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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just ask for an ELCS?

157 replies

NotAWhaleOmeletteInSight · 10/12/2015 18:16

I'm 7 months pregnant with dc2. Dc1 is 21 months old and my experience of birth was extremely traumatic. I don't want to go into loads of detail but it went very wrong, dc was in danger, it ended in theatre with a room full of people, spinal, forceps etc. Afterwards I'm fairly sure I had undiagnosed pnd, although I didn't know it at the time.

The hospital have apologised for how things went and I'm under the consultant for this pregnancy, because I'm so worried about the birth.

I've been psyching myself up for it and they've promised that I can have an epidural as soon as I arrive if I want (they talked me out of it last time). They've also asked if I want an ELCS.

I know this isn't technically an AIBU but I'd really appreciate your opinions. The more I think about it, the more I don't know if I can face going through labour again, although I know it's unlikely to be like last time.

I'm also worried though about the recovery from a CS whilst looking after a toddler. Dh will have 2 weeks off work, and then my mum will come to stay for a bit (family all live hundreds of miles away). I don't need to drive as we live in the suburbs and everything is walkable.

Just how bad is the recovery from an ELCS? Should I just go for it?

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 10/12/2015 22:42

Do it for the peace of mind.

Headofthehive55 · 10/12/2015 22:52

Do what ever you feel will make you happiest.

I find it strange how my experiences are the opposite to most of you! I felt utterly traumatised by having a cs, yet I hadn't been nervous or anything. I understand your need for it to be different though, perhaps a completely different experience will help you.

Cloppysow · 11/12/2015 06:45

I had a really traumatic birth with my first with bloody awful midwives. I was terrified going into the second one but i was glad i did it because although it was a longer labour with some difficulties, i was lucky enough to have an amazing midwife and doctor who helped to make it a really positive experience. It was actually very healing for me after the horrible first experience.

My ex had taken a moment to explain things to the midwife while i was out of the room and she really took that on board in her treatment of us.

Saying all that though, do whatever is best for you. I'm just saying that the second does not have to be as bad as the first if you do decide to have a VB.

Bunbaker · 11/12/2015 06:51

"and it is an urban myth that you can't drive"

The requirements for being able to drive after an operation are:
Can you do an emergency stop?
Can you twist your body round to see behind you?
Can you concentrate?

If you answer no to any of the above then you aren't fit to drive. So, I wouldn't say it is an urban myth. What may be the myth part is the timescale of 6 weeks.

Also, check with your insurer.

Catsize · 11/12/2015 07:41

I had an awful experience in hospital with first child. I think the hospital was negligent but have never pursued it. Second was a one push wonder at home and actually enjoyable. I found this very healing interns of my previous experience.

FannyTheChampionOfTheWorld · 11/12/2015 08:53

A straightforward VB is likely to be easier to recover from than an ELCS (not that I'd know, I've never had either). However, the gamble is that you never know what kind of VB attempt, including the sort that ends in EMCS, you're going to get. You also need to factor in that your feelings about your first birth and anxiety might mitigate against a straightforward birth. I thought I'd dealt with the trauma I felt surrounding my first, complex VB birth, but it sort of came back during the second. It can happen. If you really know you can't face labour, I don't see that you have any viable choice other than going for the ELCS and just dealing with the recovery.

Naty1 · 11/12/2015 10:40

Wish id pushed for a elcs after ventouse and forceps dd1.
Because i expected a choice of having an epidural again. In theory i did but somehow the anesthetist didnt make it in about 6 hours.
So if i accidentally got pg i would not trust them.
I felt very traumatised by the pain plus the lack of control led to a nasty tear. On the positive side i didnt need any intervention and dd2 wasnt back to back. So would have been ok if i had gotten the epidural.
I would say there are no guarantees even with elcs as they can somehow not manage to get you in theatre if youve started to go into labour naturally and you end up with a VB.
It all shows to me how little 'choice' there actually is.

