WIBU to stop halal meat

[BoringlyRestrictive]

Am going to be divorcing H in the new year.
He is Muslim. In so far as he observes Ramadan and he eats halal.

He was perfectly happy to have a sexual relationship with me prior to marriage. He was perfectly happy to get me pregnant prior to marriage (marriage meaning the religious blessing). He even lied to his parents/families that dd was born early so it looked like we were pregnant just after marriage (found out about pregnancy one week before)

He has never attended mosque since I've known him. He does not pray at home.

He doesn't drink, smoke, gamble - as this are all forbidden.
He eats halal meat. But he is happy to over look mainstream haribo (which contain gelatin) when he wants them as they are cheaper and come in bigger bags then he halal ones.

Once we separate the DC will be with me. They are 3&1. They have no clue about Islam or halal or whatever. Dd is starting to learn as she asks for things (chicken pizza or sausages) and I have to explain that we have to get special ones.
But it's not the most straight forward always. Limits where we can eat out and means visiting my friends and family she pretty much either has to eat vegetarian (and feels left out) or they have to buy halal meat and prepare separately.

So (sorry for length) WIBU that after we separate I stop feeding them halal meat?
If H decides to resume his religion and actually do some religious education with them then perhaps I could revert but otherwise if he isn't going to teach them about Islam and being a Muslim is it really wrong of me to feed them whatever the hell I like (I will draw the line at pork just incase they decide to pick up Islam later in life)

I'm sure this will divide the crowd but I'm really wrestling with my mind here!
So as not to drip feed - it is a nasty emotionally and mentally abusive, controlling relationship.

"Ive never heard of any halal/kosher meat that is stunned before"

Here's some info from the Halal Food Authority's website:

"Does Halal Food Authority allow stunning of birds and animals?"

Yes, however, one has to be reminded that HFA has always maintained “no stunning to kill”.

1. Captive Bolt Stunning – proscribed – prohibited
2. Percussion Stunning – proscribed – prohibited (although above procedures for cattle are allowed by some Ulema’s in Africa & Germany)
3. Gas Stunning – proscribed – prohibited (although Turkish Ulema’s have approved this method for pre-slaughtering of chicken)
4. Halal Food Authority allows controlled electric stun-with-minuscule amperage, with official Veterinary Surgeon validating that the animal or the birds do not die prior to slaughtering.

There are two types of electric stunning that Halal Food Authority approves:

1. Water-bath Stun – for Poultry
2. Electric-Tong Stun – for Ovine meat

Why are people so intolerant of Islam?
Islam seems to be one of the most intolerant religions in the world, people aren't the problem, Islamic extremists certainly are.

So much ignorance on this thread. For the sake of your children not feeling confused and having their loyalties forcible divided, you need to agree on something that wd be consistently applied in both your care and his care. I think 'no pork' would be reasonable. It sounds like you are bitter about the split and see this issue as a way of scoring points with the implicit support of an increasingly islamophobic society. If so, that is a cheap shot

Your husband already eats pork products and non-halal meat. There is no way in the world he can justify telling you not to give your children pork or halal meat.

Hmm. So your struggling with doing the right thing - yet your exh seems to have no problem whatsoever with being a controlling, abusive prick which I'm pretty sure he didn't mention in his wedding promises. And it doesn't sound like he's done anything nice for you like love you or honour you or cherish you (OK so I know that those are christian wedding vows but I'd hope that muslim ones would have something along the same lines) which he has not only broken but blown to hell and back.

I reckon the right thing to do in this situation is to raise the children your way when you have them - teach them your morals and nice decent view on the world.

By behaving so badly your ex has forfeited the right to impose any of his beliefs on the dc - if he can't be a decent H or even a decent ex and it certainly doesn't sound like he was a good man - then I wouldn't want any of the things that had contributed to him turning out so badly to be influencing my dc.

