to think that you cannot work full time and support your children's education?

[IslandGirlie]

I've tried to juggle FT work and 2 DCs, they are in Reception & Y1 and failing miserably!
This month I've missed a few school request/ preps for events & kids are having to rush to get things ready for said events. Teachers sending notes to remind things..
I feel like I'm not supporting them in their school work / not spending quality time with them.
Is it possible to be on top this and work full time? School sends at lest 1 email a day! Most days it's two!! There's is always a leaflet in the bag..
DH works full time too and he is helpful as much as he can do. I can't stop wondering that it's not possible to work FT and support children.
How do you do it?

You think BR is being guffawed at?

I think she's being dismissive of what others are saying and poking fun/being unkind with her "mumsy " and "high flying" comments.
since you probably have to take your daughter with you, but surely that could be done with the added excitement of helping to choose the stuff for the class party

Different perspectives, eh?

Ignore the random quote that repasted!

Coming late to thread, but I would have a problem picking up groceries some weeknights.
On a Wednesday I have to leave work 15mins early in order to get to ASC by 5.30. I normally screech up at 5.29, so have zero time to divert to shops on way home. Then I have a ridiculously small amount of time to get home, throw a sandwich at both DCs, ensure DS is in his football kit and DD is in Brownies uniform. Then drop DS at football for 6 (we're meant to stay), nip off to take DD to Brownies, back to football until 7.30, back to Brownies for 8. I'm not then going to do a 20min round trip to buy some party food for the next day.

This thread is mad. Is someone seriously suggesting it is reasonable to have 30 jam sandwich's in your freezer "just in case"?? Having said that I do try to have a spare packet of biscuits or cakes in the cupboard at this time of year. Not that it prevented a late night asda dash for reindeer ears last week.....

My guess is if this was directly requested of dads none of it would materialise and schools would soon accept that parents have better things to do

Yup. This. Parents who indulge disorganised schools that make unreasonable requests make a rod for all our backs.

"since you probably have to take your daughter with you, but surely that could be done with the added excitement of helping to choose the stuff for the class party"

The above wasn't me- as a point of information. And I have said throughout that schools are sometimes seriously crap at stuff like this, and it is very hard. But you would have had to have a heart of stone not to be faintly amused by people posting from departure lounges in Africa.........Talk about other worlds!

Why is it amusing? Seriously, why is it amusing that some of us have jobs that take us all over the place?

And to answer OP, I manage by getting up at 6, and doing all school/DC administration then.
We often do times tables and spellings whilst in the car.
Forward planning with longer homework tasks (the crafty half term mammoth efforts are spread over several days of short bursts).
Have loads of craft supplies on site.
Network of mum friends to swap costumes and remind you of things.
Detailed calendars - hard copy and electronic.
Keep it simple where possible (if a drawing of a castle will do, don't do a scale 3D model) and don't fall into the competitive trap.
Help with the odd PTA event (eg fetes) IF you intend to go anyway with your DCs, but DONT get sucked into set-up/prep.
Explain to DCs that they need to work with you and be responsible.
Try to be kind to yourself if you do drop a ball.

I know it wasn't you - I posted underneath that I'd pasted it in accidentally.

Some people have jobs that take them abroad - why is that funny?

It's not 'just in case' is it though still.

It is christmas time. Poster has not ascertained date of school christmas party but knows she intends to supply jam sandwiches. She also knows that school doesn't give enough notice for these things

Therefore, would you not buy and freze bread and make sure you had enough jam in the cupboard, zay 3 weeks before end of term?

I think its ludicrous that busy professional parents aren't more proactive. Why not just ask school when Xmas parties are being held?

As an SP to 2 who works full time, I always have bread and milk in the freezer, uht in the cupboard. Stores of glue, cellotape, paper etc; and have a good dressing up box (which is mostly secondhand, adapted stuff)

Maybe this is stuff learnt as kids get older?

I presume that jobs which have you travelling the world require a person to have skills in management/stakeholder engagement/problem solving/being proactive. Just apply them to your docs school life

I don't think that the poster choose the sandwiches - that was allotted by school!

So you do have the experience then, BR.

Fine, but I wasn't particularly referring to buying a few bits for Christmas party. For me it was the ridiculous requests for costumes and other such stuff. Much of it was during my SAHM years, when I had more time but was constantly skint. I am not gifted in the craft and needlework departments, and paying to buy or hire was a problem.

Sorry, but some of what you have said has come across as patronising, even though that probably wasn't intended.

Yep one, to different perspectives!

I literally had just got back from an emergency trip to kid's with both dc when I read that comment (which wasn't BR I don't think) and had done exactly that...let them choose their party food and they loved it.

I'm doing late night work on my laptop. And the washing up is piled high in the sink

Of all the things to get stressed about in life; I'm not going to start moaning about school's trying to give our kids a good experience. My eldest has SEN and all the art/sports/social/acting/festivities has been totally core to engaging her. She loves school and has a really enthusiastic attitude to learning as a result. If you stripped it all back to academic drudgery she would have disengaged years ago

It reads to me that people are stuck in a kind of stress circle, where they just want to blame the school.

But I think it is often the school. Maybe you have just been at a (relatively) good one and can't see the issue.

