to think that you cannot work full time and support your children's education?

[IslandGirlie]

I've tried to juggle FT work and 2 DCs, they are in Reception & Y1 and failing miserably!
This month I've missed a few school request/ preps for events & kids are having to rush to get things ready for said events. Teachers sending notes to remind things..
I feel like I'm not supporting them in their school work / not spending quality time with them.
Is it possible to be on top this and work full time? School sends at lest 1 email a day! Most days it's two!! There's is always a leaflet in the bag..
DH works full time too and he is helpful as much as he can do. I can't stop wondering that it's not possible to work FT and support children.
How do you do it?

DS not starting till next year, so we're still at stage of visiting schools etc.

We don't live in a rich area - some of DS 'so classmates next year won't have their own bed, let alone hot & cold running costumes, baked goods, & craft projects. How the fuck is that meant to give equality of opportunity?

I am hoping that DS 's school won't have a mum tax.

Hang in there. Secondary school is much easier. I know it's a MN truism that 'they need you even more as they get older' but the reality is that a literate young adult who is perfectly aware that if they don't put the work in they will do badly in a test and/or go down a class and/or get a rocket at parents' evening will put the work in of their own accord. DD1 is on course to do perfectly well at GSCE, with quite minimal input from either parent.

I'll reply in detail later, just wanted to say our school website is rubbish, I even offered to help out with maintaining it, they said there will be a new site, 1.5yr on and no new site and out dated site still

Some schools are better than others for this sort of stuff. DD's primary is a nightmare. Most of the children have a sahm and many of them are in and out of school all day long 'helping'. They all seem to know what's going on when because they talk to each other while in school. Leaves the working parents floundering a bit.

The last mufti day was posted on the pta Facebook group at 8am on the day, too late for most working parents. Guess who's daughter showed up in uniform and was upset? Yep.

And in January the school is starting that daily mile thing that the primary in Scotland has had loads of press about. Only they are doing it at 9am and expecting parents to join in and help.

Good thing DD is moving to a different school in January.

I haven't read all the thread but I'm a single mum working full time and try really hard to stay on top of everything. Check her bag for letters note everything down in paper diary and phone. Have everything ready on Sunday night. Homework done on time. All requests dealt with. But the school really doesn't have when the school texts you at 9.50am because they want something by 2pm that day and it's the first you've heard about it! I can't leave work at the drop of a hat. And also two non-uniform days and a Christmas jumper day in just two weeks? Serious, what difference does it make to the kids whether they wear their uniform or their own clothes. Maybe when you're a teenager it's nice but my 7 year old couldn't care less.

I'll provide an alternative view to the "oh it's a breeze" contributors.

Both DH and I work FT. I have a fab FT nanny who is copied into absolutely everything school related. We also have help from a housekeeper who assists with ensuring uniform is ready, sports kit is washed and ready to go and pack lunches are prepared. She also assists with myriad baking demands etc and we still bloody miss stuff.

The sports fixtures, the after school events, the dress up days, the dress down days, book day, awareness day, music lessons and on it goes on. And that's before the out of school stuff.

All I can say is it has got easier as the DC get older and can take more responsibility but I feel your pain: more than one DC in years R-3 is enough to make you weep when it comes to homework

I'm sure some schools are better too. DD is in YR and I found the school very friendly with working parents. They didn't do a half day induction and the head told me specifically because it's easier for working parents. That's a big plus point. All correspondence come via email (instead of the dreaded paper) so nothing gets lost. Sign up for parent evening also via a website. Everything so far have about 2 weeks advanced notice to sort.

In contrast, their gymnastic club gave a day's notice to sort out costume for the winter play. That's impossible for working parents.

We also get a lot of mail, sometimes 2-3 a day. The way we kept on top is to mark everything on google calendar. I also use todoist to put down dates to buy costumes, etc. And ignore everything from PTA.

more than one DC in years R-3 is enough to make you weep when it comes to homework

Glad to hear that :) DD2 won't be in YR until DD1 is in juniors!

It's different in secondary - not necessarily easier, but your children will be more independent and there will be more hours available between school and bedtime to get stuff done.

I think in primary the focus has to be on supporting basic academics. If your child is able, you will quite quickly be able to cut back on this (once they can read, basically). I did the absolute bare minimum in primary. Mine are Y9 and Y11 now, the oldest requires no academic support at all and my younger child needs occasional support/help with homework. I only do this for "important" subjects (I'm afraid I don't much care about art, music or technology homework!).

