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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Downstairs neighbour complaining about my breastpump, AIBU not to change rooms at night?

733 replies

Cealee · 08/12/2015 17:11

Just bought a new powerful pump as I'm exclusively expressing. We live in a flat that's split over 2 levels so our bedroom is on 1st floor, our lounge upstairs on 2nd floor. Our neighbour (on ground floor) caught me in hall to ask what the 'mechanical noise' is that wakes her up Blush I explained its my breastpump and that I need to express at 11pm, 3am and 7am to maintain supply. She said it makes ceiling vibrate and is very loud (even though it's not on the floor it's on a cushion on my bedside table!) She asked me to do it upstairs. I explained this isn't practical as my DH wears earplugs so I need to be able to hear baby if he wakes. She suggested I take baby upstairs with me!! Why should I have to move my sleeping baby upstairs (and risk waking him) every time I express milk? He's just started sleeping through and got used to his cot. And there's no way I'm going to move cot upstairs and sleep on sofa for the next 8months Angry

AIBU to think it's rude to tell someone not to express milk in their own bedroom? It's not like I'm playing loud music! I don't see why neighbour can't just get some earplugs!

OP posts:
Blacktealeaves · 09/12/2015 22:41

I agree with those who think the dh needs to sort himself out!

Tbh I think the neighbour is being u about the crying , especially that which goes on before 11pm.

I think they could try earplug, although pps are right that it is op's problem to sort out not hers. I wear earplugs due to dh snoring and I love them now. Wear them even if alone!

I was really suggesting cutting out the 3 am pumping for op's own sanity rather than for ndn. But if you don't want to do this I think you will have to go upstairs op.

lorelei9 · 09/12/2015 22:45

I have to be careful with earplugs as I get infections but I've worn them often enough to notice they make very little difference.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 09/12/2015 22:47

Sounds like the neighbour has got so distressed by the sound that 'barely audible' (to OP) still sets her nerves jangling. She's now going to bed wpecdry night expecting to be woken two or three times by something her neighbour chooses to do.

Don't be a dick, OP. Go upstairs for the 3am pump session.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 09/12/2015 22:48

Sorry, that should read 'every night'

ProudAS · 09/12/2015 23:15

Why would you not change a set up for a sensitive neighbour? The neighbour did not choose to be sensitive to noise and the only change being requested in this case is to pump in another room.

As for what someone sensitive to noise (if that's what the neighbour is which she probably isn't) is doing living in a flat perhaps she can't afford to live in a detached property. We could just as easily ask what someone with a baby (which doesnt seem to be the issue here) is doing in a flat.

A friend of mine has Aspergers and like most people with the condition experiences sensory issues as well as the struggles associated with the condition at great best of times. He has to wear ear defenders in his flat because upstairs neighbours tend to clomp around and he goes into meltdown (he's had words but they think he's just being precious about the situation). Luckily he is able to tolerate ear defenders, some people on the autistic spectrum cannot tolerate either them or ear plugs due to sensory problems. As for him choosing to live in a flat - I don't hold out much hope of the housing association moving him to a detached property (although I don't know how HAs work).

CassieBearRawr · 09/12/2015 23:35

This thread is amazing. I wonder if the lack of sleep on part of the OP herself is contributing to the twattishness, there's lots of perspective being lost here.

fwiw my neighbours are also absolute bellends when it comes to noise. I've been known before today to leave my alarm turned on when I go away for the weekend...set to 5am...and placed next to the joining wall.

I had a lovely nights sleep away from them though Grin

Candlelight30 · 09/12/2015 23:56

Switch to formula and buy yourself a Perfect Prep.

Not because of your neighbour, but because your life will become about ten zillion times more pleasant Wink

TeenageWildlife · 10/12/2015 00:53

So your baby cries until 1 and then you wake neighbour at 3?
And barely audible in daytime is louder at night.
Just do the right thing

blytheandsebastian · 10/12/2015 01:06

Cassie That's just spiteful Hmm

TheNewStatesman · 10/12/2015 01:55

Regarding the fact that the OP is pumping overnight although her baby is sleeping through: I don't know the details of the OP's situation, but I do know that it is often harder to maintain a full supply through pumping alone. The OP may feel that she needs to continue pumping overnight just to ensure that her supply does not dry up, even though the baby is sleeping through.

An alternative to using an alarm is to drink a couple of BIG glasses of water right before you go to sleep--that way, your bladder will wake you up, especially if your body has got into a rhythm of waking up at night by now away.

ComposHatComesBack · 10/12/2015 03:00

Go upstairs for the 3am pump session.

I know it is juvenile, but only having skim read this page, that page leapt out and made me snigger.

Senpai · 10/12/2015 04:22

You don't buy a flat and expect total silence like you would a house. You live next to people, you're going to hear people. If you can't afford a house, fine. That's just the reality of the situation. You don't go out of your way to make noise at night, but you can't expect not to hear your neighbors either.

That said I would take steps to make it quieter, but some things can't be helped. If you're muffling the noise best you can, that's all you can do. I have noise sensitivity/sensory issues too. I wore earplugs when I lived in a flat. I didn't expect everyone to cater to me (and move their babies! Shock) beyond what was reasonable.

She is responsible for her own health and comfort not you. Doesn't mean blast the sub-wolfers at 3am, but don't fret about a breast pump and crying baby either.

Your baby is a new tenet and has just as much right to live there as she does. Ask to move it is just absurd. You've met her halfway on this, now she needs to meet you half way and get ear plugs. They're not that expensive.

SkodaLabia · 10/12/2015 07:17

So, your baby is disturbing your neighbour from 5pm to 11pm, sometimes 1am. Then you wake her at 3am and 7am. I'm surprised she hasn't been round with a large knife.

