AIBU to invite a guy for dinner but not have sex

[YohY]

To invite a guy over for dinner but not have sex

We have know each other for 4-5 years (through work) but recently over last few months got close in terms of discussions been on a few dates (meals out cinema that type of thing)

I really do like him and wanted to invite him over for a nice meal but not sure about sex... We haven't even kissed! I have a feeling he likes me but is holding back but from his body language ( I catch him staring a lot, always finding excuses to touch me, certain comments) I think he has some feelings for me.

I just want to get to know him first and this can be difficult when in restaurants/watching a movie but people in RL say inviting him over for dinner will most likely lead to sex or that might be what he is expecting

[YohY]

Sorry why is the strip club a problem I think I've been confusing as far as I know he has been a few times but I don't think it's a frequenting/weekly thing

[EchoOfADistantTide]

If he's a Muslim he won't be looking for sex outside of marriage anyway, huh?

[YohY]

I thought that I don't think he is strict as he wouldn't be coming to my house alone.

I would hope he isn't interested in sex anyway to be honest. Saw him again today and he is really a nice guy would like to make an effort with this one think it will be worth it.

[AnyoneButSanta]

Ignoring the strip club thing.

If he likes the idea of having sex with you then that doesn't make him a bad person.
If when he hears the words "come over to my place to dinner" he thinks "Ooh! That's a scenario is very often (but by no means always) a prelude to sex in the context of a developing romantic relationship. Excellent news!" then that does not make him a bad person.
If he is inwardly a bit disappointed to then find out at the end of the evening that you are not interested in any sex that day then it wouldn't make him a bad person. (Though obviously sulking or anything stronger would make him a very bad person).

The problem is that we're so crap at talking about sex openly (hence the whole Netflix and Chill confusion). But in the interests of keeping things developing nicely I'd find a way to signal in advance that you will be kicking him out the door after dessert and perhaps a cheeky snog.

[Flashbangandgone]

AnyoneButSanta

Very sensible and balanced post... IMO if you invite someone over to dinner at yours he would NBU to be hopeful that it would end in sex.... If you really don't want to risk dashing his hopes then either make it clear beforehand or go out instead.

[NameChange30]

He might not be hoping for sex though! He might want to take it slow. I think it might be an idea to make it clear the invite is for dinner only, ie he will be leaving that might not the next morning!, just to avoid awkwardness on the night, but I don't think the OP has to do that if she doesn't want to.

[ComposHatComesBack]

he's a Muslim he won't be looking for sex outside of marriage anyway, huh

If his faith was that bigger deal, paying women to grind their crotches into his face would be a no no too. The fact he does this suggests that his religion might be something he is flexible on when it suits.

[chilledwarmth]

He might be hoping, or infer that sex is where the invitation is leading to, but you don't need to sleep with him. If he does care about you, he won't mind that you want to wait.

[AnyFucker]

he's a Muslim he won't be looking for sex outside of marriage anyway, huh

he won't be looking for sex outside of marriage with a woman he feels has enough worth to marry

[IfNotNowThenWhenever]

To be fair, there are lots of moderate Muslims who do have sex before marriage though, just like there are lots of people who identify as Catholic who do.

[YohY]

Harsh but some truth to it yes

[NorksAreMessy]

I like the sound of a syrup club.
Swimming in it, or just enjoying a tin with a straw?

[witsender]

I'd definitely have less of an issue with someone using a syrup club than a strip club in that case. The latter would be a deal breaker.