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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To comment on facebook post

106 replies

Jillonthehill · 05/12/2015 23:07

I am so upset tonight about a facebook post. It show all the girls in my DD's class at a party. My DD was not invited.

It is not the first time she has not been invited to parties. I really dont understand it as she is a lovely, confident outgoing little girls. There is obviously something about her that other girls in the class dont like. I intend to make an appointment to discuss it with her teacher.

But what sort of parent invites 7 out of 8 girls in a class to a party? I have never seen or been told anything that would lead me to believe that my DD is a bully or un nice in any way so I just dont get it.

I feel so hurt, and i am so worried about the effect this will have on dd's confidence if she realises she is being excluded.

Should i comment on the party pics - just something like 'how lovely' or is it best just to ignore it?

OP posts:
TimeToMuskUp · 05/12/2015 23:10

How old is your DD? Does she have any awareness yet that she's being excluded?

Speaking to her teacher is a good place to begin, but does she have many friends who aren't from her school? DS1 does some after-school activities which means he gets to socialise with entirely different groups and over the years has made some great friends through them. It's a good place to start building up her sense of friendships and being valued.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/12/2015 23:11

Firstly, remember there's always the possibility that the invite did exist, but was lost somewhere before it got to you.

TimeToMuskUp · 05/12/2015 23:11

And no, please, please don't comment. Leave them to it. If they've deliberately left her out it's on them. Don't lower yourself to any acts of spite or malice; handle it like a lady and let your DD see how unimportant they are.

AgentZigzag · 05/12/2015 23:12

Sad No, don't comment, it won't make you feel any better.

But you don't have to ignore it either, agree that talking to her teacher is a good start.

Has your DD ever said why she thinks she hasn't been invited?

It is bizarre though, if there was a specific reason surely you'd have got wind of it by now?

KeepOnMoving1 · 05/12/2015 23:14

How were you able to see the fb post of these girls? And how old are they?

SweetAdeline · 05/12/2015 23:16

Don't comment. No one ever won the moral highground on Facebook.

Your poor Dd. Sadly whenever there is a thread about this on here there are plenty of people who say they would let their kids exclude someone in this scenario. So not surprised it happens in real life.

Fwiw I had similar happen to me at primary school. (My dm reckons one parent actively excluded me because she saw me as a threat to her dd's cosy "best friend" status with another girl). When we moved up to a giant high school everything improved dramatically and I made a great group of friends I am still close to today.

Original poster
Jillonthehill · 05/12/2015 23:17

DD is 6. I was only thinking of commenting something nice - like how lovely - not a rant about why DD was not invited!

I have always been told that dd is lovely, never ever has there been any indication that there are any issues with her behaviour.

I feel heartbroken for DD. She does not realise she is being excluded at the moment. But if it continues she will begin to pick on things, she is as sharp as a tack.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jillonthehill · 05/12/2015 23:20

I saw it on facebook as I am friends with the mother on facebook. It was on my news feed. I didnt go looking to be upset!!

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Only1scoop · 05/12/2015 23:20

Yabu to comment on the post.
Don't do it. Think it will make you feel worse.

Invite could have been lost.

tomatotoad · 05/12/2015 23:22

Are you 100% sure that she didn't lose the invite?

bittapitta · 05/12/2015 23:22

How can you be sure she wasn't invited? Who did the inviting/where was this party hosted?

Additionally maybe it's not about your DD - maybe the other parents are all friends? Are you close to the other parents?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 05/12/2015 23:23

A nice comment will just look passive aggressive. It's obviously a way of telling them that you've seen the photos and know your daughter was excluded. Don't do that on Facebook.

KeepOnMoving1 · 05/12/2015 23:23

She might have just asked her dd who does she want to invite, rather than intentionally left your dd out. At 6 I think most kids choose on their own. Still it is hurtful for your dd.

Original poster
Jillonthehill · 05/12/2015 23:30

I totally realise that the party girl ( it was not a birthday - just a pamper party for no particular reason it appears) probably chose who to invite.

i doubt the invite was lost as i check her book bag every day and I ve also seen the mum in the playground; so presumably she would have mentioned it if dd had been invited.

As I said this is not the first time. It seems that for some reason DD if just not invited to things.

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notquitehuman · 05/12/2015 23:34

Step away from the Facebook. You're only going to stir things up.

I'm sorry for your DD though. Friendships can be tough.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/12/2015 23:36

I think there's a difference between a birthday party and a play date.

leccybill · 05/12/2015 23:39

I have a 6yo DD. If I held a pamper party for her, there is one girl who DD would probably leave out as she is a tomboy who wouldn't enjoy this sort of thing. I can see DD saying without malice 'I don't think E would enjoy it'. Could this be the case?

Alternatively, almost all of DD's class were at an event this week after school as part of a collective non-school-based celebration in the local area/parish. Two classmates weren't there as they don't do this particularly activity. Could this be it?

Please don't assume the worst, as hard as it is.

Fairenuff · 05/12/2015 23:41

So there are a total of 9 girls in the class (birthday girl and 8 others) and your dd was the only girl not invited?

Samcro · 05/12/2015 23:44

i would defreind them

usual · 05/12/2015 23:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ghnocci · 06/12/2015 00:00

I wouldn't say anything on FB. But seeings as it's not the first time I would definitely have a word with the teacher and see what their perception of your DD's friendships is.

Original poster
Jillonthehill · 06/12/2015 00:02

8 girls in class. On photograph 7 of them there. Dd is girl 8. She is not a Tom boy and she have loved a pamper party.

As I mentioned before she has been left out of things before x

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Original poster
Jillonthehill · 06/12/2015 00:03

Definitely intend to speak to the teacher about dd to try to get a better idea of what is going on.

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Original poster
Jillonthehill · 06/12/2015 00:06

Btw thanks for the advice and now definitely won't post any comment or like on Facebook x

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SuckingEggs · 06/12/2015 00:08

Hmm. I would say something, but not on Facebook.

Ask the mum when you see her about the party. Just ask if it went well, as you saw most of the girls there. You don't have to sound angry, just keep emotion out of your voice and be factual.

I feel bad for your DD. Poor lass. I think it's really bad form to leave one child out unless there are bullying issues.