Soft play problems - mother oblivious

[Littleonesaid]

At a small soft play with my 3 YO today when I saw a boy turn round and push my DS by his face down the steps. Shortly afterwards the same boy pushed another younger child down the same steps (who tumbled into the child behind him and they both land crying in a heap).

So I approached the boy's mother and told her what had happened.

She smiled and replied "Oh I don't think so, it's not like him" and turned back to chat to her friend. As I was staring at her in surprise, she then said sweetly "I'm not worried because I know he wouldn't do anything like that".

I then removed my DS as I didn't want him to get hurt. As we're leaving I see the same boy grap a toddler by the hair and shove him down the same stairs. The toddler's DM started shouting at the boy, who ran off. The boy's mother was still chatting and didn't even look up at the shouting.

AIBU to be amazed that anyone would be so utterly oblivious to their DC's behaviour. Wouldn't you at least get up and check on/with your DC if you got an inkling they might be misbehaving? She clearly believed I was lying and that her DS was an angel. What would you have done?

Who said I scream? Who said I'm not in control? I shout at them which makes them stop their animalistic behaviour. Works for me.

Nanofone I often use my teacher voice (and face) at soft play when there's trouble, it's an instinctive thing!

We've had a few incidents over the years at soft play with children who are too young/too rough to be left alone, so I learned to climb about with mine and let them explore with me there til they were old enough to really fend for themselves.

I must admit, though, I was one of those parents about a year ago when DS2 got into a fight with a boy at a soft play face and bit his finger. My initial reaction was "no, what, really? Surely he wouldn't have" and as soon as I asked DS2 what had happened he merrily announced "he hit me, so I bit him". Well, I'd been sat drinking a lovely hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows and missed the whole thing. So I sort of understand that things do get missed. But some parents see it as a free creche/childminding service, which makes it crappy for everyone.

Soft plays can be great or a nightmare.

Especially with dd as she is was quite sensitive and would get very upset at someone pushing her over.

We went to one a few weeks ago and a child kept pushing ds, I didn't see it. Dd was in there with him.

She came out looking annoyed and went up to the boys grandma and very politely requested that she stopped her grandson hurting her brother. The grandma looked mortified and thanked dd for telling her.

I was quite amused as dd is usually quite shy.

We went to massive soft play in the summer where they allow kids up to 16 in.

Ds came and told me that some boys were hurting him, when I got to the other side it was 2 boys about 15 basically following dd round and throwing stuff at ds and dd. They stood sniggering. Then they saw me and I told them in no uncertain terms that 2 grown boys picking on an 11 year old and a 4 year old boy were bullies and should be ashamed.

They ran off 5 mins later a women came stalking over stood over me an asked me who I thought I was. I just stood and quite loudly announced that I was the mother of the 11 year old girl and 4 year old boy that her almost 6ft tall teenage sons were following round and throwing stuff at and that if she is going to allow them to intimidate small children then, she should expect people to call them out on it.

She turned completely red and walked off.

Unfortunately there are shit parents. Sometimes that shortness manifests itself by thinking their kids can't have possibly done anything wrong. You will come across them at school, hobbies etc.

It's how you deal with. I was rubbish at dealing with it when I had dd. I was young and not as confident in general. Now in my mid thirties and no find I am much more outspoken.

I do not believe the mother is oblivious at all- quite the opposite. I think she is an ostrich.she knows full well what her DC us like,can't control him, so sticks her head in the sand!

I tend to just deal with the child in these situations, and the Mothers then appear, normally quite flustered and apologetic. I don't shout but I do put my reprimand/teacher voice on and suggest Johnny might want to stop torturing my son and play nice.

I've never had an issue with shitty parents or really foul kids in soft play. But it might be because I only go on weekdays when it's pretty quiet.

I really wouldn't recommend following your kids round soft play filming them in case of incidents.

It's true sleep, she might. Not in the OP'S case as the mum clearly didn't give a shit, but toddlers can often demonstrate these kind of behaviours, despite the best efforts of parents. DD1 want through a phase of forcefully grabbing other kids heads and trying to kiss them, no matter how many talks we had about how it wasn't nice and that it hurt them etc, she still did it! I had to watch her like a hawk. Thankfully, she just grew out of it after a while.

If your DD does start biting, hitting etc, just be more proactive than the mums you have seen and eventually she'll stop

We have a very badly designed soft play near us. It is in a L shape, with different ages at different ends of the L. It is very big, so it isn't possible to watch both areas if you have two kids of different ages.

