AIBU to invite a guy for dinner but not have sex

[YohY]

To invite a guy over for dinner but not have sex

We have know each other for 4-5 years (through work) but recently over last few months got close in terms of discussions been on a few dates (meals out cinema that type of thing)

I really do like him and wanted to invite him over for a nice meal but not sure about sex... We haven't even kissed! I have a feeling he likes me but is holding back but from his body language ( I catch him staring a lot, always finding excuses to touch me, certain comments) I think he has some feelings for me.

I just want to get to know him first and this can be difficult when in restaurants/watching a movie but people in RL say inviting him over for dinner will most likely lead to sex or that might be what he is expecting

[P1nkP0ppy]

I hope 'popcorn' isn't an euphemism for sex OP?

[weeblueberry]

Good lord is this really a question that needs asked.

He can assume all he bloody well wants. If you're not up for it then he's not getting any. And if he presses either verbally or physically then he's a fucknugget of the highest order and should be avoided.

[toffeeboffin]

Anyway, he should be taking you to dinner, not you slaving in the kitchen.

And then you can kiss him and see how you feel.

If you invite him around he might feel pressured necessarily. But then you've know him for 5 years so this is all by the by

[ShebaShimmyShake]

There's nothing unreasonable about it at all, you don't owe someone sex just because you had them round for dinner. But with that said, it may be wise not to just because he might think that's what you have in mind. So doing something else would just save you some potential difficulty or awkwardness.

[VestalVirgin]

You are not, ever, in any way obligated to have sex with a man just because you have invited him into your home. Ever. At all

This.

You may want to evaluate very carefully whether you can trust him, as men who expect sex can be dangerous - but you need not be concerned about what he might think of you.

[ShebaShimmyShake]

Even more than that, you're not obligated to have sex with him even if you invited him into your bed. You can change your mind at any time. Your body never stops being yours.

But to avoid any difficulty or awkwardness (I'm assuming she can trust him from a safety perspective as she's known him for so long, but of course I could be wrong), I'd say in this case it's easier just to avoid the possible situation and do something else. Not that you'd do anything wrong if you did invite him over for dinner and only dinner. But I'm thinking of making things easier and more relaxed for yourself.

[Zucker]

Any suggestions on safe dating meal ideas?!

Sushi served on your naked body - safe
A big bowl of stew and crusty bread - safe

Moral of the story, if you don't want sex you don't have sex.

[VestalVirgin]

That's what men are like. And women actually. If a guy invited me around to his for supper I'd expect/presume sex was on the cards.

Me too ... because it is so rare for men to do something nice for women without expecting that there be something in it for them.

But I would hope to just get a nice meal.

I would, however, be severely disappointed if there was no chocolate mousse or pudding or such for dessert. It is unreasonable to invite a woman for dinner and not give her chocolate.


Seriously, though, I wonder since when the UK is one of those cultures where inviting someone to dinner is a proposal.

I need to get me a copy of "Watching the English" and inform myself about this strange and alien culture.

[Bambambini]

What everyone else said but i'd rather eat out so i don't have to cook and there is less chance of presumptions. I think eating in makes some kind of intimacy more likely as it's so private and personal, which is fine if you want that.

[VestalVirgin]

Any suggestions on safe dating meal ideas?!

Read Nanny Ogg's Cookbook. Avoid all her "special" recipes. Done.

[Aeroflotgirl]

On our first date dh took me out for a meal, cinema and guess what, sex was nit presumed. We had a nice chat, then he drove me home.

[SolidGoldBrass]

If he doesn't drink for superstitious religious reasons he might be the sort who doesn't have sex before marriage, of course.

I don't think that inviting someone round for dinner indicates that you are going to be serving yourself for dessert, but are you particularly keen on cooking for people? If not, why not invite him to have a meal with you in a restaurant or something, so you can escape if it doesn't go well?

[YohY]

Look I'm not saying i would even entertain the idea of being coerced into sex... He is a highly trained pro he wouldn't dream of doing such a thing plus we still kind of work together

It's just my friends joked possibly because they know we like each other or at least they definitely know I like him and suddenly thought to myself hang on do guys expect that these days??? Last time I dated I was like 21

[YohY]

I don't really feel threatened by him in anyway. I'll be honest he is a little secretive about his previous partners and I know he has be known to use strip clubs and things like that

But no reason to be worried about him at all. To be honest up until now we have been friendly and recently more friends and now we are spending time together on dates alone.

He has taken me for a few meals and the pictures too which he did pay for. I don't think he would pressurize anything too many other mutual friends between us he would be too embarrassed.

[toffeeboffin]

"Watching the English" is worth a read.

Spectacularly accurate.

Makes you realize how weird we are!

[toffeeboffin]

'He is a highly trained pro'

What field, OP?

[ComposHatComesBack]

Why would anyone expect sex was on the cards? When I was an unattached gentleman, I dined with a number of female friends. I don't think sex crossed either of our minds.

[fourkids]

highly trained pros can still be arseholes. Then they are just highly trained professional arseholes.

[Fluffy24]

Christ an I the only one who thinks that, depending on his past experiences and interpretation of your current relationship he might think sex was a serious possibility if you invite him to your home for dinner?!

Please NB I am NOT saying that you should feel you have to give-out - having the horn and not getting his leg over won't kill him!!

So I think that it would be a good idea for you to be honest with him and just explain that 'I'm a bit wary of things going to fast - I'm enjoying just getting to know you better - but I'd like it if you came for supper?'

[YohY]

Thanks again.

Honestly this dinner was to cheer him up as he was having a hard time last week with some things.
It's the medical profession.

Just thought I would do something nice and I do like to cook but I started to think he might feel there is more to this because of my obvious feelings towards him.

[Fluffy24]

FWIW I think you should invite him!

[Branleuse]

of course making someone a meal doesnt make you obliged to have sex, but if i was dating someone and they invited me for dinner alone, Id think they wanted sex. If they invited me to a dinner party i wouldnt, nor if we went out for a meal, but I think if you definitely dont want sex yet, then you might end up with an awkward moment sending him off home again, unless you make it clear to begin with

[WanderingTrolley1]

Yanbu.

[Sallyingforth]

Of course you should still invite him. You'll both enjoy it. Just make it clear when you invite him that it's for dinner only. I suggested earlier that you could tell him with a smile that he won't need a toothbrush, but I'm sure you can think of something else light-hearted.

You obviously like the guy - don't lose the opportunity to get to know him better. It might lead to something more next time, or not.

[AyeAmarok]

Strip clubs, eh.

I've gone right off this guy.