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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Downstairs neighbour complaining about my breastpump, AIBU not to change rooms at night?

733 replies

Cealee · 08/12/2015 17:11

Just bought a new powerful pump as I'm exclusively expressing. We live in a flat that's split over 2 levels so our bedroom is on 1st floor, our lounge upstairs on 2nd floor. Our neighbour (on ground floor) caught me in hall to ask what the 'mechanical noise' is that wakes her up Blush I explained its my breastpump and that I need to express at 11pm, 3am and 7am to maintain supply. She said it makes ceiling vibrate and is very loud (even though it's not on the floor it's on a cushion on my bedside table!) She asked me to do it upstairs. I explained this isn't practical as my DH wears earplugs so I need to be able to hear baby if he wakes. She suggested I take baby upstairs with me!! Why should I have to move my sleeping baby upstairs (and risk waking him) every time I express milk? He's just started sleeping through and got used to his cot. And there's no way I'm going to move cot upstairs and sleep on sofa for the next 8months Angry

AIBU to think it's rude to tell someone not to express milk in their own bedroom? It's not like I'm playing loud music! I don't see why neighbour can't just get some earplugs!

OP posts:
Epilepsyhelp · 08/12/2015 23:36

You are being utterly ridiculous. You say that it's important for your DH to sleep through because he has to work and you can have naps in the day - what the hell about your poor neighbour?? Is she getting naps in the day to make up for you waking her up??

How utterly selfish.

lucymootoo · 08/12/2015 23:38

Could you not go up alone- do one breast pop down to check on baby then do the other one?

blueistheonlycolourwefeel · 08/12/2015 23:42

It is important to have your LO in your room but they are NOT going to forget to breathe when you go out of the room for 15 minutes.
You sound like a loon!!!

Dameshazaba · 08/12/2015 23:59

Op, you need to find those marbles asap and put them back in. Kay? Flowers though cause you're a new mum and we all go a bit potty.

LucyBabs · 08/12/2015 23:59

Just switch to formula op

(Runs away!!!)

Original poster
Cealee · 09/12/2015 00:03

Neighbour's bedroom is directly below ours, she has 2 bedrooms like us. Our 2nd bedroom is upstairs, tiny (can't move our bedroom up there as no space for cot next to bed). Could pump in kitchen but it's right next to bedroom and wood floor so noise might be worse! Will speak to neighbour.

I use pump on 70-L5 to start then 54-L12. To me it sounds quiet, like a soft rhythmic purring. Just tried it upstairs and got DH to listen from our bedroom below, he could hear faint vibrations but thinks it's not loud enough to wake someone. So neighbour must either be a light sleeper or the sound is travelling. I'm fairly sure it's the pump she's hearing as we never run the dishwasher or washing machine at night. And it's not my alarm disturbing her as I keep phone under pillow, set on silent vibrate.

IMO there's a big difference between expressing occasionally with a personal pump (for convenience) and exclusively pumping for a baby that can't get the breastmilk any other way, using a medical-grade pump like the Spectra. The Spectra is used in hospitals and I would class it as medical equipment (not life-saving obviously) but nonetheless important if that's the only way baby can obtain milk. As others have said, regular pumping prevents mastitis and blocked ducts, so there is a medical reason for pumping in the night. Unlike vacuuming!

I do sympathise with neighbour being disturbed. I've lived in many flats. I've lived with babies next door that wake multiple times in the night, and neighbours who stomp around or keep flushing loo in night. One neighbour had a dog that scampered on hardwood floors in early hours of morning! It's frustrating but inevitable that you hear some noise in flats.

OP posts:
Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 09/12/2015 00:05

OP

Many moons ago an MNer would put her baby in the car and drive to the nearest hospital and park up. Only then would she feed her weaning baby a new food, this was in case of an allergic reaction.

Far too many to mention have shoved "no tears" shampoo into our their eyes to see if it really is sting free.

The fact is that while your baby is your whole world, as she should be, she isnt the centre of your neighbours world and it really is U of her to expect you to minimise any disruption to her.

Motherhood, especially for the PFB, is crazy making but, unless you are one of those mothers, in a few years time you will cringe at what you are saying now. YABU and instead of trying to justify that, maybe think about how you react before you had your child and you were your neighbour, be honest, how would you have reacted?

namechangedtoday15 · 09/12/2015 00:07

I might have missed a post but you haven't said why you can't use a manual pump just for the 3 am slot?

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 09/12/2015 00:08

it really ISNT U of her...

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 09/12/2015 00:09

Sorry, last sentence made no sense.

I meant that if you were being woken at 3 am every single night, after being very patient over the crying baby, can you honestly say that you wouldnt be even a little bit pissed off?

AndNowItsSeven · 09/12/2015 00:11

Gladys it's not my neighbours problem I live in a house. Also moving rooms would have been very difficult due to my disability. However the op hasn't mentioned disability so just not eating to move rooms in her own house should be enough.