Later the issues are more logistical - making sure the right child is in the right place at the right time - and dealing with teenagers can be timeconsuming and stressful. So it's still complicated if you work f/t. I was abroad for work last week, my husband was taken seriously ill and my teenage daughter had a bit of a crisis - so I am off work today for doctor's appointments etc :-/.

We did manage it but between both DH and I, both working FT and with DH travelling abroad quite a lot with work.

I did help out at the PTA evening events like selling sweets at the school disco and bingo night. There was none of this sharp elbowed stuff at this primary school though and the PTA were very nice. I didn't ever go along to an official meeting just offered to assist at events. I'm lucky that the school seemed to have a genuine and non forced community spirit.

I suppose it helps that I am handy with a needle. So I'm one of those who actually liked a costume request and can remember helping my friends with their DC costumes. I helped make a costume for one of my own students who was fretting about a do she had to go to.

DD school told me they don't always send letters home because they rely on the children to tell the parents. You rely on a 7 year old?! A 7 year old who leaves home at 7.30am and doesn't get back until 5pm? And has club before and after school? Ok, thanks.

My daughter's secondary school is amazingly efficient- all letters sent by email, all payments by ParentPay (absolutely everything), an online weekly calendar of all important events in the school including non-school uniform/fundraising/trips- and an online homework planner so the children can look up what they have to do (they have a paper planner as well). It really is a model of efficiency that some other schools, especially my children's primary, could learn from, as it seems to work better all round- less time counting cheques and pieces of paper.

Yes to schools assuming all kids have a SAHP. I can manage homework, mufti days, sports days, Christmas concerts, but there are other activities where they expect parents to join in and there's no way I can make those. But I'm not going to quit work so I can take part in a sponsored walk, so whatever.

Our primary is not incredibly bad, but there are moments where I want to scream at someone. Like when they rescheduled the last parent's evening - the SAHPs were told, probably when they picked up the kids. I only found out when I turned up on the original day, having left work early to do so. Me and a handful of other working parents - no one even bothered to offer an apology.

Our school is the semi-literate note in the bag the day before variety.
It is given to 'eldest or only too' and my eldest is dyslexic with organisational issues so it rarely makes it home...

This week we've had a last minute major CHANGE of costume required for School Show (great...). We have 2 Parties with food contribution required. One came home with none of the 6 options circled. I called the teacher and she said: 'I don't care, bring what you like' (!). The other has not yet been stated (for Weds). We have Xmas jumper Day, visit another School show day, Church service and 2 birthday parties (not schools fault, I realise :) 1 x hosp apt and 1 x dentist.

Somethings got to give, and it's going to be me!

wildheart I hate when they do that! Ds can't even remember what he had for lunch never mind anything else!

I never bake for sales, I always buy. One year I spent ages making a Lego Star Wars cake, I had handmade a Lego luke Skywalker out of icing, for the bake off and sale. The cake that won was a shop bought one! After that it was shop bought all the way.

I don't volunteer as a helper for anything. I don't attend any pta meetings or any curriculum meetings as the just basically read off a print out that comes home anyway.

For mufti days I put them in my phone so I get a reminder the evening before.

We do attended plays, sports-days, parents evenings and any fairs. I've also though up about 5 different costumes that are pretty easy to put together for world book day etc.

I work pt from home for my husbands business but still find it hard to remember it all and get it sorted though. I just found being a bit more organised has helped.

I find it really hard and I work full time, self employed from my home so I'm really lucky!

My dcs are 11 and 8 and as they get older I'm finding it harder and harder. This week I've have two christmas concerts in the middle of the day, on different days. Costumes to get together, party food to bring in, SATS revision to do, Carol lyrics to learn, 2 Christmas Fayres to attend, Cubs pantomime to get to, Scouts ice skating to get to....and so on.

When they were babies I seemed to be able to work so much better, had more free time and was much more organised. These days I regally stay awake working until 3am to keep on tip oft workload. I'm on my knees. I don't know if it's because I'm older, have more work or what?

I know people who take a sabbatical when their children are teens as they need them around more. I'm beginning to see that.

