there is a lot if agreement on the thread about:

Get rid of the bloody costumes and dressing up stuff, ffs.
Stop with the short notice for stuff.
Stop setting homework for parents to do.

We used to make costumes for our school plays in school, with the teachers. I could embroider quite nicely at nine years old.

philosophy, precisely. For loads of kids school is a major source of social fun stuff

But also, stop bloody moaning fgs and get some perspective. Kids are really privileged to get all the extras they do at school on the UK etc

Its hard work, but its really not that hard

Or you know, campaign to put an end to parental involvement in schools and all extra curricular activities; so that you don't have to feel guilty about not doing it

I really doubt the half a day I spent finding some sodding tan leggings for my son's performance in the Lion King at age 8 is really having any bearing on his A levels.

Tan leggings available on Amazon line; next day delivery...delivered to place of work, if too big for letter box

And wow, at the chance to participate in Lion King, huh

That's not really the point, Short.

"I really doubt the half a day I spent finding some sodding tan leggings for my son's performance in the Lion King at age 8 is really having any bearing on his A levels."

No, of course not. But he was in the bloody Lion King!!!!!!!!!!

Do you really want no school plays or performances?

There is nothing actually wrong with wanting to spend the afternoon getting on with your work instead of finding tan bloody leggings.