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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Downstairs neighbour complaining about my breastpump, AIBU not to change rooms at night?

733 replies

Cealee · 08/12/2015 17:11

Just bought a new powerful pump as I'm exclusively expressing. We live in a flat that's split over 2 levels so our bedroom is on 1st floor, our lounge upstairs on 2nd floor. Our neighbour (on ground floor) caught me in hall to ask what the 'mechanical noise' is that wakes her up Blush I explained its my breastpump and that I need to express at 11pm, 3am and 7am to maintain supply. She said it makes ceiling vibrate and is very loud (even though it's not on the floor it's on a cushion on my bedside table!) She asked me to do it upstairs. I explained this isn't practical as my DH wears earplugs so I need to be able to hear baby if he wakes. She suggested I take baby upstairs with me!! Why should I have to move my sleeping baby upstairs (and risk waking him) every time I express milk? He's just started sleeping through and got used to his cot. And there's no way I'm going to move cot upstairs and sleep on sofa for the next 8months Angry

AIBU to think it's rude to tell someone not to express milk in their own bedroom? It's not like I'm playing loud music! I don't see why neighbour can't just get some earplugs!

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 08/12/2015 21:08

Having lived with a DB who from I think 8 years old when they were introduced had to use a nebuliser (and quite regularly) I am quite pissed off at OP blithely comparing her pump to the noise a nebuliser makes... Seems as if she's never seen one either.

I suppose she doesn't realise that often if the nebuliser didn't work then it'd be a rush in the car to A&E or we called an ambulance.... And my little DB would be having serious trouble breathing and was having an asthma attack.

Is that any more explanation of "medical equipment" you need to know OP because I really do think you need telling on this point! Disgusting lack of compassion for anyone who does have to use medical equipment of any sort which your pump most certainly is not.

Chippednailvarnish · 08/12/2015 21:09

The reference to "medical equipment" might have been a "sub optimal description" but the direct comparison with using a nebuliser was completely ridiculous.

LadySilvia · 08/12/2015 21:09

Yes, god forbid we ever moan about our child rearing difficulties on MN Tali Hmm or sympathise with others. Shock Smiles and competitive pride abound at nethuns though if that's your thing. ->

duckbilled · 08/12/2015 21:11

OP I am currently exclusively expressing for my 11 week dc2. I understand you are tired and want to do what is best for your baby. I also follow the four hour pumping schedule as otherwise I end up with blocked ducts, mastitis and low supply. So could the suggestions that she is being a martyr about her pumping times please stop?

No one wants to be awake and having their breast milked at that time of the morning, I am sure when it is time to reduce the feeds she will.
However you are being completely unfair to your poor neighbour. You are subjecting her to the same terrible sleep deprivation as is a necessity for you (or your lazy husband!). Please do try what you have said you will, and if it doesn't work move to another room.

I really do think you will think back to this in a few years and be disgusted by your entitled attitude. I know I cringe thinking back to some of the battles I had with dc1 where I was completely unreasonable.

SuperFlyHigh · 08/12/2015 21:11

Lady its feeding her baby not saving it's life!

TaliZorah · 08/12/2015 21:13

Lady but it's a choice you made. You could easily not have to be up every 4 hours couldn't you? So if you choose to make it difficult don't moan.

LadySilvia · 08/12/2015 21:13

I guess a rental grade pump is medical equipment but it's less of a necessity than a nebuliser.

TaliZorah · 08/12/2015 21:14

It isn't medical equipment at all

SuperFlyHigh · 08/12/2015 21:15

Please do not insult me Lady by comparing a nebuliser to a rental grade pump! You have no idea at all obviously! Shock

MidniteScribbler · 08/12/2015 21:16

I can sympathise with the neighbour. Being woken up in the night constantly is horrible, and if it happens to me, it takes me about two hours to get back to sleep again. This is not an unnecessary noise. The OP is quite able to reduce the impact on her neighbour by moving where she uses it, a simple solution, and the neighbour will stop complaining.

The OP chose to have a child. This does not necessarily make it everyone else's problem to deal with. She is being selfish by expecting others to put up with a major impact on their lives because she chose to reproduce.

SuperFlyHigh · 08/12/2015 21:16

Tali Lady is showing her ignorance and stupidly on this subject I guess

shinynewusername · 08/12/2015 21:17

OP, it's great to hear that you're going to try to reduce the pump noise. I think you do need to bear in mind that your neighbour will already be cutting you a lot of slack. If the walls/floors are thin enough for the pump to wake her from sleep, she must hear your DS every time he cries but, apart from a couple of passing comments, she hasn't complained.

