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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to invite a guy for dinner but not have sex

113 replies

YohY · 01/12/2015 13:43

To invite a guy over for dinner but not have sex

We have know each other for 4-5 years (through work) but recently over last few months got close in terms of discussions been on a few dates (meals out cinema that type of thing)

I really do like him and wanted to invite him over for a nice meal but not sure about sex... We haven't even kissed! I have a feeling he likes me but is holding back but from his body language ( I catch him staring a lot, always finding excuses to touch me, certain comments) I think he has some feelings for me.

I just want to get to know him first and this can be difficult when in restaurants/watching a movie but people in RL say inviting him over for dinner will most likely lead to sex or that might be what he is expecting

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 02/12/2015 04:11

What religions are totes cool with strip clubs and not with alcohol? I want the opposite religion.

Original poster
YohY · 02/12/2015 07:11

He is Muslim
Yes I don't get why you wouldn't drink and smoke but yet love using strip clubs.
Maybe up for discussion... Hmmm maybe not just want to stare arhiscery dreamy eyes!

OP posts:
Original poster
YohY · 02/12/2015 07:11

Sorry into his dreamy eyes

OP posts:
Saukko · 02/12/2015 12:37

Blech. Hypocritical sleaze.

ComposHatComesBack · 02/12/2015 12:55

He sounds like a sleazeball. I wouldn't give him the time of day, let alone a Pot Noodle at my flat.

TesticleOfObjectivity · 02/12/2015 12:57

I've gne off him too.

toffeeboffin · 02/12/2015 13:02

Me too.

toffeeboffin · 02/12/2015 13:02

Let me guess, he's a doctor.

wickedwaterwitch · 02/12/2015 13:04

I totally get why he might think sex is in the cards - you've been out a few times and now you've invited him to yours. It doesn't mean you have to, of course not, but he might think it's a possibility.

wickedwaterwitch · 02/12/2015 13:05

So YANBU to not want to or not to, of course not. But it wouldn't be surprising if he had wondered about the possibility.

goodnessgraciousgoudaoriginal · 02/12/2015 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ComposHatComesBack · 02/12/2015 13:09

Good point good cross I didn't spot that myself.

The new information is so damming that it changes the complexion of the relationship between the two.

UptownFunk00 · 02/12/2015 13:13

Of course not.

Nobody should expect sex and if they do they aren't worth it.

NameChange30 · 02/12/2015 13:18

"He is a highly trained pro he wouldn't dream of doing such a thing"

What the actual fuck. Apparently only untrained, unprofessional men rape or sexually assault women Hmm
Honestly one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read on MN.

If you trust him, great, but don't say that you trust him because he's a "highly trained pro" FFS.

I agree with MrsTerryPratchett and the other PPs who have gone off him. The kind of man who goes to strip clubs is not the kind of man I'd be making dinner for.

Preciousxbane · 02/12/2015 14:22

Harold Shipman was a highly trained pro, just saying.

thebestfurchinchilla · 02/12/2015 16:10

YANBU!You haven't even kissed yet so I think you're getting ahead of yourself. Take it slow or jump into bed but you both have to want it.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 02/12/2015 16:42

Strip clubs...eeewwwww. I've gone orf him too.
Thinking about it, my chap came to mine for dinner after we had been dating a bit but not kissed yet. He cooked though Wink. (And we did kiss but no nooky).
I would be pondering what kind of man thinks it's cool to pay women to gyrate in his face in the altogether, and how this might be an indication of how he views women as commodities. I would never date a man who frequents strip clubs, that would be a deal breaker.

Original poster
YohY · 02/12/2015 17:05

I'm not trolling I swear to god
I don't mean to drip feed honestly I was just trying to find out what is the done thing

I feel bad as I've made him out to be a sex crazed person into strip clubs he is actually really nice

OP posts:
Original poster
YohY · 02/12/2015 17:09

No what I meant is he is unlikely to want to jeopardise his career by doing something stupid regarding his professional status

But of course that's not guaranteed

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 02/12/2015 17:15

"No what I meant is he is unlikely to want to jeopardise his career by doing something stupid regarding his professional status"

A lot of men are arrogant enough to assume they'll get away with it. Some of them feel entitled to do what they want and don't even think they're doing anything wrong.

Original poster
YohY · 02/12/2015 17:33

A lot of insinuation is going on here

I don't want to fuck this guy.. Yet

I was merely asking if sex was the done thing these days as I don't want to give him false impressions

I have really no reason to suspect him as he mostly acts like a gentleman

Of course I appreciate his job and demeanour doesnt guarantee good behaviour as I can't predict anything and people can have a nasty side to them

OP posts:
thebestfurchinchilla · 02/12/2015 19:22

I think maybe you should go OUT to dinner if you are in any way unsure of his intentions or yours and you don't sound confident in your own boundaries.

Original poster
YohY · 02/12/2015 22:09

Yes was just trying to avoid awkwardness of him paying again I am happy to pay but I think cooking a meal is so much nicer and thoughtful

Also avoiding the awkwardness of the end of the night when you are out and about.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 02/12/2015 22:15

I don't think there's anything wrong with inviting a man over for dinner, whether you plan to have sex with him or not, if you enjoy cooking and want a more intimate date, it's a good idea.

I just wouldn't invite this man. The syrup club thing is a massive turn off. But if you don't have a problem with it, go ahead and maybe take up strip dancing lessons

NameChange30 · 02/12/2015 22:15

STRIP club! Not syrup club! Grin

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