To refuse to stay up all night helping DH for another year?

[MerryMrs2]

A little background – DH of many years (no DCs) is self-employed. His work is very seasonal, which in practice means he swans about all spring/summer doing his hobbies (watchmaking, tinkering, etc) and then in November/December it’s absolute bloody madness. After two months of running himself and his staff completely ragged he has to make all kinds of last-minute deliveries and is without fail away all night, from dusk quite literally to dawn.

In theory I don’t object to this, DH can’t control when he is needed and many families rely on him. But this can be very stressful for me as I’m left to tie up all his loose ends alone.

For example the staff party always falls to me, which as they inevitably break into the peppermint schnapps and start rocking around can be very stressful. He also leaves me in charge of all the animals, most of which are very large and tend to be disappointed at having been left out of the delivery party, plus all of the clean-up from months of messy work in DH’s workshop. And I have to be essentially on call ALL NIGHT to check his list twice and give directions as despite YEARS of doing very similar routes DH is a hopeless navigator.

I do all of this for no pay (just as a favour to DH?). Also our business involves a lot of administration (list making) and research on the global toy market, very important work that I often take on throughout the year in addition to managing the gingerbread houses, baking cookies, keeping animals washed and fed etc so I do feel I’ve pitched in enough already. I’m now getting on a bit and the thought of staying up all night by the phone with a hundred drunks in the next room is just too much to bear.
I want to tell DH to sort out some other plan, but he says he can’t trust anyone else. Can I just refuse to help? AIBU because I don’t think I am??

[Krampus]

Maybe the OP is Gryla, bleeding trolls get everywhere.

[ProfGrammaticus]

YADNBU. There are other threads on here from wives of men who spend all their time helping others, often working away from home. They all seem to get forgotten too. Ask DH whether you are getting your fair share of the treats he is given in the course of his work - if your DH is the man I think he might be, he is getting fatter. Where is your share of the mince pies???

[Heyheyheygoodbye]

Krampus

[AwfulBeryl]

Yanbu, may I suggest a spa weekend ?

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

guajiraguantanamera Sorry but

[spankhurst]

I read quite a lot of the OP before I twigged. Quite a lot.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

It's one night a year OP, to bring a smile to so many little faces?

[AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads]

Me too spankhurst!

[DeoGratias]

When you earn 10x your husband ( as I did and many women do) you don't get saddled with this kind of stuff. As ever feminism rules. Get out there and ensure his income is pin money compared to you and the world is your oyster.

[MrsUltra]

Where is your share of the mince pies???
and the sherry

[BoneyBackJefferson]

I am worried that he is forcing you to exclude children on the basis of an exactly (judgemental) code that it is impossible for them adhere to.

[AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads]

Deo

[AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads]

Oh and OP, kill all those fucking elves before they get sent out tonight!

[OstentatiousBreastfeeder]

I got to checking the list twice before I went ooooohhh...

FWIW he sounds like a right cocklodger. You're not too old to reclaim your life. LTB.

[rembrandtsrockchick]

I read the whole of the opening post and didn't twig!

[DeoGratias]

Ah, a joke... yues but it still had a feminism issue in there of unfairness - man gets all glory and woman does donkey work so my piont still stands - out earn your man and leave him saddled with dross jobs whilst you get the glory. Has worked for me for 30 years.

[SaucyJack]

It's fucking November. Please.

[Krampus]

It is December Eve.

[OstentatiousBreastfeeder]

December eve.

[HawkEyeTheNoo]

Merrymrs couples counselling is the way forward if you can get him away from all the "tinkering". Why do YOU need to check the list twice? Bloody lazy man if you ask me and I can't believe no one has picked up on this yet..... You think he is drunk flying??? Have you called him on this?

AND

Guantarismera (or whatever your bloody name is!) don't you come sticking your oat in here complaining!! Who exactly is your baby's father?!?? Well?

[HawkEyeTheNoo]

Guahiraguantanamera total apologies! I was actually referring to whetherornot. And her woe is me take of finding a bloody donkey at this time of year slut

[AwfulBeryl]

me too spankhurst. Too far in to the op.

[LineyReborn]

I think you should take up Pole dancing and run off with the Orange One to a sauna in Iceland.

[Youarentkiddingme]

It didn't twig the OP until I read some replies

I think you need to tell DH that you want him to sack you!

[MerryMrs2]

Krampus, good to hear from you again! It has been ages and I do hope you're well.

I will start looking into counselling and in the meantime perhaps I can persuade DH to share the mince pies and sherry as thanks to you all I now realise I deserve a little recognition for all my hard work!! :)