To ask for your thoughts on crying babies in public places and on trains/buses... what are your thoughts?

[winterlake]

My DS has colic and reflux so he screams and cries a lot. He likes being in sling but still cries especially after feeding. Each bout of crying lasts anywhere between 10mins and a few hours.

I get cabin fever being indoors all day. No car so have to use public transport when DH is at work. Recently DS screamed for 35mins on a bus. Everyone was glaring and muttering but there was nothing I could do other than talk to him, jiggle him and keep offering dummy. On a 1-hour train journey he cried inconsolably the whole way. I felt like everyone in the carriage hated us.

On rare occasions we eat out or go to coffee shops he often wakes up and cries. We take it in turns to jiggle him, walk him, take him outside for fresh air, and end up leaving early if he won't settle. My DH thinks we should stay and finish our food, that all babies cry and it's ok if it's in daytime. But I feel like we're ruining other people's meals.

How do you get out and about with a colicky baby? What you do if your baby cries in public? I'm sick of walking round the local park.

What do you think about babies crying in public places or on trains and buses?

With some children (not babies) the best thing to do when crying is to not engage because doing so overloads them more.

I don't mind on public transport, you have to get from A to B.
I also don't mind in supermarkets etc
Or in parks
Or soft play

I'm afraid I do object in restaurants / coffee shops if it goes on for more than about 5 minutes. Those are places people go to relax and enjoy themselves.

I object more to shouty/screamy toddlers in coffee shops where the parents seem to make no effort to get them to use indoor voices and stay near their own table.

And I massively object to crying babies / toddlers in audiences of school performances if the parent does not take them out the minute they start to disturb.

im on the fence about the restrant/coffee shop/eating places... baby is sleep think cool can have my lunch pay for food sit down about to take first bite and baby wakes screaming. does the parent have to leave their food they just paid for because baby is crying.

I remember what it was like and try not to be annoyed (trains, buses, other short-term but fixed length places). In cafes and restaurants I appreciate it when parents take the baby out, if they are inconsolable, but to be honest if I am eating in a place that is happy with babies it's usually with our own Dc around, and not exactly a white tablecloth silver service hushed tones and tinkly piano sort of place, so a crying baby is neither here nor there in the likes of Giraffe or Nandos or Pizza Express or whatever. That said if I was having afternoon tea at the Ritz I'd be pretty ticked off with you...

It does sound much worse to you than to others, I think. They'll grow out of it. And going out is much better than staying in, I agree.

Do people actually comment if you up and leave an overly noisy place?

Yes they do, with depressing regularity. I have hyperacusis which means that I am not only sensitive to noise in general, but that certain types of noise are excruciating. There have been times when I've been accused of being rude for walking away, told off for making parents of screaming babies feel awkward and unwelcome, I've even been called a freak for for wearing the defenders.

Many people just don't understand...and in my experience most don't want to understand.

I tend to ignore the crying and offer a smile to the parent. I feel for the parents so much.

If your DS is in pain and distress the fact that he is not losing weight is no excuse to not prescribe meds. Has cows milk protein allergy been investigated?
But seriously, if the gp won't prescribe appropriate meds (and ranitidine may not cut it, to be honest) I'd push for a referral to a paed gastro.

*I have no problem with crying babies in places people can't avoid such as public transport when they have to get somewhere.

Crying babies in cinemas etc, or any places there is never a need to take a crying baby to is another thing completely*

This ^ (which has also been repeated by others).

However, I suspect you'll find the majority of people looking, are being sympathetic and being glad it is no longer them in the situation, not glaring and muttering.

i dont mind crying babies.....its the parents who sit by them on their phones totally ignoring them that i cant abide!

Oh Andro that is terrible, I am so sorry that happens to you, I hope by reading this thread more of us will become aware.

I am sympathetic to parents of crying babies. Ds2 was terrible on public transport so I have been there. I will often offer a general offer of 'if you need anything or an extra pair of hands let me know' on longer journeys like flights where the parents are safe in the knowledge that I can't run off with their little one.

In general public no objection. Certain places concert, cinema, formal event -- selfish parents.

The only thing I feel when I hear a crying baby is empathy for the parent. Public transport, restaurant, wherever you just know the parents are praying they will stop and worrying about other people's reaction and I always try to smile or talk to them so they know at least one person understands. When DD was little I just used to focus on her and ignore the tutters, babies cry and it wouldn't hurt people to be a bit more tolerant.

Obviously it's not nice listening to a crying baby but a reasonable person should realise it's not your fault, especially if you're trying to comfort baby and not just ignoring her/him.
If I had had a stressful day or had a headache then I would simply move carriage if possible to get away from the crying, defo wouldn't glare at the parent.

