Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

should people who work with kids....

142 replies

Theworldmakesnosense · 07/12/2015 22:36

Associate with someone who is a suspected paedo? Have NC for this but I am interested in what others think, I am absolutely being genuine.
The person in question works with kids, and has kids. She associates with someone who has been arrested on several occasions and due to lack of solid evidence cases have been dropped eventually. However SS had to be informed and they did their research and deemed the person a risk to kids, and basically said they believed he was very likely a paedophile. The person who works with kids was fully informed of this and warned that her children should not be left alone with her 'friend'. Bearing in mind she only associates with said 'paedophile' to piss off an ex partner and also because I think she believes there will be a hefty payout for her in a will eventually.
If this person was working with your child/children, or was your friend and you were at their house and your child possibly around the risky offender how would react? AIBU to think that she's a fucking disgrace and if people found out they would go bat shit?

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 03/01/2016 19:07

Honestly - I hope I would think that it was not really any of by business to get so emotionally involved in, but if I had concerns I would report them to the relevant agencies. I would probably steer clear of someone who had been reported to me as a "peado" whilst being aware that I might be being very unjust and unnecessarily judging someone completely innocent. Even if a family member has told you all this, it might still not be true. You don't know. Neither do we.

Coldlightofday · 03/01/2016 19:08

But my only knowledge is via someone on the internet who doesn't know any of the people involved directly but claims to have intimate knowledge of the workings of social care and the police.

Impossible to give an opinion based on that. I like to have real life facts, or at least direct knowledge before I give an opinion.

But I've told you what I think you should do. Hope that helps.

Original poster
Theworldmakesnosense · 03/01/2016 19:08

itsallgoingtobefine SS told her that
And thanks ladypenelope I will do that, I really don't see why people think I would come on here to lie about it. If I was just out to cause her trouble I would be making malicious claims to the police her boss her friends etc and not asking how people on Mumsnet would react to the situation Confused

OP posts:
Coldlightofday · 03/01/2016 19:11

But safeguarding is not trivial and is not an appropriate subject for idle forum chat.

If you know things that are a cause for concern, go to the appropriate authorities, stop trying to get the torches lit and the pitchforks waving here.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 03/01/2016 19:12

If I knew and trusted the TA and knew that my kids were going to be supervised the whole time, and there would be no sitting on laps etc then fair enough.

In your case though you say the TA is "a compulsive liar", " a fucking disgrace ", " her behaviour is disgusting". I think if this is a true depiction of her character then whether or not she associates with a paedophile is pretty irrelevant really?

Also, I'm sorry but from what has been said in this thread, you don't KNOW as neither you nor your children have been abused by this person.

The correct thing for you to do would be to go to the safeguarding officer in the school where she is TA, or the police.

Bonkerz · 03/01/2016 19:13

There is a new regulation now that says you can be struck off and not allowed to work with children if you associate with inappropriate people. It's called 'by association'

www.safeguardinginschools.co.uk/disqualification-by-association-february-2015/

Oakmaiden · 03/01/2016 19:20

Bonkerz - it isn't new, the document is just a clarification. It only applies to those who work with under 8's (under 5's if it is just during the school day) and "by association" means living with the person or having them work for you. Not just "is friends with".

80schild · 03/01/2016 19:23

Definitely I would give her a very wide berth. Whilst it is up to individuals to do what they like she is being really irresponsible. Also, I do believe you can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep.

Original poster
Theworldmakesnosense · 03/01/2016 19:28

I do know for sure that this man is a paedophile. I'm saying nothing to prove that to strangers but very unfortunately I know for a fact. I wish I didn't. I wish nobody had ever been affected by him and I wish this woman hadn't turned a blind eye with regards to her own DCs and associated with this man to spite others. Because that's what she's been doing for a good while. End of discussion

OP posts:
Coldlightofday · 03/01/2016 19:31

So what are you going to do about it, OP?

Original poster
Theworldmakesnosense · 03/01/2016 19:37

Take your advice and not start some kind of mob mentality on MN because I asked for advice not back up

OP posts:
friendafar · 03/01/2016 19:44

I'd report it OP. I wouldn't want her being my son's TA, I wouldn't want to attend events with her that he was at and I wouldn't, couldn't risk that her children, any children, were at risk.

The problem in cases like this where it's just not clear for certain what's currently happening is that people "don't interfere". That's what allows abusers of all kinds to abuse.

You've said her primary goal is to piss off her ex. Well she's probably succeeding there. She's completely failing her main job though which is to protect her children. That her daughter is being babysat by his wife, who clearly is sticking by her husband despite his history raises serious questions.

You can cause a bit of a ruffle of feathers which may actually save a little girl's life - because that's what these people take away from their victims. Worst case scenario is its all above board. That's hardly a bad outcome!

And I speak as someone who has not been sexually abused and who believes that everyone deserves to be treated humanely. However, adults can take care of themselves, children can't.

friendafar · 03/01/2016 19:45
  • "take their life" - which they then have to work hard to gain back.
Original poster
Theworldmakesnosense · 03/01/2016 19:46

Couldn't have put it better myself. I have no interest in the woman but I am very concerned for her DCs

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 03/01/2016 19:52

I would say, not just to you but to anyone who is reading the thread and wondering about something in their lives - if you have concerns DO report them. Don't gossip about the people and hope someone else does something - go to SS or the police and let them know your worry. They will be able to see if it is part of a bigger picture or not. You might not know what action gets taken, because it is not your place to know, but if in any doubt at all then let someone know.

D0ntLookD0wn · 03/01/2016 20:10

I guess I'm on the flip side of this in a way. I have someone who is close to me who was once convicted. It was all a pack of lies and I still did and still do see him.

I also work in a school by the way. The conviction was quashed. I guess what I'm saying is, I can see the other side of this and it really isn't always as black and white as people think.

Original poster
Theworldmakesnosense · 03/01/2016 20:24

I agree. However before this woman had a use for this man (spite) she called him a kiddie fiddler. She's despicable

OP posts:
TenTinyTadpoles · 03/01/2016 20:49

I'm a bit Shock about you discussing this on MN, it's not a laundrette.
You seem to know what you should do so why not do it?

Original poster
Theworldmakesnosense · 03/01/2016 20:50

What's a launderette got to do with anything?
And I know what I am going to do but I don't feel I have to discuss it any further.
I was asking how other people look on the situation because it is really bothering me tbh

OP posts:
JohnLuther · 03/01/2016 20:56

I'm not being deliberately obtuse but what could this woman be reported for exactly?

TenTinyTadpoles · 03/01/2016 20:57

What do you take to a launderette?

lougle · 03/01/2016 21:12

Disqualification by association does not mean 'knows and spends time with'. It is only people who live with or work with someone in the same household.

knobblyknee · 03/01/2016 21:16

If you are concerned then inform Social Services.

hookiewookie29 · 03/01/2016 21:20

If you think she's still Childminding in the holidays then you should ring Ofsted straight away as well, whether he lives with her or not.
She's as bad as him if she's allowing him into her home knowing what he is.

Original poster
Theworldmakesnosense · 03/01/2016 21:21

Just in case anyone thinks I am
No longer reply because I am a liar it a troll or anything else I'm simply not willing to discuss it any further. I know how I'd feel if she was teaching my kids or was my friend and had this man around my children. Thanks all for your advice

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread