Aibu not to write from mum & dad

[elf0508]

My partner doesn't want to buy anything for our son for Christmas and expects me to write from mum and dad on his gifts. WTF. Why would I? I've spent time and money choosing a gift and wrapping it why should he get credit too?

Ok. Need more info.
Does your partner play with your son? What does ds do? Playdo? Puzzles? Doesn't ds just throw other stuff if he doesn't have any toys?

Is DS throwing stuff because he doesn't have enough external stimulation? Might be a way to sell the toys idea to your OH?

You need to put your son first. Your poor boy will really suffer in this relationship. It is just awful not to allow an 18 month old to have toys.

My goodness, your situation sounds ver abusive, fir you and your poor ds. You hide toys . What would he say, if you bought toys and put them out for ds to play with?

This is so terribly sad.

What does your little boy do all day with no toys?

If social services find out your child has no toys he will be taken into care. Your partner's behaviour is abusive towards you and towards his son. If you care about your child at all, you need to get out (with him).

Do you take your DS to baby groups - if you want to stay as you are, at least he could play with toys there. If you go to several different groups on different days, they will each have a different selection of toys, too.

I was going to ask the same bestzebbie

No I have no other family support, my mum kicked me out so I had to get a house with my boyfriend. Her way of thinking has been drilled into me 'I chose to have a baby, I must put up with said consequences'
I don't know, he has a v tech smart stages chair that I hide upstairs, he just stands on it (our son), I got him a basket ball dunk thingy, he just pulls basket ball apart. I spend time teaching him how to play with it but he doesn't seem to pick it up. I actually think he is autistic and I would feel awful that he was because of what I've subjected him to. Although I don't think that is possible. I feel really guilty for even having a baby to be honest. I can't love him when I can barely love myself

I spend time teaching him how to play with it but he doesn't seem to pick it up. I actually think he is autistic

He is 18 months. The fact that he doesn't play with toys, in the 'right way' doesn't mean anything.

Are there other reasons you think he is autistic?

Is he your partner or your flatmate, he is acting more like a good friend with benefits than a responsible father.

I really don't think that the solution is to find a way to have more access to more toys, but to find a way to balance this relationship or to stop living with such an inconsiderate git. It is nit on that you are struggling so much while he just gives you some crumbs to help out.

Please go tomorrow to someone who can help you. It's almost abusive to live like this. Your baby deserves better and so do you.

Bloody Hell love, You have to get some help for your child and for yourself.

Don't feel guilty, but it is not normal to have to hide a child's toys, or for them not to be able to access their play things. It is neglect.

It is also worrying that you feel 'you can't love him' and 'can't love yourself'.

Life doesn't have to be like this.

Good grief woman, you can't make a child autistic. Have you been keeping the appointments with the health visitor? Is your child reaching his milestones? Is he receiving enough stimulation from you? They do not need expensive toys, most things you can find around in a house are good enough to explore or play with as long as they are not heavy or sharp.

The basketball thing sounds to complex for a small child.

He needs really basic stuff like blocks, mega blocks, big piece puzzles, Usborn books, things with wheels. There's loads of stuff in charity shops. They cost pennies.

Go to a baby group and see what toys the boy picks up and get stuff like that.

It sounds like you need help to help him play, and he desperately needs toys.

If social services find out your child has no toys he will be taken into care
Don't say stupid shit like this. However yes, this child is suffering neglect right now. His needs are not being met.

My 15 month old will play with basic building blocks and stacking cups for hours. She also loves books and hitting things with a wooden hammer.

Do you go to any baby groups? Is there a children's centre near by?

He'd get more out of his toys by playing with them the wrong way then the right way at his age! My daughter is 17 months, her way of playing with a puzzle is to take all the pieces out, put them in a bucket, dump them out, put them in...etc until she gets fed up. Could you give him some simple things from around the house to play with? Babies that age love household objects as much as shop bought things. Try wooden spoons, metal bowls, saucepans, colanders, pieces of material, measuring spoons, sealed plastic bottles or tubs filled with rice or dry pasta etc. Also a washing up bowl filled with water and some plastic cups for pouring.

Never mind what your son deserves, what about you?! YOU deserve more. You need to find some strength and figure out where you want your life to go. If you are content, your boy will follow.

this is about much more than names on a tag.

You need to talk to someone in RL about your worries, this is beyond th scope of MN. Your health visitor or, if you have one, your social worker.

i do get that the vtech flashing/noise making crap is annoying as hell, and clutters the place up. We don't have anything like that because I'm a grumpy cow, but I've got plenty of simple toys/books that all fit in one big basket downstairs. Any other toys are in a big storage box upstairs, and I just rotate the things every couple of weeks if there's something she's bored with. There's really no clutter that way, and no looking at plastic tat.

You need to get help op. This will only get worst. Toddlers don't play with toys the 'right way' they just explore. A Tupperware bowl and a wooden spoon to bash together will stimulate a toddler. Even taking plastic cookie cutters in and out of a cardboard box can amuse them.
Your son needs to be a child. Imo having a dad who acts like your partner does cannot be better than you being a single parent. It's not as though he is providing financially. If you want him in your life he needs to change.
Get help please for your sons sake if not for you.

The Christmas presents I wouldn't worry about. The attitude towards toys I would

Why do you have Sky when you can barely afford to pay the rent?

As others have said, toddlers need toys to develop. A ball will help develop gross motor skills such as throwing & catching. Building blocks or chunky crayons will help fine motor skills such as the pincer grip. Children need this, they also need space to run & play, people to talk to them & other children to interact with. Can you talk to your HV? You sound like you need support.