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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Downstairs neighbour complaining about my breastpump, AIBU not to change rooms at night?

733 replies

Cealee · 08/12/2015 17:11

Just bought a new powerful pump as I'm exclusively expressing. We live in a flat that's split over 2 levels so our bedroom is on 1st floor, our lounge upstairs on 2nd floor. Our neighbour (on ground floor) caught me in hall to ask what the 'mechanical noise' is that wakes her up Blush I explained its my breastpump and that I need to express at 11pm, 3am and 7am to maintain supply. She said it makes ceiling vibrate and is very loud (even though it's not on the floor it's on a cushion on my bedside table!) She asked me to do it upstairs. I explained this isn't practical as my DH wears earplugs so I need to be able to hear baby if he wakes. She suggested I take baby upstairs with me!! Why should I have to move my sleeping baby upstairs (and risk waking him) every time I express milk? He's just started sleeping through and got used to his cot. And there's no way I'm going to move cot upstairs and sleep on sofa for the next 8months Angry

AIBU to think it's rude to tell someone not to express milk in their own bedroom? It's not like I'm playing loud music! I don't see why neighbour can't just get some earplugs!

OP posts:
TaliZorah · 09/12/2015 18:06

The neighbour probably ranted about the baby because it's the last straw.

BoffinMum · 09/12/2015 18:07

To be fair your neighbour needs to be a bit more tolerant as well.

It sounds like mediation would be a possibility here as both of you are both reasonable and unreasonable at the same time.

Narp · 09/12/2015 18:08

If this is true then the neighbour hasn't really got a leg to stand on about the crying baby. There is very little you can do about that.

NoSquirrels · 09/12/2015 18:10

Oh gawd, OP.

She's unreasonable, and so are you.

Just go upstairs for the 3am feed. It won't matter to you or the baby in any practical fashion, and it will mean you've been accommodating. You can't change the colic crying but you can change this one element of the noise disturbance you are creating.

As your DC gets older she'll have more to complain about. At the moment you can change what you're doing to help her out. As your DC gets older things may be less possible. Just be kind now in the hope of reaping some kindness from her later.

It's barely audible to you, but it's bugging her. You can move, so why wouldn't you? I genuinely don't think any of the reasons you give for not moving for the 3am feed are reasonable.

Flowers though for the sleep-deprivation and small baby with colic!

littlemermaid80 · 09/12/2015 18:10

Sorry but still think you're being U.
She can obviously still hear it in the dead of night.
No one's asking you to do anything unreasonable or detrimental to your son here.

Still want to know why your DH cannot help to look after his child?

ShowMeTheWonder · 09/12/2015 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shutthatdoor · 09/12/2015 18:11

TBH I expect that neighbour is now bringing up crying because the pump noise is the final straw.

I still don't get why you don't go upstairs. Seems very petty.

Enjolrass · 09/12/2015 18:13

Hmm I think it's possible that the OP is now attempting to make the neighbour as unreasonable as possible.

And claim back some reasonableness

Fact is she can here it. You seem to want to go out of you way not to wake other neighbours or your dh.

Sharoncatastrophe · 09/12/2015 18:15

I am not wrong. No pump sounds like a roof caving in. Some of you are total drama queens

TaliZorah · 09/12/2015 18:26

Doesn't matter what it sounds like Sharon it's waking up her neighbour and there is an easy solution

Sharoncatastrophe · 09/12/2015 18:30

I used to do summer work for te council housing department. You won't believe how many noise complaints had no basis at all. I wouldn't blindly take this woman's word for it. Me and many other posters have said the pump isn't noisy

jeanswithatwist · 09/12/2015 18:31

yabvu. stop being so precious about the fact that it is for your baby and not music. most people wouldn't give a shit if it was for your baby or the queen. i would be mortified if a neighbour told me i was doing something that woke them on a regular basis. i am bloody pleased i don't live below you. do the expressing upstairs and take a monitor with you ffs, as a previous poster has suggested

TaliZorah · 09/12/2015 18:33

Sharon why would she make that up though?

