To ask for your thoughts on crying babies in public places and on trains/buses... what are your thoughts?

[winterlake]

My DS has colic and reflux so he screams and cries a lot. He likes being in sling but still cries especially after feeding. Each bout of crying lasts anywhere between 10mins and a few hours.

I get cabin fever being indoors all day. No car so have to use public transport when DH is at work. Recently DS screamed for 35mins on a bus. Everyone was glaring and muttering but there was nothing I could do other than talk to him, jiggle him and keep offering dummy. On a 1-hour train journey he cried inconsolably the whole way. I felt like everyone in the carriage hated us.

On rare occasions we eat out or go to coffee shops he often wakes up and cries. We take it in turns to jiggle him, walk him, take him outside for fresh air, and end up leaving early if he won't settle. My DH thinks we should stay and finish our food, that all babies cry and it's ok if it's in daytime. But I feel like we're ruining other people's meals.

How do you get out and about with a colicky baby? What you do if your baby cries in public? I'm sick of walking round the local park.

What do you think about babies crying in public places or on trains and buses?

A couple of weeks ago I was on the bus, and there was a baby crying. This woman went up to the baby's mum and told her to "shut that fucking baby up" or else she'll do it. Needless to say, other people on the bus soon put this horrid woman in her place.

Glad to hear that Mascara. What a horrible woman, and silly too! It doesn't take much to understand that usually no one wants the baby to stop crying more than its parents.

Even if I saw a parent who appeared to be ignoring their screaming infant, I'd consider that exhaustion, despair and embarrassment may have reduced them to a sort of catatonic state, and they needed compassion rather than disapproval.

I wouldn't think anything. Babies cry. Some babies cry a lot.
My DD was quite an unsettled newborn, and I remember vividly one time I was in a coffee shop with DH, and DD had a lot of trouble getting wind up, so was really crying. As I was trying to sort her out, a woman, probably in her mid-50's was looking over and tutting at me. After about five minutes of glares and tuts from her, DH went over there and asked her if she had children. She didn't. He then told her that in that case, her opinion is not warranted and told her exactly where to ram it. needless to say she was completely agog, and left

I didn't leave the house with DS for 3 weeks during which he went from 'normal' newborn to terribly unhappy screamer. His worst place was the car seat, so the general public were spared the worst of it. My DH is very robust about these things and remains calm in supermarkets etc if he does start to tune up, but I have so far (4 mths) avoided any public places where people might be trying to have fun/relax, as even though I kind of knew people would probably feel sorry for us I also feel sure even the most sympathetic person wishes we'd shut up... Having said that we have 'practised' going out to a very quiet Costa Coffee, sitting in a seat where we can make a beeline for the door if needs be. We've also had a McDonalds breakfast a couple of times and been on a bus... Normally DS is a dummy-refuser, but I think he knew (on an absolutely rammed park-and-ride job) that I couldn't take him out of his pram and sucked steadfastly on the dummy with tears springing out of his eyes...

The unfortunate bind we are in is that the thing he finds most calming is to be held while conversations are going on around him. Must be more sociable than me... Anyway, there are some very nice people on this thread which restores my faith in the world! (We probably still won't be going out much...).

Crying I don't mind. But I can't abide that high pitched screech. And its made even more annoying when parents just simply say things like, Oh sweetie what a silly noise.

I recently had a special lunch out pretty much ruined by a crying baby at the next table. Sorry if that offends anyone.

Both my dc had evening colic (crying from 5pm until 2am), although they pretty much got over it by 10 weeks and just improved enormously with age.

However, I was lucky not to have the experience of a baby with severe reflux and colic who cried all day, and I know it. I think your instincts are correct op - it is not fine for other people to have to endure the sound of your baby crying for a lengthy period in a restaurant or anywhere else where they might be going for fun.

I hope he improves soon - it must be very hard.

Don't worry what people think. Most parents (who are normal) have been there and will have sympathy for you. When I hear babies crying inconsolably I am Always in 2 minds as to whether to offer to help. Ignore the scowlers!!

On public transport, the parent doesn't have much of a choice about being there. A restaurant or similar place is different - people have gone there specifically to relax, or have fun, or chat to friends. I don't think it's okay to let a crying baby ruin that.

I really think it's a sad world when a new mother with a colicky baby is told that it's important to keep her baby away from where others might be relaxing or having fun. If the baby does start screaming inconsolably and can't be comforted, then the mother can exercise some flexible thinking and remove that baby. Avoiding situations in case is a recipe for social isolation and even depression.

Having fun and relaxing, even when you pay for them, are not actually a right to the extent someone else, nurturing a small baby, should avoid all social settings if that baby may cry. That is wholly unreasonable. Life goes on, babies are part of life, suck it up and accept that life can be a bit unsatisfactory sometimes, it is the way of things. We need to support new mothers and babies if and when we can. I think some of you really under-estimate the general decibel level of your average cafe or restaurant... they are already noisy, you just filter out that noise.

Fusion- I don't think many people have said don't go out at all-just to be prepared to leave if they start screaming

I have 100& sympathy if you are in a shop, out and about, in a coffee shop, cafe, bus, train etc.

But a proper restaurant or eg a theatre is different.

I very rarely get to go out for a meal, and yes, it would spoil my meal if there was a screaming baby. I don't think that is unreasonable.
Of course you can take a happy baby and they start crying and then you have to make a choice. But taking a baby that you know is going to cry loudly all the way through is a bit much

When my brother was a baby pretty much all he did was cry. Everywhere. All the time. We flew to the Isle of Man once and we're ushered on to the flight home before everyone else so my mum could feed him and attempt to shut him up. He didn't sleep through til he was 3, either. Mind you he's been lovely ever since!

