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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

stalked by school!

385 replies

Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 22:10

Last Friday DD was off sick. I start work at 9.30 so got her up and dressed and dropped her round at my parents.When I got to work there was an email on my work email address (which I have NOT given out to them as a contact address), an emaul on my personal email, messages on my mobile and home number and DH's mobile! All before 9.15 wanting to enquire as to DDs whereabouts!! Now DD gets a lift to school every day with another child from the same village (we are 4 miles away from school) so pretty obvious that she hasn't befallen an accident on the way.Infact the secretary would have asked the other child if DD was coming
I am thinking of complaining to the school, as I think it was pretty rude to try to contact me by so many different means especially my work email wanting to know her 'whereabouts'.WTF !!

OP posts:
MiscellaneousAssortment · 30/11/2015 22:55

I used to slip under the gap at the bottom of the fence at the end of the playing field - having spent weeks whittling away a crawl space. I regularly disappeared for break & lunch times, but I was extremely careful not to draw attention to myself or my exploits so always reappeared at the right time for afternoon registration etc.

I was an extremely good child, timid, sensitive, rule abiding, eager to please... neither parents nor school would have predicted this behavior and in fact would have had me down as the least likely child to step a toe out of line.

But I was also deeply unhappy and these stolen moments of release were addictive. Imagine what could have happened if I pushed it that bit further, or a passing car saw the 8 yr old crouching in the bottom of a ditch...

It's a mistake to think children don't need adults to look out for them and ensure they are where they are supposed to be.

It's a mistake to think you can predict everything your child might do. They don't always do the right thing, or the predictable thing, or the grown up thing...

And that's why adults who have responsibility for children need to be totally on it.

IguanaTail · 30/11/2015 22:55

noble ah but you forget that Gove took that away and said it was for individual schools to work out. So guess who gets lumbered with all the admin tasks again... Plus invigilation and loads of cover coming back our way...

sharoncarol43 · 30/11/2015 22:59

Why the hell is a maths teacher doing an admin job confused that's one of the tasks the unions negotiated that we aren't meant to do!

I'll tell him that

noblegiraffe · 30/11/2015 23:10

iguana I know it was recommended that the list be abolished, but did the recommendation ever get implemented? The only news stories I can find are ones suggesting it might happen, not that it has.

The joint Union action short of strike action instructions say we shouldn't be doing them.

rollonthesummer · 30/11/2015 23:17

I've just been searching for that as well, Noble. I think Gove tried to get the list of 21 banned admin tasks scrapped but I think it was all quietly dropped??

IguanaTail · 30/11/2015 23:32

As in up to 3 hours a week

IguanaTail · 30/11/2015 23:33

Ohhhh I thought it had gone through. Not sure if academies count? Friends of mine are doing up to 3 hours of cover and endless invigilation at the moment....

noblegiraffe · 30/11/2015 23:47

Academies don't have to follow the burgundy book do they? But that's ridiculous. My academy says we should 'rarely cover' and do a max of 8 a year, so not all academies have binned it.

PoorFannyRobin · 01/12/2015 00:51

Not tragic, fortunately, but could have been and was a good lesson learned by me about the legal aspects this issue:

When I was a first-year teacher, secondary level in a small school where everyone knew everything about everybody, Student T was absent during my 3rd period class but wasn't on the absentee list on the morning report. The students in my class, who were telling the truth as far as they knew, stated that T had begun feeling ill during 1st period and gone to office to get a dismissal at the end of 1st.
Well, there was hell to pay all around when, just prior to the final bell of the day, the office received a call from his parents -- who were absolutely livid that they had not been advised of T's being off campus during the majority of the school day until they had been called by the police department and the hospital! Student T had, of course, not gotten a dismissal but had been picked up by a friend, had been involved in an accident, and had suffered a few minor injuries.

The worst part of the hell-to-pay aspect derived from the fact it became crystal clear to the parents that the school office had no inkling that T wasn't at school (and hadn't been since about 8:55 AM)! The head master was less than impressed (actually his face was purple!) that every single one of T's teachers ( I wasn't the only one!) had dutifully marked T absent in his/her grade book but had not taken any other action other than to discuss T's absence with our students! It was patiently explained to us what our legal responsibilities were (the in loco parentis factor). That T had lied, had skipped classes, was an adult-sized, intelligent, non-vulnerable teenage male didn't change or negate the school's legal responsibilities to T during school hours.

Enjolrass · 01/12/2015 06:39

Go to say.

I used to skip school. My secondary never contacted parents.

nothing bad happened, but knowing what I did on those day, it really could have. Think along the lines of a 15 year old meeting with a 25 year old man, who I know realised groomed me.

