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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to invite a guy for dinner but not have sex

113 replies

YohY · 01/12/2015 13:43

To invite a guy over for dinner but not have sex

We have know each other for 4-5 years (through work) but recently over last few months got close in terms of discussions been on a few dates (meals out cinema that type of thing)

I really do like him and wanted to invite him over for a nice meal but not sure about sex... We haven't even kissed! I have a feeling he likes me but is holding back but from his body language ( I catch him staring a lot, always finding excuses to touch me, certain comments) I think he has some feelings for me.

I just want to get to know him first and this can be difficult when in restaurants/watching a movie but people in RL say inviting him over for dinner will most likely lead to sex or that might be what he is expecting

OP posts:

Original poster

YohY · 01/12/2015 14:40

One good thing is he doesn't drink for religious reasons do no alcohol will be involved

OP posts:

TesticleOfObjectivity · 01/12/2015 14:43

It sounds like things are going well op. Ahh dating.... I miss dates!

MajesticWhine · 01/12/2015 14:44

Jesus, I invite people to my house for dinner all the time, am I supposed to be fucking them?

HarveySpectersBalls · 01/12/2015 14:49

Can you not invite him over for brunch / lunch at the weekend and an afternoon film.
(Although having seen another thread, do not invite him over for Netflix, because apparently that does mean sex!!)

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 01/12/2015 14:52

Netflix means sex?! Well that makes sense since it's something I mainly do alone..

I have had sex a lot, and I've had dinner even more. I like this.

LurkingHusband · 01/12/2015 15:06

Somewhere, in a parallel universe, on "Blokesnet" is a thread [AIBU] "To invite a girl for sex, but not pay for dinner ?"

goodnessgraciousgoudaoriginal · 01/12/2015 15:07

I am totally that anyone would even need to ask this in 2015.

If a man assumes, expects or even ENTERTAINS THE IDEA that you will fuck him just because you invited him over for dinner, then he is a fucking sexist, entitled misogynist, and you should cut contact with him.

The fact that you have male friends who even brought this up is frankly weird. Unless they did it in a way which was clearly joking and clearly taking the piss in a way which is so obvious ridiculous that they didn't think you'd take it seriously.

If you are in any way worrying about it, then invite him over for a lunch instead. Or arrange a dinner and ask a few friends (that you trust to actually show up) to come and join you for drinks and a film after the dinner. That should make it obvious.

If you are in ANY way unsure about sleeping with this person, then you shouldn't be sleeping with him. REGARDLESS of his expectations, or those of any other Neanderthal fuckwits around you.

Jesus christ, you haven't even kissed yet!!!

mmmminx · 01/12/2015 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

YohY · 01/12/2015 15:13

Any suggestions on safe dating meal ideas?!

OP posts:

MrsLupo · 01/12/2015 15:13

If having dinner = having sex, maybe there'd be a bit less fat shaming in the world...

shutupandshop · 01/12/2015 15:14

Although I now am wondering if this is partly why mil and fil never invite me over for dinner.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/12/2015 15:15

Don't run around the room in your underwear sprinkled in popcorn. That would be incredibly itchy.

Possibly it's time for .

ChippyOik · 01/12/2015 15:18

You could say "are you driving or getting a taxi home, I need to know how much wine to buy!"

Unreasonablebetty · 01/12/2015 15:33

My now husband thought he was getting some when he first came into my house,

I told him that he would be leaving if he didn't put them ideas out of his mind...
He behaved and that was actually a defining moment, because if he would have carried on trying to make things move that way after I had told him that wasn't what I'd wanted to do. He would have gone down in my estimations and I wouldn't have seen him again.

Try not to panic, but stick to your guns whatever you think.

givemushypeasachance · 01/12/2015 15:44

Is it like another new euphemism of "Netflix and chill"? Supposedly if you invite someone around to your house to "Netflix and chill" which has the literal meaning of come around for a chilled out evening of food/snacks/watching TV, it actually means come around and do that then let's have some casual sex.

Which can cause all sorts of confusion if one party is expecting sex to result and the other party just really wants to catch up on House of Cards while eating Pringles...

hibbleddible · 01/12/2015 15:45

Reading tthis, perhaps your friends are just concerned about your safety, and you are misunderstanding.

It wouldn't be a good idea to invite someone you don't know well to your house for dinner (far better to stick to a public place) but you say you have known him for a long time, so presumably you trust him.

TesticleOfObjectivity · 01/12/2015 15:45

Netflix means sex?! Well that makes sense since it's something I mainly do alone. Haha!

hibbleddible · 01/12/2015 15:47

I only learnt about 'Netflix and chill' from the first dates series. I feel really old.

ilovesooty · 01/12/2015 15:54

Just tell him you won't need to know how he likes his eggs in the morning.

Gruntfuttock · 01/12/2015 16:03

ChippyOik "You could say "are you driving or getting a taxi home, I need to know how much wine to buy!""

No she couldn't, because he doesn't drink alcohol.

DoctorTwo · 01/12/2015 16:15

YANBU in the slightest. I know if a woman invited me for dinner I'd think "ace! I'm getting dinner cooked for me. Hopefully no aubergines though. Don't like aubergines."

Aeroflotgirl · 01/12/2015 16:16

Of course you should be able to invite a guy for dinner and no sex. A decent guy would not assume sex is on the cards, and respect you if you say no.

witsender · 01/12/2015 16:18

Blimey, she's not saying she will have sex regardless of whether she wants to, just asking as to whether common perception is that that is the norm as she doesn't want to have to deal with a potential situation.

ProfGrammaticus · 01/12/2015 16:21

Doctortwo

toffeeboffin · 01/12/2015 16:23

Probably going against the grain here but if you invite him for dinner, he will presume you'll be having sex.

That's what men are like. And women actually. If a guy invited me around to his for supper I'd expect/presume sex was on the cards.

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