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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Soft play problems - mother oblivious

83 replies

Littleonesaid · 11/12/2015 22:03

At a small soft play with my 3 YO today when I saw a boy turn round and push my DS by his face down the steps. Shortly afterwards the same boy pushed another younger child down the same steps (who tumbled into the child behind him and they both land crying in a heap).

So I approached the boy's mother and told her what had happened.

She smiled and replied "Oh I don't think so, it's not like him" and turned back to chat to her friend. As I was staring at her in surprise, she then said sweetly "I'm not worried because I know he wouldn't do anything like that".

I then removed my DS as I didn't want him to get hurt. As we're leaving I see the same boy grap a toddler by the hair and shove him down the same stairs. The toddler's DM started shouting at the boy, who ran off. The boy's mother was still chatting and didn't even look up at the shouting.

AIBU to be amazed that anyone would be so utterly oblivious to their DC's behaviour. Wouldn't you at least get up and check on/with your DC if you got an inkling they might be misbehaving? She clearly believed I was lying and that her DS was an angel. What would you have done?

OP posts:

Crazybaglady · 11/12/2015 22:08

That is why i stopped taking my son to soft play! I got fed up with seeming to be the only parent who would bother keeping an eye on my child and fed up with my child being the only one who got told off if he did hit/push another. YANBU!

TheExMotherInLaw · 11/12/2015 22:11

Me, I'd have got arsey at her, but the correct thing to do would be to speak with the staff there - surely they still have a member of staff somewhere for H&S reasons. Are you allowed to use a phone in there to video things? Show her what her 'little darling' does.

CFSsucks · 11/12/2015 22:12

I didn't believe stuff like this until fairly recently.

Went to soft play, I always like to keep an eye. I saw a boy standing on DS's back! DS is 7, this boy was older. Then this boy had some strips of paper all folded up and was trying to whip DS and was walking towards him threateningly. He didn't notice me stood the other side of the net and I said "OI" in a really furious voice. He looked very startled and backed off. I turned around and saw who must have been his dad (looked similar), his dad looked at me like he was about to say something but maybe the look on my face put him off. I would have let him know exactly what his shit of a son was doing.

The next time we just arrived and 2 boys took an immediate dislike to DS and were trying to kick and 'chop' him (literally just arrived and DS hadn't even got in the play area), after a while I went over and told them to leave him alone. They just laughed and ran off. I later found out they were still doing it but just around the other side. After about an hour DS was playing with his friend when another horror went up to them and started calling them "stupid gits" and "smelly gits" for no reason! Then he tried to hit DS's friend but DS stepped in the middle (friend was a girl) then the horror tried to hit 4 year old DD in the chest! DS shoved him at one point and the horror went and got his older sister and was pointing out DS and friend. Then when we left he was laying on the floor nearby and was shouting "smelly gits" even when we were right there.

Some children are fucking vile and I can only assume their parents have enabled this.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 11/12/2015 22:13

That's the thing though, she wasn't oblivious, she just didn't give a shiny shit. So when he's a delinquent 10 years down the line making her life hell. I'm sorry but she'll only have herself to hold accountable. She has a choice here she can learn the hard or easy way. She's for some reason choosing the hard way. You some parents have an allergy and think the world will cease to turn if they discipline their little darling. Now don't get me wrong kids'll be kids. I've never gotten into a fight because a child has hit mine. I don't see the point in it. The children are playing together 2 minutes later and you're still tearing lumps out of each other, but ynbu to expect acknowledgement and a little sorry from the parent.

Nanasueathome · 11/12/2015 22:14

Would have reported this to the persons in charge and then let them deal with it
There were 2 lads actually fighting at our soft play recently and my daughter just went to the desk and reported them both
Took just seconds for the supervisor to come and deal with it and they had words with both sets of parents
That way you don't get the dagger looks and flippant comments from the parents if you approach them yourself

Writerwannabe83 · 11/12/2015 22:15

Since taking DS to toddler groups it has been bought to my attention how nasty some children can be to other children and how little their parents care.

Toddler groups are an absolute eye-opener!!!

RoobyTuesday · 11/12/2015 22:15

Wow, videoing toddlers for behaving like.. Well toddlers?! Geez.
There is always one at soft play, one that is causing chaos while mum is busy drinking tea and talking to friends and not paying any attention. It's unfortunate but I don't think you can do anymore than you did. In the toddlers defence it's attention seeking behaviour - he's probably trying to get Mum to notice him. Seriously you would video this?!!!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 11/12/2015 22:19

I think we're all singing from the same hymn sheet when I say. No one is criticising the toddler. My Goodness he's just a little baby. It'd his mother's parenting skills that are sadly lacking. A child that young doesn't automatically know right from wrong.

SleepForTheWeak · 11/12/2015 22:22

I took my DD to soft play for her 1st birthday. She was lying on her belly watching the world go by and a boy, around 2 or 3, was hovering around her. I was keeping my eye on them and the boy just went up to DD, kicked her in the face and ran off!!!

I realised who his parents were when they bit went to them later on, I really wanted to say something (politely....) but my sister advised I didn't as it could be DD being 'THAT CHILD' in a year or two

Boosiehs · 11/12/2015 22:25

DH had to stop a girl strangling another child in the soft play at Heathrow in the summer.

Typically that girl was in our hotel and was a horror. She shut my DS hand in the door of the play house before I could get there. Hit other children. The parents just didn't give a shit. :(

mudandmayhem01 · 11/12/2015 22:29

Thank god my children are all 10+ now and I never have to go anywhere near soft play ever again. A empty rainy park ( wellies, rainsuit etc) and a hot chocolate in a decent cafe was always a better way of letting off steam.