AndNowItsSeven · 09/12/2015 00:11

Wanting not eating.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 09/12/2015 00:15

I know it wasnt Seven but my point was that had it been an issue for them then it should be down to you to solve it. You signed up for the disruption that is parenthood, they didnt. So if they are put out by your childrens noise/your noise/your pets noise, then it is up to you to find a way to disrupt them as little as possible rather than them finding a way to live with your disruption. Cant you see that?

Her not wanting to move rooms is not a valid reason for waking her neighbour at 3 am.

LongHardStare · 09/12/2015 00:16

YANBU. Surprised at the responses on here.

Breastpumps aren't that loud. If its waking your neighbour, she is oversensitive or the carpets / floorboards /insulation need looking at.

She can get earplugs if she wants to as she is the one with the issue.

Living in flats you have to get used to a level of noise from those living around you. How is she going to cope when your baby is older and crying more? When there is a little toddler charging about early in the morning?

If you bend over backwards over the pump, I guarantee she'll be back with more unreasonable demands over the noise of other normal-household-with-a-baby activities.

I'm guessing many of the posters on here haven't lived in cramped flats with neighbours in every direction. Or have forgotten how hard and tiring life with a baby can be.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 09/12/2015 00:23

You really are being astonishgly unreasonable. What is there to speak to the neighbour about? Clearly the noise is carrying and you are waking her. End of story.

Like many others I simply do not understand why you can't leave the room for 15 minutes. Babies do not need 24 hour adult presence and even if they did your husband is still there

This will shock you but when my son was born 25 year's ago the advice was to get babies into their own room as soon as possible. He was in his own room with a monitor on the second night home.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 09/12/2015 00:24

I'm guessing many of the posters on here haven't lived in cramped flats with neighbours in every direction. Or have forgotten how hard and tiring life with a baby can be.

Yeah that must be it. Hmm FFS

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 09/12/2015 00:28

Oh and Longhardstare I've lived my entire adult life in flats. You are confusing normal day and evening activities, which don't annoy because everyone is going about their own business and one doesn't notice noise, with noise suddenly starting up in the middle of the silent night.

The latter is far more obvious and disturbing because the daytime background noise has gone. It's no different from the sort of selfish git who puts their washing machine on to use white meter rate.

LucyBabs · 09/12/2015 00:29

longhardstare over sensitive? the op is being insensitive to her neighbour.

Apparently if you bf your baby everyone is supposed to put up with noisy breast pumps because its what's best for baby? How about I teach my 4 year old to play the drums because I feel it's natural and what he needs. I'm sure my neighbour wbu to complain!

ColdTeaAgain · 09/12/2015 00:32

OP some ppl have been very unfair on this thread but you do need to learn that you and your DC's needs do not trump everyone elses. If you don't then you will end up ruffling a lot of feathers!

Suggesting your neighbour should wear earplugs rather than you making attempts to stop the noise is ridiculous.

Please try and muffle the sound with cushions or keep it on the bed and ask her if it has worked when you next see her. That is what a reasonable person would do ;)

LucyBabs · 09/12/2015 00:39

coldtea But that's what the vast majority of posters have been suggesting... op hasn't taken on board any of the helpful suggestions

BondJayneBond · 09/12/2015 00:53

Off topic, but....

And it's not my alarm disturbing her as I keep phone under pillow, set on silent vibrate

Isn't there a danger of the phone overheating and causing a fire risk if you keep it under the pillow? Especially if it's plugged into a charger?

ColdTeaAgain · 09/12/2015 00:55

Well she has said in a PP that she will try and sort it out so hopefully she meant it.

I just think we should cut her a little slack, hormones and tiredness make us all a bit unreasonable at times, am sure she will look back and cringe about this one day.

Fuckitfay · 09/12/2015 01:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kali110 · 09/12/2015 02:04

Yabu.
I'm shocked by the people saying the neighbour should buy earplugs!!Hmm
She didn't have a child!
The op should be minimising it for her neighbour, not the neighbour changing her lifestyle.

an electronic pump is not An essential piece of equipment just because it's quicker for the op than a manual pump.
Having had to use a nebuliser that Or a ventilator is an essential piece of equipment!
The neighbour isn't complaining about you bb just about the loud noises that is waking her up a few times every night.
If i were the neighbour i would be onto the council everyday about the noise.
I may also do what others suggested and play loud rock music just after your expressing times to show you what it's like.
I suffer with extremely bad health, lack of sleep has very bad effects on it so this would affect my health tremendously.
Not everybody chooses to live in a flat or even has an option to move!
Why should the neighbours life be made hell by this?( yes a lack of sleep is hell).
I have no idea what the health of the neighbour is or if she can move, just showing what it can be like affected by noise and being stuck somewhere.
You may have to make compromises.
Leave little one in room with dad while you pump, ( as still will be hearing adult breathing) or use machine in day and manual at night.

kali110 · 09/12/2015 02:11

Or the pump isthat loud and vibrates through the floors??
Either way not the neighbours fault!
It is not her baby.
Sure people on here do remember well what it's like, and some have lived in flats!
Oversensitive, maybe she is, by the lack of sleep...
Everyday noise you have to get used to but not at night! ( bar sounds of children)
What if the neighbour can't wear earplugs??
I can't get the things in my ears, i'm sure i'm not the only one.