Anyway, when we arrived a woman was going round asking people if they had a DS matching a description, because there was a boy in the toddler area who had taken off his nappy and done a poo in the ball pool. She wasn't a member of staff, the only staff there were in the cafe and there was a older lady manning a voluntary stand.

The older lady ended up taking the boy off to the toilets while the other mum stopped children going in the poo bit until a member of staff appeared. It was literally 10 minutes since the incident and still no sign of the parents. The boy was no more than 18 months.

I once interfered when my dd was 18 months
She had only just started to walk and was enjoying toddling about the 4 and under section. There was a party going on and the children who were about 8-10 were running around the toddler section knocking the younger ones over despite having the big kids area. The staff had already kicked them out once and after I had picked my daughter up again I got irritated. I simply told them they were too old to be in here and go and play on the big kids toys. They all left. Some tried to come back and I told them to go back to the older children's bit as this was for babies. My husband told me I shouldn't have done it as they were only kids but so was my dd and she had a right to play safetly too. I didn't shout and I didn't scream. Besides why should I pay full price for my daughter to get knocked over and pushed aside?!

My husband told me I shouldn't have done it as they were only kids

Bollocks to that!

The whole reason there is a separate area is so that young kids can play without having the older ones bouncing around.

Ds went to a party at soft play last week. He is four and a few of the wandered into the baby bit. I went over and told all of them to get out straight away. I know the mums and they were going to do the same. I just got there first

I'm the woman loudly telling other people's children off, drives me up wall! Mine are only 2 and 3 so we only go on termtime weekdays otherwise I would probably explode with anger!

Another hater of soft play! Horrible places. If I do go, I follow my kid around, I just don't trust these enclosed places with unknown kids

I was in soft play with my preschooler and he was minding his own business, playing with the interactive toys in the wall, when a group of 5 little thugs ran past him. They didn't stop running for long before I heard a scream of pain and my son appeared clutching his red face. Apparently one of the boys has scratched him then punched him in the face then ran off.

I couldn't see the parents of the group of 7/8 year old boys, they must've been busy chatting and ignoring everything. So I frog marched my son up to the opposite end of the soft play (where they we're all hiding in the ball pit, laughing) and put on my icy voice with a hard stare as I (in my best teacher voice) sharply asked "WHO did THIS to this little boy?" as I pointed to the long nail marks and red cheek of a crying toddler.

They looked petrified and simultaneously pointed at each other! I didn't laugh but that was a cartoon moment. They were wide-eyed with faux innocence and looked a bit scared. I asked my son which boy did it to him, and he pointed to the eldest. I pointed to my eyes and then one finger at the perpetrator and say "I'll be watching you! Don't come near my boy again or you will have ME to deal with!" And with that I marched off. They stayed in the ball pit end the rest of the time we were there.

It crossed my mind that the boy's parents could be the group of hard looking people trashing one corner of the cafe tables, in which case if they decided to take umbridge with how is spoken to their kids, I might need to fight my way out of the soft play. But my blood was up and I felt like I'd have taken on the Incredible Hulk if I had needed to, to protect my toddler! Needless to say the boys didn't report it and no one approached me, and like I said they left my son alone after that.

I didn't shout but I think I scared them enough to get the response we all needed. I say 'we all' because those grubby little faces with wide eyes looking back at me needed parenting and discipline and responded well to a fair warnings from a total stranger.

But what you don't do is allow a child to bully everyone else. I've seen parents inside soft play, with their best teacher voice on, making sure kids take it in turns to go down the slide rather than poke each other's eyes out trying to compete! And I don't have a problem with that if it's fair and pitched correctly (ie no shouting and swearing).

But don't video, as far as I know all soft play has to enforce a strict "no camera" rule for safeguarding. You could end up in more trouble than the toddler!

Oh I am so glad I don're have the soft play thing to deal with anymore. It's completely Lord of the flies in there. Unfortunately the toddlers who are left unsupervised grow into 4-5-6-7-8 year olds, who see soft play as a free for all , where you hit first or be hit environment.

Ds1 At 7 was punched so hard in the nose it and his teeth bled. The parents of the other child never told them off or apologise and let them Continue playing. I had to point out to the staff who were helping me with Ds and filling in an accident form. That maybe they should ask them to leave since they wouldn't take any responsibility for it.

