Aibu not to write from mum & dad

[elf0508]

My partner doesn't want to buy anything for our son for Christmas and expects me to write from mum and dad on his gifts. WTF. Why would I? I've spent time and money choosing a gift and wrapping it why should he get credit too?

Really?

You buy separate presents for your joint child?

I think if you asked a cross section of woman, most would say they mostly organise all presents and still put their other halves name on it!

I have thought about leaving him to be honest. But I don't have the strength and frankly I want my son to have Both his parents together. I was the one who wanted to get pregnant, made my bed now I have to lie in it

No he's not a good dad. He will harm your child if he grows up in this toxic environment.

This is so sad. You both deserve more, OP.

Yes but you're making your son lie in it too and that's not fair. You made a bad choice so you're going to inflict it on your child forever too? Nah

I was going to say YABU as presents to our children have always come from me and DH. However in your case I don't think your DP is actually very nice. Children need toys that's how they learn about the world around them. Your DS might throw them now but he will learn to play and not throw if he has access to them. I would buy hin a few toys and just put from Mum on them.
What does he play with if he hasn't got any toys?

You shouldn't stay with him for your son. It's not fair on any of you.

If you didn't have your boy would you be with him?

I know it's not fair but I grew up in a single parent family, it wasn't the best. I often wonder if my dad even cares about me. Surely my partner deserves a chance at being a dad? Idk, no if we didn't have a baby, I'd have left ages ago!

How do you get by on 14 hours a week, without his help?

Its not about what your partner deserves it's about what your child deserves. Better than this shit I think?

You've had to hide a few toys??
Okay, this really needs sorting out.
Is he reasonable most of the time? Did he not have any toys as a child? This is very odd. But so is the separation of 'I bought this, he bought that'. My partner buys nothing for the children, but that is okay because I know she adores them, looks after them etc. We (nearly) all have our strengths in a relationship. What are his?

We just struggle every month. My mum sometimes gives me a bit of money for rent, but other than that its a hard struggle
He did have toys, lots of wrestling figures and a console but he got them at the age of how to appreciate them. I got my son a walker from v tech and he didn't use it so my partner threw it out. He doesn't like clutter and he doesn't like it when our boy doesn't play with things or just throws them about.
His strength in our relationship? He occasionally gives me a back massage?

I can't think of any other strength he has. He doesn't pressure me into sex, is that a strength?

When you say your son doesn't do much, what does that mean exactly? At that age mine was a whirlwind, running between toys/puzzles/play doh etc. I just can't imagine her doing nothing. Does he just sit? Watch TV?

And no, not pressuring you into sex is not a strength. It's basic human decency.

You have to hide your son's toys from his father?

elf i agree with the others its not a healthy relationship. i think its a form of abuse yes its great if a child can be bought up with mum and dad in the house. but not if its unhealthy. is it going to be like this for the next 18+ years. like others have said your son needs to be able to develop. its not a healthy house hold your son cant be a child? how is your sons development. is he seem by health visitors. like others have said you and your son are worth so much more. you have to hide toys and only play with them whilst partner is out of the house. that is so sad. :(

do you have any other family support

Your son deserves so much better than this. So sad.

Wtf?

You would rather your son have 2 parents, one of who potentially effecting his development than be a single parent.

I grew up in a single parent family. It's far better than living in a house where you have to sneak toys.

He is a wanker. The tag is the most pointless argument I have ever heard.

If he is too young for presents, the tag doesn't matter.

At 18 months he can't read the tag so it doesn't matter.

Your child would be fine in a single parent household where he can have a normal childhood

Oh op, this isn't a case of ' made your bed now you have to lie in it', no , you don't deserve this .
Your mindset sounds so familiar to me , that you deserve so little that you should pay the price etc.
It took me years to get out of that way of thinking and get some self esteem.
Pick a strong woman, real or fictional , whatever and think to yourself "what would x do?" any time you need perspective.
You have done nothing wrong .
Your little boy will give you strength to get away from this shit existence.
You aren't doing your DS a favour by staying , you should leave, made a proper life and show him what a loving family really is.
It will be fine.
You have your whole life ahead of you .

Sorry but your partner sounds like a complete arsehole. Your child is still a baby of course he's going to throw things. Having to actually hide toys just because your partner doesn't allow them would make me reconsider the relationship. Just put from mum on his presents. As another PP said your partner should not be throwing you breadcrumbs to survive.

It is worrying, but do you think you can talk to him about this? It sounds like he was treated in a similar way. Wrestling figures and a console?? I know that toys in themselves are not necessary, but if you are going to have a ban on toys, you need to make replacements - a box of tactile things to explore, saucepans to bang with spoons etc. And frankly, if you can afford it, real toys!! He will probably say it never did him any harm, but I beg to differ on what you have said so far. People on here are too quick to say 'leave' without necessary appreciating the real life consequences. Yes it may be the right thing, but is there scope for change? Do you go out as a family? I fear your OH would have your son in front of cbeebies all day with no other stimulation, but maybe I am being unfair. Hope so!

Look up your local beauty salon and see how much a massage is, or ask your mum or a friend to do it.

Also look up Entitled To and work out what you'd get if this waste of space was to move out. Denying a child toys is awful. Why doesn't he play with the child if he's frustrated with the way he plays?

I was the one who wanted to get pregnant, made my bed now I have to lie in it

Is it 1850?