to think that you cannot work full time and support your children's education?

[IslandGirlie]

I've tried to juggle FT work and 2 DCs, they are in Reception & Y1 and failing miserably!
This month I've missed a few school request/ preps for events & kids are having to rush to get things ready for said events. Teachers sending notes to remind things..
I feel like I'm not supporting them in their school work / not spending quality time with them.
Is it possible to be on top this and work full time? School sends at lest 1 email a day! Most days it's two!! There's is always a leaflet in the bag..
DH works full time too and he is helpful as much as he can do. I can't stop wondering that it's not possible to work FT and support children.
How do you do it?

Oh and the last fortnight before Christmas is hell for everyone. Just wear a tin helmet and live your life

I found that for me it was easier to get up earlier and have 30 minutes to catch up on reading books, school letters and actually chat to the DCs over breakfast than it is to find that half hour when I get in from work, making dinner, DCs tired etc.
Perhaps that might work for you too?
It all falls apart when they are layabed teenagers but that is an issue for a few years' time for you!

DD now in secondary, but in primary initially it was terrible. I am a lone parent running a 24/7 business. I can work ridiculous hours in a week with any free time being in the wee small hours. I shop at weekends so request something mid week no chance.
I got arsey any request that was short notice I returned with written in red the impossibility of what they were asking me to do. It worked they got much better, two weeks notice of everything. I was organised I did return every slip next day. The icing on the cake was failure to organise themselves properly for a school trip that they ended up out of pocket for as they bought the tickets, but failed to contact the parents till 4 days before. DD already had other unmovable commitments.

I've not had time to read the whole thread but wanted to offer a PTA point of view?! I work PT and am on the PTA, find it frustrating the demands for last minute costumes but that's improved with a new head giving us a bit more notice. Also trying to engage DDs in what they want to wear based on what we have in the house or can buy from one trip to a charity shop.

Baking - there will always be loads of grandparents or parents who love baking so leave it to them.

School events - ours is great at giving notice for things but you need to choose the ones you want to go to and try to let yourself off the hook. I think the schools are in a no-win situation as I can't see how any parents can make everything, but that shouldn't mean the schools don't invite you in?

PTA - our PTA exists to raise money to raise money to pay for nice extra things for the kids (some of whom wouldn't ever get this kind of thing otherwise) e.g. panto trip, year 6 leavers day out, toys for the classroom for Friday afternoon playing etc.. And to provide events for the kids to enjoy coming to (disco/Christmas Fair/summer fun day etc). We try really hard to engage with all the parents and know that some either work full time/have preschoolers/just hate that kind of thing so can't/won't help out. Personally I think it's fine if parents don't want to be involved as long as they feel welcome to if they want to. I sort of agree with the "give us £20 at the start or term and we'll leave you alone" attitude but we have parents who just couldn't afford that and then we're back to alienating someone. I also personally quite like to be involved a bit with what's going on at school (I'm nosey and my kids spend a lot of time there), and since the head is v engaged with the PTA it's a good way to see where she's coming from?

I think the point is, do as much or as little as you like with that kind of thing and don't beat yourself up about it.

Oh and really agree with PP that if school are making stupid requests and not giving enough notice then tell them (again and again), school now gives a diary of all inset days/sports day/church service etc.. in September for the rest of the school year.

I work FT and I would ignore
My mother did the same and didn't get involved. I didn't notice nor care.
I do massively appreciate the mothers that do stuff in my place.

Just skimming the thread I would suggest / agree with the following

1. Organisation is key

1. Kids don't care if cakes are homemade or courtesy of Mr Kipling as long as they have an excuse to eat lots of them.

1. Have a box full of craft bits, paints etc. I keep old bits of ribbon, bows of presents, coloured card and tissue paper, glitter and PVA glue. That way when you get a last minute request for Christmas decorations (DS1 in Yr8!) you can cut snowflakes out of plain paper and stick glitter on them.

1. Don't try to attend everything.

1. If a child is tired in the evening do the reading in the morning. You often have a more productive 10 mins then.

1. If you are really stuck for book day remember most Roald Dahl characters wear normal clothes and only need basic props e.g. Charlie just needs a golden ticket

While mine were little I worked well over full time (but with some flexibility) and DH worked full time. We missed sports days and that sort of thing (no great loss) but always managed to hear them read, supervise music practice etc. One of us always managed to get to parents evenings.
I never did anything for the fete or cake sales etc. If you both work 3 hours in 9-5 jobs there is plenty of evening and weekend time left for encouraging achievement and making silly costumes.

I meant 35!

Slightlyglitterpaned - Dd1 goes to a school with a very mixed intake. They are not nearly as demanding of the parents as some of the schools mentioned on this thread.

I work part-time, but am doing a bit more at the mo, five hrs Friday and full days Sat & Sun. I only got around to doing tea at weekend an folding up washing, as my job is physical and I ache all over by the end of the day. Glad to be only working two hours today, so I can catch up on washing, ironing, tidying everyone's mess, dusting, do food shopping and a bit of mid time (right now), then tonight can do a decent home cooked meal, dealing with school issues and good old Xmas preparation. DH isn't able to do housework, gardening and general house maintenance at mo so that's all down to me, so I just couldn't cope with working fulltime.

