...to not want in-laws to come and stay 14 days after my C section?

[pickleandflux]

We are due to have our first baby next week (ELCS for breech), and hubby's parents and his brother all want to come and stay with us for a week or two. The date that they are planning to arrive is 14 days after my ELCS. I am quite a private/introverted person, and even at the best of times I can feel quite overwhelmed at having them all to stay. They are lovely people, but my goodness they are loud (!). I know that they are just excited, and also that they want to help us with things around the house (which is lovely of them), but I'm worried about how I will feel so soon after getting home. My own parents live 10 minutes away, and they have space for the in-laws to stay - I had suggested this as an alternative, so that they can come and visit/spend plenty of time with us but also giving us space, but it went down like a lead balloon - MIL sounded really hurt. I realise that I sound very ungrateful, but I am honestly dreading the thought of it.

Thank you battle, yes I have been through it, & I had no alternative than to continue looking after & feeding my daughter & doing the school run. I didn't say it was easy, but I didn't take to my bed for 4 weeks either.
& Yes, I already said no overnight guests.

You're not being unreasonable, even if you weren't having a c section to expect to stay with new parents is completely unreasonable. When I visit new parents I always text beforehand to offer to bring shopping, ask if they need anything while I'm there then only stay an hour / an hour & a half tops. You will be exhausted and sore, not up for guests - don't know why they can't understand that.

My in-laws came to stay for a week when DS1 was 2.5 weeks old. We lived in New York and they flew over.

It was wonderful having them to stay (and we were living in a typically small US apartment). They helped out with cooking meals, cuddled DS while I napped or took a soak in the bath, DH and I even made it out for a really quick bite to eat in between feeds one evening. A lot depends whether your guests will be a help or a hindrance doesn't it!

If your in-laws live 6 hours away I can understand why they want the chance to feel involved - it might not be as bad as you are imagining.

To the person who had a 12cm CS scar and no vaginal bleeding - how did they get your baby out a 12 cm incision? And did you have a hysterectomy too ? Otherwise why did you have no bleeding ?

And how could you have no pain when you abdomen has been cut open ?

I am amazed that you were back to normal after a week ! I can only assume your normal life doesn't involve any housework or childcare as these involve lifting and twisting which you are not allowed to do after a CS.

I'm beginning to think I had a different procedure from some of the posters on this thread .

Kr1stina it wasn't me who said that but I had no pain after 2 days and was back to normal by day 6. Not sure how big my scar is, less than an iPhone if that helps.

I found my cesarean easy

I was up, too, went on a long train journey after 5 days dragging the buggy with me (MIL sick and dh had to go ahead). Caesarean sections can be very different for different people. OP won't know how she is until after though. I found all those visitors helpful, but mine did all the work, I did no entertaining or cooking for them, on the contrary, they did it for me.

Average c section incision is 6".... I Googled but that's a planned c section that's gone smoothly, obviously it can vary. But it is major surgery.

The op doesn't want guests overnight and has offered a perfectly reasonable alternative, it shouldn't matter what her her reasons are for not wanting guests.

Op it sounds like dh has made them listen, if they are offended that really is their look out. I hope everything goes smoothly for you.

5 inches, 12.5cm. I would have said way bigger without measuring.

I guess my baby had a big head !

Mine, too, like a Ludo figurine, tiny body, massive head. No idea how that fitted through there, I suppose it is stretchy.

It will vary depending on size of baby, if it's an emergency eyc. Sometimes they can end up using forceps with a c section so the scar can be much bigger.

I only know as having had five normal deliveries I may need c section fir baby six due to placenta previa. Really hoping it moves as I have a two mile school run and dh will get a week off but I need to be up and doing school run etc once he is back at work. That will be eight miles walking a day.. After my vaginally deliveries I was fine within day, I suspect a c section will be much harder.

Oh and my babies have huge heads, Ds4 was 41/42cm and off the top of the percentile charts for head circumference. He was very easy water birth though, 10lb 13oz.

X section incisions LOOK massive in the early days/weeks, but shrink as the tummy shrinks down. I was shocked at how long my incision was, but now my tummy is back to normal (if normal = floppy and v. badly stretchmarked!) it's very small.

I couldn't have handled my in laws around for 14 hours, let alone 14 days. And I totally agree that it's weird bordering on inappropriate that BIL wanted to come too. Does he not have a job to get to or anything? But I can see that having to fend for himself would just be impossible, so he has to tag along

Mine is 15cm I just measured

• C section, not X section!

I didn't say there was no pain, but it was bearable.
I was caring for my 4 year old from the first day home from hospital,
I repeat, everyone has a different story & different pain threshold. & yes my scar is 12cm

5madthings it's different for everyone but if it's any consolation I didn't find my cesarean hard at all, I've had more painful injections. So if you do have one it might not be that bad

I've has three caesarians, the first 2 years after having major surgery for Crohns and an ileostomy. Do I get the prize? :) The c sections were easy compared to having your bowels removed! I understand you may not want your in laws to stay this time, but if you do it all again you may feel differently with a toddler to look after as well.Good luck .

The fact many of us had such different experiences with childbirth is reason for the inlaws to step back and not insert themselves for a two week visit--the OP doesn't know yet how she'll feel.

I had a natural childbirth, not a c-section, and I still had excruciating pain that lasted for six weeks, as well as constipation the likes of which I had never experienced before x100. Pregnancy and childbirth can really do some strange things to your body. After my son was born, attempting to sit, taking a shower, using the bathroom, dressing, most things...six weeks of pain that regular painkillers didn't even touch. I feel for the ones having the c-section, a major operation. Everyone came for short visits, they had the sense to know not to camp out at my house for weeks. I also would have felt compelled to host, that is how I am, and it is hard for me to accept help unless it's someone I felt comfortable with, with my newborn baby.

Good luck OP. You don't need any added stress. Your inlaws should respect that.

Some people love visitors and would enjoy this visit even if they were a bit under the weather providing the in-laws are nice and really do help out. As a quiet introvert the OP clearly would not like it and I think the Dh should talk with his family, explaining that she is very happy to see them and let them meet the baby, but she is just a quiet type who needs her privacy. Maybe this will head them off from inflicting themselves on you for 2 weeks every year at Christmas and dcs birthday.

Oh just saw the update that Dh came through for her. Good Luck with the CS op I had an emergency CS and it went OK but I did take a long time to fully recover. I felt OK soon after but had to take things very easy.

I found my cesarean easy

My first one was, even though I had a monster-sized baby. Second one not so much ... I was still bleeding at 9 weeks post-birth.