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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just ask for an ELCS?

157 replies

NotAWhaleOmeletteInSight · 10/12/2015 18:16

I'm 7 months pregnant with dc2. Dc1 is 21 months old and my experience of birth was extremely traumatic. I don't want to go into loads of detail but it went very wrong, dc was in danger, it ended in theatre with a room full of people, spinal, forceps etc. Afterwards I'm fairly sure I had undiagnosed pnd, although I didn't know it at the time.

The hospital have apologised for how things went and I'm under the consultant for this pregnancy, because I'm so worried about the birth.

I've been psyching myself up for it and they've promised that I can have an epidural as soon as I arrive if I want (they talked me out of it last time). They've also asked if I want an ELCS.

I know this isn't technically an AIBU but I'd really appreciate your opinions. The more I think about it, the more I don't know if I can face going through labour again, although I know it's unlikely to be like last time.

I'm also worried though about the recovery from a CS whilst looking after a toddler. Dh will have 2 weeks off work, and then my mum will come to stay for a bit (family all live hundreds of miles away). I don't need to drive as we live in the suburbs and everything is walkable.

Just how bad is the recovery from an ELCS? Should I just go for it?

OP posts:
TaliZorah · 12/12/2015 15:42

Though I am personally of the opinion that women with difficult births should limit the number of daughters they saddle with those genetics

Erm why? We have cesareans to sort that

Headofthehive55 · 12/12/2015 16:02

Goodness I think stitches sound pretty horrid! I am a complete wuss and wouldn't even let them put a cannula in me. (But of a control freak)

births are all so different, even cs I think it's impossible to make a meaningful plan.

OhBigHairyBollocks · 12/12/2015 16:18

Go for it OP. I lost nearly all of my blood after having what was a very straight forward vaginal birth with DD.. no pain relief but afterwards it all went well tits up and I nearly died. It took me a good 3/4 weeks to recover fully.
For that reason alone (and that was without considering the pnd and anxiety afterwards) I asked for an ELCS for this one. Mine is in three and a half weeks time and I am reliably told the recovery is usually very quick. The hospital are all prepared with blood for me in case the same thing happens again. My pregnancy has been awful physically but mentally I've been great.

Good luck OP and I wish you all the best. Look at the c-section tips thread as well, absolutely fantastic. I got my hospital bag all ready last week Smile

hazeyjane · 12/12/2015 16:21

I had a 3 day labour, only gas and air, episiotomy, ventouse, 3rd degree tearing, stitched up in theatre.

then an induction, epidural, 2nd degree tear, stitching started in labour room, finished in theatre as MW cocked up stitching.

So I chose an elective, it was still the worst birth of the 3.

An elective can be a wonderful thing, a vaginal birth can be a wonderful thing - but they both have the possibility to be bloody horrendous unfortunately. Sometimes it isn't down to the planning or the attitude, it is just luck or shit out of luck.

Headofthehive55 · 12/12/2015 16:25

vestal a birth is more than just about the woman...births differ so much between babies even with the same woman.

Not sure which category I would put myself into!

The important thing is having as much say when you can, but accepting things don't always go to plan.

OwlinaTree · 12/12/2015 16:39

vestalvirgin in what way could the op think no trouble would be expected after what sounds like a horrendous birth experience?

I've yet to meet anyone in real life who actually had a home birth and didn't end up in hospital either part way though or afterwards anyway.

Great for those who have positive experiences, but I don't think throwing that in as an option is really going to help the op.

Rollermum · 12/12/2015 20:24

I have been reading this thread with interest as asked a similar question earlier in the year. I had a horrible long induction (4 days) and a long labour (24 hrs), PPH, PTSD. I am terrified of medical exams and wondering how to avoid induction again. DD was 17 days late and I feel that makes it a strong possibility again.

After being in denial, and somewhat fobbed off by MW and consultant (who just said 'oh, second births are much faster'), I ended up sobbing my eyes out at a routine health visitor appointment. She advised me to write to the Head of the Labour Ward asap to discuss options. I just wish I hadn't waited so long - I am 8 months.

Best of luck with whatever you choose OP. It sounds like the ELCS is making sense to you. I'd be interested to hear how you get on / who you speak to etc.