Our flat is downstairs from a 20 month old, so we have had nearly 2 years of being woken by him crying, tripping over his buggy in the communal hall and now hearing him toddle with - apparently - large rocks tied to his feet Wink. We have put up with it all as part of living in a community and wouldn't dream of complaining but, if his mother started gratuitously waking us at night because she couldn't be arsed to move rooms to pump, that really would be the final straw.

TaliZorah · 08/12/2015 21:18

Super it's ridiculous. i can't believe some people believe a breast pump is the same as medical equipment needed to ensure someone disabled can get around/breathe. So self absorbed

LadySilvia · 08/12/2015 21:21

FFS you're choosing to moan at people who've made a different choice than you! We can moan about whatever we like. Stop trying to tell us who made a different choice what to do. I would never dream of judging you for stopping expressing because it was your decision. Raising kids is hard whatever we decide to do: why attack someone because they took a harder route? They obviously had good reason to make their choice.

Super the pumping was not life saving for DS2 but it was a priority for me and I'm happy we came out of it the other side. Different strokes and all that...

SuperFlyHigh · 08/12/2015 21:22

It is ridiculous and self absorbed... I've been nice and understanding to OP re her resolving of the problem - see previous posts but she doesn't seem to get it that the pump is not medical equipment.

That personally is Insulting to my DM and DB and family who had to use nebulisers etc when he had asthma (thankfully mostly grown out of it now). It also insults the other parents/people on MN who do have sick children and/or babies, and/or friends and family members who do require medical equipment.

Sharoncatastrophe · 08/12/2015 21:22

"Disappointed just saying what I was told. Several posters who expressed have also said the same thing.

More fool you for carrying that on for months IMO"

Who the fuck do you think you are? Nasty twat

RubberDicky · 08/12/2015 21:22

I'm with drmum on this, can we cut OP a bit of slack? She's exhausted and trying her absolute best to look after her tiny baby. If I were unable to get my baby to latch I know I'd give pumping my very best go so that I could give them the best start in life.

I also see the logic in husband staying asleep - I leave my husband asleep and do all the night feeds myself because he physically can't - what's the point in making him exhausted before his long drive to work?

The sharing a room thing too, it is national guidance to sleep in the same room as the baby for the first six months. Maybe OP is taking this a little too literally but if things are difficult in other ways I can understand feeling the need to 'optimise' elsewhere.

OP you do need to be considerate to your neighbours despite all you're going through. I think doing your best to minimise the noise (you've had some good suggestions you seem open to) is a good start, maybe explain to your neighbour you've tried to be quieter and ask if it's any better? Otherwise as others have mentioned maybe moving upstairs and using a monitor is best? Your husbands breathing will help to regulate your baby's.

Flowers you have my sympathy and support

SuperFlyHigh · 08/12/2015 21:23

Lady I am choosing to ignore your posts because I don't engage with ignorant people. Try living with a chronically sick and/or at times dying child before you explain to me your "different strokes" or even try to compare.....

MrsBalustradeLanyard · 08/12/2015 21:24

OP you are expressing (ie waking your neighbour) 3 times in 8 hours, meaning she has had nowhere close to a full nights sleep since your baby was born. Come on, you must be able to see that you can solve this easily. You just want her to defer because you are 'a new mother' but there's no reason in the world that she should.

DancingDinosaur · 08/12/2015 21:24

Grin of course yabu op. One day, when you are less tired, you will look back on this and realise it too. Wink

FellOffMyUnicorn · 08/12/2015 21:25

I had no idea that expressing milk and bf ing made your supply different,? Does anyone know the science behind it,?

I expressed and ff both of mine, maybe that could work on?

TaliZorah · 08/12/2015 21:26

Lady I'm not attacking anyone. I just think it's silly to make a choice and then moan about it. Especially a "it's so hard for me!" Whine.

Why make things harder for yourself? I mean do what you want but if you moan about something entirely self inflicted people will tell you.

I chose to wean DS early due to reflux. You'll never hear me moan about it because it was my choice.

LadySilvia · 08/12/2015 21:27

And Super my DGM use a nebuliser in her final months so I am not ignorant or unaware of their necessity. I was referring to the fact that I was shown how to use my pump in hospital as a means of establishing and maintaining supply and rented my pump at the hospital. It is therefore a piece of medical equipment, not a lifesaving one of course. I was actually agreeing with you on that point. But hey, feel free to misread my posts and jump on the name calling bandwagon...

LadySilvia · 08/12/2015 21:27

*used

Whoopydoo · 08/12/2015 21:27

OP. You sound a good mum. YABVVU I hope your neighbour does not reciprocate by being as inconsiderate as you are. You have been given some great advice on here by mums. You never know when you may need a good neighbour ........ Compromise.

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