Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to stop halal meat

139 replies

BoringlyRestrictive · 06/12/2015 10:10

Am going to be divorcing H in the new year.
He is Muslim. In so far as he observes Ramadan and he eats halal.

He was perfectly happy to have a sexual relationship with me prior to marriage. He was perfectly happy to get me pregnant prior to marriage (marriage meaning the religious blessing). He even lied to his parents/families that dd was born early so it looked like we were pregnant just after marriage (found out about pregnancy one week before)

He has never attended mosque since I've known him. He does not pray at home.

He doesn't drink, smoke, gamble - as this are all forbidden.
He eats halal meat. But he is happy to over look mainstream haribo (which contain gelatin) when he wants them as they are cheaper and come in bigger bags then he halal ones.

Once we separate the DC will be with me. They are 3&1. They have no clue about Islam or halal or whatever. Dd is starting to learn as she asks for things (chicken pizza or sausages) and I have to explain that we have to get special ones.
But it's not the most straight forward always. Limits where we can eat out and means visiting my friends and family she pretty much either has to eat vegetarian (and feels left out) or they have to buy halal meat and prepare separately.

So (sorry for length) WIBU that after we separate I stop feeding them halal meat?
If H decides to resume his religion and actually do some religious education with them then perhaps I could revert but otherwise if he isn't going to teach them about Islam and being a Muslim is it really wrong of me to feed them whatever the hell I like (I will draw the line at pork just incase they decide to pick up Islam later in life)

I'm sure this will divide the crowd but I'm really wrestling with my mind here!
So as not to drip feed - it is a nasty emotionally and mentally abusive, controlling relationship.

OP posts:
londonrach · 06/12/2015 10:39

They eat whatever you eat and likewise with their father. Theiy are too young to make that choice.

RubbleBubble00 · 06/12/2015 10:40

My friend is quite strict muslim. They attend mosque, prayers, don't drink, smoke ect. The only thing they do do is eat normal meat. They find halal too expensive. To them it's a very small thing and much less important than prayer, leading a good life ect

AfroPuffs · 06/12/2015 10:40

""But I think that if my children were half Muslim""

Islam is not a race, its a religion!

I think you are being sensible OP. If the kids become interested later on down the line, then you can adapt. However at this age I wouldnt bother tbh.

PaintedTshirt · 06/12/2015 10:44

Yanbu at all.

The children are too young to have a preference, it's their father's religion not yours or theirs.

You feed how you want to and he can do the same.

MrsJayy · 06/12/2015 10:44

Just feed them what you want you you are not muslim they are not practising muslim when they are with their dad he can feed them what he likes you are not bound to his faith imo

Friendlystories · 06/12/2015 10:45

I think YWNBU if their dad doesn't stick strictly to halal himself or indeed follow his religion with any real commitment. I struggle with halal (and kosher) at the best of times due to the method of slaughter so am possibly slightly biased but from your perspective sticking strictly to halal is probably making life hard for yourself for no real reason if your DC aren't really being raised as Muslim anyway.

Jibberjabberjooo · 06/12/2015 10:45

I think you should feed them whatever you like. My father was a non practising Jew, does that mean I should only eat kosher food?

evilcherub · 06/12/2015 10:48

You're ex-husband is Muslim, presumably you are not? Why do you feel that you and your kids have to follow his religion once you are divorced? I would do whatever you want but if you are not a Muslim, why do you need to continue with a tradition you don't believe in (especially when your husband was very half-hearted about it)? Why don't you just feed the kids normal food and when they are old enough they can decide if they want to follow Halal/Islamic laws rather than the other way around? After all, you are the main carer and presumably not Muslim?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 06/12/2015 10:48

I think it's fair enough to say to him that you will make an effort one halal where possible but you cannot guarantee it. Then how hard you try is up to you.
The kids aren't half Muslim but they do have a Muslim parent so it's not possible, fair or right to ignore that side of their heritage and cultural background. Even if you might wish they didn't have a Muslim parent they do, and that can't be changed.

littleducks · 06/12/2015 10:48

Flipping heck, baubles. way to go supporting a woman leaving a realationship she says was abusive.

