there is a tree in the garden looking at me funny

[Owllady]

It has wide eyes and a shocked mouth
Tosser
I'm not bu

It could be worse. You could be getting evils from your bush

Obviously.

This Bush is now an out of control tree
Goading me

Big mushroom tree?

Are you accusing me of taking drugs? Are you the tree?

We need a photograph of the tree. Not the bush.

Yes, no bush photos

There's a tree at the end of my road I like to call Proud Mary. She's always trying to be confrontational with me.

Has it twigged you?

It's a holly tree, honestly it's evil!

Sounds like the tree is barking mad
Be careful!

Swagger outside and offer it out.

Hang some tinsel and baubles on it

Maybe it's just trying to branch out.

Massive prick.

As an allotment owner, I can absolutely confirm that some trees are fuckers. Especially the fruit ones. Don't get me started on out of control bushes. It's a political issue it really is. YANBU. I feel your pain.

Leaf it alone.

Berry unreasonable and (w)holly inappropriate

Is it an Ent? Like in Lord of the Rings?

The Ents are giant shepherds of the forest and resemble the trees they look after. Sadly, they lost their Entwives along time ago. As they get older an Ent becomes more like a tree and settle in one place but they never die.

There is a lot of folklore about anthropomorphic trees.

Is it horny?

Thorny!

Are you in Nania? Is Aslan on the move?

Please don't tell me I'm in Narnia, I'll be too scared to sleep in the wardrobe

Maybe it's looking for ivy? Are you called ivy?

You know when you look back out it will somehow seem closer to the house. Like it moved or something.

It does seem closer all the time. It's put on weight