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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Y1 Teacher Refused to let DS go to the toilet, resulting in sitting in mess all day.

379 replies

FreeSpirit89 · 12/12/2015 10:01

My mum picked DS1 aged 5 up from school Friday afternoon (3.15pm), He was clearly distressed, and upset. When she got him beyond the school gates he told her he had messy pants on. He said he had asked to go to the toilet before first break (10.30am) and the teacher had said no, he couldn't hold it any longer and messed his pants.

The school is aware that DS has bowel problems, they have letters on file from his consultant specialist at the hospital as well as the family GP, and myself explaining that he needs to be able to have access to water at all times, and due to his condition he may not have much warning that he needs to go to the toilet, and it tends to leak out of him fairly quickly.

His bottom was red raw, and little sores have appeared at the top of his bum crack due to being made to sit in his own mess all day. He is quite upset, and doesn't want to go back to school because he thinks it will happen again.

Im planning on approaching the school head about this on Monday, but i am at a loss at how to do so? The head's default reaction to anything where the parent isn't there to witness the incident is that the child may be lying. I want to go prepared and not get to angry, which at the moment i'm struggling with. I just cant believe that they have treated this issue with no sensitivity and ignore my sons pleas for the toilet.

Any idea's how i can get them to listen and ensure this doesn't happen again would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Kr1stina · 12/12/2015 17:00

That the school failed to meet your son's notified, recorded medical needs is a serious matter. You have a right to be angry, receive an apology and to insist that arrangements are made to prevent the situation ever arising again.........Almost certainly the best outcome will be a constructive meeting with the headteacher - take another adult (your mum perhaps) to observe and record what is discussed and decided. Ask for a written response from the HT, detailing the procedures that will be followed in the future should your son need to go to the toilet

This is excellent advice . I'd ask for a meeting early next week and approach it in the spirit of " how can we work together to stop this recurring " . Even though I understand you are furious , I would be too .

In my children's school they keep spare underwear and trousers / skirts as accidents are not that unusual in infants . Perhaps you could send a spare set in a labelled bag to be kept in the medical room for your son ?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/12/2015 17:01

Handinthecookiejar - the OP has said that her son has sores - are you suggesting she is mistaken about that? Her mother said the child had soiled himself - is she mistaken about that?

If you believe that he has developed sores, and believe that he came home in soiled underwear, the most obvious conclusion is that he soiled himself and was left sitting in his soiled underwear for some length of time (hours, I would say). How else would he develop sores?

hollieberrie · 12/12/2015 17:05

Its the failure of teachers to report bad teachers that allows them to carry on for years in a profession they should not be in

Er, i wouldn't have a clue how my colleagues teach and behave in their own classes. All day every day i am with MY class in my own classroom. I only work directly with my TA. We don't go around watching other teachers teach, we are too busy! It is the job of the Head & Leadership Team to observe and assess a teacher's competence. Please don't try to invent yet more things to blame us for.

PurpleAlerts · 12/12/2015 17:07

If your son has a medical condition that can impact on him at school ( and toilet issues definitely come under this) then you need to ask for a meeting with the school nurse, SENco and other professionals who work with your son so that a care plan can be set up and implemented.

I think it amazing that a soiled child could be in school for hours without anyone noticing.

handinthecookiejar · 12/12/2015 17:08

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Bunbaker · 12/12/2015 17:20

Have a Biscuit handin

Pud2 · 12/12/2015 17:23

This thread is getting somewhat out of hand. The suggestion that you should report to the LEA who will sack the teacher is ludicrous. The idea that the child should have their own TA is also very far fetched and naive. Let's get back to reality and find out the facts first.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 12/12/2015 17:32

My daughter came home in soiled pants.
Am I lying as well?

FreeWorker1 · 12/12/2015 17:44

There are a lot of teachers on here in denial about some of their colleagues and the OP has already said there are issues with the school

BreakfastLunchPasta · 12/12/2015 17:49

handin I wish I thought the child being left in a mess all day was made up, but I know for a fact that my nephew was often left like that at his old school (partly why his mum moved him..), and I believe the OP.

Also, I suggest you don't post again until you've had a glance at Mumsnet Talk Guidelines - you appear to be ignorant of them.

Original poster
FreeSpirit89 · 12/12/2015 17:56

Handinthecookiejar - I would love to be a troll. Actually that would be better than the truth, my 5 year old son was left to sit in his own waste for at minimum three hours. My happy, bubbly, loud son came home down and sulking. He was still visibly upset two hours after he left school, when i went to collect him from my mother after work.

My son has had this issue with his bowels for nearly 3 years, the Doctors are trying everything they can to solve and hell even work out what is going on, because were not sure. My son understands how important it is that he goes to the toilet when he needs to, to avoid these issues happening. He has no problems telling the adults at home, about his "acccidents" so that we can get him cleaned up quickly. I believe my son told the teacher about his need to go to the toilet. We have never had any issues with his Reception teacher who was very understanding about the issues.

