Y1 Teacher Refused to let DS go to the toilet, resulting in sitting in mess all day.

[FreeSpirit89]

My mum picked DS1 aged 5 up from school Friday afternoon (3.15pm), He was clearly distressed, and upset. When she got him beyond the school gates he told her he had messy pants on. He said he had asked to go to the toilet before first break (10.30am) and the teacher had said no, he couldn't hold it any longer and messed his pants.

The school is aware that DS has bowel problems, they have letters on file from his consultant specialist at the hospital as well as the family GP, and myself explaining that he needs to be able to have access to water at all times, and due to his condition he may not have much warning that he needs to go to the toilet, and it tends to leak out of him fairly quickly.

His bottom was red raw, and little sores have appeared at the top of his bum crack due to being made to sit in his own mess all day. He is quite upset, and doesn't want to go back to school because he thinks it will happen again.

Im planning on approaching the school head about this on Monday, but i am at a loss at how to do so? The head's default reaction to anything where the parent isn't there to witness the incident is that the child may be lying. I want to go prepared and not get to angry, which at the moment i'm struggling with. I just cant believe that they have treated this issue with no sensitivity and ignore my sons pleas for the toilet.

Any idea's how i can get them to listen and ensure this doesn't happen again would be greatly appreciated.

capsium - that's the public sector attitude I spoke about up thread. Denial followed by a failure to address the issues.

We are not all like that. I made a mistake the other day (nothing like this) apologised to the student, rang the parents apologised, rectified the situation and parents were fine and thanked me for contacting them. (Much better than an angry parent the next day!) There are thousands of teachers and public sector workers and the vast majority do their jobs with very little complaint. You only ever seem to hear about those letting the profession down on here, not those of us trying to do the best we can. We are humans too, we do mistakes and thankfully most of us recognise this and therefore do the decent thing when we do make a mistake.

freeworker

I have to admire your steadfast determination to push the "public sector = evil" narrative on this thread, despite the fact that the OP has yet to speak to the school to establish whether there was indeed intent by the teacher to make her DS suffer.

hollie you can cause serious psychological problems by stopping people using the toilet. I should certainly hope you wouldn't be failed for letting them go

I'm a former TA btw.

It scares me as a parent that teachers think they can decide for my DC whether they really need the loo or not. The teachers that had our respect in school were the ones that treated us with respect. Expected us to try to go in break time, and in exchange trusted us that if we asked in class then we really needed it. No-one can learn properly if they're sitting there with their legs crossed waiting for the next break.

Oddly enough these teachers didn't have half the class wandering off every 5 minutes.

hollieberrie - I have no desire to lynch mob the teacher. I refuse to go in with a tape recorder in my bag as others have suggested, and I hope that it can be dealt with. I am hoping its just an unfortunate case of cross wires, and it can be rectified. I know that i can get quite upset when i feel that my sons needs are not being taken seriously, which is why i posted this thread. Its easier to see things clearer when your not emotionally involved, so I felt that opinions from all walks of life would help me be better equipped to deal with this rationally and in the best way on Monday morning.

I have always said I dont envy teachers there job, they have it hard. 30+ kids to manage and parents branding words like neglect, and duty of care would send me running in the other direction. I am not an unreasonable person, and i dont have the attitude that my little darling would never do wrong because he does. He is no angel. I am not interested in who is at fault I just need assurances that this isnt left to happen again. Be it meetings with the school nurse, and detailed care plans in place so we're all on the same page then so be it.

Even if the school reacts heavy handed and sacks the teacher concerned, what does that solve. It could happen to the best of person, everyone has an off day after all.

catkind I agree

Your child should not have to ask.

There needs to be something your son discretely leaves on the teachers desk on somewhere specific on his way out the door. Firstly so the teacher knows where your child is and secondly so that if there is a TA in the class they know to go check on your child if he doesn't come back straightaway.

Secondly your child needs a code with the teacher so he isn't having to blurt out he has messed his pants in class.

Personally I would do it with a couple of small laminated cards he keeps in his pocket.

I find it difficult to believe that he had sat all day in such a horrible mess. It must of smelt so bad somebody would have noticed. After 35 years in the teaching profession I have worked with all kinds of teachers some less caring than others, but I can think of absolutely none that would purposely leave a small boy sitting in his own faeces for several hours.

If the rule us there is a spare set of clothes with the school nurse and he gets cleaned up there I would have a third card he can leave.

