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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would it be unreasonable to tell my son he cant go on cadets meal...

58 replies

ghostspirit · 08/12/2015 13:48

right im really on the fence about this. so if a reasonable amout of people says im unreasonable i will find a way of letting him go..

things i have paid out for my 14 year old son... new school shoes were 20.00. new coat for school 25.00. pe track bottoms.10.00. for cadets. camping.. 10.00 for the trip. 30.00 for rucksack he had to have.. 10.00 spending money. 15.00 sleeping bag. underwear/bathroom things were about 20.00 in all.

now with cadets theres going to be a meal out. he has to have a suit which will cost me 45-50 in all on top of that 18.00 for the meal. i googled the restaurant and its a pizza place.

so would i be unreasonable to tell him he cant go or should i find a way? if it was not close to xmas i would not even question it buts theres alot of money to pay out.

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/12/2015 15:44

im skint but not skint... because its close to xmas im buying loads of xmas things thats skinting me... but i will be ok with blazer from asda. and school trousers so all good.

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 08/12/2015 15:59

I'm boggling at £20 for underwear and bathroom stuff for a cadets camping trip. It's one pair of pants, per week, and a packet of babywipes on an army exercise.

TheFairyCaravan · 08/12/2015 16:00

I'm glad he's going to the meal ghost cadets is great for kids and confidence building.

RB68 · 08/12/2015 16:11

It's always worth looking out in charity shops for suits for kids - they hardly get chance to be worn and are often recycled nearly new. Not that they wld be dirt cheap these days but worth it for future years

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/12/2015 16:49

fairy hes only been going since September. hes so easy going and mellow. i think its doing him really good. really really hope he sticks to it

OP posts:
lljkk · 08/12/2015 17:09

I am on a civilian committee. A lot of last night was taken up with our annual dinner arrangements.

So glad you found a good solution. We truly would want people to come forward if the money is tight. That's what the committee is for, to keep Cadets affordable.

allnewredfairy · 08/12/2015 17:15

If I could financially manage it I would definitely make the effort for him.to attend. I'm glad you've found a reasonably priced option. Personally I think it's a nice thing to instill that dress codes apply for different occasions. There are lots of people out there that don't know how to dress appropriately. I'm sure he'll have a great time Smile

FrostyNipples · 08/12/2015 17:24

You've never bulled a Sam Brown RedFairy have you? Grin

Great tips about the supermarket blazers etc.
Get him to clean his shoes. I constantly forgot and have ruined plenty of tights trying to quickly buff them

It's great fun for them Smile

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/12/2015 17:25

lljkk the general thing of cadets is very affortable get given their uniforms for free. and then its only 50p to go there. there were letters that went out saying if people are struggling please let us know and we will pay. im wondering if that means they have not had many forms returned? and if not is it the suit thing thats putting people of. or just thats its all to close to xmas. there was the camping to pay out for. now the meal and suit... adds to quite a bit. but then cadets has been running for years so i guess it works.

allnew i agree but thir going for a pizza :/ would have been nicer thing to do if it had been a posh-ish place

OP posts:
JumpandScore · 08/12/2015 17:27

The whole point of cadets is that it's accessible to all and TBH, compared to any other extra curricular activity he could be involved with, it's an absolute bargain.

I've never been asked to provide a suit though. Anything "smart" where uniform's not appropriate they wear thier school uniform.

When they say get in touch if cost is a problem, they really do mean that, so if you can't do it ask for help. I'd pay it if I could for DS.

lljkk · 08/12/2015 17:39

The volunteers are only human. They may not realise the misunderstandings. Maybe it'd be worthwhile you nabbing one of the uniform staff or an adjutant and explain that you thought you'd have to fork out for a £50 suit. That confusion might be widespread.

We have an etiquette list going out with our annual dinner, it's fairly formal, but aside form Drill & parade the only formal event.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/12/2015 17:45

im ok now that i got help from this thread. but i might still contact them because im sure there will be others thinking the same as me. and might struggle more than me. so yeah i will make contact

OP posts:
Jeeves93 · 09/12/2015 13:05

What we usually say for events like this is if they have nothing else to wear they can wear their school uniform. We don't expect cadets to go out and spend loads of money on a fancy outfit, although they can do so if they wish.