This and maybe the last few week of the summer term are the worse in IME ... I now only work flexibly part-time from home but this is a busy time of the year for me at work (and in the voluntary work I do too).
It is something different everyday at school and I have DCs at different schools. In my case DD2 is at the height of her activity stage (sure she will start dropping things shortly - hope so at least DD1 did) - but she does something every day bar Sat anyway (and wants to do 3 more things! I've said no!) and all the activities are doing something different too -parent's watch /mini shows/parties/extra events ...some of which need secret santas/costumes etc.
It is endless -I use google calendar and a task list and have them so they sync on phone, tablet and laptop -as others have said as soon as something comes home deal with it...pay it, sign notes back in school/activity bag, add to calendar. I also find it useful to add an email reminder say a week in advance of a dressing up day etc...or say for a secret santa present on a Sat 2 weeks before -so I have two weekends to take them shopping for it (although there is always the chocolate orange from the local shop option at a push )
But actually don't think being a SAHM (or even virtually one), especially at primary is so much easier -you are then expected to be able to do ALL these things, you have no excuse...and more ...
DD2 just asked me if the school had phoned me - she'd told them I could go on a school trip as a parent helper (again). Trip was only organised at the last minute, lasts most of the school day and they were asking people with two days notice ...thankfully it seems like the school have for once found someone else. So far I have ended up going every time they needed a helper - once when they were really desperate it involved me taking and leaving my car somewhere overnight, going there with the school, getting in the car to go to an important health appt, returning, leaving the car there and coming back with the school and then going back to collect my car...otherwise apparently the trip have to have been cancelled.

As the end of Christmas term is so busy I have made use of a small white board, split in half, one side for this week, one for next week. I write everything each child is doing and what they need to bring into school each day on it. Then at the weekend the 'next week' column is renamed 'this week' (rather than having to rewrite the list that has accumulated).
It does feel though that there is just a school treadmill - get in from after school club, prepare a meal. Then homework. Then school reading. Then bed. No time to do 'nice stuff'.

To be fair I have found the schools to be supportive if they know your personal circumstances.

I am a lone parent to two dc with sen in different schools. The headteachers and class teachers know I cannot attend parents evenings etc and we arrange to speak on the phone. The last meeting re my eldest was held in the family home and the headteacher attended.

Why are you doing all this? If you both work full time then you both parent equally. No excuses. It's not wife work. Pisses me off so much this assumption that all child-related stuff is fine by the mother even when bith oarents work equal hours. Let me guess, I bet it's you who takes the day off work when the DC are ill.

Am finding this reassuring to read!

I work 30 and only have one 9yo yet still struggle to keep up with all the school stuff! Also find it tricky not doing the pick ups and drop offs as the school quite often out important info on classroom doors so I miss things that way.

I have to write important things down in my diary straight away when I see a letter so can organise a day off if needed (school carol concert etc) also quite it on the wall calendar so know when it is in the month.

It helps that I am friendly with a few mums who will let me know if something important is going on that I may have missed.

I work part time and it is hard, to be honest I think it is impossible to fully support your child's education and have two full time working parents, as others have said you need to prioritise on which part of school you can support and stop with the other stuff like PTA (and I'm a member of the PTA but something has to give!)

I don't know the answer. I am a sahm to 4 dcs and sometimes a ball drops. Ive been told off twice this morning by ds1's nursery. thank fuck terms nearly over

School has to send all the messages out to everybody as they know (really) that only a small proportion will be able to deal with the 'extras' eg baking, going on school trips etc etc. It feels as though they are directed at you but that's in your mind (OK and mine and most of ours). I am SAHM and I know it is hard for other parents where both work, so I make sure I do more than my friends who can't.

Focus on your kids first and then their friends (playdates or whatever). Maybe try to have something that you will do eg help at summer fair. As they get older they need less from you at home and then you can do more.
Also as they get older you will get used to the 'routine' and know more about what's coming up when. I was never on top of it when DS was in reception because it was all new.

SP here, works FT, two DCs at primary. It is another job, on top of my full time job, particularly since mine get a ridiculous amount of homework and the six year old needs someone to work through all of it with him. The way I do it is:

• online ordering for all school requirements. Our school likes to give two days notice for an elaborate costume and so I rely on Amazon (in fact I have Amazon Prime).

• very organised and make the children be organised too. They know I go ballistic if they don't put their PE kit back in the hall ready to go back to school for example

• don't do any PTA stuff. I don't have time. I already have two full time jobs. I do give money and that's the way I square my conscience.

• don't attend any school events other than nativity and possibly sports day. There's something at school almost every week and a) I can't do it and b) it's not necessary. They really don't need me to be there at the anti-bullying assembly. And they don't need to decorate their bikes for the "ride your bike to school day".

• team up with another local family for transport to parties and stuff. I have halved the number of birthday parties I need to attend by taking turns with another family to do the pick up and drop off.