The least you can do is take the baby out of the flat for some of the evening - go for a walk or out in the car - and stop the 3am nonsense.

If I were you I'd be moving rooms so that you are next to the other neighbours' children.

Yes, she lives in a flat. You, however, are choosing to stop her sleeping.

LovelyFriend · 10/12/2015 07:30

So this neighbour must hear everything from the OPs flat. She's heard every shag the op has had. She must hear everything from the flats around her. Good grief.

Neighbour needs to sort some earplugs pronto and stop trying to control the basic life choices of her neighbours.

Senpai · 10/12/2015 07:43

If I were you I'd be moving rooms so that you are next to the other neighbours' children.

Wait. Why is it ok to disturb their sleep, but not the neighbor? If you truly think the pump is so noisy, what gives this neighbor priority over children who need to go to school?

You want her 11 week old baby have to go out in the freezing cold after sun down in the middle of December? Are you insane? Hmm

That baby has ever right to be there, he's not a second class citizen. I would absolutely refuse to be apologetic in action or word about a baby communicating the only way it knew how. I'll tend to my baby as quickly as possible, but I'm not going to take her out of the room where she'll settle quickest and sleep best simply because the princess next door is upset about it.

I'm all for making compromises, but I'd never in a million years bend over backwards to accommodate someone that needed to take a little personal responsibility in tending to her own needs. Aka: buying earplugs and coming to terms with living in a flat. At this point the OP has muffled the sound, and has done what she can. That's all she's reasonably expected to do.

If it's truly unbearable call the LL to install better insulation in the walls. The pump and baby are not the problem here, provided OP now puts the pump on the pillows to muffle the sound.

There just comes a point where you've done what is reasonable and now it's on the neighbor to come up with better coping skills.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 10/12/2015 08:46

You want her 11 week old baby have to go out in the freezing cold after sun down in the middle of December? Are you insane?

Eh?

Did someone suggest the baby has to sleep in the garden?!

Morecheesegrommet · 10/12/2015 08:46

YABVU
Imagine your neighbour works shifts. Comes home at 2, slams the door, puts the TV on, cooks a meal and does housework.
Would you think that's reasonable? Or would you expect them to understand the rest of the world is sleeping and that they should be more considerate?
You are making the neighbour's life a misery. You have a solution, but you won't do it because it is not convenient for blah blah reasons.
I only hope for your sake that she doesn't start retaliating and waking your baby with loud music. Because you would not have a leg to stand on if you went to complain to her.

Marilynsbigsister · 10/12/2015 08:51

OP, over 500 replies and yet not once have you explained why you can't pump upstairs with a monitor in case baby wakes. ? Neighbour gets to sleep. DH's precious sleep remains undisturbed. Baby does not need to be woken. Adult remains in the room to regulate breathing (although this is mostly nonsense as you are only absent for 15 mins) Problem solved. (Or do you just want to make neighbours life difficult)

nowirehangers · 10/12/2015 08:56

OP, you're being selfish beyond belief. New babies can do weird things to your sense of perspective. Get over it and stop pumping pump upstairs

Redglitter · 10/12/2015 09:51

Where did the idea the baby has to go outside come from Confused

CassieBearRawr · 10/12/2015 09:52

@blythe I don't care. I hope they enjoyed their broken sleep as much as I enjoy mine several times a week.

TendonQueen · 10/12/2015 10:12

There was a suggestion of taking the baby out for a walk in the evening, which has somehow turned into deliberately freezing baby to death at 3am. HTH

Original poster
Cealee · 10/12/2015 10:27

OP, over 500 replies and yet not once have you explained why you can't pump upstairs with a monitor

I explained upthread but will recap... being close to baby helps trigger my milk-letdown, also baby regulates breathing from mother's presence in room, and if he stirs or wakes I can attend to him before he cries (he usually sleeps through but sometimes wakes for feed, dummy or nappy-change). DH will not take out his earplugs as he has a long commute to work, needs to be up early. I'd rather he wasn't tired for work or driving. Also my pump is hands-free so I can comfort baby, retrieve dummy etc whilst expressing. If I was upstairs and baby started crying it would be full-blown screaming by the time I'd detached from pump and got downstairs (which would no doubt annoy neighbour more than pump). So it makes sense on many levels to pump in same room.

I feel I've taken reasonable steps to make pump almost silent for neighbour. Yes she can still hear it very faintly and if this very faint noise bothers her she needs to deal with her noise sensitivity (eg wear earplugs). You can't expect complete silence all night in a flat. What if the sound of me walking softly across floor at night bothered her, should I avoid getting out of bed in the night??

As for shift workers, I don't think you can expect them not to eat or move around a flat in the night! I once lived underneath lady who worked nights, she used to be nocturnal when off, I'd hear TV faintly, footsteps, cupboards opening, water running etc. That's part of living in a flat, you minimise noise but also learn to live alongside other people and their patterns.

Confused at poster who thinks I should take my tiny baby out of flat for a few hours each eve. Can just see myself walking round the freezing park at 10pm with crying colicky baby in pram. No, he has every right to stay in his warm home and be comforted. Neighbour can always go for a walk/drive if she doesn't like the sound of him crying!

OP posts:
nowirehangers · 10/12/2015 10:38

Why did you post on AIBU? YABVVVVVU, but you simply won't admit it. Your poor neighbour, as others say she has every right to make your life a misery in future.

Twindroops · 10/12/2015 10:42

we lived in a terraced house I often took my first born out at night, walking round tescos at 2am would avoid hours of screaming on many an occasion. Change of scene, some fresh air can be wonderful for a fretful baby and his mother no one suggested sleeping in the garden FFS