To refuse to stay up all night helping DH for another year?

[MerryMrs2]

A little background – DH of many years (no DCs) is self-employed. His work is very seasonal, which in practice means he swans about all spring/summer doing his hobbies (watchmaking, tinkering, etc) and then in November/December it’s absolute bloody madness. After two months of running himself and his staff completely ragged he has to make all kinds of last-minute deliveries and is without fail away all night, from dusk quite literally to dawn.

In theory I don’t object to this, DH can’t control when he is needed and many families rely on him. But this can be very stressful for me as I’m left to tie up all his loose ends alone.

For example the staff party always falls to me, which as they inevitably break into the peppermint schnapps and start rocking around can be very stressful. He also leaves me in charge of all the animals, most of which are very large and tend to be disappointed at having been left out of the delivery party, plus all of the clean-up from months of messy work in DH’s workshop. And I have to be essentially on call ALL NIGHT to check his list twice and give directions as despite YEARS of doing very similar routes DH is a hopeless navigator.

I do all of this for no pay (just as a favour to DH?). Also our business involves a lot of administration (list making) and research on the global toy market, very important work that I often take on throughout the year in addition to managing the gingerbread houses, baking cookies, keeping animals washed and fed etc so I do feel I’ve pitched in enough already. I’m now getting on a bit and the thought of staying up all night by the phone with a hundred drunks in the next room is just too much to bear.
I want to tell DH to sort out some other plan, but he says he can’t trust anyone else. Can I just refuse to help? AIBU because I don’t think I am??

[MerryMrs2]

My goodness, thank you for all the responses! I now have so much to think about.

MerryMarigold I hadn't considered a TomTom - our home is quite remote, will it work? And if he's out of wifi range?

Also re:booze is this true? He always comes back suspiciously jolly but insists he has never had a drop??

AndNowItsSeven Indeed, this is another issue as DH insists we do all of this essentially for free every year, just a few donations of food etc for all of this work! Fortunately he has v generous pension from his time in the church but this has been a sticking point in the past.

[Heyheyheygoodbye]

OP I am worried about the amount of identifying information in your post - you may want to self-report to MNHQ and ask them to edit it so you don't get outed.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

I think it's time to think about succession planning.
www.dummies.com/how-to/content/how-to-develop-a-succession-plan.html

[Shutthatdoor]

LTB this could be your life every year for eternity 😃

[CremeBrulee]

Have a look on Amazon, maybe there is an elf help book?

[TempusEedjit]

Are you sure your DH is where he says he is? I'm sure I've seen him loafing around down the local precinct doing Coke.

[bimandbam]

Hope he is registered as self employed and paying the relevant taxes.

[treaclesoda]

Is it your reindeer that crap on my lawn? I can't believe you're so irresponsible as to keep reindeer as pets. Irresponsible pet owners get everyone a bad name. You could at least follow behind him with a reindeer poop a scoop.

[PurpleThermalsNowItsWinter]

Merry - there's a crazy rumour on fb that your DH is retiring and passing the job onto nick jnr. I think that's the best idea - then he can sort out the staff party and the animals whilst you crack open the schnapps. Nick jnr can use technology to find his way around.

[PurpleThermalsNowItsWinter]

Oh, you said no dc's. It's just is a crazy rumour then.

[Allalonenow]

I don't want to upset you Merry, but the gossip is that he has been seen kissing several OW under the mistletoe.

I think you need to have The Talk, stay strong.

[HawkEyeTheNoo]

Purplethermals did you actually read the OP?! It clearly states that there are NO DC! What do you know that mrsmerry doesn't hmm? Something to tell us? Is he actually having an affair? Is it with you? Do you have his love child?

Mrsmerry I'm sorry you are going through this, have some and a hug from me. Have you considered couples counselling?

[FauxFox]

Oh I thought the OP was going to be Mrs Buble for a minute there but he's out singing not delivering so... YANBU - he needs a young apprentice to help out!

[MerryMrs2]

I must say I am shocked to hear of all these rumours?? Is there any proof? HawkEye I agree perhaps counselling but should I be seeking a lawyer as well???

Any advice on how to break this to the staff and animals as they are very easily upset? We have always been a very close community :(

[miaowroar]

MrsMerry you need to take care of yourself or you are headed for a complete physical and mental breakdown - and there is enough strain on the elf service as it is.

[PassiveAgressiveQueen]

it took me until " check his list twice" to get it, very funny

[cleaty]

I think you should pop over to the feminism board. You are in a typical relationship with a famous man. You do lots of work, and he gets all the glory and presents too. You deserve much more than being a semi anonymous sidekick to a famous man, who couldn't do it anyway without all of your help.

[cdtaylornats]

I think your troubles are over

[NotNowBono]

I don't want to worry you, OP, but I have it on good authority that someone's mother was caught snogging your DH under the mistletoe last year. I don't know what's worse - the shameless cheating, or the fact that someone's DC saw. He's like a jolly bearded Pat Mustard.

Also, you want to watch out for that Eartha Kitt.

[Krampus]

The poor guy with a full time job you should be doing all this gladly, you don't know how lucky you are!
Winter is very busy for me too and I have to do it all by myself, there's no Mrs Krampus and cheery elves to help out here.

[WhetherOrNot]

Sorry, I have little sympathy for you. You try finding a donkey at this time of the year, then you would know what stress is !!

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

Poor you! What started out as a nice jesture has ballooned into may hem can he not say No?
Seriously you need to tell him, its one each and no more.

[Krampus]

Whilst I'm here.

The festive period would be a whole lot easier for me if you lazy, wine slugging parents would introduce a bit more discipline and get your brats to behave.

[guajiraguantanamera]

I genuinely didn't get this for ages and was so confused [santa]

[trulybadlydeeply]

Sorry OP, something about this whole situation is not ringing true.

Reported.