Nativity and child protection issue

[DrMum83]

AIBU?

An acquaintance on Facebook (girl I went to primary school with) has posted a video of her child in the school nativity play. Her mother (the GM) has then shared it on her Facebook. The acquaintance commented that 'I know some people are against videos of children but it's largely focused on DS and its a sad world we live in if I can't do that'.

One of her friends commented that there are child protection issues surrounding this and that at her daughter's school, they are specifically requested to not video the play or post on social media photos of other kids. My acquaintance retorted with 'the headmaster announced at the beginning of the play that video taking is allowed as long as no parents present object'

This rang alarm bells for me.

A) as part of my role at work, I am involved with safeguarding children. Children can be found on fb and hunted down by parents when in care and this can be disastrous.
B) 'no parents present object' what about the parents not present? And what about those sharing the video forward (as in this case)?

I have managed to find the name of school and have typed a letter to headmaster. He may think I'm an interfering busybody but would I be unreasonable to send it?!

Thoughts?

thats not actually true. Lots of children in the care system live in placements where their address is kept confidential. I have two who will not be adopted but their parents will never be allowed to know where they live.

Yes, that it true for most of the children I have fostered, but currently one child is of very high risk of abduction and whose family are actively searching videos like this, and indeed photos too, so they can discover what area they are living and what school the children attend. The child is not even allowed to be in the regular school class photos. The school are very good, and security surrounding the child in school is high, but if they were in a video shared by other parents, it could lead to very serious consequences for the child.

I think you are being an interfering busybody

OP, you being an "interfering busybody" could literally save one of my foster children's life. There must be many other children in the same situation too. So, I thank you, sincerely thank you, for sending this letter and being that "busybody".

Yeah, with the rise of social media I think they're going to have to come up with a better way to protect children. It's all well and good to say no photos, but it just takes one teen/parent/peer to snap a photo and upload it.

What happens when these kids reach secondary school and half the kids in the school are sitting around taking selfies?

A smart person with a STEM degree needs to invent a device that automatically adds a small string of code to any photos taken in the building with a phone that prevent them from being uploaded to social media. Or even something simpler like an agreement with facebook that any images with a location tag from a school discreetly have settings set to "me only" when uploading something so they can't be shared.

There will always be people uploading photos, there needs to be a way to actually prevent that besides just saying "don't do it".

I think the child protection element is overplayed

I so wish you were right. But 25 years as an adoptive parent and foster carer have told me that you are VERY VERY wrong. I can immediately think of a dozen or more children whose lives would have changed very dramatically could any of their families discover where they went to school or the area in which they live. Obviously I cannot go in detail but one current foster child has people from their past actively searching facebook etc for videos like this, in order to abduct the child. Their life would be in danger should it be discovered where they were. We and the school are under very high levels of security at all times, but an "innocent" video like this could ruin everything. So, sorry I 100% disagree that it is overplayed.

DH is a primary school Head. He sent a letter to parents just last week stating a total ban in all filming of school concerts/nativity plays.

His justification was that a few parents had placed pics and recordings on social media last year, despite him saying at the start of every concert that it was not acceptable.

He's very, very firm and on the ball about it and very vocal too. He has been known to phone parents to request that items are deleted from their account, always citing CP reasons. He won't back down either.

YANBU OP. Good for you. DH relies on folk like you to keep him firmly on the ball when issues like this arise.

We are allowed to take photos but not put them on social media. The school also offer the opportunity at the end to take photos of your child only (in costume on set) which can be shared on social media - so I did share a photo of my DS as Joseph with some of my wider family. A v sensible compromise in my opinion.

I wouldn't be happy with this. Send the letter.

Regarding the nursery sending the letter about the upcoming nativity. If there were existing CP issues the school would have been informed. So any parent who didn't want their child filmed would be doing so for personal sensitivities rather than a specific situation. I suspect many parents have asked if they can film and without having a legal reason to say no they have chosen the option of a blanket allowance to film with pre warning. Seems sensible to me.

I really think all parents should be banned from videoing anything at school. I have seen pictures of my own child plastered on Facebook in the past and it has fucked me off no end. I have a single image of my children on my Facebook account.

Well done OP

I had this conversation with mum about this. She thought it was to stop peadophile setting their jollies watching videos of kids. Some people genuinely think that's what it is.

