To comment on facebook post

[Jillonthehill]

I am so upset tonight about a facebook post. It show all the girls in my DD's class at a party. My DD was not invited.

It is not the first time she has not been invited to parties. I really dont understand it as she is a lovely, confident outgoing little girls. There is obviously something about her that other girls in the class dont like. I intend to make an appointment to discuss it with her teacher.

But what sort of parent invites 7 out of 8 girls in a class to a party? I have never seen or been told anything that would lead me to believe that my DD is a bully or un nice in any way so I just dont get it.

I feel so hurt, and i am so worried about the effect this will have on dd's confidence if she realises she is being excluded.

Should i comment on the party pics - just something like 'how lovely' or is it best just to ignore it?

I wouldn't comment on fb but I understand how hurt you must feel on behalf of your dd.

I have had this situation a few times over the years ( many dc). I have always been upfront and asked what the reason was. I didn't do it in a passive aggressive way, there was no spin. I just asked if there was a reason because if it was something my dc was doing I wanted to know so that I could do something about it. The replies were always helpful, usually dc being a bit naughty or not being nice to the other child.

I was your DD at primary. 8 girls. I don't think it really occurred to me that you could change schools and my parents didn't find out the extent of the situation until I was 9 or 10 as when I was younger I just sort of accepted being excluded and never mentioned it, and as my parents were older than the other parents, they didn't socialise with them (I had lots of friends outside school). It was when we got older that it got actively vindictive and the teachers started noticing it and saying something. If people are made to feel bad for the way they are treating your DD, be prepared for it to be turned onto her and to be told that it's because she has done a, b, c and she is x, y, z. There may be some basis of truth in those things, but there will be manipulations, exaggerations and out and out lies. Your DD will be no angel of course as very few people are, but she definitely doesn't deserve to be excluded and you know that she can and does make friends outside of school. Give it a go to turn things around for her at this school and I really hope it works out for her. But, at the same time, don't feel that moving her is "running away" if it doesn't get better. I think teaching your children that they don't just have to suffer being miserable and bullied and that they can rely on you to help them in their hour of need is a positive thing.

No surprised you were so upset OP, poor DD I remember when my DS was left out of a party being held over the road from us We could see all his friends going in and hear all the noise. He kept asking if he could go and was getting more and more upset so I took him out in the end. Both kids and parents can be so cruel.

If you're friends with the mother you could always send a private message or in person just ask her if everything's ok/ is their friendship ok/ has your daughter done anything to upset the girl etc. It might put your mind at rest.

I hope you haven't waited to have her move classes or schools since your post. A good time to do such things is at the start of a new term, and it sounds like the teacher not only knew there was an issue between your daughters and 'the clique' (ie all the other girls in the class) but that she was minimizing it to you. This should be concerning to her and you; a single girl is being left out!

Doesn't make me think much of the teacher.I have dealt with such teachers, and she will never be honest with you.