Hi OP, trust your instincts and absolutely insist on ranitidine or a referral to a specialist. See a different GP if you need to. DS2 has reflux,gaining weight rapidly (91st percentile) and is on Omeprazole as Ranitidine didn't fully work. It's bearable. Early stages with DS1 were hellish without effective treatment for his silent reflux. He ended up at 15 months having an endoscopy which revealed ulcers and a swollen oesophagus due to the acid reflux. Lansoprazole was prescribed immediately and changed our lives. Weaning DS1 whilst he was in pain from reflux was a disaster so get it sorted early is my advice. I know from a chat with my GP recently that there is a body of medical thought that you shouldn't treat "happy spitters" (i.e. not in pain) for reflux but a baby in pain and distress as yours seems to be is not a happy spitter!

Sorry that was an essay! Please PM me if it would be helpful.

Public transport: not much can be done if baby screams mid journey but should be taken away from other passengers if practical

Restaurant: baby should be taken out if screaming.

That woman telling mother on bus to shut fucking baby up sounds like a prick. Do bear in mind though that screaming baby could cause autistic person to kick off on bus.

I am particularly affected by noise but would not complain about crying baby on public transport and would probably feel sorry for the parent.

My parents told me I once cried so hard as a baby people around them called the police. Until you're in that territory you are fine. It sounds so tough to be in your situation.

Non DC owner here. Yes, if your baby screams during the whole of my journey to work I will hate it. I won't judge you but it will piss me off and I would probably put headphones in to drown it out.

On public transport - tough, people should accept it and not complain...but in a café or restaurant where people are trying to relax then yes you should take it in turns to take your baby outside and not impinge upon others enjoyment

Haven't read the whole thread but wanted to say if I hear a baby crying im just relieved Its not me having to do the jiggling anymore! I think the majority of people have been in the same situation so I wouldn't worry :)

I carry my mp3 player with me everywhere. I rarely hear crying babies because I've already drowned them out

Life goes on, babies are part of life, suck it up and accept that life can be a bit unsatisfactory sometimes, it is the way of things.

There's a difference between unsatisfactory and extreme pain!

I think some of you really under-estimate the general decibel level of your average cafe or restaurant... they are already noisy, you just filter out that noise.

There speaks someone who has no idea how bad hyperacusis (or spd) can be. Filtering can be difficult at the best of times (not to mention exhausting in very busy situations), but when the noise is at a volume or tone that triggers a pain response filtering is impossible.

I think a lot of time, people's reactions are based on how the parents look they are dealing with it. A parent who is sitting sipping their coffee and ignoring it would get the huffs and dirty looks. People are more sympathetic if the parent looks like they are doing their best and look frazzled themselves.

I had to sit next to a doesn't-give-a-shit parent on a flight once. She stuck earplugs in her own ears and other than shoving the dummy in his mouth every so often, didn't really do much. Aside from crying, there was the regular ear piercing screams. I ended up spending the whole flight (all twelve hours) standing in the galley while the steward kept bringing me glasses of first class wine in sympathy. He did try and move me but the entire flight was full and there wasn't a spare seat in any class. I tried to go back to my seat at one point, and the mother was changing a shitty nappy on my seat. They're the type of parent that makes people look horrified when they see a baby boarding a plane.

Another who'd have nothing but sympathy. Dd had terrible colic partially cured by metallica seriously music with a heavy base can help (something to do with regulating pulsations or something), also lots of fresh air and midnight car rides and being sung to.

My only difficulty is I want to tell parent/s I sympathise and offer advice but fear I would be seen as a complaining busy body. I'm also the type that would be happy to take baby a walk so parent/s can get a break but again with strangers that can be seen as at least a little odd - I'm not a kidnapper honestly but have done this for various friends and relatives as it really does get a bit much and I had wonderful friends that gave me a break when it was dd.

Good luck getting baby treated, not acceptable that Dr dismissed you and baby.

Also non DC owner here.

Babies crying on flights? Annoying, but wouldn't judge or glare - that's what noise cancellation headphones are for. My ears often hurt when flying and I'm old enough to know what it is. For a baby, ear pressure, air pressure, general bizarreness of the day must be confusing and scary and possibly painful or uncomfortable.

Toddler on plane shouting and screaming and running up and down - if the parents are doing what they can to deal with it, they have my sympathies. Those parents who let the children play --and I've seen them out their own noise cancellations on and leave the child shouting and screaming at 2-3 years old - you'll get my Deathstare

Restaurants - worse case for me was business hotel with a few leisure guests. Breakfast buffet. One baby, both parents, 2 grandparents. Baby crying - all four adults eating breakfast and slightly wiggling the car seat which was doing nothing. When there's 4 adults and it's a buffet, therefore if your food goes cold you get more, there's simply no excuse for disturbing a room full of people.

I always feel complete sympathy for the parents and nothing boils my piss like people getting all huffy about it.

I had one baby who often silenced supermarket checkout lines with her screeching. She absolutely hated the car and was usually completely worked up and purple in the face by the time we arrived at the supermarket or wherever we were going in the first place. Wouldn't take a dummy.

I took her to the cry room in our church most weekends and didn't go anywhere near restaurants with her until she was about 3. She was DC4 and by the time she arrived I was kind of over the idea of schlepping children to restaurants, to be fair to her. It was too much work by then to wrangle them all out for a meal we could just as easily enjoy at home for a fraction of the price.

She didn't have reflux, just very sensitive to motion, lights, muzak, the sound of pins dropping...

If you suspect reflux, please move heaven and earth to get it diagnosed or ruled out, because it can mean utter misery for the baby.

- people can be such rude assholes.