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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to stop halal meat

139 replies

BoringlyRestrictive · 06/12/2015 10:10

Am going to be divorcing H in the new year.
He is Muslim. In so far as he observes Ramadan and he eats halal.

He was perfectly happy to have a sexual relationship with me prior to marriage. He was perfectly happy to get me pregnant prior to marriage (marriage meaning the religious blessing). He even lied to his parents/families that dd was born early so it looked like we were pregnant just after marriage (found out about pregnancy one week before)

He has never attended mosque since I've known him. He does not pray at home.

He doesn't drink, smoke, gamble - as this are all forbidden.
He eats halal meat. But he is happy to over look mainstream haribo (which contain gelatin) when he wants them as they are cheaper and come in bigger bags then he halal ones.

Once we separate the DC will be with me. They are 3&1. They have no clue about Islam or halal or whatever. Dd is starting to learn as she asks for things (chicken pizza or sausages) and I have to explain that we have to get special ones.
But it's not the most straight forward always. Limits where we can eat out and means visiting my friends and family she pretty much either has to eat vegetarian (and feels left out) or they have to buy halal meat and prepare separately.

So (sorry for length) WIBU that after we separate I stop feeding them halal meat?
If H decides to resume his religion and actually do some religious education with them then perhaps I could revert but otherwise if he isn't going to teach them about Islam and being a Muslim is it really wrong of me to feed them whatever the hell I like (I will draw the line at pork just incase they decide to pick up Islam later in life)

I'm sure this will divide the crowd but I'm really wrestling with my mind here!
So as not to drip feed - it is a nasty emotionally and mentally abusive, controlling relationship.

OP posts:
Sharoncatastrophe · 06/12/2015 12:33

I don't think anyone would be passing judgement on whether the husband was a "good enough Methodist" and whether he should be able to call himself a Methodist though. That's quite specific to Islam

fuzzywuzzy · 06/12/2015 12:34

OP, speaking as a Muslim. I'd do whatever is easiest for you to be honest.

Your stbxh is the Muslim parent, it's his duty to teach your children Islam & then as they reach an age where they make their own decisions they can decide what religion they want to follow.

I've married a man who wasn't born Muslim, but we discussed children and the religion we would bring them up in before we entered our relationship. And my religion is very important to me & my life not something I pick up and choose.

I think under the circumstances, you are really kind and thoughtful to not give the children pork.

Your stbxh clearly doesn't observe halal diet anyway.

I hope the divorce goes as easily for you as possible, surround yourself with close friends and family and do whatever you need to get thro this horrible situation as easily as possible for yourself and your children.

PurpleDaisies · 06/12/2015 12:39

I think people would be saying basically the same things about a Christian who didn't go to church or act in a way consistent with their faith.

Sillybillybonker · 06/12/2015 12:43

I'm vegetarian but all of my children decided to eat meat. I'd prefer it if they chose not to but I don't impose my vegetarian views on others. How about you give your children the choice? You are bringing them up anyway - sod him!

WorraLiberty · 06/12/2015 12:44

I don't think anyone would be passing judgement on whether the husband was a "good enough Methodist" and whether he should be able to call himself a Methodist though. That's quite specific to Islam

For goodness sake, of course they would if it was in relation to whether the OP should feed her children as she wants to.

Original poster
BoringlyRestrictive · 06/12/2015 12:45

Bauble - I didn't apportion blame. But your crass statement of 'opening my legs' indicates that I was the one who 'allowed it'.
Sex (unless it's rape) is a mutual act between 2 people.
It is no ones 'fault' I became pregnant, my point is. His religion forbids pre wedding sex and also he wanted to appear all holier then thou to his family by lying about Dd's due date (she was 1 week late!) so he could avoid the embarrassment of having impregnated someone he wasn't married to.

I m, on the other hand, was not remotely bothered if people knew I was pregnant prior to marriage. The 'marriage' in question is a religious blessing and not a lawful civil ceremony. We did that much later when dd was around 9 months old.

But your right, I'm an idiot and shouldn't be on here deciding whether or not I show any respect for his heritage. I should be putting up with the poor choices I've been manipulated into made in life....

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 06/12/2015 12:53

I guess it depends on where you live, but if you like in a city with a large Asian community then I've found that buying from halal butchers usually ensures a better quality of meat for a lower price than in the supermarkets.

I think it's purely your decision, at the moment. If the kids decide they want to follow their dad's religion as they get older, then I would facilitate that by buying halal.

Varya · 06/12/2015 12:58

Dislike cruel Halal killing intensely.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 06/12/2015 12:59

Boringly, if it were me I'd feed the DCs what I wanted when they were with me and I'd expect my ex to do the same. If they came to me and started talking about how they aren't allowed to eat this and that I'd use that as the ideal time to discuss religion and choices.

baublesbells · 06/12/2015 13:02

Boringly

Apologies, I have been harsh but men like your husband really make me angry.

