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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Downstairs neighbour complaining about my breastpump, AIBU not to change rooms at night?

733 replies

Cealee · 08/12/2015 17:11

Just bought a new powerful pump as I'm exclusively expressing. We live in a flat that's split over 2 levels so our bedroom is on 1st floor, our lounge upstairs on 2nd floor. Our neighbour (on ground floor) caught me in hall to ask what the 'mechanical noise' is that wakes her up Blush I explained its my breastpump and that I need to express at 11pm, 3am and 7am to maintain supply. She said it makes ceiling vibrate and is very loud (even though it's not on the floor it's on a cushion on my bedside table!) She asked me to do it upstairs. I explained this isn't practical as my DH wears earplugs so I need to be able to hear baby if he wakes. She suggested I take baby upstairs with me!! Why should I have to move my sleeping baby upstairs (and risk waking him) every time I express milk? He's just started sleeping through and got used to his cot. And there's no way I'm going to move cot upstairs and sleep on sofa for the next 8months Angry

AIBU to think it's rude to tell someone not to express milk in their own bedroom? It's not like I'm playing loud music! I don't see why neighbour can't just get some earplugs!

OP posts:
Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 09/12/2015 18:58

Well, apart from the fact that it is.....

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/12/2015 18:58

Sharon - what may be an 'everyday noise during the day, may well be an antisocial noise at night - when there is less general, background noise, so any sound sounds louder, and when most people are trying to sleep.

For example - it is not generally antisocial to hoover or play music or let your children run round (or to indulge in many other noisy activities) during the day, but they become antisocial at night - because of the sound carrying further and sounding louder when it is generally much quieter, and because people are trying to sleep.

And no-one can say that the OP's breast pump is not noisy, and cannot be waking the neighbour up - because they are not there! Maybe the OP's pump is running louder than the norm, maybe it's the vibrations and they way they are being transmitted through the floor or walls that's to blame, maybe the sound insulation between the flats is particularly poor, or maybe the neighbour is a very light sleeper - or maybe it's a combination of all the above.

Think on this - if the pump is not waking the neighbour up at 3am each night, what is? The OP says it can't be her alarm, and if she was thundering noisily round the flat each time she gets up to pump, surely the neighbour would have complained about being woken by her loud footsteps at 3am, not the sound of the pump?

The neighbour clearly is being woken at 3am each night. If she was sleeping through it, she wouldn't be aware of what the OP was doing each night, and would therefore not know there was anything to complain about.

Waking your neighbour in the middle of the night, every night is anti-social - as the OP seems to have accepted - and I hope the steps she's going to take will sort the problem out.

Redglitter · 09/12/2015 18:59

Glad your not my neighbour Sharon The neighbour is;possibly an arse hole? Really?

DAY to DAY noises are acceptable but this noise is in the middle of the bloody night.

I'd also say it's inappropriate to put a washing machine on when you get in from a night shift. As someone who works night shift I wouldn't dream of putting my machine on when I get in.

I can't believe people are still saying the noise can't be heard. Clearly it can when the neighbour has commented on it.

Sharoncatastrophe · 09/12/2015 19:02

Actually you'd be really chuffed if I were your neighbour. The jumbo jet roof caving pump would sound like a mere tinkle compared to the all night parties, shouting and DIY noises that actually do count as anti social behaviour

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 09/12/2015 19:05

I'm so glad I'm not your neighbour Sharon

Please read Redglitter's and STD's posts explaining the difference between day time noise and night time noise.

TaliZorah · 09/12/2015 19:05

Sharon but the OP said her neighbour complained about a mechanical noise. She didn't know it was a breast pump. So she obviously heard it.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/12/2015 19:05

Sharon - how is it NOT antisocial to wake your neighbour every night at 3am? Xmas Confused

Redglitter · 09/12/2015 19:06

I'll pass thanks Hmm Believe me I'm more than aware of what constitutes as anti social behaviour.

I'm amazed this thread has got to page 21 without anyone suggesting the neighbour calls 101 Shock

Stratter5 · 09/12/2015 19:13

OP has said the pump is on her bedside table (cabinet? Has drawers) those drawers are going to be acting as amplifiers.

Poor fucking neighbour. You don't need to speak to her at all, unless you're going to apologise. What you DO need to do is:

Get a monitor
Move the pump upstairs
Get over yourself

Love someone else who exclusively pumped and did it in a cold back bedroom for months BECAUSE I WAS THOUGHTFUL TOWARDS EVERYONE ELSE

DownstairsMixUp · 09/12/2015 19:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Stratter5 · 09/12/2015 19:22

Coo Downstairs, I saw your name next to the thread and thought the neighbour had found it.

