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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nativity and child protection issue

332 replies

DrMum83 · 01/12/2015 22:09

AIBU?

An acquaintance on Facebook (girl I went to primary school with) has posted a video of her child in the school nativity play. Her mother (the GM) has then shared it on her Facebook. The acquaintance commented that 'I know some people are against videos of children but it's largely focused on DS and its a sad world we live in if I can't do that'.

One of her friends commented that there are child protection issues surrounding this and that at her daughter's school, they are specifically requested to not video the play or post on social media photos of other kids. My acquaintance retorted with 'the headmaster announced at the beginning of the play that video taking is allowed as long as no parents present object'

This rang alarm bells for me.

A) as part of my role at work, I am involved with safeguarding children. Children can be found on fb and hunted down by parents when in care and this can be disastrous.
B) 'no parents present object' what about the parents not present? And what about those sharing the video forward (as in this case)?

I have managed to find the name of school and have typed a letter to headmaster. He may think I'm an interfering busybody but would I be unreasonable to send it?!

Thoughts?

OP posts:
tldr · 01/12/2015 23:15

She's right, it is a sad world. Especially for children who need, for whatever reason, to not be plastered all over social media.

Fwiw, ime, people imagine that concerns are of the 'paedo round every corner' nature, where seeing a photo of any kid is going to cause some hideous crime. They are much less able to imagine the FB/fostering/adoption type situations.

tldr · 01/12/2015 23:17

*dv not FB...

Original poster
DrMum83 · 01/12/2015 23:18

tldr - I completely agree. Perhaps schools should set out their reasons for social media bans more explicitly.

OP posts:
tldr · 01/12/2015 23:20

Last nativity, our school said 'no photos' and then did nothing about stopping people taking them. Confused

MrsJayy · 01/12/2015 23:21

You were aware enough to write a letter send it to the school or tell this woman she is a twat or report it to facebook you can do it under invasion of privacy or something i cant remember the wording. People are idiots about SM sometimes

Original poster
DrMum83 · 01/12/2015 23:27

MrsJayy - have reported to school. At least that way, they will hopefully address it with ALL parents and get the message out there.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 01/12/2015 23:32

I just read you emailed good she had no right to put other peoples children on facebook,look out for her ranty its my facebook i can put what i want on it blah blah

Original poster
DrMum83 · 01/12/2015 23:34

I was just thinking that... There'll be a status in next few days I'm sure. I didn't name her in the email and I also asked to be kept anonymous (wimp) but I guess no skin off my nose if she does find out... If the headmaster asks for her name, I'll give it.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 01/12/2015 23:39

I think the fact you sent it even anon is enough for the headteacher to say something to parents

TheBouquets · 01/12/2015 23:41

I had not thought about these security issues before but now I am aware I will adjust things. I read one of those "lost child" ads on FB last night. I never thought it could be a violent and banned parent trying to trace the child. I agree with the information you have given on safety. I really need to brush up on security. Any further advice would be welcomed by me

MrsJayy · 01/12/2015 23:45

Just dont share pictures of other peoples children without permission its really that simple the parents didnt give permission the school didnt give permission and the children didnt give permisssion to be on facebook.

MrsJayy · 01/12/2015 23:47

Dont share missing persons either unless you know the person either these kids that go missing could vulnerable women could be hiding iyswim

Want2bSupermum · 01/12/2015 23:57

It isn't just the risk of a violent parent these days. My brother is in the Army and he got very upset with my sister when she tagged him to a picture of him with his nephews. As my brother said, a few men have been captured and you are not dealing with nice people who follow the Geneva convention. Given the clear evidence of ISIS operatives being located in Europe, including the UK, I don't think its silly to consider this a risk.

Want2bSupermum · 02/12/2015 00:00

MrsJayy That is so true about missing children. I have heard so many people in the UK complain about the high number of missing children in the US. Having lived here a while I have made friends with a couple of cops and they told me they normally find the missing child and don't record it because there are reports or a known history of violence. It is better to keep the parent & child missing rather than prosecute. No information is better in these cases according to them. It makes total sense when you think about it.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 02/12/2015 00:06

One Christmas DS who is asd had a major meltdown on stage.