Nanny0gg · 11/12/2015 22:31

"I'm not worried because I know he wouldn't do anything like that".

Response to her:

'Perhaps if you actually watched him, you would see that he did do exactly that!'

SalemSaberhagen · 11/12/2015 22:42

This is why I don't go to soft play. I know they are only being children, I know it isn't always the parent's fault. But if a child hurt my DD I would want to throttle the parents, so I don't go!

PiperChapstick · 11/12/2015 22:56

Since having DD soft play has baffled me - it seems to consist of parents who let their very small children wander about without watching them (im talking 12 months old going near the 5+ bit where there's drops and big kids running about ready to roundhouse them in the head) - I once stopped an 18 month old from tumbling down some very high and steep steps as the parents were glued to their phones - and children unleashing their inner Beelzebub on other kids whilst their parents do fuck all about it. It's the place where bad parenting comes together to have a party.

I got sick of always picking up a crying DD who'd been hurt by an older child or inadvertently babysitting other people's kids. We still do soft play but usually on a Thursday (my day off) first thing when it's deadly quiet. I would rather spend a day with Donald Trump than go to a soft play on a weekend or peak time.

Agree with PP - telling parents gets you nowhere but staff in soft play are generally hard wired to bollock little shits the precious snowflakes so go to them in future

WhatTheHellDoIDoNoww · 11/12/2015 23:07

I don't do softplay with DC4 for this very reason. Too many times of being hit by other kids and he did not understand why they did it - poor little soul. Was all softplayed out with the older 3 anyway.

It's quite stressful for the parents who actually want to keep an eye on their DC, the little horror's parents can relax with their phones because they don't give a shit. Not worth it. Agree with crazybaglady

Italiangreyhound · 11/12/2015 23:12

What would you have done? told the staff - all that training they must be good at something. Or possibly tell it to her louder with phrases like "Aren't you going to speak to our son after h pushed that toddler down the stairs?" She'd be left with the choice to shout louder than you "I don;t think so!" or get off her arse and go and check.

I usually speak to the child first, I ask their name before they know what it is about then I can tell little Oliver/Jack/Jake/Finley or whomever or Bella/Cassie/Celia/Jasmine etc.... off for pushing kids over and look out for the mum or dad.

Knowing the child's name is kind of part proof you have got the right kid!

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 11/12/2015 23:18

Yes, there's always one parent like this at soft play I'm afraid!

This is why I'll only take DD if it's for a birthday party she's been invited to.

Last time we went independently I put £1 in a "ride" (Postman Pat van) for DD, only for two little boys to climb in on top of her, push her out & enjoy the ride! The boys' mums were too busy chatting to notice and when told just said "haha, boys will be boys". Well, yes they will, but that doesn't excuse bad behaviour. I also have two boys, although at 18 & 14 they are a little old for soft play now!

PiperChapstick · 11/12/2015 23:35

Ooh I forgot to mention the time I took DD to soft play in a restaurant and a child of about 5 or 6 told me whilst I was playing with her that he was going to fucking kill me. I didn't know wether to be shocked or sad that he maybe hears this often. I did say "what did you just say to me?" and he ran off. I left to go back to our table as I was so annoyed

Mmmmcake123 · 11/12/2015 23:36

Found soft play a bit of a nightmare with my gentle natured DD but by the time I had DS knew better than to go when busy and only go to places I know have a fairly good crowd. I have been on holiday tho and found myself in busy soft play. I don't know what happens to me but I outright put any little devils straight directly and don't care if parents are watching. I can't help it! Am always direct, clear and nonabusive tho, e.g. excuse me, yes you, you can see this child is trying to get past, stop blocking the way on purpose!
I really should be ashamed but I butt in for other people's kids too, so when I saw some kids push another off a hammock thing I made them get off and wait a turn!!!!
Don't think anyone can seriously pull you up on it if you are just making sure they play fair.

ChutneyRhodrey · 11/12/2015 23:41

I personally would've informed the staff and asked them to keep an eye. I have bickered with Mums over their kids (and mine) before and if you are a regular it's not worth the stress.

The majority of parents at our soft play are too busy on Facebook to actually watch their kids, those kids often being the ones who start shit. I can excuse toddlers hitting now and then, it happens. The older ones who tend to bully really get my back up. They tend to brick it if you go over and say something though (aside from that one time an 8 year old told the supervisor to "fuck off because she wasn't his mother")

NefertitisTitties · 11/12/2015 23:43

I absolutely do not put up with these shithead kids and their phone-obsessed mothers. I shout at the recalcitrant child and then shout at the mum. I really don't care what that makes me.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 12/12/2015 00:08

But with the greatest respect though, Nef. You expect toddlers to control themselves when you clearly can't. Hence your shouting and screaming.

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 12/12/2015 00:10

My own are adults now and 'soft play' really wasn't around when they were little. But aren't there adults (employees) monitoring what's going on and asking parents with 'problem' kids to remove them?

notquitehuman · 12/12/2015 00:32

Soft play is often ruined by one or two kids. I sometimes feel like I'm being a hysterical parent because I watch DS and actually tell him off if he gets into a toddler fight! Also there's a separate baby section that I steer him out of when he wanders in, yet lots of parents let their kids climb on all the tiny slides and stuff.

Our local soft play is for under 8s but I swear they let bigger kids in there. I'm sure I saw one with a secondary school blazer stuffed in his bag, riding one of those little car things towards a bunch of preschoolers. There's got to be some sort of H&S issue with that surely?

Nanofone · 12/12/2015 00:54

I find the staff are often very young and not trained to deal with challenging children - and why should they be when the parents are supposed to be supervising. I find the most effective strategy is to use my best teacher's voice and firmly tell the child that s/he is being very unkind and not to do it again.

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