Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

WIBU to stop halal meat

139 replies

BoringlyRestrictive · 06/12/2015 10:10

Am going to be divorcing H in the new year.
He is Muslim. In so far as he observes Ramadan and he eats halal.

He was perfectly happy to have a sexual relationship with me prior to marriage. He was perfectly happy to get me pregnant prior to marriage (marriage meaning the religious blessing). He even lied to his parents/families that dd was born early so it looked like we were pregnant just after marriage (found out about pregnancy one week before)

He has never attended mosque since I've known him. He does not pray at home.

He doesn't drink, smoke, gamble - as this are all forbidden.
He eats halal meat. But he is happy to over look mainstream haribo (which contain gelatin) when he wants them as they are cheaper and come in bigger bags then he halal ones.

Once we separate the DC will be with me. They are 3&1. They have no clue about Islam or halal or whatever. Dd is starting to learn as she asks for things (chicken pizza or sausages) and I have to explain that we have to get special ones.
But it's not the most straight forward always. Limits where we can eat out and means visiting my friends and family she pretty much either has to eat vegetarian (and feels left out) or they have to buy halal meat and prepare separately.

So (sorry for length) WIBU that after we separate I stop feeding them halal meat?
If H decides to resume his religion and actually do some religious education with them then perhaps I could revert but otherwise if he isn't going to teach them about Islam and being a Muslim is it really wrong of me to feed them whatever the hell I like (I will draw the line at pork just incase they decide to pick up Islam later in life)

I'm sure this will divide the crowd but I'm really wrestling with my mind here!
So as not to drip feed - it is a nasty emotionally and mentally abusive, controlling relationship.

OP posts:

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 06/12/2015 11:23

My Ex was raised Muslim but doesn't practice his religion in any way, and identifies as athiest now.

However once our DS was born demanded circumcision ( not a chance ) and to only feed him Halal meat and no pork. My response was simple - my house my rules . He didn't like it but tough luck, you can't cherry pick parts of a faith and try and enforce them especially in a home you don't live in ( and also when you don't practice the faith yourself ).

If you want to avoid pork then that's your choice but just buy whatever meats easier/more affordable for you to buy.

FWIW I mainly buy Halal meat but thats because there's a butchers that literally backs onto my house - not for religious reasons.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 06/12/2015 11:26

Out of interest OP, when you say H doesn't attend mosque - does he still pray at home?

I've met muslims who smoke or drink alcohol or bend the rules on halal if there's a Burger King something they really want but I've never met a muslim who doesn't pray. Can you still claim to practise any religion if you don't pray?

Anyhow, no - YANBU. As others have said, you are perfectly right to feed your children as you wish & if they choose to follow Islam when they are older, I am sure you will be happy to accommodate that then. For now though, why is their father's religion more important than your beliefs? I honestly don't see why it should take priority in your home when H is no longer there.

specialsubject · 06/12/2015 11:31

eating pork now won't affect any choice of theirs to become Muslims later. Getting them away from someone you yourself describe as nasty and abusive gives them a much better chance of a decent life.

assuming you are in the UK, you have total freedom of choice with religion and so do they. Lucky us.

life is much easier WITHOUT religion, no restrictions. Decent values are not solely limited to those who have faith.

BarbarianMum · 06/12/2015 11:31

I think you'll find all religious people do this. Which is just as well given the illogical and contrary content of religious texts. I certainly don't think less of Christians who don't stone people for adultery, or Catholics who use contraception.

Snossidge · 06/12/2015 11:44

Seeing as he is non-practising, the kids are non-practising, and you aren't even nominally Muslim, you're quite justified in not bothering with halal.

Avoiding pork seems like a nice gesture to make though, as presumably the DC will have relatives that are practising.

lorelei9 · 06/12/2015 11:46

Drop the halal
When they are older they can make their own choices
No one is born into a religion
Has it foisted on them would be the right term!

TheNewStatesman · 06/12/2015 11:52

Eat what you like. They can decide if they want to be Muslims later on.

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 06/12/2015 11:57

You'll be the resident parent, feed them whatever the hell you like.

Halal/kosher slaughter is very cruel and much more traumatic (for large animals in particular) compared to our usual method of slaughter with pre-stunning so I would knock the halal on the head for that reason alone. The supposed reasons for halal are based on hygiene and food safety but they really do not apply and are irrelevant in developed countries with refrigeration and modern slaughterhouse equipment anyway.

I am in a similar position in that I am not Muslim but my DP is, and therefore our DC are (they will choose when old enough but religion is inherited from father in Islam).

What nonsense. That only applies if the parent WANTS the child to be a Muslim. It's the other way around in Judaism, the mother must be Jewish for the child to be considered as a 'born' Jew, but at least with Judaism it's a race as well as a religion.

No child 'inherits' religion by dint of being to a parent of that religion - it's not like genes or eye colour.

inceywinceypider · 06/12/2015 11:58

Flossy, my understanding is that Judaism is maternal inheritance.