TaliZorah · 12/12/2015 20:34

Roller mine wasn't agreed until I was about 8 months, if you get a consultant appointment soon they can do it!

Doublebubblebubble · 12/12/2015 20:42

I wish I had as I was repeatedly asked by my consultant if I wanted one (horrific obstetric history including a stillbirth of twins) my son ended up being 12 days overdue (so horrible induction) 10lb 1, and ended up being an emcs anyway... If you feel that a cs would be mentally and physically better for YOU most definitely push for it.. My recovery time was difficult and it took 12 days for me to be up and walking again (so almost all of dhs pat leave) but that was my experience and it could be entirely different for you xx good luck op hope it goes well no matter what you decide x

Doublebubblebubble · 12/12/2015 20:45

An elective that is*

Headofthehive55 · 12/12/2015 20:53

A cs does offer some certainty in that you know it will be a cs if that makes sense. Hoping for a good vb, you might end up with a good or bad vb or a cs.

My sil chose a cs because she didn't want the disappointment of hoping for a vb and then having to have a cs again.

CountryRoadTakeMeHome · 12/12/2015 20:53

Driving after a CS is it really advisable. There is no law against it however you must be able to stop etc in an emergency. So if you are not capable of this then your insurers would have something to say! So not really an urban mythXmas Confused

CountryRoadTakeMeHome · 12/12/2015 20:54

Isn't really advisable Xmas Blush stupid iPhone...

TaliZorah · 12/12/2015 20:58

headofthehive that was one of my reasons for choosing one. I'm bad at medical stuff but if I read about the procedure and understand it I'm okay. If I had gone for a VB only to have it all go wrong and me to feel I had no control over what was going on would have caused a panic attack. Rather just go in knowing I was having an operation

As it happened I was told I'd have needed an EMCS so it was a good call

Headofthehive55 · 12/12/2015 21:00

I wrote to the supervisor of midwives, and was a difficult woman to attempt the birth I wanted (was told I would not be able to give birth by vb, which was a clearly incorrect assumption) so it's entirely possible to attempt the birth you want.

Go for what you want. I'm not sure it's really that important why! We all have our own reasons and none should be more valid than the other.

StrawberryLeaf · 12/12/2015 21:11

Ive had an emcs (after hours of labour, horrendously traumatic ending) and 2 elcs. The elcs were amazing. My most recent in June was incredible. As you are consultant led talk to him/her and get the exact birth you want.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 12/12/2015 21:18

I know someone whose anaesthetics kicked in only after they had started cutting her up Shock

I was paranoid about this, I made them stab me with a pin because I could still feel my legs, they showed DH how much they were digging pin in but I couldnt feel it.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 12/12/2015 21:22

births are all so different, even cs I think it's impossible to make a meaningful plan

But much easier then with VB birth which can go so wrong and in so many un expected ways!

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 12/12/2015 21:23

(Though I am personally of the opinion that women with difficult births should limit the number of daughters they saddle with those genetics.)

Shock
NotAWhaleOmeletteInSight · 12/12/2015 22:18

Though I am personally of the opinion that women with difficult births should limit the number of daughters they saddle with those genetics.

Seriously?!

OP posts:
NotAWhaleOmeletteInSight · 12/12/2015 22:43

I feel that I should clarify what happened at dd's birth. For the record, I'm a very healthy, physically fit person who gets plenty of exercise etc, so no obvious physical reason why I wouldn't be able to have a straightforward VB. My pregnancy was ok, although I had sciatica and was on crutches towards the end. Luckily this time the sciatica isn't nearly as bad so no need for physio and crutches - I'm just doing the stretches I learnt last time.

Anyway, dd was 9 days overdue. I went into labour late afternoon so was tired when I started. We went to hospital in the early hours. It was very very long and I failed to progress in the second stage of labour. I was asking for an epidural after 15 hours, but they talked me out of it. 8 hours later I was begging for one but it was too late.

I was pushing for an hour and a half and I knew that something was wrong. I couldn't stand to be touched - I even ripped off all my clothes and punched dh (his glasses went tight across the room). I kept telling them that something was wrong but they kept saying that I was fine and needed to stop holding back on the pushing. It was horrific. I actually tried to climb over the headboard to escape from the midwife.