The school is aware about the issue via letter from the consultant at the hospital that they have had on file since he started for a year and a half. He has/had a care plan in place about him being able to have access to his water bottle at all times because in the summer months being dehyrated can escalate the bowel condition, so the teacher who takes his class is 100% aware of this issue DS has because I myself have stood infront of her and told her.

Thank you to everyone who has given me advice, my intention is to go straight into the head on Monday morning after dropping ds with his teacher (I dont want to do it within earshot of DS because I dont want him to think that he has done wrong or that the adults are angry with him, because i dont think that will help his condition.) I will ask the headteacher to assurance that it will not happen again, then I will allow the school time to investigate it formally.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 12/12/2015 17:58

hand MN guidelines state you don't troll hunt, if you are concerned about the op, hit the report button, there!

Aeroflotgirl · 12/12/2015 17:59

Op did your ds tell a teacher or staff he had soiled himself?

Pud2 · 12/12/2015 17:59

That sounds like the right approach Freespirit. I hope the situation is resolved quickly and satisfactorily.

Nanny0gg · 12/12/2015 18:01

Why let them go if they don't need it and waste learning time?

Because any teacher worth their salt knows which children are playing about and if they ask every 5 minutes you use some common sense. And as they mature and get used to the classroom you can start enforcing the going at break and lunch rules. But bearing in mind that there are never enough toilets for the whole class to use at break you can't confine them to that time.

Otherwise you work on the basis that perhaps they do actually need the toilet during lessons!

FreeWorker1 · 12/12/2015 18:02

Freespirit - you need to put all that in writing as an email (time stamp on the email is undeniable) Do it now. Send it now. Then arrange to go in on Monday after school and take a tape recorder in your bag.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/12/2015 18:07

Yes free put that in writing, his teacher should have been aware of his bowel condition. She failed in her duty of care towards him that day. Yes tgere are some excellent teacher, but some bad ones too. It sounds as though ds teacher normally us good, but fell short that day.

Pud2 · 12/12/2015 18:10

Tape recorder in your bag???!!!

hollieberrie · 12/12/2015 18:11

OP you sound very calm and reasonable and i totally understand that it is a very upsetting situation for both you and your DS. I hope you are able to find out what happened and get some things in place to avoid any repeat incidents.

It is the attitude of some other posters on here that has left me Shock .

Freeworker1 I dont say this lightly but you sound like a very unpleasant & paranoid person. Schools want to help and support children. We are not all evil and out to get you and your kids! Even if one teacher involved is nasty (unlikely) then the rest wont be. No need to be threaten legal action, ruining careers and making secret recordings! What a lovely example you are setting to your children.

BarbarianMum · 12/12/2015 18:12

I don't understand how this 'only going to the toilet at break and lunch times' thing works
I the only person who can't defecate at will? I can honestly only go when I need to go.Confused

WombatChocolate · 12/12/2015 18:18

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Kr1stina · 12/12/2015 18:21

Wombat - even if the child did have an accident later in the day and even if he didn't ask , the teacher still needs to know about it so she can take steps to stop it happening again .

WombatChocolate · 12/12/2015 18:24

Yes, you are right. The teacher needs to know it happened and the school will need to think of ways to avoid a repeat. There would be discussions to be had with the teacher and between the child and parent and teacher and child too, so communication is improved.
So regardless, yes, the school needs to know that the child came home in a mess. I do us think anyone is suggesting the mother doesn't mention anything about it all.

CandOdad · 12/12/2015 18:25

Freeworker1 - stop trying to work someone into a frenzy. You seem like a very unstable person giving advice out like "take a tape recorder" the very fact you don't use the education system indicates you have little faith in it.

Womble - I agree with all your points but yes, soreness will develop over a matter of even an hour or two depending on the acidity of the poo (I know from issues as a child myself)

Original poster
FreeSpirit89 · 12/12/2015 18:26

Aeroflotgirl - DS says he asked for permission to go, and was told no. I believe him due to the history with the case. He knows when he needs to go he needs to go. He is asked 3 or 4 times and hour at home if he needs to go.

I believe he would have also have told the teacher he 'skidded' his pants (which is the term we use for accidents, again the teachers) He has two spare pairs of pants and school trousers at school in his PE kit at anyone time in case. But I can not know for certain if he did, or if he got nervous and embarrassed. But it still should have been noticed, if there was a valid and justifable reason for her to refuse him to go to the toilet, why was he not followed up with later when she was less busy? Why was his welfare not checked up on?

There was tissue inside his pants so he had obviously attempted to clean himself up as the day went on, but he still remained sat in the soiled pants which should have been changed. If the teacher didn't want to do it, i live local and if they had of called I would have come in and done it.

There are questions that need to be asked and answers that need to be given. I have bad relations with the school because they have a reputation of not taking things very seriously, which sadly I was only made aware of after I took the place. I am waiting for another school place to come available in the future but I need to make sure my DS is being cared for and safeguarded from this happening again in the meantime.

OP posts:
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