Public transport is a necessity so i wouldn't mind . Ive had yo fly 10hrs with a screaming refluxy baby. I certainly wasn't making any friends that day!

but, just as i do, i would expect people to leave if they had the opportunity. In restaurants i think its unreasonable to sit and continue eating while your baby cries.

its shit op, you have my sympathy. We have a 3yo with asd and a 15mo who wont sit still, so we eat out rarely. But we are always poised to leave when we do. We carry cash so we can just pay quickly and go. We only eat in child friendly places. We order food which can either be wrapped up and taken or eaten cold if we do relays. We've left many times before the food has even arrived.

i also disagree with a pp, i think the sound of others dc crying is way worse than your own. I would be cross if i did get away for a child free meal and parents sat finishing their food while the sound of screaming ruined my blue moon treat (however i wouldn't go to a child friendly restaurant if we didn't have dc with us) Sorry. It won't last forever. Do try ranitidine as well.

good luck, reflux is utter shit.

On public transport/in a public space like a supermarket or whatever, then I think people have to lump it, really. High pitched noises physically hurt me and sometimes make me panic, so I would have to put my fingers in my ears or leave the area in a hurry. People give me looks for this, like I can help that any more than they can help the fact that the baby is screaming.

If your child is screaming in a restaurant/cafe/place where people are paying to relax and enjoy themselves, then I think you should take them outside.

I don't have kids, don't hear babies very often so don't mind at all. No one can help it! I mostly just feel sorry for the poor parent and think 'poor mite' about the baby.

Anyway, the longer it goes on for the less annoying it gets, because it just morphs into background-type noise. And so many people have headphones these days. We can't live in a perfectly comfortable world, either.

My DD1 had reflux and she was a very unsettled baby who screamed herself to sleep. Luckily I didn't need to use public transport. I often left cafes with screaming, puking baby. I had hoped to be relaxed go with the flow mum who met friends on mat leave and just got on with it. DD1 had other ideas.

Reflux improved massively once she started on solids. Cranial osteopathy seemed to help. Made me feel like i was doing something anyway.

My DD1 is being assessed for sensory processing disorder and autism which may explain why she was such a screamer as a baby. I am also very intolerant of noise. I get very anxious when I hear babies crying and although I am very sympathetic having been there I think parents should show the courtesy I did and take baby outside if it's really loud, where possible (obviously on public transport I have to just deal with it).

Have you gone to any baby groups? I found these a life saver for support. I was lucky to meet some nice mums who didn't judge. The volunteers would let me drink a hot cup of tea while they jiggled the screamer.

We went to my DS's Graduation a couple of weeks ago. I was quite amazed by the number of crying babies and quite that only one of them was taken out. We were in a Cathedral and the sounds echo.

Similarly restaurants, even in the daytime, sorry, I do not want to listen to a screaming baby. I've been there and we've had to eat in relays while the other one stands outside, so I don't want to be expected to listen to someone else's while they carry on sitting there.

Public transport or supermarket checkout it's just tough, but anywhere you don't have to be it's not fair on other people.

Some people don't have the money to have posh meals out. A meal out is in a cheaper place. And yes I would mind about a screaming baby in that situation.
On public transport, Dr's, shops, of course it is fine.

Just want to add that listening to other people's tinny music through their headphones is far more annoying than a baby crying.

Also staying a cafe or restaurant for more than a few minutes with a screaming baby, may mean that someone with SN or with children with SN may have to leave.

I also think the poster who was in a gallery with a screaming baby was BVVU.

Winterlake - I have a baby with reflux and feel your pain. I've read anecdotal evidence that a dummy helps and it does seem to help soothe my baby. Might be worth a try. Also you might feel less self conscious in a child-friendly cafe where there are bound to be other noisy babies, but try not to worry about it too much - most people understand.

i dont like it when there are comments horrible looks... yep cause im loving it!!

my baby i have now is quite mellow. hes only 8 mnths so still has plenty of time to show me hes not haha. but some of my other kids have cried/screamed alot at times. there have been times i have switched of and my mate has said to me omg shut that kid up. she is joking... sort of. but there has been times i have switched of.... so i might be one of them mums whos doing nothing. or it could be mum has tried all she can maybe baby is tired and will cry to sleep or the motion of the pushchair will settle him/her.

Not going to lie, when I hear a crying baby I sit and thank my lucky stars that my DD never cries. I wouldn't cope with a baby that does.

No a baby screaming is a horrible noise. It goes right through me and makes me want to pick them up and comfort them. It elicits a really strong emotional reaction in me.