To ask for your thoughts on crying babies in public places and on trains/buses... what are your thoughts?

[winterlake]

My DS has colic and reflux so he screams and cries a lot. He likes being in sling but still cries especially after feeding. Each bout of crying lasts anywhere between 10mins and a few hours.

I get cabin fever being indoors all day. No car so have to use public transport when DH is at work. Recently DS screamed for 35mins on a bus. Everyone was glaring and muttering but there was nothing I could do other than talk to him, jiggle him and keep offering dummy. On a 1-hour train journey he cried inconsolably the whole way. I felt like everyone in the carriage hated us.

On rare occasions we eat out or go to coffee shops he often wakes up and cries. We take it in turns to jiggle him, walk him, take him outside for fresh air, and end up leaving early if he won't settle. My DH thinks we should stay and finish our food, that all babies cry and it's ok if it's in daytime. But I feel like we're ruining other people's meals.

How do you get out and about with a colicky baby? What you do if your baby cries in public? I'm sick of walking round the local park.

What do you think about babies crying in public places or on trains and buses?

Ok, I shouldn't take the bait, but I will...

tootiredtoknow, how on earth do you know if other people's children have SN or are just "naughty"? Do you have a special, inbuilt SN detector or something?

Do you have a special, inbuilt SN detector or something? Funny isn't it, since a lot of parents don't know their child has them at the time. DD was on the brink of a diagnosis for a year or so. Does the SN-O-Meter sniff out whether she will or won't get one? It could be really useful.

It doesn't bother me. Babies cry, it's what they do.

But if a baby/toddler is in clear distress and the parent doesn't even try and help then I do get annoyed- at the parent.

the mum's brain reacts to the crying of her own baby in a different way from the rest of us. So live your life and this too will pass.

I'm going to address the reflux issue, my HV wasn't concerned because Ds also wasn't losing weight but that was because I had to feed him 10 -12 times a day due to the teeny amount of milk he would drink before he arched his back and screamed the place down.

We went to GP when he was 4 months old, was prescribed gaviscon that did nothing, GP referred us to paediatrician, luckily we had private health care so got in to see him in a week. He prescribed Enfamil AR (anti-reflux) which is a formula that thickens on contact with stomach acid so no special teats etc. We ordered it into Boots pharmacy - it was prescribed until Ds2 was 14 months old.

Also try to not "jiggle" when your baby is crying, just hold and stroke their back downwards. Not upwards and no patting. We were told it would make it worse. Also we were told the dummy helps. We even tried weaning early at 17 weeks under the advice of the paediatrician with starchy foods to see if that helped, it didn't.

Both my boys had reflux but Ds2 was horrifically affected. He slept upright on me in the day, and in a propped up cot at night on cot blocks. I wore him in a sling lots too. He is now 9 and grew out of the reflux about a year ago!

YY to getting ranitidine-made a big difference to my screamer.
I agree that passengers on public transport should put up with it and thank their lucky stars it's not their baby screaming but I would expect people (and have done myself) to take the baby out if it was screaming in a restaurant or cafe or other place I'd paid to enjoy. Sorry I know parents of screaming babies probably want to enjoy their meal too but it's not fair to other customers and, although it feels like it at the time, they aren't generallu in the screaming stage forever so your time will come and hopefully others will be considerate to you

That's 9 years old, still refluxed at night at 8.

I don't mind babies crying. Much better than teenagers being obnoxiously loud with swear words.

I work with new parents and always suggest getting out and about with a grumpy baby. Much better for parent's mental health to get some fresh air and exercise and go and have a coffee.

I'll go against the grain here and admit that a baby's screams go right through me. It makes me very tense and in my head I'm shouting 'shut the fuck up' but I'd never make that known to you! I'd be desperate for it to stop though. Ditto older babies that aren't crying but SCREECHING just for fun. Shudder

How nice that you actually care about upsetting other people.
Public transport, walks, essential shopping you have to do so it is unavoidable.
Restaurants; it is unfair on other people if your baby screams all the time, so don't go unless you absolutely have to, or take it in turns taking the baby outside.
It won't last for ever.

Oh my son was a nightmare with crying when he was a baby too. He had colic, reflux and a few other health issues. I don't think that when you are on public transport then there isn't anything you could do. However, in a restaurant I always felt differently and went outside if/when he was screaming.

I just think that I'm glad that mine are past that stage now. Crying babies has got to be the most irritating sound that there is but unless it's somewhere where the parents can take them out (cinema, restaurant etc) then I wouldn't be that bothered.

Public transport, GP Surgery, no problem. Babies cry and you need to be there.