I am terrified that dd will do that.

Thankfully her school do a register at the beginning of every class on the school system, which flags up unaccounted for children.

IguanaTail · 01/12/2015 06:46

It's hard, because schools are such big and complicated places, filled with some quite unpredictable and vulnerable people. Student T could also have been in the toilets or in the grounds somewhere, he could have been speaking to another member of staff or be hiding in the cloakrooms. He could have been helping a friend or trying to steal something. He could have slunk out to the shops and be back again. He could have been at an extra piano lesson or be dealing drugs behind some sheds.

A school I worked in had an electronic registering system and quite regularly there was a "perfect storm" of absent marks for someone who was in school. Jimmy arrives late for the first lesson and he manages to by-pass the late desk and slink into class. The teacher is in the middle of teaching a new concept to 32 hyperactive Herberts and knows if she stops and goes back into the register to change it, she will lose them. She makes a mental note to change it in a few minutes but doesn't remember in the hubbub of the lesson, and then has 30 year 7s straight after. By breaktime she is busting for a wee and leaves her classroom. Jimmy's absent mark remains.

Period 2 and it's science. Jimmy isn't there. In fact he's with a friend to have a sly fag in the toilets. They texted each other in the morning to do it period 2 (Science which they hate.)

The office have picked up the absent marks. They check with the late desk duty people but they haven't seen Jimmy. They look at the absent mark for period 1 and 2. They ask his head of year and the medical room people. No sign. They text home. Parents are worried. They ring Jimmy who says he's in the toilet with a funny tummy. They contact the school, livid that their babe has been suffering alone and that he was in school all along. Why didn't the period 1 teacher notice him? How hard can it be to just change the register if he was late? etc etc.
The mum goes on mumsnet and someone suggests contacting ofsted to make an official complaint and that they too would go batshit crazy and be demanding questions from the chair of governors.

Scenario 2 - exactly the same situation but a different child with different parents. Parents are contacted and text back to school saying "don't worry he'll turn up".
(This actually happens!)

Bunbaker · 01/12/2015 06:59

At DD's school students can't just slip out of school. Anyone leaving school before the end of the school day has to be signed out. All the other exits are locked.

Obviously for fire safety purposes the doors can be opened but that would trigger off an alarm.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 01/12/2015 07:12

Op long gone then .....Hmm

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 01/12/2015 09:54

lucy what 6th class children who could be 12/13 are walked in to school by their parents?! Wow!

Original poster
Brioche201 · 01/12/2015 13:15

No not long gone!!

OP posts:
lexigrey · 01/12/2015 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PantsOfGold · 01/12/2015 14:54

One of my DC has started doing the long walk to secondary school alone and my other is gearing up for doing the walk to juniors alone. I would hope to be 'stalked' by the school if one of them didn't turn up.

You should apologise to the school for not notifying them and for putting them to so much trouble.

PoorFannyRobin · 01/12/2015 16:56

Iguana, yes! Your post very accurately explains the difficulties involved in what ostensibly would seem a simple procedure: keeping roll!

GruntledOne · 01/12/2015 17:28

I trust you haven't complained, OP?

spanieleyes · 01/12/2015 18:08

You wouldn't like to live in my authority then! If a child doesn't turn up and we can't contact anyone on the list we have, we contact the PCSO for the area who calls round to check on the household!

Original poster
Brioche201 · 02/12/2015 00:31

Ok in some cases it is probably a good idea to call and cjheck.But if a child is known to live 4 miles away travel everyday with an adult parent (governor) Really it is beyond stupid to think that there is any likelihood something has befallen her en route.

OP posts:
Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 02/12/2015 00:43

Well of course.

In fact I got the newletter this week to remind me that governors children never play hooky. Also, it was recently disclosed by the police that governors children never fall prey to groomers on the internet, drugs, drink or being an arse on a busy road.

There was a report from the NHS that being an school governor protects one from sudden death of stroke, heart attack, epilepsy, RTAs and psychopaths.

I have nominated myself to be on the Board, purely for health reasons.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 02/12/2015 00:45

an? a
of? from

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 02/12/2015 00:46

Oh and I should add that something very disappointing was pointed out to me today....

that being on the Board doesnt make one exempt from the standard procedures! How dare they!?

Topseyt · 02/12/2015 03:24

They are obliged to check in EVERY case of unexplained absence OP. Of course it is possible for something to happen to her on the way to school. No matter what arrangements you have in place.

Clearly though, you do not believe that you can ever be wrong about something. You are now just stamping your feet and huffing and puffing about the indignity of them having tried to contact you because YOU failed to follow the correct procedure by calling them at the right time.

Grow up. You got it wrong. They didn't. Learn and move on.

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