Nativity and child protection issue

[DrMum83]

AIBU?

An acquaintance on Facebook (girl I went to primary school with) has posted a video of her child in the school nativity play. Her mother (the GM) has then shared it on her Facebook. The acquaintance commented that 'I know some people are against videos of children but it's largely focused on DS and its a sad world we live in if I can't do that'.

One of her friends commented that there are child protection issues surrounding this and that at her daughter's school, they are specifically requested to not video the play or post on social media photos of other kids. My acquaintance retorted with 'the headmaster announced at the beginning of the play that video taking is allowed as long as no parents present object'

This rang alarm bells for me.

A) as part of my role at work, I am involved with safeguarding children. Children can be found on fb and hunted down by parents when in care and this can be disastrous.
B) 'no parents present object' what about the parents not present? And what about those sharing the video forward (as in this case)?

I have managed to find the name of school and have typed a letter to headmaster. He may think I'm an interfering busybody but would I be unreasonable to send it?!

Thoughts?

I don't my kids being on Facebook but then my kids aren't in hiding from an ex abusive partner. Because I don't always know about other kids circumstances I would never share anything on Facebook about other people's kids.

I absolutely would. I'd tell her too!

I think the child protection element is overplayed

Really?

Lucky you living in that world.

The world I live in is me and my dc not having contact with any family and friends and living in a random area of the country hoping that my ex doesn't track us down again after we had to flee from our home with nothing but the clothes on our backs.

Some twat sharing their little darling on fb for all and sundry to see could mean my dc and I could be seriously harmed or worse.

Ican'tthinkofausername - that's an outrageous and very short-sighted suggestion by your ds's nursery.

Aside from the inappropriateness of excluding some families who don't want images of their children put on social media (and what precisely is the benefit to anyone of an xmas show being on SM?), there may be families who think it's fine, then something dramatic happens over the next few weeks and suddenly it's not fine, and no-one has any idea who has seen/shared and god knows what it.

It's terrible isn't it christina I was shocked, I work in a setting where child protection is used a great deal for certain reasons. I've wrote to the nursery manager.

Sounds like a sensible head teacher to me.

'no parents present object' what about the parents not present?

They let the school know in advance if they have any objections.

This has worked well in my local (950 pupil) primary and continues to work still.

No, you shouldn't send the letter. If there is any child in that class who would be in danger if a photo or video slipped out, the head would have stopped all photography. And it's highly likely that all the parents have been asked to sign up to something allowing the school to take and publish photos of their children; if they're OK with photos and videos appearing on the school website they're not really in a position to object to them elsewhere.

Ineedtimeoff

thats not actually true. Lots of children in the care system live in placements where their address is kept confidential. I have two who will not be adopted but their parents will never be allowed to know where they live.

Icantthink. Your ds's nursery aught to be ashamed of themselves. And need reporting. I wish I knew what nursery it was. I'd be reporting them to the relevant bodies without any qualms at all. Do they have absolute no safe guarding and inclusion training at all.

Oh fuck the kids that might be found on FB and their other parent or them may come to harm, Well just ausrscize them from the play.
What are the other parents thoughts. What are your thoughts.
If it were my child. I'd be reporting the school and taking them out.

child protection element is overplayed. I really don't have any issue with an over zealous parent or grandparent sharing pictures/videos of their child at a school nativity

I do when it contains other children. I spend a great deal of time arranging rehousing new schools and all that jaz in different areas just because some dickhead does not feel able to follow the rules.

No, you shouldn't send the letter. If there is any child in that class who would be in danger if a photo or video slipped out, the head would have stopped all photography

How can you know that for sure? The worst that happens is the op gets a letter saying the school saying they had permission from all the parents for the play to be filmed and posted on social media.

Sorry. Icant. I didn't see the part where you said. You had written to the nursery manager. If you get no joy there report to the safe guarding appointee and don't let them tell you they don't have one. Legally they have to have one in place.

for you Elsa. Pretty soon face recognition technology will mean it is even easier for children to be tracked down. (If it's not available already.)

Do Send the letter, please.

No, you shouldn't send the letter. If there is any child in that class who would be in danger if a photo or video slipped out, the head would have stopped all photography

Not true, in many circumstamces all the head may know is that the parent is not happy for photos or images or details of there child to be published combined with a certified copy of a court order prohibiting another party with PR from removing the child from school. If the other parent does not have PR they may not even have a court order.

They may or may not know that the child is known to the LA or has been historically they may or they may not know that the child is receiving therapy or has historically but they may have no idea why.

Yeah, I always ask before posting pictures of other children. But chances are, a photo isn't really going to give them away so much as mutual acquaintances slipping information on accident.

Our school allows photos or filming as long as nobody objects.
There is another clause that says it will not be shared on social media. We have to sign our agreement. I bet she just heard the first bit.
Let the school know.

YANBU. I thought it was standard that parents are not allowed to video. I know some of ours take photos, not sure if they end up on FB. The school records a performance and we can buy it, this solves the problem of people videoing themselves.

Send the letter OP, it needs addressing.

Unfortunately id like to say your a busybody, however it is a child protection issue, the schools have these rules for a reason, if children are fostered or adopted then pictures can be picked up and the children can be found, the same with people that have flown abusive relationships ect.

I've sent the letter via email.
The acquaintance is involved in a discussion with another woman about the suitability of posting other kids on Facebook. She is incredibly ignorant and just keeps saying 'it's a sad world, it's like banning toys r us adverts with children in'
I would normally speak up but she is just so ignorant and unable to process other peoples' opinions, I don't see the point.
I'll update when the headmaster gets back to me.
Thanks all for your feedback, really useful.

Thank you DrMum

The only two children I have met who were in hiding, were not allowed to appear in anything where others were taking photos or filming. The risks to them were just too great.

I think you are very considerate to send the letter, I know there are a few saying that you are interfering, BUT I want to thank you for being so thoughtful.
My Dds dad disappeared from my Dds life within six months of her starting school. It has forever been a niggle in my brain that if he ever found out what school she went to he would turn up and collect her without my knowledge armed with a birth certificate and the line of "it's my right"
A video like this could be a fine way of him finding out which school she went to.

Some people don't think of the consequences these things can have on others lives.

Personally feel the easiest answer is that there should be a blanket rule that all school plays are only filmed by the school which can be sold on dvd and the proceeds go to charity or school fund. Would make it much more difficult for idiots who think the no social media rule doesnt apply to them.

This would also prevent people ruining for others by holding their phones in the way the whole time!

I'm tall sorry for those posters personally affected by some of these issues.
I think some people don't appreciate the lives others lead - it may be a small minority of families affected by child protection issues but the impact is incredible. When evaluating child protection cases, over and over again, the same mistakes are made. People assume someone else will speak up. Not following protocols. Disregarding rules.
The same principle applies with those posts of 'missing children' locally. Often, they go along lines of 'Emma last seen at 8pm last night, wearing xxx in xxx area, please share for her safe return'
These are dangerous. Again, vile bastard parents have tracked down their estranged kids this way by well meaning people sharing these posts. If a child is genuinely missing, the local media will do an appeal.

So not tall