I think if you are unable to talk civilly to him because of his attitude, maybe you can give them halal meat as not to anger him further

You clearly want to do the right thing so do whatever you feel comfortable with in your heart, I am sure you will make the right decision

QuinionsRainbow · 06/12/2015 13:13

Smoking is haram in Islam just as alcohol is. Anything mind altering is haram.

Including Qat (Khat)?

Snossidge · 06/12/2015 13:19

Halal meat slaughtered in this country is almost all stunned first anyway, there's no difference in cruelty. Industrial farming is hugely cruel anyway, so people getting worked up about the last 30 seconds of an animal's life is ridiculous - people only moan about halal being "cruel" because it's muslim.

mudandmayhem01 · 06/12/2015 13:25

My dds friend is the child of an atheist and a lapsed muslim who are now divorced. She eats everything when she is with her dad and avoids pork when with her mum ( just out of respect to her mums feelings she would find it repulsive like eating dog) She is 11 and a lovely sensible girl who has her own views but manages to respect her mums too.

kinkytoes · 06/12/2015 13:28

Snossidge your key word there is 'almost'. Not very fair on the proportion of animals which do suffer slaughter without pre stunning. Not worth the risk in my book. Plus I don't want my meat prayed over thanks very much. Agree with your point on industrial farming though.

Snossidge · 06/12/2015 13:29

Why do you care about the last 30 seconds of the animals life and nothing before it?

I don't believe in god so praying doesn't bother me in the slightest.

OldFarticus · 06/12/2015 13:42

DH and I are crap Muslims, him by birth and me by conversion. Luckily neither of us take religion very seriously, so we have a very happy pork-munching and booze-swilling non-Islamic household. In fact, DH actively avoids halal meat because he prefers M&S says the quality is poor, so we are about as non-devout as you can be.

BUT I would also have the same concerns about any children as you OP, partly because of the Islamic marriage when (in our Shia ceremony at least) you have to promise to raise the children as Muslim. I would feel I was being a bit disrespectful to my in-laws if we just fed DC all the same stuff as us without at least talking to them about what DH's family believes is haram. However, I suspect that if you raise this with your DH OP he will try to turn it into a stick to beat you with, and maybe even modify his own behaviour to make your life more difficult. I think feed them whatever you like (perhaps bar pork) and then wait to see if he asks you about whether you are feeding them halal/non-halal. Chances are it won't occur to him unless you raise it.

I think he would have an enormous flipping cheek to criticise you. As long as the DC are well nourished and healthy, who cares?

honeyroar · 06/12/2015 14:07

Ive never heard of any halal/kosher meat that is stunned before. I gave up meat completely this year as it was too difficult/virtually impossible to find meat that has had a good life/swift death. I don't force my choice on my family though, who still eat meat. OP I would let the children eat normally, let them eat Halal when with their dad. When they're older, teach them the reasons for Halal, teach them how an animal is killed for halal and let them decide what they find most important to them, if either.

Snossidge · 06/12/2015 14:08

Something like 85-90% is stunned honeyroar.

Flossyfloof · 06/12/2015 14:48

Incense, thanks for answering but I was wondering how it might work if the father was Muslim and the mother Jewish.

Flossyfloof · 06/12/2015 14:49

Incey! Sorry

Viviennemary · 06/12/2015 14:51

This is a question only you yourself can answer. It's always difficult if you marry somebody who has different beliefs, values and customs from yourself. I think anything you do has to be discussed with him as they are his children too. But on the other hand he does seem to pick and choose whatever parts of his religion he decides to believe in or to follow. I don't really agree with Halal meat but would eat it if offered it by Muslims. But I don't see why we have to have it all the time in our supermarkets and not know that it is Halal.

Sharoncatastrophe · 06/12/2015 14:52

Since a few years ago we didn't even realise we were eating horse I have no faith in the foods industry's stats on animal welfare.

Anyway back to the questioning over the Ex Hs religion- I'm Catholic. I'm Irish. Went to catholic school. Go to church at Easter and Xmas, weddings and funerals. Massively pro choice, think the denial of birth control is against human rights, hate the Catholic Churches sexism and homophobia.

I am, however, still a catholic. Who is anyone else to tell me I'm not?

honeyroar · 06/12/2015 14:57

I don't believe it is Snossidge, where do you get your figures from?

kinkytoes · 06/12/2015 14:57

Snossidge did you read the last sentence of my post? I do care, and I don't eat very much meat as a result.

Snossidge · 06/12/2015 15:02

I'm sure the animals are very grateful.

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