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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nativity and child protection issue

332 replies

DrMum83 · 01/12/2015 22:09

AIBU?

An acquaintance on Facebook (girl I went to primary school with) has posted a video of her child in the school nativity play. Her mother (the GM) has then shared it on her Facebook. The acquaintance commented that 'I know some people are against videos of children but it's largely focused on DS and its a sad world we live in if I can't do that'.

One of her friends commented that there are child protection issues surrounding this and that at her daughter's school, they are specifically requested to not video the play or post on social media photos of other kids. My acquaintance retorted with 'the headmaster announced at the beginning of the play that video taking is allowed as long as no parents present object'

This rang alarm bells for me.

A) as part of my role at work, I am involved with safeguarding children. Children can be found on fb and hunted down by parents when in care and this can be disastrous.
B) 'no parents present object' what about the parents not present? And what about those sharing the video forward (as in this case)?

I have managed to find the name of school and have typed a letter to headmaster. He may think I'm an interfering busybody but would I be unreasonable to send it?!

Thoughts?

OP posts:

Brioche201 · 06/12/2015 00:40

The hm said it was OK to film.he is in a better position to know if any families have withdrawn permission for photographs. What a busybody you are!

ilovesooty · 06/12/2015 02:15

Brioche your comments seem to demonstrate that some people don't listen to reason or grasp the arguments that others make.

I'd like to see filming banned completely on school premises. At least it would mean that vulnerable families wouldn't be looking over their shoulders all the time. I think their peace of mind trumps anyone's selfish desire to take photographs of their particular child's school experience.

Brioche201 · 06/12/2015 08:02

Photography is an important way of recording children's achievement particarly with very young children.
There is a difference between grasping an argument , and agreeing with an argument. The system we have of photography consent is adequate to protect children. If the parents are too stupid to withdraw consent for vulnerable children or the school fail to adhere to parents wishes then that is a separate issue to be dealt with on an individual basis

Brioche201 · 06/12/2015 08:08

How is the inside of a school hall very identifiable?

Stasie · 06/12/2015 08:46

(I am already on this thread and have changed name, though I don't want to link to the other name if that's Ok.)

I think that there are points to be made on both sides, ie, I can sympathise with those who wish to record their child's performance in an event, and I feel for them that they cannot always do this. I'm not trying to say that their wish to record these things is silly, or worthless, or selfish.

I feel far more strongly, though, that children who are not safe if they are identifiable online or in the newspapers should be protected.

Our children are permitted to be filmed and photographed purely for the purposes of the school, but I don't permit these photographs to be published either on the school website or to the local press etc.

So the teachers can film them, and print pictures of them to go in their achievement record and on school displays within the building.

That helps them to feel more 'normal'.

Anything beyond that is I'm afraid not very safe for them, or it could create a risk and therefore I don't allow it.

If schools can somehow format a DVD copy of a recording of a performance, so that the content cannot be uploaded to the web, that sounds like a really good solution to me. People can buy copies and play them to friends and family in situ but not put them online where they could be accessed by those who do not know the child, or know the child but have ulterior motives.

Original poster

DrMum83 · 06/12/2015 08:46

Oh ffs Brioche must we go over the same stuff again and again?
There wasn't a big school sign visible on the nativity video.
Nor were any of the kids in uniform.
The mother had put a big title on the video 'St *** Primary Xmas play 2015'

Again, photographing the kids is fine if no one objects. Plastering on SM with other kids in the shot is not. It's not difficult to scribble out the other kids' faces.
Even if if you do not consider the child protection issues, surely it's out of politeness and consideration for parents who don't want their kids on fb?

OP posts:

Brioche201 · 06/12/2015 12:23

Oh I am sorry DrMum I didn't realise you were Head Prefect of Mumsnet

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/12/2015 12:25

StarkyTheDirewolf · 06/12/2015 12:44

Bloody hell brioche really?

EduCated · 06/12/2015 13:30

And clearly Brioche you know better than anyone else here, regardless of their real life experiences.

Please do keep showering us with your wisdom

Brioche201 · 06/12/2015 15:53

Please do keep showering us with your wisdom

Ah another one who thinks they somehow have the right to dictate who what when, and wear people post.Newsflash You are not 'head prefect either'

OpiesOldLady · 06/12/2015 16:03

I'm posting on this thread because I'm fuming and I can't say anything IRL without outing myself and my kids so I'm going to quietly seethe.

I've been added to a fb group of mums in my youngest daughters class year. That's fine, I have no issue. One of the mums is on a personal quest to be allowed to take photos of her kid during the nativity next week. The school have already said that no private filming or photos are allowed due to CP issues, but the class teacher will take a photo of them singly in costume on the stage which the parents can then have.