Shutthatdoor · 09/12/2015 18:36

I am not wrong. No pump sounds like a roof caving in. Some of you are total drama queens

Some people also like to minimise the inconvenience they cause others.

TheCraicDealer · 09/12/2015 18:36

You're using a machine for a combined time of 45 minutes during the hours of 11pm and 7am. That's 45 minutes out of her (potential) eight hours of sleep, plus whatever it takes for her to fall asleep again.

I'm a very light sleeper. What sounds to you like hardly any noise would probably wake me and keep me awake until it stopped, especially in the dead of night when there's no other ambient noise to muffle it. Then, after stressing and getting wound up for fifteen minutes, it would probably take me another half an hour or an hour to get back to sleep.

You've got a second bedroom and a lounge; alternate between the three rooms so that no single neighbour takes the brunt of the noise. And let's face it- you don't leave the room because you don't want to get out of bed on a winter's evening and can doze off when the pump is going. Understandable, but utterly selfish towards your neighbour below.

Sharoncatastrophe · 09/12/2015 18:36

Because she's an arsehole? Because she's bored? Because she's hearing things? Because she expects to live in total silence even though that won't happen in an infill flat? Because she doesn't like the OP? Who knows. It happens all the time. An everyday sound like that is acceptable and you can't be expected to govern you life based on what might wake the neighbour. I mean,, what if op worked night shifts? She's not allowed to make a cup of tea or put the washing machine on when she gets in? The neighbour doesn't have to be right just because she's complaining

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 09/12/2015 18:38

Me and many other posters have said the pump isn't noisy

You and the other posters haven't heard it. What a ridiculous statement.

Are you seriously suggesting the neighbour is making this up but amazingly the OP does have a noisy pump operating in the dead of night.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 09/12/2015 18:39

An everyday sound like that is acceptable and you can't be expected to govern you life based on what might wake the neighbour.

OP won't mind of neighbouring plays music and wakes baby up in the future then

After all you can't be expected to government your life on what might wake the neighbour Smile

jeanswithatwist · 09/12/2015 18:39

op, reading your posts. your dh sounds like a lazy git. your posts are really annoying me. wtf do you have to disturb your baby to use a breat pump Confused. express your milk with a baby monitor next to you. the baby won't suddenly combust if they are left to cry briefly anyway. you don't sound very confident as a new mother tbh, more neurotic

Funinthesun15 · 09/12/2015 18:40

Me and many other posters have said the pump isn't noisy

Unless you have heard it how do you actually know. It is just an assumption.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 09/12/2015 18:41

or put the washing machine on when she gets in?

No putting a washing machine on in the middle of the night is just as anti-social.

I have lived all my adult life in flats. It is not acceptable and nor does it actually happen that people use noisy domestic appliances in the middle of the night.

Sharoncatastrophe · 09/12/2015 18:52

Of course it happens Hmm most newer flats are on night time economy rates and all wash at night.

Myself and other posters have used the pump. Are you saying ours are normal but someone in the factory accidentally put a jumbo engine into OPs so it can cause roof caving in noises? Yes that would be one explaination I suppose

TheProvincialLady · 09/12/2015 18:52

Tonight and tomorrow night pump upstairs. Then ask your neighbour whether she heard you. If she claims she did, you can tell her that she is clearly overstraining to gear sounds that aren't there. Then pump where you like.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 09/12/2015 18:54

I am not wrong. No pump sounds like a roof caving in. Some of you are total drama queens

No one said it did.

I said it in reference to the difference between a vibrating mobile in a pocket and one on a glass table. The phone itself isnt noisy, but it creates noise depending on where it is, the same as this pump.

The pump itself doesnt make any noise but it vibrates, and it is the vibrations that are causing the disturbance in the flat below. I know that that is a simple thing to understand so I can only assume that you are being deliberately obtuse. Why? Only you can say.

Sharoncatastrophe · 09/12/2015 18:57

Because you're exaggerating. I fully understand what you meant about vibrations but it isn't true