I can well understand how you find it hard to cope with fulltime work, household, supporting your children as much as you'd personally like, doing quality things with them and also down time for yourself. Do both of you really need to work full time, if one of you could reduce your hours a little, would it be easier?

Could you employ a cleaner so that it's one area of the workload taken off both parents? I can't see how anyone can juggle so many balls in the air without short changing everyone including yourself.

Part time was the only way to save my sanity.

Some of the homework my DCs were set was absolute garbage - the 'death by worksheet' variety - with mistakes in the questions, incomplete instructions and illegible faded edges.

Oh yes we've had these too!

But are there any teachers on here who can answer my question? Why do school set homework that they know the parents will do? What is the point?

I appreciate that it can feel overwhelming when they start primary and the requests come rolling in! If the school isn't giving you enough notice then take that up with them (parent forum?), but it is just a case of organisation really. As soon as you get a note write the details on the calendar and check it each night and morning! And as a pp said, the last couple of weeks of term are always mad busy.

You get used to things like Book Day - repeating event at the same time each year - and events that crop up less regularly like school trips can be dealt with immediately (complete form or pay/consent on parentpay). Mufti days are just a reminder on the calendar - yes, it can be stressful to add another reminder in to your week but providing another set of clothing is quick and easy to do.

I'm with you OP I find it really hard as well, despite DH being a SAHD.

He arranges most stuff but we don't tend to 'have time' for homework and reading - which is a lie really, we have the time but not the inclination. Sometimes it's just too much of a hard slog in the evening.

It's not all us though - the first two years of school they didn't do dress up for world book day - the third year they did and we got a note the day before to say they could dress up! Now that wasn't really on.

I work full time self employed and am a single parent. Being self employed i can rearrange my work to attend school events, but it's not always easy. In the past month we have had

class assembly
craft fair
carol concert
school fair - this involved taking in various assorted items, for which the children are given raffle tickets as an incentive to take in. also doing a half hour slot on a stall.
Class cake sale - I buy cakes to take in as I do not have time to make any.

I have not joined the PTA as I do not have time.

DD is 7yo. She reads every day and she attempts the homework that they are given 5 days to do.

My housework is what suffers in our house. Earning money to pay the mortgage, and looking after DD are the main priorities.

I have full time care of DD as her father is currently not seeing her. Life is hard. Life is stressful.

I have just received a text from a friend saying that the choir are singing to parents at 3pm tonight and that choir is ending an hour early. This is the first I have heard of it! Now I have to leave work early, or let DD down by not being there. She is very insecure at the moment so i need to be there.

Organisation is the key, but this only works if the school actually tell you what is happening!

"I sort of agree with the "give us £20 at the start or term and we'll leave you alone" attitude but we have parents who just couldn't afford that and then we're back to alienating someone."

Surely the answer to this is "offer people choices"?

Someone mentioned earlier that some American schools offer parents the option of "send a cheque and you won't hear from us for the rest of the term." You can still do the cute events for the people who actually prefer that to writing a cheque.

It would be great if PTAs and schools could just treat parents like adults who are capable of choosing what they want.

"Why do school set homework that they know the parents will do? What is the point?"

Because some schools are living in la-la land and actually think that six year olds are making those model papier mach lagoons etc.

And because parents keep the fantasy alive by going along with the whole thing and making the stupid model lagoon and sending it in without saying anything.

The killing thing is schools dropping stuff in parents' laps with no notice. IME schools (or individual teachers) who plan ahead and give advance notice are also the ones whose demands on parents are well thought out and reasonable.

As ever, it's a management issue...

I am always baffled by threads like this. I just don't understand the problem, unless the things required are very expensive, in which case I would take it up with the school. But how difficult is it to do non uniform or party dress days? They have to wear clothes- they just need different ones that day!

If you don't want to bake- then buy a cake. Costumes can be a pain, but surely that isn't a frequent request? And why is getting an email from the school such a big deal?

But how difficult is it to do non uniform or party dress days? DD lives in jumpers and jeans. On non-uniform days every other girl is dressed in those silly Frozen costumes. I really couldn't afford one and I knew she'd never wear it again. But I didn't want her to stand out. I asked her and she said "oh mum those dresses are always itchy" and chose a jumper she wanted to wear instead. But some kids may want whatever their friends have and if you can't afford you do feel guilty.

"would be great if PTAs and schools could just treat parents like adults who are capable of choosing"

As I've said before, over the years loads of people have said to me" I'd rather just send in a cheque" To which I have said "Absolutely fantastic, go for it!"

Have I ever received a cheque? Guess!

But why not just do it? Bung the PTA £20 and then just ignore any fund raising requests.

Mufti days are fine. Themed mufti days less so unless you have notice or the theme is something straightforward like wear something red.

BertrandRussell if you don't have an appropriate costume, and you're given one or two days' notice, and you work long hours, then it's practically impossible to oblige (without making a martyr of yourself, at least).

I don't see this as MY problem though - it's the school's problem if they can't organise themselves and make sure working parents get a minimum of a week's notice.

The real problem is that modern parenting is heavily ring-fenced with parental guilt, which stops intelligent and competent adults from taking rational decisions about what is best for their family (and working parents half-killing themselves to comply with the school's every last-minute whim is not in the best interests of anyone.) Children generally prefer sane, calm parents who don't get everything done, to stressed, frazzled ones who are in an insane competition to out-parent everyone else.