Jeeves93 · 09/12/2015 13:18

Wait, I just noticed you bought a rucksack that he "had" to have? Doesn't sound right.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/12/2015 13:34

ffs jeeves yes it said on the letter must have... after i find out half the kids took standard bags/ruck sacks. he could have used a bag from home!!!. but its to late now been done

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/12/2015 13:39

ah and yeah i have him a back jacket now... then last night... mum my trousers are tight... so now i got to get him trousers as well. im not goign to get school ones just plain black mens ones. i seen them in primark for 8.00 dont see why he cant also use them for school as long as they are plain black... and the pe teacher says he has to have football socks that at 10.00 a pair. that cant be seen because they are under his track bottoms... and they finish school on the 18th... feel like its pick on mum/ghost week.

OP posts:
Lalsy · 09/12/2015 13:47

OP, SportsDirect has very cheap black football socks and other kit. We often get stuff there that is close enough to uniform versions, I think lots of people do. My dc were/are in cadets. It was fantastic and not expensive, but it is a different world if your family have never done that sort of thing and sometimes the instructions were a bit....confusing Smile. The dc get the hang of it tho and learn what corners to cut/what kit they can share. Toiletries being one of them. My ds asked if he should take shampoo on an ex last year - apparently the NCOs fell about laughing! I hope he enjoys it all.

Asteria36 · 09/12/2015 14:00

Pleased that you have sorted it out op. Charity shops in more affluent areas are really very useful. My brother managed to get the most beautiful bespoke pinstripe, morning and black tie suits for under £20 each. I have started looking for ones for ds to grow into.
I'm considering rearranging our marathon family Christmas (leave from last day at school and do over 800 miles visiting my family in a week) as ds will miss his cadets meal. The suit was a bit of an "oh shit" moment, but he will use it for other formal occasions with the cadets. If he doesn't grow out of the damned thing (he has grown 11 inches this year!) before he uses it again! Bloody children and their fecking growth-spurts!!

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/12/2015 14:08

it has to be the school ones because of the logo... anyway i have emailed the school said i dont have the money for them. which i dont. so not much i can do...

OP posts:
JumpandScore · 09/12/2015 17:24

You shouldn't have had to buy a rucksack. There may well be a specific one he needs for certain events but he shouldn't "need" anything that can't be borrowed.

Our leader always says to parents your dc will tell you they need to buy stuff because they like to have their own but anything on the kit list can be borrowed from either the unit or the company.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/12/2015 18:25

i think i need to get some sort of contact number or email. so that i can contact them when things are not clear. i dont really see anyone as my neighbour takes him and picks him up.

im meant to pay for meal tomorrow which is 18.00 i have 4.25 to my name. i can pay it on monday. but my son is going to moan sooooo much. but it needs to be in bla bla... he can go and i will pay. but sometimes kids really dont get it...

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 11/12/2015 08:01

oh wow son brang letter home last night about going to germany in the summer. for 2 weeks they not 100% of the price yet. they said between 70-100 and that includes. accommodation and food. all i need to get is passport and spending money. i think it would be ace for him. hes never been abroad before. but hes not sure he wants to go said it was hard just going 90 mins away at the camp weekend. hope he decides to go.

but should i be worried about suicidal bombers.... erm maybe im over thinking.

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 11/12/2015 08:11

"Charity shops in more affluent areas are really very useful"

And charity shops in my, less affluent area, are full of shite.

GnomeDePlume · 11/12/2015 08:20

Another cadet mum here. Glad you were able to sort the suit.

My DCs have had amazing experiences for really little money.

DS went on 2 week camp last year. £60 all in. I doubt I could even feed him for 2 weeks on that.

I really wouldnt worry about the security side of things. It will be on a military base I would guess. The military are quite good at dealing with security type stuff Wink.

GnomeDePlume · 11/12/2015 08:51

Sorry to double post.

Re kit for camps and things. It is worth mentioning to friends, colleagues, family that DS is in cadets and is on the lookout for extra kit. My DS has handed on various things over the years. Also he has had things handed on to him.