This particular mum appears to be seething that she can't film the nativity. She's openly said 'fuck it, I'm taking photos'.

Thing is... my children are some of the kids that need protecting. We've recently moved for my sons safety and I'm so annoyed that she could compromise that. I understand she wants memories of her dc, but gah! I've tried to suggest that maybe there are good reasons for the kids not to be filmed but she really doesn't give a fuck. And I can't tell her why I'm so angry and annoyed.

Original poster

DrMum83 · 06/12/2015 16:09

Head prefect here...

Opies that's horrendous. Selfish cow. I'd have a quiet word with the teacher/head.

OP posts:

bearleftmonkeyright · 06/12/2015 16:15

Opies, another busybody here. Talk to the head. They will want to know. Hope you get it resolved.

OpiesOldLady · 06/12/2015 16:16

I think I'm going to have to, to be honest. I really don't want to spoil anyones fun, but I have to look after my own.

DisappointedOne · 06/12/2015 16:19

Opies I'd speak to the head too.

It's DD's nativity this week. School asked for costumes to be in last week (1st Dec) and asked me to come in on Thursday morning to take photos of each child on set in their costume. 15% of the children had no costume when I went in. I spent the whole of Thursday afternoon editing the photos (for free) so that they can be sold for a few pennies at the concerts. School have told parents that this is so people haven't got their phones and cameras out during the performances. One of the mums that didn't bother sending a costume has got in her high horse saying that school must take a photo of her child because I obviously don't have a million and one other things t do and that she's told her husband to "sit at the front and film it" because she can't get there herself.

I'll be having words with the head myself on Monday morning.........

merrymouse · 06/12/2015 16:20

Opie, don't try to persuade her, just warn the head that she has threatened to do this and check that there will be teachers available to remove her if necessary.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/12/2015 01:17

I agree with the others, Opies - warn the head and the teachers that she's going to try it, and hopefully they'll confiscate whatever recording kit she has, or remove her if she tries it on/refuses to give up her phone/camera.

So so fed up of the selfish entitled attitude of these people who don't give a flying fuck about anyone else's children's safety.

EduCated · 07/12/2015 21:18

Oh give over Brioche, where have I dictated when and where you can post? You've clearly run out of arguments and don't want to address the many posters who have explained simply and honestly how and why this is problematic for them.

leopardgecko · 07/12/2015 21:36

So, so sorry Opies. I have been through the same myself (have adopted and fostered children in very dangerous situations). As everyone says you must contact with head. I obviously do not know your situation but if you have any professionals involved (SW etc) then maybe they could have a word also.

I feel for you so much. No one knows the things we have to do to protect our children, do they? Wishing you well...and to stay safe!

leopardgecko · 07/12/2015 21:44

How is the inside of a school hall very identifiable?

A child I fostered was identified by a video posted online by another parent that took place in the school hall. A poster was on the wall stating the name, and some of the children (the choir and the audience) were in school uniform. It had very serious consequences for the child.

bostonkremekrazy · 07/12/2015 22:41

we're an adoptive family....our school does allow parents to take photos on the understanding that parents do not upload anything to the internet.

we had a letter home today advising parents that photos have been uploaded and reminding all parents of the agreement that photos can be taken if none are uploaded.

so now i am in the awful situation that i have to say no photos can be taken of my children in school at all - which means NO photos can now be taken of any child on the stage with my children at the school play for Christmas.

I refuse to withdraw my children from the christmas play - they have lost so much already - if none were uploaded then we would have carried on as we have done for several years and all would have been happy - but now we have to protect our children, and our hand has been forced and now no photos can be taken at all - The other parents will not be impressed when that is announced at the start of the play!

KERALA1 · 07/12/2015 22:46

It's sad that the actions of a minority (ie the awful people these poor kids need to be protected from) impact most significantly on these kids but also on the law abiding majority prevented from taking photos. They are the real villains here don't forget that.

ColdTeaAgain · 07/12/2015 23:04

Opies I agree with PP, you absolutely need to report this to the head asap so they can take action. I'm so sorry you are going through this stress over something that should be enjoyable, I really hope it turns ok for you and your DC and you can enjoy the play.

I just can't stand this selfish attitude people have. They are so convinced they are in right and it's them against the "nanny state" and that trumps anyone else's right to safety, children ffs!

I can only assume they are just too ignorant to get it and this thread has led me to believe that schools probably need to do more to get the message through these thick people's skulls as to why they have certain rules.

tiggytape · 07/12/2015 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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