Restaurants and cafes, museums, cinema, theatres, absolutely NOT okay!

If you're in a restaurant/cafe and there are two or more of you, then you take turns to go outside with baby. If you're alone then you either go outside then come back when they've stopped, or you get it boxed up and you leave. You don't just ruin everyone else's meal and I'm shocked there are people who think that's acceptable because they've ordered/paid for a meal!

I don't have kids and honestly I don't mind the noise. Babies cry I guess.

Couldn't afford restaurants when we had babies actually. People are a lot better off these days than in the past but tend not to realise it.

I don't mind babies. When my mother heard them cry in church she made the very valid point that without them there would be no future church,.

Go to a cranial osteopath. Wish I had done this with DS1. He was a screamer. I felt just like you do now. It can feel like the world is shining a spotlight on you and watching in judgement, I remember that feeling well.

The way to get over feeling like that is just to get on with it and go, because as you get used to it and it doesn't send your mammalian brain into threat overdrive, you'll be able to look around and realise only a very tiny minority ever shoot you anything but the softest, kindest and most compassionate of looks.

I still remember the frantic rushing back from town with my tiny screamer, but he's a big boy now and I (almost) have nostalgia for it!

I also agree with amarmai. If you are responding to and soothing your baby, I will have all the empathy in the world - but not if they're being ignored.

I think it's a bit much to say "absolutely never" in a restaurant etc. It doesn't match my experience and my children are long past the screaming stage: babies go to coffee shops and restaurants and they cry. Cinema and theatre are different but coffee shops/restaurants are already pretty noisy. If they were absolutely inconsolable, perhaps.. but that's pretty rare, isn't it?

There was a woman in Sainsburys the other day with a very tiny baby, who was happy at first in her car seat/trolley, and the mum was talking to her, and then she started to cry a bit and the mum kept talking to her and after a minute or two when that didn't work, she picked her up and carried her while pushing the trolley with the other hand.

It was so nice to see someone doing that. I saw a couple once in Mothercare who were looking at all the babyclothes and discussing them while studiously ignoring their child who was screaming and red in the face.

I said something. I had to. I wasn't rude, but in my head I was really WTF?

I personally wouldn't go on buses or hour long train rides as I would get too stressed myself and wouldn't want to inflict it on others.

I would go to the park or just walk about town, visit friends at their houses. My ds had colic too

My son was exactly like this , he cried for the first year non stop .. I lost friends because I wouldn't meet them in coffee shops .. I feel your pain .. My son was on domperidone and ranitidine.

Thanks for all the replies

He's 3 months. I'll try GP again, beg for ranitidine or referral, felt like he was trying to fob us off before by saying 'all babies have some degree of reflux, if he's gaining weight he's fine'!

Yes I usually have him in sling or baby-carrier. He likes being upright and it means I can make a quick exit when he's screaming without having to find a lift (or fiddle with pram harness).

Good to know most people are tolerant of babies on trains. My sister lives a train journey away so it's nice going to see her.
People on train often sigh repeatedly and glare. Had an embarrassing incident trying to feed him last time, he kept pulling off breast to scream then he swiped infacol-covered nipple shield and sent it flying onto the table in front of man next to us Man stared at it then buried his head in his book!

I've tried baby sensory, yoga and massage but feel awkward when he cries as feel it spoils the class for others. I often end up walking him round at far end of room instead of joining in. Same at BF support group.

We use dummies. I also offer him my nipple to suck on in carrier as dummies tend to go flying over the side when he thrashes!

All babies cry, but he is in pain with his reflux, poor thing. The GP needs to be told this. It is not right that he should be like this. It always annoys me that babies in pain are ignored by medics! We used gaviscon with our baby, it was brilliant. Good luck x

if your GP wont help, see another one or demand a referral. a slightly colicky baby is nothing like the world of pain of dealing with a refluxy one. DS2 had silent reflux and it was total hell until I got him on ranitidine - because it was silent reflux (meaning he didn't vomit) his weight was fine and yet my gp (used to be a peads consultant though) didn't hestitate to prescribe. if rantitidine stops working there is also omeprazole. do not let them fob you off, DS2 went from being the baby from hell to the most contented and happy little chap in the space of 3 days. your baby is in pain - when the gp tries to fob you off tell yourself that, you'll be amazed at how much more forceful you feel like being when you know this is the only way to stop the pain your child is in.

Back to point of the thread though, it doesn't bother me but I really have been there. if I saw a baby crying for that long I would and have offered to hold baby for a bit so they can finish their coffee/lunch - whilst explaining I have had a reflux baby so understand.