Downstairs neighbour complaining about my breastpump, AIBU not to change rooms at night?

[Cealee]

Just bought a new powerful pump as I'm exclusively expressing. We live in a flat that's split over 2 levels so our bedroom is on 1st floor, our lounge upstairs on 2nd floor. Our neighbour (on ground floor) caught me in hall to ask what the 'mechanical noise' is that wakes her up I explained its my breastpump and that I need to express at 11pm, 3am and 7am to maintain supply. She said it makes ceiling vibrate and is very loud (even though it's not on the floor it's on a cushion on my bedside table!) She asked me to do it upstairs. I explained this isn't practical as my DH wears earplugs so I need to be able to hear baby if he wakes. She suggested I take baby upstairs with me!! Why should I have to move my sleeping baby upstairs (and risk waking him) every time I express milk? He's just started sleeping through and got used to his cot. And there's no way I'm going to move cot upstairs and sleep on sofa for the next 8months

AIBU to think it's rude to tell someone not to express milk in their own bedroom? It's not like I'm playing loud music! I don't see why neighbour can't just get some earplugs!

Can't believe some of the attitudes on here to neighbours - especially those who are particularly sensitive to noise and/or need their sleep (more than most).

Some people cannot wear ear plugs.
Some people cannot afford to move.
Some people are, through no fault of their own, particularly affected by noise especially at night.
Everybody needs their sleep but being disturbed affects some more than others.
The world does not revolve around you and your baby.
Caring for a colicky infant can't be easy but you chose to have the child, your neighbour didn't.
Living next door to a baby in a flat with thin walls is bad enough without being woken at 3am by a machine.
It's not an easy situation when a baby and noise sensitive individual find themselves in adjoining flats but surely it's in everyone's interests to work together as much as possible.

I don't know but if a friend or colleague asked you this question there's no way you'd say "well you and your husband are selfish twats".

I would if she flew in the face of the opinions of almost everyone she asked. There comes a time for calling a spade a spade.

kings me too. I don't think anyone called the OP a twat until she refused to move the pump

That being said I fully blame her DH for this

There's no date and time when it's ok to call someone a selfish twat.

So why make a point of using 'new mum'?

I treat people how I would like them to treat me, hence I am still good friends with the lady who lived in the flat above me whilst I struggled with a colicky refluxy baby.

I could have been a twat and just expected her to use ear plugs, but I wouldn't want to do that in my own home just to avoid other peoples noise, so why should she?

Your DH is a massive part of the problem here. Tell him he can have an opinion on baby feeding when he has grown a pair of lactating breasts. In the mean time I agree with whoever said he's probably against ff because that means he would actually have to get up in the night.

I think it's a ridiculous situation and I was taken aback when she said the husband is wearing earplugs so he can sleep but the neighbour is being kept awake. Also that he's against formula, well when he grows a pair of boobs and has a baby chomping on them he can have an opinion.

The op is probably knackered, still recovering from pregnancy and birth, her husband is unhelpful, she is trying to do a good thing by expressing milk for the baby.

I think she should go upstairs to express and that the baby will be fine.

When I say a new mum I mean there's no day when the baby turns 6 months I just think there are times in people's lives that you try to be a bit more sensitive.

You can say you're wrong without name calling.

So it's not okay for you H to drive without sleep, but it is okay for both you and your neighbour to operate without sleep?

you've done the first 3 months, now tell you H it's his turn to wake up at night - he can give F to baby and you and neighbour can sleep.
When you listen to him objecting - which he surely will - then you might see what a complete arse he is.
Stop letting him think that he is more important and knows everything.

Ffs op, why did she choose to live there???? Really?
Maybe she had no choice!
Not everybody can just move somewhere else

You do realise sounds are louder at night don't you?
So thankful you don't live near me.
I'm another that lack of sleep ( my long 4 hours that i have) really affect my health.
I'd be turning my hairdryer on and making other everyday noises in the early hours.
Again, i cannot wear ear plugs.

She has recognised that she was being unreasonable and has now tried to sort the situation, so can people stop calling her a twat

But she hasn't! What she has done is still not working because the neighbour is still being woken. There are so many solutions which would resolve the situation, including the baby's father stepping up and doing his job, but OP is rejecting all of them. Wilfully waking someone up when you can avoid it is sort of the action of a twat, isn't it?

Wow. i thought after hundreds of almost unanimous replies of yes YABU that the OP would realise how selfish she was being. Why even start a thread when you are determined not to listen to anyone?
Your DH is so against FF because it means he gets to do fuck all with the baby and he can go on having uninterrupted sleep. Another selfish twat. At least you two are well matched!

To be fair, Cealee hasn't said if her neighbour was woken last night, has she? She has said that she has listened to the noise the pump makes, in her neighbour's flat - but that can't have been at 3am.