KaluzaKlein1 · 11/12/2015 10:59

I had an elcs and the recovery was ok. I did feel like I'd been run over for the first couple of days but I suspect that's because there were a few complications with the section. I was home after 4 days, very sore for a week or so but able to get around (slowly.)
Don't worry about seeing the scar - I needed a mirror to see mine! I was pleasantly surprised how quickly it closed up - within a couple of days it was sealed. It's still very visible but I am very pale and it is about 20 cm long so I'd expect that.

I would have another cs

hazeyjane · 11/12/2015 11:05

headofthehive I too was completely traumatised by my ELCS, so don't feel alone!

Laurah1979 · 11/12/2015 11:15

From a different perspective. My first baby ended up being delivered by forceps in theatre too and it was a very long labour. I speak from a health professional's and a mother's point of view. My second labour was quick and i ended up having a lovely normal delivery with gas and air and the experience could not have been any different. I can actually say i enjoyed delivering my second baby! The first delivery is usually the most traumatic and subsequent labours usually progress so much more easily so if you do plan to have a normal delivery, it will probably be very different. Good luck in what ever you decide.

MummaV · 11/12/2015 11:59

With DD I had a very long labour, ended in theatre, spinal, forceps, episiotomy, additional tearing, lots of stitches, DD very ill afterwards. If we have another child I will be requesting a ELCS. I found the pain and worry and subsequent recovery (9 weeks to not be in pain and still now 8 months later things aren't right) too much to deal with. I would not want another VB as you can never guarantee what is going to happen, yes it could all be fine and straightforward but that's not a chance I'm willing to take.

It's your body and your choice, if you want an ELCS go for it.

spritefairy · 11/12/2015 12:17

I'm not telling you NOT to have the elcs but just thought you may want to hear this.

I had a traumatic birth with dd. I had second degree tearing which then required reconstructive surgery. Sex was impossible before surgery and difficult afterwards.
Nevertheless I fell pregnant with ds. I was keen to have another vb though I was worried too. I did it and tore again but this time it was a 'good' tearing and helped my sex life.

If you really want an elcs then go for it
If you want a vb but are worried about any problems, then hopefully I may have reassured you slightly that it could be different

Headofthehive55 · 11/12/2015 15:01

hazeyjane thank you!

Original poster
NotAWhaleOmeletteInSight · 11/12/2015 20:25

Thanks for all the posts and reassurance. I would love a successful VB but it's such a gamble. Plus it took me a good 9 months to recover from dd's birth so surely a CS must be better!

OP posts:
ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 11/12/2015 21:06

op I did LOADS of research, in RL on here, other forums, books, etc etc after my first birth, and after much consideration decided on ELC.

Neither way is easy as you know and with ELC you are spared sooooo much, so much and in particular the not knowing whats going to happen as well as pain, and so on. I had pain after my op, but - it was nothing compared to hours in labour, nothing. I had to take it really really easy, ,my DH was off for two weeks which was brilliant and gave me a great time to rest.

Op, so many people say its a wonderful calm, peaceful way to welcome baby, it really is. If something goes wrong, you have the team right there, everything is in place.

I had a tear with first that was so painful I tried to stop drinking and eating, i couldnt wash myself below and started to rot - or so it smelled like.

The C section scar was a walk in the park in comparrison, its healed well, cant even see it, .

For me I would much rather have a wound where mine was, then down below, where cant see properly, cant go to loo properly etc.

At about three weeks I had a low point, I got tired easily after walking and suddenly wondered if I would never be able to walk for longer period again, but amazingly soon after that, I seemed to recover well.

Op its a no brainer, its so civilised...good luck

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 11/12/2015 21:10

I would love a successful VB but it's such a gamble

no one can guarantee that. ever but there are far more guarantees with operation, limited range of stuff that can go wrong.

I foud my elc very healing, my first birth haunted me for years, I even broke down when i went into the hosptial and saw the lift I had to go up in - in labour!

Now i dont think about either birth but if i do thikn of sections its in a warm way.

Claireshh · 11/12/2015 21:16

I had an EMCS with my first. Great recovery.

Second pg I had a planned CS. Super calm and love skin to skin straight after he was delivered.

We were in hospital for a week as my baby had an infection. Once I was home I felt great. Rest properly for the first few days and then you'll be fine. Xx

Headofthehive55 · 12/12/2015 08:23

I think it depends whether you are comparing a cs with a traumatic vb or staightforward vb.