We used to be at a school that was like those that many people are describing. I was originally a SAHM there and these requests were annoying enough. When I went back to full time work it was impossible. All of these requests on a Tuesday to provide random specific costumes/food items/attend things in the middle of the day on Thursday caused real stress and huge disruption to the carefully planned hours we'd negotiated to make everything work out. We had to miss things which upset DD and the random requests that 'just took 20 mins' really disrupted either our time with the children or our evenings. This was a particular pain as we were doing 2/3 hours work most evenings to allow us to leave early for pick ups so sudden 'make a badger costume' requests were really stressful. We were all very stressed and run down.

Then we switched schools (for other reasons) and two years later I still can't get over how much calmer life is for everyone with the new school. There is an annual calendar that has everything significant marked on so in September I know when all of the big performances etc will be, this includes any dress up day events and class assemblies. Each term we have a detailed calendar with everything we need to know on it - class parties, day trips, sports fixtures, forest school, class assemblies etc etc. This is online and is absolutely stuck to. This means that I can put everything in the diary and work around it in advance and sort out dressing-up in September that might not be needed for months and I can get most of it from the school 2nd hand shop which also has a clear list of what is needed when. Letters are not stuck in book bags, instead at the end of the week there is a 'this week's letters' page on the website and you can see a list of any letters for your year group, any need for reply is highlighted and you can give the reply online. This means that you can sort out the paperwork in 5 mins max and you don't miss things. Most importantly this is part of a general attitude of (mutual) respect with parents - things are timed well, there is not 'homework for parents' and costumes for plays are usually provided by school. Life is much happier, things run smoothly, we get to most things and the children don't miss out.

Sounds great, Tess.

You need a family diary. All leaflets/emails are read, important stuff put in the dairy, then the paper binned and the incidental stuff ignored. Realise that it is more important to spend all day with the children during the school holidays than it is to take a half day to attend a half hour assembly but your child will try to guilt trip you. Ignore everything from the PTA. World Book Day is in March and the supermarkets always have dressing up outfits around then.

Having said that I think some schools are worse than others, we only get homework at weekend, DNs get homework during the week, a bloody nightmare when you are both working and don't pick up the kids until nearly 6pm. I have to say I am very slack about homework, we do plenty stuff with the kids but homework for primary kids is not really that important in comparison to sleep on a Thursday night when there's also Brownies to think about.

Maybe the problem with school is that too many people consider the work that should go on there to be mere 'academic drudgery', and too many teachers reinforce this message by making it up to the children with cinema trips, parties, etc.

ShortCut, I don't know how you missed the information that the food to be brought to the party (30 jam sandwiches) was assigned and not chosen. Some posters have complained that stockpiling for next year does no good when the instructions vary randomly from year to year and that parents do not get to choose what food or supplies they will be lumbered with.

How nice that you get to choose what party food to bring. But surely you can see that from a teacher's pov this has the potential to result in 30 family size bags of crisps being brought to the party, or a situation where everyone decides to bring paper towels for cleanup because they had a roll to spare. Teachers assign food and supplies to different families so that there will be a variety of food available.

I think its ludicrous that busy professional parents aren't more proactive. Why not just ask school when Xmas parties are being held?
Do you not see how silly that suggestion is? Can you imagine a solution to the problem of 276 busy parents calling a school secretary in the last week of school before Christmas asking when the nativity plays are, when the Christmas parties are, when the carol concert is? [DUH, and head to desk] -- a calendar!

TessDurbeyfield, I have the pleasure of experiencing a school like that. When DD1 first started there things were quite disorganised but a new principal sorted everything out.

math my reference to 'academic driver's was from my odds perspective. Main stream school's are set up for the majority main stream kids. 'Drudgery' is putting it mildly. Dd has struggled and struggled and when she was younger she could not understand why she worked so hard but wasn't as 'good' as her friends. She was in tears night after night

And who cares if the party consists of 30 bags of crisps?! (Although that's highly highly unlikely isn't it?) It's a party!!

As for school office fielding 400+ calls enquiring as to scheduling of events. It solves the short term problem, as people will know when said event is. And probably is the most effective way of initiating change isn't it? School office staff will soon establish a method of information dissemination, if this keeps happening huh?

Academic drudgery, not drivers

Much better to ignore or delegate it all to the dads.

I had at the back of my mind the gobsmacking phenomenon of Golden Time as well as the non-educational trips, silly costume days, build a scale model of St Paul's-stylee homework, and parties.

Schools would get organised quickly enough if parents didn't indulge them.

I'm 100% with mathanxiety here.

The biggest issue on this thread is feminism, fairness and men. Would a man post this? Why isn't the father juggling the school duties?

Leaving that one aside, we certainly managed it. You pay school fees for a start - yes I earned enough to pay 5 sets so of course my career supported the chidlren's education and at university. 8% of children are in private schools but they obtain about half the best university places, make up 80% of the judges etc etc. Nothing a woman can do more than work hard enough to pay school fees from age 3/4. Go forth and earn.....

Secondly we have always had a paper diary in the kitchen - week per view so everyone can see in a second what is due for that day at school - gym kit, musical instruments, parents' evening.

Thirdly your chilren are so proud of your careers that they see it as a mark of pride that their costume for book day is a black plastic sack (ie witch) and any cakes are shop bought - it proves what a good set of parents you are that you don't kow tow to competitive cakehood etc

How fucking patronising.

It's very unhealthy for children to have to opt out of or downplay childhood pleasures because they are "proud" of their parents' busy careers. Life is not all about adult work. Children need to be able to fully engage in the activities of childhood without bearing responsibility for their parents' feelings.