To refuse to stay up all night helping DH for another year?

[MerryMrs2]

A little background – DH of many years (no DCs) is self-employed. His work is very seasonal, which in practice means he swans about all spring/summer doing his hobbies (watchmaking, tinkering, etc) and then in November/December it’s absolute bloody madness. After two months of running himself and his staff completely ragged he has to make all kinds of last-minute deliveries and is without fail away all night, from dusk quite literally to dawn.

In theory I don’t object to this, DH can’t control when he is needed and many families rely on him. But this can be very stressful for me as I’m left to tie up all his loose ends alone.

For example the staff party always falls to me, which as they inevitably break into the peppermint schnapps and start rocking around can be very stressful. He also leaves me in charge of all the animals, most of which are very large and tend to be disappointed at having been left out of the delivery party, plus all of the clean-up from months of messy work in DH’s workshop. And I have to be essentially on call ALL NIGHT to check his list twice and give directions as despite YEARS of doing very similar routes DH is a hopeless navigator.

I do all of this for no pay (just as a favour to DH?). Also our business involves a lot of administration (list making) and research on the global toy market, very important work that I often take on throughout the year in addition to managing the gingerbread houses, baking cookies, keeping animals washed and fed etc so I do feel I’ve pitched in enough already. I’m now getting on a bit and the thought of staying up all night by the phone with a hundred drunks in the next room is just too much to bear.
I want to tell DH to sort out some other plan, but he says he can’t trust anyone else. Can I just refuse to help? AIBU because I don’t think I am??

[Sennelier1]

May I ask if you have a marriage contract? If not, you could go to a notary and get a contract registered. Before you do that, I'd like to recommend you go into counseling together at a time that suits both of you (so probably somewhere between march and august I suppose?) to find out what would be the most opportune way of co-habitation in your situation. p.s. I've been good all year. Really.

[snowsnowsnowsnow]

OP - I can sympathise that you are fed up with your DH and his lack of organisation but seeing as sooooo many people are reliant on your services, I think it is about time you set yourselves up as a joint business. After this busy period is over, you need to draw up a business plan and outline exactly who is responsible for what and delegate as much as possible to your reliable staff. In the meantime I am afraid that you will have to suck it up and keep going - with whatever fuel you need (pince mies, chocs, wandy, brisky... more wine... ).

Lood guck, hick, I htink I might have peaked too soon this eenvnging ...

[InfiniteSheldon]

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I hope it’s going better this year than when you posted a couple of years ago.

If you have time, can you tell me if your husband still likes mince pies for him and carrots for the reindeer? I assume he’s not on a diet yet. Dh wants to leave him some whisky but I’m afraid he may be caught drink driving so we are leaving a glass of milk instead. Is that ok?

[1DAD2KIDS]

Can you outsource some of the work to parts of the world where the Labour costs are far cheaper and have no employment rights? That way you could both put your feet up a bit more and save a few quid.

[phoenix1973]

Are you Mother Christmas?

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

On the plus side though - just think of the air miles

[iklboo]

Is he still pulling this stunt OP? You've more patience than me.

[MrsExpo]

I feel for you. How on earth do you get all that soot off his clothes? Is that another task which is left to you, or do you have a house elf for that kind of thing .....

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Loving the fact that I was amused by this post last year and seem to be here again to tell you YABU OP

[PleaseNotTrump]

I think your DH needs to work a bit harder. We have a 13 and 15 year old who are very disappointed with the service your husband provides and are questioning its validity. Even our ten year old is questioning why we use this service provider.

[Chelazla]

Best post ever!!! Marry crimbo everyone!!!! 🎄🎅🏻

[DustyMaiden]

He only comes once a year but empties his sack in your stockings . Mans a sexual deviant

[mum2Bomg]

Get a cleaner (hugs).

Are you sure he isn't having an affair?

[aceorchard]

FML . Come on OP; from my point of view this is purely attention-seeking, taking away from other posts on the serious issues some parents might have around this time of year who feel alone and need support.

I, for one, don't find this particularly amusing. Go have another sherry and hit the hay please. If you really are Mrs. Claus then you've got a horribly busy day ahead of you tomorrow.

[BlackNo1]

😂

[Dionysuss]

Ffs it took me far too long to get this.

[IAmNotAUserNumber]

I don't understand - you say he funds all this out of his pension? And goes off all night delivering toys?
This rings alarm bells for me.
Pension - sounds like he's rapidly depleting YOUR shared resources. Do you have access to the bank account? Do you have your own income?
Toys - forming friendly relationships with children really isn't on, I'm not saying he has ulterior motives, but an outsider might accuse him of grooming, or worse?
I suggest you post in the relationships board. Too many people on this thread seem to find the whole thing funny, you'll get better support there.
You really don't have to put up with this "hero complex" guy, especially Christmas.

[Giggorata]

"Also, you want to watch out for that Eartha Kitt." Bono

[BillyNotQuiteNoMates]

I think you need to cancel any cheques

[1horatio]

Doesn't the Christmas man have helpers? The little red ones,,,? Or don't you have these?

According to my grandma he also has a goat to ride on. But seeing as goats can be suuuper stubborn... poor you ;)

[MeetMeAtMidnight]

Sounds like you've let yourself become a bit of a doormat, OP. No is a complete sentence. If his business is so lucrative he can afford to take months off fannying about watchmaking, he can afford an executive administrator and a bloody party planner!

[arrrrghhwinehelpswithteens]

Raines100 make sure DH packs plenty of blankets in case you end up roughing it in a stable or something.

OP I heard that the Hogfather helped out one year with deliveries - could he do the party for you so you get a break? And definitely get a TomTom but get NORAD to pre-programme it with his route.

As fore checking the list, what about investing in some stock control software? Then it's just a case of scanning each present as you load it on the sleigh And it gets rid of those awful elves that hide around the house as we can report in electronically.

Anyway hope you have a better night this year And if you think the staff are going to be bad, slip a sleeping draught into the nibbles. That will guarantee you a peaceful night!

[Tenshidarkangel]

That took me way too long to cotton on too!

[The2ndSpartacus]

Only when I got to the bit about checking lists twice did I cotton on.

Well done OP