She has taken steps to make it quieter, so, as I said earlier, I think it needs a night or two, to see if the quieter noise still wakes the neighbour. Hopefully, now she knows the noise will be much quieter, she will relax, and will not go to sleep expecting to be woken by the pump - and may sleep through it.

I think if you are subconsciously expecting/dreading a noise, you are liable to sleep more lightly and to be subconsciously alert for it - so it's going to wake you up, but if you can relax about it, and convince yourself that, as it's quieter, it won't wake you, you have a better chance of sleeping through it - if that makes any sense at all.

Why did she choose to live there

Well as you moved when you were pg and the baby is 11 weeks, presumably she was there first?

I'm really confused about why you are expressing if your baby is sleeping through the night?

She is exclusively expressing, and has been told she needs to express every 4 hours, to keep her supply going.

I'm really confused about why you are expressing if your baby is sleeping through the night?

Read the thread. This has been answered umpteen times already.

OP, if you are ready to mix feed, then do so,

And no, most people's set up is NOT to do all the night wakings on maternity leave - you are also working with baby during the day and the expressing is hard physically too.

When do you get any sleep if baby screams 5-11 and you are expressing 11,3 and 7 (and stopping to store milk, wash pump etc)? Do you get to rest with earplugs 8-11 whilst DH has baby?

I started off thinking the OP was BU. (Seemed like her comfort and her dh's sleep mattered far more than the neighbour's comfort and sleep just because she has a baby - and babies trump any other human being in the ultimate Top Trumps game of Who Matters Most.)

Now i think the OP is NBU. She has done everything she reasonably can to reduce the sound of the pump to the extent of going to the neighbour's bedroom to check the sound, and has explained patiently to us ad nauseam why she needs to pump at 3am in that room.

The neighbour OTOH is BU. She is still complaining about the sound including added complaints about the baby crying despite the OP telling her about the measures she's taken to reduce the sound and knowing she has managed to greatly reduce it.

Now if the poor OP could switch off the noise of her colicky baby crying as easily as she can put cork mats under the pump I'm sure she would do so. But babies cry - especially ones with colic, oh god do they cry. So elderly neighbour now seems to think she should win the Top Trumps game.

Answers: Nobody Matters Most. Babies cry. Everyone has to compromise a bit. And put cork mats under the baby.

Loo“So, your baby is disturbing your neighbour from 5pm to 11pm, sometimes 1am. Then you wake her at 3am and 7am. I'm surprised she hasn't been round with a large knife.” too bloody right! I'd be fuming if I were the neighbour!

“You want her 11 week old baby have to go out in the freezing cold after sun down in the middle of December? Are you insane?” Fresh air and the vibration of a car can really help colic. I had my daughter in December in Germany. A wrapped up baby with blankets over in a pram would be fine it doesn't even get very cold in UK. Would love views of mum's raising their kids in Scandinavia on this!

“Neighbour can always go for a walk/drive if she doesn't like the sound of him crying!” omfg! Your baby is not king of the bloody world! Why on earth are you so determined to absolutely REFUSE to see reason?!?!

So does your dh (need to get a clue)! Lots of father's have long commutes and stressful jobs (as do mothers and neighbours without kids) tough! This is part of being a father (disturbed nights sleep, helping with baby).

“Many husbands (including mine) have "long commutes to stressful jobs." They still manage to get up in the night to help with their babies.”

NO it is not normal for father not go help at night especially during the early days. I know some prize pricks as father's Inc sbxh and he still did the night nappies/crying &soothing as I was doing the feeding!

On your own statements, your neighbour is dealing with at least sometimes nights where your child is keeping her awake till 1am, then she needs 15-30 mins to get to sleep, then you wake her at 3am to pump for 15 mins, assuming with the irritation it takes her another 30 mins to get back to sleep, then you're waking her again at 7am at which point it's futile her trying to get back to sleep that's only FOUR AND A HALF HOURS SLEEP SHE’S GETTING!! Sleep deprivation has a massive effect on peoples mental and physical health and she can't bloody nap in the day!! NOW can you see the problem???

OP. Your attitude is disappointing and I now sympathise with all of your neighbours. I hope they do not turn out to be as selfish as you and your DH are. I would urge you to be a decent neighbour. Your neighbours may decide to be as selfish as you - think of the future living there. Nip this in the bud before there is no turning back. Do not make this a battle. Enjoy your time with your lovely baby knowing you have done the right thing.

I've been reading this open mouthed at how bloody selfish some people can be! I don't understand why your DH's need for sleep is so much more important than your poor neighbour - he needs to grow up and realise the world doesn't revolve around him and what he wants.

Oh my giddy aunt... OP's DH is the problem here.

I do think people should make allowances when there is a new baby involved.

Try starting with your lazy fuck of a husband.