Unfortunately you don't know what you are going to get. You don't know how the cs will go either. There are so many unknowns. With one of mine I had to have a vb to give my baby the best chance of survival so I suppose sometimes cs isn't an option.

TaliZorah · 12/12/2015 09:40

Head I'd still be willing to bet my straightforward c section was easier than a straightforward VB. I had pretty much no pain, whole thing was about 15 minutes, hardly any bleeding, no stitches down there, and back to normal the next day.

I think it's different for emergencies

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 12/12/2015 10:39

You don't know how the cs will go either

Things can go wrong in any surgery, of course, but the list of things that can go wrong is much shorter than the many variables of VB.

I would personally rather something go wrong whilst in the care of surgeons, than having baby stuck half in half out, wait for the emergency button, wait to be taken to theatre and crash done, or cut below.

A straightforward VB is likely to be easier to recover from than an ELCS (not that I'd know, I've never had either)

I have and the ELC was easier in many respects, my back wasnt damaged, aching pain, below was in tact...

I felt tired when tried to walk to far with ELC.

Headofthehive55 · 12/12/2015 12:08

talizorah not in my experience, but everyone's different!

No tearing no stitches, I've had worse periods! Didn't have pain relief for a couple, in fact on one occasion I just thought I needed the loo. No real recovery as such needed, just a shower and keen to try for another as soon as I got home on one occasion!

I can only compare with my "textbook" elective cs which I felt took a while to get over and rather put me off having children.

Headofthehive55 · 12/12/2015 12:09

That's me comparing my straightforward vb with straightforward cs. But as I say everyone's different

MrsAmaretto · 12/12/2015 14:49

Well it's a gamble whatever you do unfortunately :(

I've had 2 sections and my only reason for not having a 3rd child is that I would need to have section! Feel sick thinking about it.

First section was elective due to breach baby, very calm and pleasant experience. Lost a lot of blood (borderline for transfusion), blood pressure after surgery & for 2days after very low led to heart palpitations etc. Healed up well, took all meds but there is no way I could have done an emergency stop before 7weeks post op! Felt drained, sore & weak for weeks

2nd section an emergency due to failed vbac. Hospital prepared for my crazy blood pressure, so that was well looked after but still horrible. Scar got infected (due to common everyday on skin bacteria, nothing fancy, certain percentage of all sections & operations get it, it's just bad luck) under midwife & consultant care for 23 days, back in & out to outpatients, surgical review, was in 9 different drugs, spaced out my head on painkillers & fuck was I ill. Toddler decided to either wet himself or physically yank baby off boob every fucking feed in order to help the healing too! 2 1/2years later I still get pains along the lefthandside of my scar, though nowhere near as bad as the first 12months.

So yes, you may be like my neighbour and no problems in surgery, discharged after 2days, driving in a couple of weeks, or you might be like me, it's a total gamble.

Wish the bloody stork delivered babies :D

TaliZorah · 12/12/2015 14:57

Head I went into labour before my CS and had to have pethidine because I was rolling around screaming and had a panic attack, I never got past 1cm. He was back to back though which makes it worse. I'm amazed some people can do it without pain relief, but like you said were all different.

A friend had a "perfect" birth according to the midwives, in water no pain relief. She still needed stitches and said it was agonising.

I think people's ideas of a straightforward VB vary, because stitches are considered "normal" by a lot of people (and that terrified me)

VestalVirgin · 12/12/2015 15:39

I would opt either for a home birth (if everything looks like there is no trouble to be expected) or a CS.
If I subject myself to the sometimes misogynist medical professionals, I can just as well have a CS.

Have you ever had surgery before? With a CS, there is the possible issue that the anaesthetics don't work for you, so checking whether your body copes well with that sort of thing would be a good idea. (This would be my main concern about CS. I know someone whose anaesthetics kicked in only after they had started cutting her up.)

If the traumatic birth experience was due to some issue with your body, not the child's, then CS would be the obvious choice. (Though I am personally of the opinion that women with difficult births should limit the number of daughters they saddle with those genetics.)