(And I'd be saying that whatever religion the ex was or wasn't - sounds like he was a bad egg who happened to be a lax muslim)

I'd happily feed my dc pork in this instance just because it would take the dc a step away from my ex. I'd also be fine with the fact that when/if they were with him they ate halal (ignoring the cruelty side for now) - I wouldn't expect him to make them bacon sandwiches for example. And when they're a bit older and asking about things, I might say Daddy does/believes this, while I believe/do the other, doesn't make either one of them better or worse than the other (assuming we're talking normal things not him being abusive or bad in some way). You are lucky - you get to try both and you can decide when you're a grown up if you want to do one or the other or something completely different...

Do you have any contact with your ex PIL? Again I'd be fine with the fact that if they were there they'd only get halal food etc but if they started having a go at me to tell me that I had to bring them up to be muslim, I'd be very quick to tell them that I absolutely wasn't - and not only that - that their son was very to get you pg before you married and all his other transgressions, to show that you didn't really think that he bothered about being a muslim very much or that he was that bothered about his dc being muslim... I'd even go so far as to say that this is something that I'd put in the divorce documents - that the dc should be brought up to appreciate all religions but not to practise any in particular so they can choose when they are adults.

The only niggle in the back of my mind would be to be wary of the dc going to a serious Muslim country in the future like Saudi - wasn't there a case a few years back where a grown woman was arrested and going to be beheaded for apostasy - when she said she was a christian because her father had abandoned her and her mum when tiny, so the mum had brought her up as christian - then years later there was some sort of family feud and they used that as a way of getting to her... I think it was all sorted eventually but it was not nice for a while. But that would be something to discuss then and certainly wouldn't stop me from feeding them whatever I wanted when they were little!

Tiisha, it'd be reasonable if the husband didn't eat pork products himself.

I'm not remotely bitter about splitting.
I'm the one who will be instigating the split. He has no idea yet.
I am resentful towards him due to things that have happened in our relationship but immature enough to keep my kids out of it.

I asked out of genuinely wanting to know if I am being unreasonable. Because if he were to find out if I chose not to feed them halal meat all hell will break loose. It won't be difficult for me to feed them halal. From time to time it will complicate my life. The local butcher here is a halal butcher but it's small and doesn't always have what I need.

I have 2 children to him, we are married and to be honest I'm actually thinking more about my children.
As someone pointed out up thread. They aren't born Muslim cos it's not a race, it's a belief so I feel that my choosing to feed them whatever I like is not unreasonable.
But I wanted to check with a wider group on people. As I can't see why if I divorce him that my life should continue to be ruled by his belief system.
I might not even tell him. And if I don't then it won't be a cheap shot at all.

Tiisha, I don't think the children should even BE in his care if he is abusive and controlling.

They will have their "loyalties forcibly divided" anyway if he doesn't suddenly become a nice and considerate man upon being divorced.

I would feed them whatever you like...However as he is abusive I would not discuss this with him it will be a stick to beat you with.

I have never bought halal meat so have no idea of cost but someone up thread said it was more expensive...I would imagine every penny will count...

Believe it or not, there is actually a big leap between eating sweets with gelatine and cooking a pork belly for dinner. It may sound unlikely but I am sure the OP will be big enough to admit that full, pork dinners were never about to feature on the menu at home during the years they were together.

So much ignorance on this thread. For the sake of your children not feeling confused and having their loyalties forcible divided, you need to agree on something that wd be consistently applied in both your care and his care. I think 'no pork' would be reasonable

I agree

I said in my opening post he follows a halal diet. Except where sweets and things are concerned. Yet he says the DC can't eat those same sweets.

No, I've never cooked pork at home.
I also said in my opening post that I would draw the line at pork. Meaning I won't feed them pork. There really isn't any need for me to do so.
I can buy beef sausages and tbh I am not bothered about pork myself. The only direct pork product I would eat personally is bacon and I don't need to feed them that.

Personally, boring I would feed them what you want with the exception of pork maybe? when they are with you.

I wouldn't discuss it with him...really what is there to discuss?

And I don't think that you are scoring points as was suggested.

Of they aren't or haven't been brought up as muslim why this one point?