In the end, after me telling them repeatedly that I couldn't do it, dh lost his shit and demanded that they check what was wrong. I remember him saying "she's been telling you and telling you, why the hell aren't you listening to her?! Check her right now ffs!" He's not really a swearer normally. All the while he could see that dd's heart rate was dropping (they'd turned the machine away from me).

I'd only had gas and air by this point and was beyond exhausted.

At this point a senior midwife came straight in, shoved her hand up and said something like "head's stuck, baby's not going anywhere, you poor love, get a doctor.. " etc.

Suddenly the room was full of people, including a junior doctor who made the mistake of describing forceps to me as 'salad servers'. I think I might have been very rude to him.

By now dd's heart rate was way down and I was nearly unconscious and naked surrounded by people. There was no mobile gas and air available so I had zero pain relief on the way to theatre and once I got there. It took 3 people to physically restrain me so they could give me the spinal. Spinals are amazing things though - literally instant pain relief.

I tore badly because the junior doctor didn't do the episiotomy in time - dh heard the supervising doctor tell him off. They did the stitches up too tight so I needed physio afterwards and was in pain for 9 months afterwards.

Dd was fine thank god. She wouldn't have been if they'd let me carry on pushing much longer. I didn't get to hold her straight away and have skin to skin because there weren't any beds available. They sent dh off to recovery with her and then there wasn't a bed for nearly half an hour. I had to wait in theatre and make small talk with a midwife. Dh didn't know what had happened or where I was and they wouldn't let him back through to be with me.

Ultimately dd was fine, although she had a terrible headache we were told, which is partly why early breastfeeding was so hard. I did breastfeed her for 16 months though in the end Smile

I also lost huge amounts of blood and almost needed a transfusion.

Anyway, I know it's not nearly as bad as some people's experience, but it was still bad. If I can avoid any possibility of it happening again then I want to.

I'm a firm believer in the benefits of modern medicine. I did the nct antenatal course and take my hat off to people who can do it without pain relief, but that isn't me. Not one of my group had the serene birth we expected! I think that if options are there to improve the agony of labour, then I'll have all the drugs thanks very much!

I'll post to let you know how I get on this time - ELCS all the way!

OP posts:
Rollermum · 12/12/2015 23:08

OP that is rough and no wonder you are worried for another birth 💐

ShebaShimmyShake · 12/12/2015 23:18

I'm sorry to hear about your awful experience, OP. Personally I don't take my hat off to people who laboured without pain relief, and nor do I bite my thumb at them, because it's not a moral choice. Whether you have pain relief or not doesn't make you a better or worse person. Same goes for whether you have a vaginal or Caesarean delivery, assistance or not, whatever. There's nothing superior in any way about any of it.

NotAWhaleOmeletteInSight · 12/12/2015 23:28

I agree actually - a safe delivery is the goal, and I don't feel any less proud of the achievement of having carried and delivered a baby because I needed pain relief and intervention.

I do think it's becoming a thing though to be almost competitive about birth experiences. So many people I know have told me about their wonderful experiences of water births, even home births. I think that's fine, but my delivery suite birth choice is no less valid.

I have a friend who knew a bit about my birth experience - I didn't tell her loads as she was pregnant with her first and I didn't want to scare her. Anyway, she had a great birth. No tearing, gas and air, water birth, really quick etc. She has told me about how amazing it was several times. It's getting a bit annoying. It's not a bloody competition!

Thanks Rollermum Xmas Smile

OP posts:
Headofthehive55 · 12/12/2015 23:53

Sounds a horrid experience. I understand. I had a failure to progress / stuck head ridiculously long labour ending in a cs first time, so I get where you are coming from.

And no please don't think I laboured without pain relief out of some misplaced bravado. I only got to see the gas and air cylinder for one as I didn't make the labour room. You have what you need at the time.

What I don't get is the sheer differences in births. I was told I was unlikely to deliver by vb but did rather too easily. That's why I can only conclude there can be no plan as I wouldn't have made the theatre room either so I could have planned a cs but it would not have happened.

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