I had to explain that it's not about that, it's about protecting individual children who are at risk if an estranged family member finds them.

I also had to explain the whole sharing of 'missing children'.

I find the fact that the HT publicly asked if anyone objected so wrong. Who was going to put their hand up and say 'actually I object as we had to flee my abusive ex' in front of everyone.

You know how some schools refuse any videos and photos full stop and some ask those present of they agree to use?
Schools know if they have someone on a CP agreement and who cannot be found. Those schools are the ones who say photo of your own child only or no photos. They don't risk trusting parents because it's not worth it for the sake of the child.

Plus.... Who does a nativity play this early into December?

YANBU, I have a friend who fosters, she spends half her time running around at family/friend parties and gatherings removing the child from group photographs or the background of other people's pictures. The child in question is very cute and gregarious so seems to get targeted for photographs, but she also has special needs and she needs to be protected for very specific reasons. Your Facebook friend has probably never encountered this situation.

It was my nephews play yesterday. They asked for no photos on social media and if I saw any - other than of the child alone/with people I know the parents are friends with - on Facebook I would have a quiet word with the head just to let him know.

I doubt the head said that it was ok, she is just justifying her position.
The fact that you could find the school kind of proves your point.

You were right to let the Head a Teacher know.
At every one of my DS's performances at primary school the Head Teacher reminded parents not to post pictures/video on social media. There were always a handful that totally ignored her.
I remember helping to organise a year 6 leavers party. Every parent signed a form agreeing not to post any photos on social media. Not an hour after the party had ended there was a group shot of every one who'd attended on FB!

I know it is sad for the children involved, but if it is so risky that a parent/other person could find them through social media or via a school play, then perhaps they shouldn't be in the school play rather than stop everyone filming or photographing anything public? It isn't nice to those children but it does seem sad for everyone else that they can't film for this very specific reason which affects a tiny minority. I do think it would be better to advise ahead of time for the other parents though that the play will be filmed rather than on the night.

We have been sent a message to say the nativity at DS' school will have to be filmed and we can buy a copy because they don't have space for the parents in the school (small nursery, no school hall). If they didn't film it, no one would see it. The way I see it, if you have concerns or objections to your children being filmed then you take them out of it. For most people, having their child in a film, even if it got shared on social media, just wouldn't be a problem.

So oddity what you are saying is that those children that have a CP/adopted etc that shouldn't be filmed should not be part a production. This is so that every other child, who can be can be filmed by there parents etc and whose images can be shared on social media can be....because their parents needs far out way everyone else's?

FFS, what planet are you on.

So these children who are to be protected, whose family life or early life history makes them different to other children, should to be made to feel even more different because they should not participate.

oddity it's statements like yours that really rattle my cage.

IcantthinkofausernameH - that is cruel.

oddity I sorry but that's bullshit.

Children who this applies to have already had a difficult life, I'm the majority of cases (probably all cases).

Are you suggesting they should be singled out and not allowed to participate in a class activity so someone can put it Facebook?

Why are people obsessed with putting stuff on social media, to the point that kids should miss out just so they can add stuff to their page.

What an awful way to think.

So a parents "right" to have a video of their children is more important that a child's right to be included with their peers? Nice attitude!

Just a ridiculous suggestion oddity, and completely thoughtless. I don't want photos or videos of my ds put on Facebook, and don't have a Facebook account of my own. Ds has additional needs and already missed out on a lot, I certainly wouldn't be adding to the list of things he can't do.

And well done you op, very sensible decision there. If my son's nativity ends up on Facebook I won't see it, but would appreciate someone bringing it to the head teacher's attention.

Our school allows filming but not to be posted on social media.

I used to work in a pharmacy and we had a family on witness protection. The mum was petrified of being found. Her children didn't take part in assemblies or plays as she was so worried about being found out.

No oddity. Parents should follow rules rather than children being excluded.
I wouldn't be at all surprised if the time comes when schools are forced to forbid parents to attend plays assemblies ect as tgey can't behave and follow orders which are there to safe guard children.
They'll just send film it and send the DVD home.
So parents and carers are shooting them selves in the foot.
Oh and it goes deeper than being "sad" for a lot of children and families images being uploaded to FB and their where abouts being found could be disastrous.