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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would it be unreasonable to tell my son he cant go on cadets meal...

58 replies

ghostspirit · 08/12/2015 13:48

right im really on the fence about this. so if a reasonable amout of people says im unreasonable i will find a way of letting him go..

things i have paid out for my 14 year old son... new school shoes were 20.00. new coat for school 25.00. pe track bottoms.10.00. for cadets. camping.. 10.00 for the trip. 30.00 for rucksack he had to have.. 10.00 spending money. 15.00 sleeping bag. underwear/bathroom things were about 20.00 in all.

now with cadets theres going to be a meal out. he has to have a suit which will cost me 45-50 in all on top of that 18.00 for the meal. i googled the restaurant and its a pizza place.

so would i be unreasonable to tell him he cant go or should i find a way? if it was not close to xmas i would not even question it buts theres alot of money to pay out.

OP posts:
Janeymoo50 · 08/12/2015 13:52

Why does he need a suit Ghost?

Gileswithachainsaw · 08/12/2015 13:54

a suit? fir a pizza place? are they having a laugh? what's wrong with smart jeans and a t shirt they already have ffs.

Yanbu. the expanse has been too much already Imo

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/12/2015 13:55

janey thats whats doing my head in. cadets said they have to have a suit for the xmas meal out. its at a restaurant called ASK i googled it. and its just a pizza/pasta place. he wont ever wear it again either

OP posts:
FrozenPonds · 08/12/2015 13:56

If you have the money, pay. It's nice to be able to join in and feel part of things.

You can hardly begrudge the child a school coat and pair of shoes.

As for the suit, send him in his uniform trousers and shirt, and a tie. I'll bet 90% of the others will do the same.

Or do cadets have dress uniforms you can reuse?

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 08/12/2015 13:58

Can't they wear school blazer and trousers?

Can he earn some money to help?

Wash neighbours cars?

Is he generally a helpful child? Does he deserve a treat?

Thudercatsrule · 08/12/2015 13:59

You could just buy a jacket to go with his smart trousers, doesn't have to match, you cd get a cheap plain school blazer from a supermarket.

Wouldn't he upset if he didn't get to go. Maybe they want to take photos of them all dressed up?

Janeymoo50 · 08/12/2015 13:59

Yes let him go but forget the suit, do as frozen says re uniform trousers. Ask is no better than Zizzi or similar, the suit thing is ridiculous.

Pootles2010 · 08/12/2015 13:59

The suit is a bit odd - I'd double check it's definitely the case. Could you look in a charity shop if it is?

I'd not want to buy new, he'll still be growing so it won't be worth paying a fortune I wouldn't have thought.

Thudercatsrule · 08/12/2015 14:00

Primary have some smart blazers at the mo for Christmas.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/12/2015 14:00

frozen yeah thats why i was not sure if i was being unreasonable. they school stuff is not a choice. so i was wondering if that should be put as just one of them things its not like a luxury

and yeah what you said about the uniform makes sense to... but could they turn him away if he does not have the suit jacket. i think im going to try and ring them.. like you said i dont want him to miss out

OP posts:
Thudercatsrule · 08/12/2015 14:00

*Primark

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/12/2015 14:05

oh wow your ace... school blazer asda for 10-11 pounds :) and they have shirt and tie for 4.50.

im gonna wait for him to get home check his blazer size and then order it. thank you everyone

OP posts:
QforCucumber · 08/12/2015 14:07

Could his usual school toruser be an option, then buy a suit jacket?

Matalan (if you have one nearby) sell suit separates, as do asda/tesco etc for much much less than £60.

Think the jackets are £25 and trousers £18 ish

FrostyNipples · 08/12/2015 14:08

It doesn't have to be a suit, most cadets I've seen wear school trousers and blazer with a hanky over the emblem Grin

If he continues in the service get ready for the bone dresscodes and idiotic uniforms that only get worn every two years...

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/12/2015 14:12

frosty whats a (bone) dress code... he has a cadet uniform they loaned that out for free till he leaves. thats quite good has everything he needs from light weight coat to heavy winter coats. jumpers etc.. he loves it and making him confident as well

OP posts:
hufflebottom · 08/12/2015 14:19

Which cadets? Never heard that suits are a must before, it's usually just uniform or shirt and tie.

(Been in a cadets for 10+ years)

Pop a note to his staff, if it's been arranged by them they should be able to sort something out. No one should be put out for a night out so they should help.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/12/2015 14:21

janey yeah thats what i thought it seems a madness.

there was a letter that said if your struggling please still come we will pay... so maybe there have not been alot of responces... maybe due to the meal price thats 18.00 but i should think the suit thing has put people of.

it said some people will be wearing tuxidos as well :/ oh well i think im sorted now anyway

OP posts:
Pedestriana · 08/12/2015 14:22

ASK is a pizza/pasta restaurant. You can wear what you want (well, you know, probably not a bikini and a feathered headdress). Uniform sounds like the way to go. Or contact the event organiser and find out why suits are requested to be worn.

FrostyNipples · 08/12/2015 14:25

Sorry, I meant bone as in waste of time!

They get combats and other bits provided in the army but the spangly bits and dress uniforms you buy yourself.
Don't overstretch for a suit his Sunday best is fine, as pp have said check with staff they will reassure you.

FrostyNipples · 08/12/2015 14:26

Grin don't let him go in a tux.

MuddlePuddle · 08/12/2015 14:43

I have been in a similar situation and just got a suit jacket from a charity shop for £4.99 and he wore it with school trousers, school shirt and borrowed a tie from his dad!

Donnadoon · 08/12/2015 14:50

I had this with my DS I had to buy a Captin America Suit for Cadets party
You have to if you can OP, memories last a life time and they grow up so fast

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 08/12/2015 14:54

Well if the moneys not there then its not there. You cant magic it out of thin air but if the money is there , then. Yes tbh I think it is a tad mean of you.
So whether you're being a unreasonable depends on your personal circumstances.

FrostyNipples · 08/12/2015 14:59

If you are skint then mention it. Kitty money, cash raised etc can cover this type of thing.
They want him there, this is just as important as the adventure stuff.
He's part of the team Smile

Viviennemary · 08/12/2015 15:03

He should go for the meal. But the suit is just mad. I wouldn't pay for that. He should just go in smart clothes. I doubt he'd be turned away. Good idea about buying a jacket from a charity shop and school trousers. I think it's unfair of them to make those demands.

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