And gelatine counts, as a vegetarian I don't eat it because its manky stuff, bit I'm sure if it was a religious command I'm certain I wouldnt 'cheat'. A veggie cheats themselves, but cheating tbe almighty?

Technically so, mavis. But in reality, there is still a distinction and not accurate to class people who cannot resist the odd Haribo in the same category as people opting to have a pork chop a night. It only really makes sense to people raised in a sub cultural context and would sound a tad hypocritical to those who have actively chosen to be veg/vegan

I think you need to decide whether you want to bring them up in the Muslim religion or not, and how Muslim you want to be. If you are separating from your husband then you are both going to have separate views on things. Just be wary because the Islam religion is quite stringent in its beliefs. Someone mentioned apostasy unthread, where you can be killed for leaving Islam.

I would also think about how you would feel if your child wanted to eat pork etc at a later date, and consider if you would say something when they start attending and eating party food. Would you wan your daughters to start covering up etc.

I think most people know that religion is all made up anyway, and personally I would pay no mind to anything any religion says.

YWNBU to stop using halal meat.

"I asked out of genuinely wanting to know if I am being unreasonable. Because if he were to find out if I chose not to feed them halal meat all hell will break loose."

"He eats halal meat. But he is happy to over look mainstream haribo (which contain gelatin) when he wants them as they are cheaper and come in bigger bags then he halal ones."

All hell will break loose anyway, given that "it is a nasty emotionally and mentally abusive, controlling relationship." He'll be looking for a stick to beat you with anyway, so you might as well give him this one, because then you have the perfect retort in his Haribo habit . Actually the reason he'll eat non-halal Haribo made me wonder - do you do most (all?) of the shopping/cooking, OP? Do you think once he has to shop/cook, he'll make the effort to stay halal? Once it becomes inconvenient/any effort at all, I wonder if he'll bother. He might claim he does, but still, I would wonder ...

I would feed them whatever I wanted to when they were in my care, and allow him to do the same when they are with him. It doesn't have to be discussed, each parent can care for their children as they wish, as long as they are not neglected or treated badly, in this case as long as their nutritional needs are met. Neither parent gets a say in what happens in the other parents home.

How would he even know if you kept to halal meat or not ?
This is such a non problem

To be honest, it was more about my own conscience then his preference.
But if he asks me then I am a poor liar and he even ask the DC where I buy stuff etc.

Perhaps t seems a non problem but it feels like a massive decision to me.

Ask your (eventual) divorce lawyer - there must be lots of examples showing how the differing wishes of parents are considered in divorce esp. where religion is concerned.

Presumably you will end up with an agreement setting out all childcare issues and that will resolve what is allowed moving forward, you just need to negotiate. Honestly you sound semi-willing continue with the halal diet even though it's not your personal preference so may be there are other battles you would rather focus on (such as access arrangements) and diet could therefore be a useful bargaining chip? But definitely stand your ground if you oppose it!

Whatever you end up doing your kids will get to an age when they will decide what they want and you can be the voice of reason as they grow up. I wish you all the very best!

OP wolf you be able to buy halal for your household groceries & let the children eat whatever's on offer when out and about and at friends/family? With the exception of pork.

Then as the children get older they decide?

I wouldn't even mention it to your ex to be honest.

I've a close friend and she divorced very acrimoniously, her ex has contact with the children and he purposely only offers them pork at his home. The children consider themselves Muslim as does the mother and it is absolute agony for the poor children, the eldest refusing to eat at all at is fathers and the younger eating only because she is so hungry. My friend keeps reassuring the children it doesn't matter but to them it clearly does, neither child particularly likes their father or want to have contact with him.

Do what's easiest for you and best for the children.

I would not want anything to do with islam... .

nasty racist post and reported it

OP good luck , no idea what to advise

you know what? IMVHO a compromise could be to

cut out Pork
restrict meat (tis healthier anyway)
and the rate meat you east, well you decide....

Let your DC eat what they want (within reason) and make up their own minds about halal when older.