I'm a secondary school teacher and would NEVER refuse a child permission to go to the toilet! (I might ask them to wait 5 mins if I was explaining something unless there were SEN/medical needs)
To do so in Y1 seems ridiculous. I am so sort this happened, I hope your son gets over it and the issue is resolved.

I'm astounded by this thread. Some of the vitriol being spouted towards this teacher is mindblowing.
'probably just on a power trip', 'vile and disgusting', 'let's destroy their career'. I actually can't believe these attitudes.

I have a child in Year 1 with a bowel problem for which she has an Educational Health Care Plan - I have met with teacher who is aware. DD must have access to water and must be allowed to go to toilet (within classroom) whenever necessary.

Despite this, she frequently comes home wet, and sometimes soiled. Sometimes, she doesn't ask.
Sometimes, she doesn't get there quick enough despite having asked.
Sometimes, it is a different teacher so she is too shy to ask/the teacher is not aware and says can you wait five minutes.

Sometimes, she can't recall with any accuracy at what time of day it happened, or she gets mixed up, or is wrong.
Sometimes, she is encouraged to go and change into her spares but is too embarrassed.
All of the above things have happened.

I am also an experienced teacher, and currently supply teach, often in KS1. Some of the misconceptions on this thread are unbelievable.

Yes, I would definitely meet with the teacher/Head and state your concerns. Get some clarity on the situation. But most importantly, work together. We are not the enemy.

Rushyswife I'd love to work in your school. I find it highly unlikely that you always let anyone who asks go to the toilet in secondary.
I'd say 80% of cases are not genuine.

Reasons why teens like going to the toilet during lesson time:

they are bored in the lesson
they don't like the subject/teacher
they don't want to write
someone else has been allowed to go so they fancy it too
they fancy a walk through the corridors for a nosy around
to check their phone/text/message someone
to check their hair
for a crafty fag/e-cig
to meet a mate from another class for a chat
to cause mischief eg. block the toilet/throw soggy loo roll around

I wish I could do one of those pie-chart things with 20% 'actually need the toilet'!!

I say to them (mainstream secondary) that it's not a problem but they will need to make up the time. If they want to go then they accept that. If it's a ruse then they say it's fine they no longer need to go. I always follow up with "let me know if you change your mind". About 2% go, and that's fine by me. If I was desperate to go then I would be fine to catch up for 3 mins. Obviously as a teacher we cannot just rush out because we are responsible for the class and if anything were to happen to them in our absence it would be a huge issue. That said, I have twice ran into an adjoining room and asked the teacher next door to keep an eye. One time was horrendous diarrhoea and the other time was burning cystitis. A student with any kind of medical condition or note I let straight out.

*run

With your first post it wasn't quite clear how serious your ds's bowel problem is. There is no reason for him to ask to go to the toilet. A courtesy to the teacher in the form of a signal (a 't' sign maybe) if she is talking to them and then go straight away. This should be written up in his plan. Accidents could still happen of course if the toilets are in use.

I find it interesting how some people are so desperate to make excuses for a school they don't even know. I've worked in early years and you know when a child has soiled themselves. My partner is a reception teacher and he has the nose of a bloodhound. He can quickly identify the source of most smells.

Perhaps, for whatever reason, the little boy didn't ask to use the toilet but an adult should have noticed. Anyone suggesting otherwise is making me go . It's unacceptable not send a child home, not realised they have pooped themselves. Poor little love.

The comment about OP exaggerating is very harsh. Some children have very acidic bowel movements that will make them sore very quickly, so he may not have needed to sit it in for hours on end to get sores.

I fully agree with you, Louisa. There is no excuse.

Louise not Louisa, sorry blames autocorrect.

I know thelouise, the little boy is 5, not 15 , so what if he did not tell anybody he soiled himself, or he used the term that his teachers know fir soiling. whilst that boy is at school, they have a duty of care, not only for academic stuff, but to make sure he is looked after. They are in loco parentis, this should not have happened.

leccy, just for information (since you're a teacher), it's an Education Health and Care Plan, not an educational health care plan.

Oh I'm so sad to read this, your poor little boy.

My child has some additional medical needs although a different line than this, the teachers are so hot on it, they're really on the ball.

I hope you're over the shock, it must have been an awful thing to discover.

If a child of 5-6 uses toilet breaks as a way to skip lesson time then the school need to look at creating a more interesting and exciting learning environment. Children of 5-6 rarely don't enjoy lessons, not in my experience anyway.