Yes the parent did know what had happened, their ds told them and pointed to us with ds covered in blood.

Oh soft play. I rarely go any more but when ds1 was a toddler and dd a baby we did. Ds1 is no angel but genuinely didn't hurt anyone on purpose, more flinging himself around and knocking people accidentally. I would have been fine with someone telling Him to watch it if I hadn't been able to.

One memorable incident: ds1 and his friend were building with some soft blocks and a little boy pushed past them and pinched ds1. I gave this boy "the look" and he said "he did it to me!" I was watching so I know he didn't and I told him so. Off he went. 5 minutes later he reappeared and said "my mum said to tell you to piss off", charming!

Last time we went dd got bitten, I saw it happen. I know the child who did it by sight from groups in our village so I know she is 3 or 4. I asked her if she bit dd, she admitted it and I told her it wasn't kind and asked her what she thought she should say to dd, she said "thank you"! I was like, no! You need to say sorry!

Ds2 knows not the perils of soft play as he's only been a few times.

Thanks for all the replies - having read the stories here it actually sounds like we got off quite lightly with the pushing.

Nanny - I love your response. I wish I'd thought of it there and then!

The soft play is attached to a play farm and there's no staff in attendance. My DS was bought membership for his birthday and loves the soft play, so I can't avoid it. I might have a chat with the staff there next time we go to see whether there can be a staff presence.

Yes I have experienced this Parents and in some cases childminders dumping their kids and not keeping an eye on them because they are too busy talking or on their phones.

The worst case I saw was at an under 6 soft play area. Two childminders with about 6/7 kids. 1 was only crawling. They came in, dumped the kids and left the little one still strapped in the pram screaming. We were on the next table and we heard her saying "no point getting her out she will just scream anyway". I did throw her a filthy look. She eventually got the little kid out and just dumped her screaming on the mat. While this was going on the other kids were left running around unmonitored.

Before anyone says anything I understand this will not be reflective of all childminders. People like that give childminders a bad name.

Op this was me yesterday.

I am a sahm I love soft play it means I can sit and relax for a few moments whilst DD is occupied, I do however still keep my eye on her! I sit where I can watch.

Instead of sitting for a few moments and relaxing, i ended up following DD round because of one child, who, whilst not as vicious as some DC I have witnessed, made DD cry twice, an then pushed her down a slide, block her from other parts of soft play, put her foot out to trip her up. And yes, saw this child do it to another too.
I kept trying to keep DD away but she wanted "cat" .

Whilst not dong that - the girls ( twins) were screaming and shouting so the other little DC were covering their ears.

So whilst I then had to supervise my own DC, guess what MUm or career was doing?

Happily oblivious on her lap top whilst her little monsters, or should I say cats ( wearing cat costumes) were causing havoc and ruining it for the others.

Disgusting.

children unleashing their inner Beelzebub on other kids whilst their parents do fuck all about it

Great line,

Its so frustrating. A dc being naughty but with a parent following and admonishing etc is fine, the parent is in control, teaching. A parent sat oblivious is maddening.

The relaxed way Mum was sat yesterday, curled up on the sofa whilst her DC playing hell I glared at the mother when her DD had gone up to her probably wary of my glare and mum just kissed her dc and gave me a look back as if to say " dont worry about the nasty lady".

arrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

These DC were older than the toddlers there too.

I was keeping an eye on DD last summer in a soft play as she likes the big stuff although she's only 2.

A boy around 4 or 5 gave her a thump and a push, but as I was about to get involved DD turned around and pummelled him back.... Fair enough I thought, at least she doesn't take any shit!

The sight of a blonde angelic 2 year old thumping a big boy back fair warmed the cockles of my heart

Oh I don't think so, it's not like him

answer well perhaps you can tell me who he belongs too then as he looks so much like yours i would hate for the staff to make a mistake and ban you?

I was going to take my four month old in the baby bit of ours, I have changed my mind for now!

It's when the parents think it's funny that's the worst. I saw someone's four year old pushing a little girl over and his mother laughed and said "Making the girls cry already ?" there seems to be a huge tolerance of this sort of behaviour from boys especially, as if it's fine and doesn't require any parenting. It ruins soft play for the less boisterous children.

Who says I'm not in control, ERM you shouting like a banshee suggests that.

boisterous play I can cope with, just, its the dc you see...have that sly look then BAM, hit, WHAM, push etc