I would be furious if a parent thought it would be a great idea to share that on Facebook.

Stampingduck · 02/12/2015 00:07

A local acquaintance posted a few photos of their children in the nativity play that included the whole year group. I messaged the school facebook page to let them know I wasn't happy with their safeguarding and they assured me they would reiterate to all parents that photos are for personal use only. Sure enough they removed the photos the following day. I really hate when people post photos of other people's kids without express permission, and I hate when school/nursery ask aloud in front of the whole group if anyone objects. Hate being that person but needs must!!

RaisingSteam · 02/12/2015 00:07

our primary school has a number of fostered and adopted children including ours. They announce at school plays it's OK to take photos but please not to post on social media. It's a compromise but relies on parents who have no security issues going along with it.

Brioche201 · 02/12/2015 00:28

There are 21,000 schools in Uk.Suppose each does 2 productions a year.In 20 years that's going on for a million productions.I wonder howmany DC have come to grief by being happened upon on a school play video?

TheExMotherInLaw · 02/12/2015 00:34

Thank you for sending the email. We need sensible people like you out there. Recently I had to go apeshit ballistic on someone who had posted photos of other children on FB. If it hadn't been for one clued up person alerting a non-FB family at risk, and then alerting me, I would never have known that the person was lying when they said they had permission to post the photos.

Vedamakesthebesttoast · 02/12/2015 00:37

stampingducm its a good point about not wanting to be the one who has to stand up and publicly object. No one feels comfortable under those circumstances... No I'm sorry you can't have a video of you child's first nativity because I've said no. No one should have to feel like they have to justify themsved either, especially if they have some sort of history that may be painful and personal and inappropriate to share with people they don't know.
There really should just be a blanket ban, maybe an individual photo op for each child on the stage after the performance in their costume that people can opt into rather than out of

Chchchchangeabout · 02/12/2015 00:41

Yanbu.

IceBeing · 02/12/2015 01:10

I am entirely for keeping children safe however possible. But is it absolutely certain that restricting photos is safer than just letting people flood the internet?

I guess at the moment there are relatively few school photos out there because of restrictions...but there are still some and maybe having so few means you can actually search ALL of them for evidence of children you are hunting. The chance of finding a child you are hunting is low because few photos are kept - but if there is one of the child you have a better chance of finding it.

If every person at a nativity play this year posts 10 photos then at risk children will almost certainly appear in them...but the billions of photos generated won't be searchable any more so the risk might actually be lower....

How strong is the evidence that restricting photos actually makes at risk children safer than flooding the internet?

3point14159265359 · 02/12/2015 01:27

I am entirely for keeping children safe

That's nice.

If every person at a nativity play this year posts 10 photos then at risk children will almost certainly appear in them...but the billions of photos generated won't be searchable any more so the risk might actually be lower....

No-one has to sit and look at these individually. Have you not heard of facial recognition technology? If it's not really mass market now, it will be in 5 or ten years, when those same photos will still be out there and those same kids are trying to live in those same communities.

Does it have to be "absolutely certain"? Can it not just be an entirely unnecessary risk is avoided?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/12/2015 01:52

I think you should send the letter. Remind the Head teacher of his responsibilities.

I was witness to a failure of a head teacher to protect a child recently - someone was taking some photos for a school publicity thing, and they chose to photograph a music class - HT was all "yes yes, that's fine" - I did say to her, "are there any children in here whose parents have refused photography?" and she said "no no" - but the teacher, luckily, was more on the ball and said "Stop, take X out of the photo first".

Head teachers are not infallible.

leopardgecko · 02/12/2015 02:16

I am a foster carer and the children are not allowed to be photographed/videoed, or their names given or what school they attend known. One child in particular has been at risk of abduction and therefore if they were somehow seen in this video, it would be VERY VERY dangerous and could lead to dramatic consequences. Obviously the school themselves know this, but none of the parents or other children would know. So, had my foster children been in this "innocent" video, it could do a huge amount of difficulties and distress for them, and the rest of the family.

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