Aibu not to write from mum & dad

[elf0508]

My partner doesn't want to buy anything for our son for Christmas and expects me to write from mum and dad on his gifts. WTF. Why would I? I've spent time and money choosing a gift and wrapping it why should he get credit too?

No toys? At all? If so

Leave him, take your son, and leave him now.

A childhood without toys? Granted no one needs big fancy toys and gadgets, but every child NEEDS a few toys.

elf, he sounds financially abusive at the least. How is he going to be when ds is a screaming toddler.

If DP doesn't see the point in DS having any Christmas presents, why does he expect you to write "from mum and dad" on the tags?

I know hindsight is a wonderful thing OP, but did you not discuss how things might be in the future before having a child together? No Christmas until older, no Birthday as such, no intention to actually pay his fair share of his own DC's expenses. He doesn't sound like the most wonderful father in the world!

Joint money isn't essential necessarily (although it's how we've always done things). You'll find lots of couples on MN who have entirely separate finances, but I'm pretty sure that can only work properly when both parties are paying their fair share!

What a dick.

I can sort of see a point where 2 loving parents could have different views on what a child should get for Christmas, I can also sort of see the point that when they are very little, they don't really know that it's Christmas......

....and then I read the rest of your post. YANBU and honestly I think I couldn't be with a man like that.

MY DH doesn't really take too much interest in what I buy now (boys are teenagers) but he doesn't care how much I spend (joint money) and loves to see them opening stuff on Christmas. In our situation I always put from us both as although he doesn't really contribute to the choosing and buying as such, he would if I made him :o and he knows I enjoy it so he just leaves me to it. He would sometimes just take DSs out as a babies/toddlers and buy up the toy shop because they "needed" new toys (i.e. they were getting too old for what they had) so I don't mind him not being too bothered now - I think he just doesn't have any idea about teenagers.

My friend and her DH don't have joint finances but they manage. She puts all the purchases on one (empty) credit card and then asks her DH for half the total.

Children need to play to aid their development of all sorts of skills. What does your son do if he doesn't have toys? This man is a dick and a shit father.

I think you should consider having this thread moved to Relationships OP and there maybe exploring what you get out of this relationship some more. He won't give you this, he won't allow you that... Doesn't sound like much fun love

I have always put from Mum and Dad, even though I have normally gone out to the shops/trawled the net for the gifts. The money is joint.

But the issue here is the way your partner is controlling the finances (and what else I wonder)

I think the not allowing toys is a bigger issue than who buys Christmas presents? My ds is 16 months and loves toys his development has come on massively through playing with cars, building blocks, happy land characters, shape sorters, jigsaws etc. Yes sometimes he throws things but he's learning all the time!

Who owns the house, whose name is on the mortgae and whose name is on the deeds? Whose name is on the rental agreement? Who pays?

Kick him out. He sounds ghastly. No toys in the house? What nonsense. How's ds supposed to learn not to throw them?

This will get worse, as ds gets older and needs wider experience and opportunity. You are in danger of his development being stilted. He needs to be able to do all the things growing children do, and be rewarded for the good and to learn which behaviours are bad ones.

It sounds like you live a very controlled, stunted life. Thank goodness you don't have joint finances.

Oh for goodness sake, he can't even read!

Oh wow!

I think you have bigger things to worry about than who is paying for the Xmas gifts.

Are you sure you want to stay together with this man, forever ?

In my mind- parents, sharing a home and child - also share money and similar views. Anything else won't work.

Oh, missed the usual "actually or relationship is shit and this is just one issue among many" dripfeed.

He sounds like a joyless tight arse. No toys in the house!! Tell him to do one so you and your dc can relax and have some fun.

Children need toys! Maybe not the millions that kids today seem to expect, but they need to play to learn and develop proper motor skills. Why are you with a man who treats your son like this, OP? Get rid!

No toys? Really? That is outrageous. Children learn through play. Toys are also, I understand, fun.

This man doesn't sound fun though. I feel genuinely angered that he doesn't 'allow' toys. What a complete dick. Why do you 'allow' him to 'not allow' toys?

Exactly what molyholy said. Ugh. Get rid and have a lovely Christmas.

My goodness, give your ds a fantastic oresent, get rid of this dick.

How does he have all this power?
Did you give up work to be a sahm?
Without being married ?
No doubt I'll get flamed but , don't do that ladies !
Anyway op , no point looking backwards now, make arrangements to split .
It's financial abuse if you have no access to funds other than your 'housekeeping ' and I think ss might call an household with no toys neglect.
Whose house is it BTW ?
It doesn't really matter , I can't see you being any worse off.

My ExP did everything he could to squirm out of buying anything for my two children last year, even though I'd since had his child too and despite his thousands in the bank... Last Xmas went on a credit card. One of the reasons he is now an Ex. You're DP sounds joyful OP. Get rid.

I was all for saying nah, whichever parent buys gifts they're from mum & dad in our house.

Then I saw your comment about finances. "He only gives you"? As in that's all he contributes to household finances? That sounds awful if so. Do you both work? Who does the childcare? Who pays the bills?

And not allowing toys?? What does your son do all day? That's actually very worrying for your son's development and mental health. How can he learn not to throw toys if he doesn't have any? I know you can go a long way with improvised toys, but something, surely.

This doesn't sound like a family

'not allowed toys'=child abuse
no, really. Talk to your HV, children need to play it's how they learn and develop. This man is damaging your son. Your HV should be able to help you understand this (if you don't already, but I think perhaps you do really)

I didn't mean to drip feed at all, and I didn't say it was shit, it made me realise it sounds very shit! I work 14 hours a week, because we have limited childcare, so I cant do anymore than that. Both our names are on the house. He pays for sky, I pay for BT. He (our son) doesn't do much all day to be honest but when my partner goes to work I take him upstairs and let him play with a few toys that I've managed to hide away. He isn't the best father to be honest, the only thing he ever spent more than a tenner on on our son was the new car seat :/

Your son needs toys to help his develop, learn and grow. He will never learn NOT to throw toys unless given the chance. Your partner sounds as though he has trouble thinking about anybody else's needs apart from his own - if I'm honest I'm a bit worried that you're in a controlling and emotionally abusive relationship.

Have a good think about what your son needs. Is it two parents, one of whom belittles and controls the other, or one who knows love and has all his needs met? You need to start putting your foot down and putting your son before your partner.

Frankly I reckon you could do better.