Nebulae, yes yes of course after all they can't practice the 5 pillars of Islam until they have comprehension of Islam etc. But our relationship is built on compromises, I am not religious and have a very logical view of the bible being a book of morals as taught by my CoE reverend grandfather. Part of my DPs religion is a belief that his children are Muslim, and I don't have a problem with it. My son isn't circumcised because I have a massive problem with unnecessary surgery. He was given the freedom to choose Islam and makes different choices of what practicing means vs his brother for example. I am adamant that my DC will be allowed to explore religions (or not) and I will support whatever they choose. But obv DP wants them to live the best Muslim life they can from day 1, because that is what's 'right' for him.

frillybiscuits · 06/12/2015 11:59

YANBU to feed your children what you want. My dad and Nan let me eat pork as I was growing up since my mum likes to call herself a 'non practicing Muslim'. She was raised Methodist and hated it so I think it appealed to her a something better to be a part of. She doesn't eat pork but smokes, drinks, is with her partner before marriage and doesn't eat halal meat but does like to make a big deal about it if we go to a place that serves it

I have often got into the ethics argument with her that the animals are slaughtered more cruelly to produce and she has actually cried and kicked off in a restaurant because I've ordered something with pork in it. When she argues that I just point at her fags and wine

She often got offended when I called myself an atheist because her pushing the religion onto me didn't work

inceywinceypider · 06/12/2015 12:02

Would these posts be so loaded if the Q was should I keep taking my children to church? Why are people so intolerant of Islam?

KeepOnMoving1 · 06/12/2015 12:02

Yanbu op, you can feed them whatever you feel like when they are with you. Their dad can do the same when he has them. Just be wary of him trying to push ideas into their head though.

originalmavis · 06/12/2015 12:05

"Mummy, are you Muslim"
"No dear"
"Am I Muslim?"
"No dear"
"Why can't I gave a sausage then?"

PurpleDaisies · 06/12/2015 12:08

Would these posts be so loaded if the Q was should I keep taking my children to church?

If the op wasn't a Christian and her dh wanted her to take their children to church every Sunday I think the responses would have been much the same. When the op is with the kids, she doesn't have to enforce and faith she doesn't believe in.

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 06/12/2015 12:09

incey I don't think if the question was about church it would make any difference whatsoever. She has been bringing her children up to do something at the insistence of her ex husband which she finds a pointless and somewhat hypocritical. Now they are getting a divorce she doesn't particularly wish to carry on doing it, given that it has no meaning, relevance or importance to her. And she is the resident parent so she gets to choose.

That's the point. It's not a Muslim Intolerance thing.

frillybiscuits · 06/12/2015 12:10

I was forced to go to Methodist church on a Sunday every week with my Nan as I was growing up for years. I'm not religious and it was a lot of time wasted when I could have been out playing with friends. I'm as opposed to forcing Methodist on someone as much as I am Islam. No religion should be forced on impressionable children in any means whether it's praying or the type of food you eat. I'm not intolerant of any religion, I've done a degree in religious studies and I do find them quite interesting. I just don't want to practice any of them

originalmavis · 06/12/2015 12:11

And because he is a 'bad muslim' he just can't pick and choose what he can be arsed to do (or rather, get someone else to do).

WorraLiberty · 06/12/2015 12:17

Would these posts be so loaded if the Q was should I keep taking my children to church? Why are people so intolerant of Islam?

MrsJayy · 06/12/2015 12:17

I was forced to go to RC church after my parents split before divorce my mum was brow beaten about it by my paternal grandparents as so they took me on a sunday until mum refused to send me to an RC school(they then refused to see me) this thread could be about any religion really its not an islam bashing thread.

MrsJayy · 06/12/2015 12:20

That wasnt clear an Rc secondary school i meant

baublesbells · 06/12/2015 12:21

By saying 'he got me pregnant' I was trying to show that he was not bother by contraception to stop that from happening

You weren't bothered by contraception either. Takes two

Make it all my fault....

If you both couldn't be bothered with contraception then whose fault is it?

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief · 06/12/2015 12:22

Just as your dc are 'half muslim' they are 'half not Muslim'. Feed them what you want.
I've met practicing and non practicing Muslims who drink and eat non halal. People do pick and choose what they want and why shouldn't they?
People have the right to live how they want to live (within the law)
Religion is not a dictatorship.

baublesbells · 06/12/2015 12:27

Baubles, I hadn't realised we were still in the 1950s

If being in the 1950s means taking care about choosing a man carefully and being careful about who makes me pregnant more than once, then hey I am happy with that

lorelei9 · 06/12/2015 12:27

Incey, I think the majority of the answers would be the same if it was about church.

TendonQueen · 06/12/2015 12:30

I think bringing them up the way you would do yourself, of your own free choice, and feeding them accordingly seems reasonable. Are you expecting him to have little / no contact with them as things progress? It sounds like it.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread