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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Downstairs neighbour complaining about my breastpump, AIBU not to change rooms at night?

733 replies

Cealee · 08/12/2015 17:11

Just bought a new powerful pump as I'm exclusively expressing. We live in a flat that's split over 2 levels so our bedroom is on 1st floor, our lounge upstairs on 2nd floor. Our neighbour (on ground floor) caught me in hall to ask what the 'mechanical noise' is that wakes her up Blush I explained its my breastpump and that I need to express at 11pm, 3am and 7am to maintain supply. She said it makes ceiling vibrate and is very loud (even though it's not on the floor it's on a cushion on my bedside table!) She asked me to do it upstairs. I explained this isn't practical as my DH wears earplugs so I need to be able to hear baby if he wakes. She suggested I take baby upstairs with me!! Why should I have to move my sleeping baby upstairs (and risk waking him) every time I express milk? He's just started sleeping through and got used to his cot. And there's no way I'm going to move cot upstairs and sleep on sofa for the next 8months Angry

AIBU to think it's rude to tell someone not to express milk in their own bedroom? It's not like I'm playing loud music! I don't see why neighbour can't just get some earplugs!

OP posts:
chillycurtains · 08/12/2015 18:09

Yep, YABVU. Why is it ok to wake your neighbour at 11pm, 3am and 7am? A vibration is very likely to wake someone and keep them from fall asleep. You are pleased that your baby has started to sleep through the night but you are not bothered at all by waking someone else several times every night? Confused

Time to be less selfish.

Narp · 08/12/2015 18:09

Namechange

why are you going on about environmental health? It should never even come to that. It's simply a matter of common courtesy

Christinax · 08/12/2015 18:09

my downstairs neighbor makes this weird humming noises when he sleeps, i use to think he was having sex, i asked him before (not if he was having sex just what the noises were) and he told me we does this in his sleep.
I placed a thick shaggy rug under my bed and it really helped with the noise
so maybe you could put a rug or something under the bedside table just whilst its on?
also move the table away from the wall that is probably how the noise is being transmitted.

chillycurtains · 08/12/2015 18:10

If you need a monitor to hear the baby one floor up whilst pumping this breast pump is obviously really loud!

Chococroc · 08/12/2015 18:10

I had to pump due to latch issues and do understand the need to pump so regularly, at those times, and the stress around it. But the practicalities and difficulties are yours to own and work round, your neighbour didn't sign up to sleepless nights too. Yes, she should expect some noise as anyone living in close proximity to others should, but that doesn't mean she ha stop be up when you are when you have an option not to disturb her.

ilovehotsauce · 08/12/2015 18:13

Take the monitor upstairs and put the telly on.

Cellardoor1 · 08/12/2015 18:13

I just feel if she's disturbed by a breast-pump she should wear earplugs or sleep in another room, not expect a new mother to move her baby in order to express milk.

Are you serious? Why should she have to move rooms? So you had a baby and expect your neighbors to adapt as a result of that? Sorry but your feeding choices are not their problem and you have no right to inflict it on them. You are being extremely unreasonable.

Why do you have to move your baby? Being asleep in the room without you there for a short period of time isn't going to do any harm whatsoever.

Go upstairs to pump, use a baby monitor, job done. Stop being so selfish and inconsiderate.

Bedsheets4knickers · 08/12/2015 18:13

You need to be mindful its your baby it's not her problem. They are very noisy and 3am is no fun for anyone to be woken up . You should move rooms

elf0508 · 08/12/2015 18:14

I know breastfeeding is nothing like pumping but why pump so much? At 11 weeks I pumped once in the night Confused I've never known anybody to pump more than once in the night. Some of my friends didn't pump atall in the night Confused

Libitina · 08/12/2015 18:15

OP YABVU.

Bailey101 · 08/12/2015 18:15

If you don't start being a bit more considerate and not disturbing your neighbour, you might find she decides that a bit of retaliation's in order - nothing's going to ruin your DH's sleep quite like a night of blaring Drum and Bass coming up through your floor. Have a think about whether it's a battle worth getting into.

Enjolrass · 08/12/2015 18:15

DH won't get up in night if baby cries, he sleeps through everything

Then he doesn't need ear plugs.

Or wake him up and make him be awake while you are out of the room if it's really that much of an issue.

Fwiw my dd never did night feeds as mum was a helicopter parent. She would sit up and watch him feed us. Then he would knackered for work. She preferred it when she did it.

He wanted to but she wouldn't allow him without her watching. She now understands that she ruined those early days for dad as she prevented him being a parent to some extent.

Either your dh is being lazy and needs to step up, or you are preventing him parenting because you won't leave the baby alone with him.

Neither is good.

molyholy · 08/12/2015 18:16

she should wear earplugs or sleep in another room, not expect a new mother to move her baby

Can you not hear how unreasonable you're being. Read this back to yourself:

  1. Neighbour doesn't know if was a breast pump
  2. She is not 'expecting' you to move your sleeping baby
  3. You won't wake your husband up but obviously couldn't give a shit about waking your neighbour
  4. Get a bloody monitor and express upstairs if you are only going to be out of the room for a short period of time.

you are being very unreasonable and do not seem to want to take any practical advice on board.

bedraggledmumoftwo · 08/12/2015 18:16

I ended up exclusively pumping for a bit so understand how hard it is and had PND and anxiety so understand how irrational it can make you at this stage. However, it IS irrational. And unreasonable. No one thinks you should take your baby upstairs. Just that you should go up there and take a monitor. Your dh is still downstairs so the breathing issue is covered. Although I also sleep with earpluvs and still wake up when babies cry. Must be a maternal thing!

ProudAS · 08/12/2015 18:18

You sound like the neighbour from hell OP.

Why should your neighbour have to sleep in another room just so that you don't have to have the baby monitor with you.

Goodness only knows what effect being woken up night after night could be having on your neighbour's health. If she's anything like me it will, at best, cause debilitating depression.

You chose to have the baby (I know these things aren't always planned but you had more choice in the matter than she did) and you also chose to express with a noisy pump. Make a choice that allows your neighbour to sleep.

SuperFlyHigh · 08/12/2015 18:18

Yes YABVVU OP.

It's really interesting to read some of the replies here including OPs charming one about not moving baby from his room when he cried.... Very PFB that!

I live in a flat which is a sort of maisonette split level in a larger house, so combines an upstairs and downstairs part with a garden and stairs linking it.

Next door is a large Victorian terraced house with family with DS and DD, approx 22 months and 4.5 years respectively.

NDN have a baby who's going to be 2 in February. When he was a baby I was woken several times a night for up to 5 months by him crying, earplugs did no good, even his dad said he was a very loud cryer. I'm lucky that I have a spare bedroom and a box room/study and I moved to the box room as furthest away from the crying.... Neighbours noticed or I asked about baby in a tactful way. turned out they were doing controlled crying but their 3 year old DD had never cried like their DS had done. I notice now that they go to their baby far more when he cries (I hear him cry, then stop and footsteps etc) but they never offered to swap rooms (they have a much larger house than mine is).

They also discovered he was lactose intolerant when he was about a year old so maybe a reason for the crying and he is also a sickly baby by speaking to them.

To be honest I was more concerned about him when he cried and mentioned to a friend I'd be a terrible mother as I'd go to him straight away!

They're lovely NDN, not very PFB at all (though they have 2!) I just think they didn't realise (i never really said anything) just how loud or disturbing a baby's cry can be! Especially when it's 3 x a night and at an ear piercing noise level!

bedraggledmumoftwo · 08/12/2015 18:19

Also. Is there only one room on each floor? You can't just move rooms so you aren't directly over your neighbour? If that's the case presumably when baby has its own room it will be on a different floor to you?!

Sallyingforth · 08/12/2015 18:19

Sorry, but this just has to be a reverse.
I cannot believe that anyone could be so bloody selfish.

MerryMarigold · 08/12/2015 18:21

I love MN. OP, YABU. I don't know if you gathered that!

You don't need to be in the same room as your baby all night. 15 mins of pumping upstairs will not really, really NOT hurt your baby. You sound REALLY over anxious, and I do understand that babies are precious, but I think maybe you need some help. Being that over protective could be PND.

SuperFlyHigh · 08/12/2015 18:22

Also if anything OP I think your NDN is being very reasonable towards you yet you see her remarks as sarky re the crying...

If you're like this re the breast pump then God knows what you were like with the crying. I read up on this and simple noise insulation (especially in a flat) like putting cushions round the room, carpeting it etc will help absorb the noise. Then you would have a neighbour less likely to "make sarky comments".

Chippednailvarnish · 08/12/2015 18:23

This thread really reminds me of the supersoaker one.

I'd be very careful if I were you OP. Keep being completely selfish and you might find your neighbour starts making loud noises everytime you wake her up... Karma and all that.

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 08/12/2015 18:23

Wow! YABVVVU and extremely entitled. I cannot believe you posted this, obviously assuming you would receive a chorus of "YANBU".

You are disturbing your neighbour's sleep. Whether it is an hour or 15 minutes is irrelevant.

Plug the monitor in and go upstairs to pump.

VestalVirgin · 08/12/2015 18:24

I don't get why husband's sleep is so important that he gets to wear earplugs, but neighbour's sleep is not as important, so husband cannot take out earplugs to hear the baby cry while OP is upstairs.

See, if you had only this one room, and were a single parent, I would say the neighbour should put up with it for the time being, but there are several options open to you, and prioritising your husband before the neighbour when it comes to being waken up because of your and your husband's baby, is just not fair.

EatDessertFirst · 08/12/2015 18:24

Think the OP may have flounced.......

silverduck · 08/12/2015 18:26

I've been there with the pumping and I get the night thing but....it never crossed my mind to do it in bed, I went downstairs so I didn't disturb the others in my house. It's not like you can spend the whole time doing it cosied in bed in the dark is it? Half the time it took I was washing up the pump, re-sterilising, assembling, labelling. Do you take your baby with you to do all of that? It is no hardship at all to sit in the lounge instead of the bed.

I get you are in selfish mode so if you can't think of your neighbour think of yourself - they may start retaliating.

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