Original poster
BoringlyRestrictive · 06/12/2015 10:49

There is literally no point in talking to him about it. It will just give him a chance to blow up again and be nasty.
I am not Muslim and this has never been an issue. I was raised CofE and lost that faith many moons ago. But I do struggle with 'doing the right thing' and that's why I'm asking. Cos the 'right thing' here is different for me then for him. I don't know if he is going to educate them in the religion when they are older. If I was certain he would then I might be more inclined to continue and support it.
I will not be pushing any belief system except Santa on to the DC. And don't feel it is my responsibility to educate them about Islam outside of actual education.

Baubles - naturally he was nasty abusive and controlling prior to our civil ceremony and then, of course, I made the choice to marry him and have a further child.Hmm
By saying 'he got me pregnant' I was trying to show that he was not bother by contraception to stop that from happening.
But well done for being the voice of my H on this thread. That's the sort of thing he would do. Make it all my fault....

OP posts:
Whatdoidohelp · 06/12/2015 10:52

I cannot stand those who pick and choose what aspects of religion to follow. Yanbu.

BadLad · 06/12/2015 10:56

He doesn't [smoke] - as this [is] forbidden.

This seemed so unlikely that I went to research it.

VestalVirgin · 06/12/2015 11:02

Feed your children however you want. They are your children. If they want to convert to Islam somewhen later in their lives, they can do so even if they have eaten non-halal meat or even pork.

Sharoncatastrophe · 06/12/2015 11:04

I don't think you have any obligation to responsibility whilst the children are in your care to follow a religion or religious rules you don't want to. I wouldn't even consider it a dilemma tbh

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 06/12/2015 11:05

What do you mean badlad? Smoking is haram in Islam just as alcohol is. Anything mind altering is haram.

inceywinceypider · 06/12/2015 11:06

I am in a similar position in that I am not Muslim but my DP is, and therefore our DC are (they will choose when old enough but religion is inherited from father in Islam). I think it is all about intention personally. So if it is far more difficult or is adversely affecting the kids choice etc then I wouldn't stick to halal food. But if the intention is to lessen their Islamic belief then it would be wrong. If I separate from DP I probably won't let my kids have pork as that is huge for him but would not buy halal meat otherwise (90% is stunned so not an ethical issue I just think the meat is generally crap quality and can't find organic high welfare/free range). When they are old enough to make a choice and wish to eat halal I will accommodate just as if they had wanted to be veggie etc.

Sharoncatastrophe · 06/12/2015 11:08

I don't think any of us can dictate whether he is a Muslim- thats up to
Him. I am a cultural Catholic- I don practise but it's very tied up in my identity. I would never think a Jew is only a Jew if they go to synagogue.

BadLad · 06/12/2015 11:09

I mean that I didn't know that, and was astounded to read it, given that it is totally legal and done by so many locals in the Arab countries in which I have lived. Therefore I did a little research.

Flossyfloof · 06/12/2015 11:10

Incey, how would it work then if you were Jewish? I hope you don't mind my asking, I am interested.

Wolpertinger · 06/12/2015 11:11

If I were you I wouldn't bother but would prob avoid pork but not mention it was to do with religion to the kids, purely to avoid giving him an opportunity to shout at me.

MrsSchadenfreude · 06/12/2015 11:14

Baubles, I hadn't realised we were still in the 1950s. Shock

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/12/2015 11:17

feed them what you want when they are with you. let him.do the same.

I wish you strength and luck with leaving him. I'm sorry you have such a shitty relationship. I hope you are soon free to live a happy life without him Flowers

nebulae · 06/12/2015 11:19

I am in a similar position in that I am not Muslim but my DP is, and therefore our DC are (they will choose when old enough but religion is inherited from father in Islam).

You say this as if it's a fact. As if you and your children have no say in it. Surely it should say...

I am in a similar position in that I am not Muslim but my DP is, and therefore my DP believes our DC are (they will choose when old enough but my DP believes religion is inherited from father).

HermioneWeasley · 06/12/2015 11:21

I don't see the dilemma. You are not Muslim so when they are with you they will eat what you eat. If he wants to feed them halal food when they are with him, that's his choice.

BTW, he doesn't get to decide to raise them Muslim or make them Muslim - you have an equal say and are equally free to tell them you think it's nonsense and they can make up their own minds when older.

I see few interpretations of Islam now that aren't irreparably entwined with misogyny and homophobia so my kids would be raised in that faith over my dead body

Swipe left for the next trending thread