Dipankrispaneven · 09/12/2015 19:44

OP, are you sure your test was representative of what your neighbour is hearing? A pump being used on the breast won't necessarily sound the same as one that is switched on but not actually being used to pump milk.

Have your neighbours on either side complained about the noise from the baby?

maybebabybee · 09/12/2015 19:50

OP I can't believe you still haven't answered why your DH can't be left with baby while you pump in another room Xmas Grin

maybebabybee · 09/12/2015 19:51

Oh and Sharon, my upstairs neighbours like to put on their washing machine at 3am. I assure you it is very fucking noisy. And yes, I do have earplugs.

littlemermaid80 · 09/12/2015 20:10

Anyone who wants to operate a washing machine at 3am is being inconsiderate, regardless of whether they're a night worker or not!
My neighbour is a night worker and she'd never dream of being so thoughtless.

Havalina1 · 09/12/2015 20:59

Oh dear. I am obviously the solitary being on this but....

I think you are not being unreasonable at all OP! I wouldn't go changing my room set up because of a sensitive neighbour. I'd try my best to minimise the vibrations ( on the duvet maybe, I don't know, I'd trial and error with it) but I wouldn't go exhausting myself even further by getting up three times a night to another floor in the house.

It's not ok for neighbour to ask for baby to be moved either when crying! It seems the neighbour is really fixating on the noises. Surely the neighbour could try a few things to help herself? Like earplugs??

NoSquirrels · 09/12/2015 21:08

I'm getting flashbacks to moving from a top-floor flat (lovely, no noises to bother us) to a first floor flat underneath a neighbour with stripped floorboards and a habit of returning from nightclubs in the early hours wearing high heels and with gentlemen friends...

Sounds and vibrations travel. Regardless of whether your neighbour is a mardy old cow with super-sensitive x-ray hearing, you have a moral obligation to do what you can to avoid disturbing her. So do it, as there are no good reasons not to.

Funinthesun15 · 09/12/2015 21:20

I think you are not being unreasonable at all OP! I wouldn't go changing my room set up because of a sensitive neighbour.

With the attitude of the OP if I was the neighbour I wouldn't be going out of my way to be quiet for the OP eitherather even if it wakes the baby.

Music on TV louder......

chocomochi · 09/12/2015 21:29

Another thing, why did OP post in AIBU if she doesn't thing she is BU in the slightest?!

lorelei9 · 09/12/2015 22:18

OP, I can't help noticing your comment "the neighbour chooses to live in a block that allows children". Doesn't everywhere? (yes I know that's distracting from the thread). It's not like people have a choice to live in a no child zone? (Unless an elderly people's home).

It does sound like your neighbour is on her last nerve, I feel for her, but also wonder about quieter pumps. I can't help noticing you are much more considerate of the other neighbors children, you say you wouldn't want the baby crying to wake them. I'd guess those children are more likely to sleep through it, you could ask those neighbours and if they say their kids sleep like logs, you could walk the baby on that floor and give the other neighbour some respite.

What kind of flooring do you have? Would a couple of rugs help? I live in a flat, hVe done for years and the physics of noise travel still baffle me sometimes, but generally stuff that absorbs noise helps.

schrodcat · 09/12/2015 22:27

There are no good reasons for OP not to help her neighbour out... but equally there are no good reasons for the neighbour not to help herself! What do people think shift workers do - expect the world to reconfigure itself around them? Nope, they get their earplugs out. I assume this neighbour is already doing this. I'm quite surprised that the overwhelming view here is that a full night's sleep is some sort of sacrosanct right - perhaps I have been too accepting of shitty work patterns and poorly-built accommodation in my life. I'm also a bit bemused at the attempts to call OP out on prioritising her husband's sleep... You lot must have some pretty funny marriages if you put your neighbours before your DH / DPs!

Hangingbasket14 · 09/12/2015 22:30

Schrodcat - my marriage is not funny I just expect my DC's father to be woken by his children rather than my neighbour!

DisappointedOne · 09/12/2015 22:31

My mum has always had super-acute hearing. It's getting worse with age. She wears earplugs to bed wherever she is - even if she's in the house on her own! Surely the neighbour should take some responsibility if they really can't tolerate any noise. There are things the OP can do, but the neighbour should be as well!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/12/2015 22:37

Havalina - on what planet is it OK to wake a neighbour up at 3am every night?

MidniteScribbler · 09/12/2015 22:40

I think the OP better brace herself for the inevitable payback from the neighbour. If my neighbour wouldn't take reasonable steps to stop waking me at 3am, then I'd suddenly find the need to dry my hair, play loud music and tap dance on the ceiling with a broom to help myself get back to sleep.

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