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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

stalked by school!

385 replies

Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 22:10

Last Friday DD was off sick. I start work at 9.30 so got her up and dressed and dropped her round at my parents.When I got to work there was an email on my work email address (which I have NOT given out to them as a contact address), an emaul on my personal email, messages on my mobile and home number and DH's mobile! All before 9.15 wanting to enquire as to DDs whereabouts!! Now DD gets a lift to school every day with another child from the same village (we are 4 miles away from school) so pretty obvious that she hasn't befallen an accident on the way.Infact the secretary would have asked the other child if DD was coming
I am thinking of complaining to the school, as I think it was pretty rude to try to contact me by so many different means especially my work email wanting to know her 'whereabouts'.WTF !!

OP posts:
GruntledOne · 30/11/2015 00:31

I send in a note to the teacher the next day to explain why dd was absent. Once the teacher takes the roll then he or she knows the child is absent and can ask questions the next day?

LucyBabs, your child's school is being grossly irresponsible. If a child doesn't reach school because she has had an accident or been abducted, if the school does nothing about it then her disappearance will not be investigated until over 5 hours later. That could well be far too late. I would suggest you take this up with them as a matter of urgency.

GruntledOne · 30/11/2015 00:33

ungoogleable I only discovered the plethora of messages after I had rumg up to tell them she was off

And? You fully admit they sent them before you phoned?

GiddyOnZackHunt · 30/11/2015 00:34

They want to be sure you know her whereabouts. Ffs.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 30/11/2015 00:36

Why is it so difficult for some parents to make a 20 sec phone call to the school "x won't be in, she is sick".

Exactly.

I forgot to ring school once (primary) when DS was off sick and they rang me at about half nine. The secretary, who is lovely and I have known for many years, was concerned and was DS ok? I was mortified! My first instinct was to apologise for not ringing them or asking my mum, who had taken the other 2 in, to tell them he was puking his guts up. At no point did it cross my mind to give her a mouthful about her "demanding" to know where my son was!

It never ceases to amaze me how fucking stupid some people are, and yes OP, I am talking about you.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 30/11/2015 00:38

Giddy has made the point very succinctly.

You know where she is, but they dont know that you know where she is! And if you hadnt known and they hadnt contacted you to say she wasnt at school, presumably you would be ok with that?

Bakeoffcake · 30/11/2015 00:39

My dds are 25 and 21 and both their Primary and Secondary school always rang if I forgot to tell them they were off school for some reason, so it's not a new thing.

The secondary school brought it in over 20 years because a boy callapsed on his way to school and ended up lying in a ditch for an hour.

OP you sound rather difficult. The schools have every right to know where your child is from 9am until home time. I'm not sure why you wouldn't already know this.....

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 30/11/2015 00:40

Yes the where abouts of your or any child during school hours is their business!

your child should be in school, there's a great deal of responsibility laying with the school they are responsible for your child during school hours. It is mandory for the child to be there. They have every reason and right to know why a child they are responsible for isn't where they should be.

And before anyone says it employers don't care blah blah, um yes they do, lone workers have many ways of calling offices letting head offices know they've arrived at appointments and when they leave the appointment. One person I had a meeting with didn't log in to the system to register they'd arrived at the office, within 10 minutes of their estimated arrival time they got a call from lone working to check she had arrived.

I've had calls from colleagues when my bus has been running late just to check I am ok, in fact I've called a number of my colleagues to check they're ok when I can see on their calendar their due in the office and haven't appeared by lunch time. Days I'm in the office on my own i send a text to my manger when I'm locking up.

lexigrey · 30/11/2015 00:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LucyBabs · 30/11/2015 00:42

Wow child abduction or a child involved in an accident?
Firstly in my dds school all children are walked into their class room by a parent or guardian.
If a child and parent were involved in an accident the school would be informed.

Canyouforgiveher · 30/11/2015 00:47

op is clearly just trying to piss people off

agree Lexi

wiltingfast · 30/11/2015 00:50

Op is not being unreasonable. FGS what school immediately resorts to every contact they have and some they don't to deal with an absence? Have they nothing to else to do? I'd only expect that in a total emergency. One phone call, maybe one to DH as well. 5+ efforts to contact before 9.15 seems wildly excessive.

I'd definitely be feeling harassed and irritated. Seems unnecessary to me OP, not sure you can do anything about it though. Our school certainly doesn't do that at all.

coffeeisnectar · 30/11/2015 00:50

And yes they will ask what's wrong. If it's sickness then they know not to see her in the next day and will also be aware it may be doing the rounds and can keep an eye out for other kids being unwell. I called in once to say dd had a soaring temp, very sleepy but no other symptoms. I was told most of her year was off with the same thing. It was very odd but reassuring to know that it was very likely a virus doing the rounds.

If your child had chickenpox they would want to know so they could mark it down as cp. So you don't get called daily.

coffeeisnectar · 30/11/2015 00:52

lucybabs the ops child is 10. My 10 year old goes to and from school on her own like most of her year. I think walking a 10 year old into class would be odd.

Aussiemum78 · 30/11/2015 00:53

I expect that the reason for the multiple calls is that some child said "oh I saw ops daughter this morning/walking to school" and the school has rightly, gone to all lengths to clarify.

GruntledOne · 30/11/2015 00:57

wiltingfast, schools tend to make this specifically the first task of the day for one of the admin staff; some schools have automated systems so they can send messages to all contact addresses simultaneously. OP's child is in a small school so it's probably a job that can be done relatively quickly.

If your child hadn't turned up at school because he'd had an accident and all they had done was to make a couple of desultory calls at some point in the morning, I bet you'd be complaining. Time matters in these situations.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 30/11/2015 00:59

Wilting the notification systems are largely automated now via computers, its not the school secretary ringing. Ours does, but we are a small school and we still get the auto messages aswell.

The systems are usually set up so that each parental contact given will be contacted. If they hear nothing within a certain period of time, they will then go on to the secondary contacts (grandparents, friends etc). So it isnt a case of deliberately sending many messages, just that the system will send a message to each contact. I have 2 mobiles and 3 emails adds, H has the same to that means that we will each receive 5 within the space of a minute or so.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 30/11/2015 01:10

but wiltingfast for all the school knew it could have been an emergency the child could have been abducted, run over, throwing up by the side of the road before making it to school.

The school didn't know OP knew where her daughter was or that it wasn't one of many situations that would need immediate action. The fact that OP says she found the messages after she'd contacted the school suggests she wasn't responding to any of the attempts to contact her. The school fulfilling its responsibility to find out where a child it is resposable for was and wether it was an emergency situation that required more serious action.

Topseyt · 30/11/2015 01:12

OP you are being a total idiot.

YOU did not inform school in a timely fashion that your child wouldn't be in. They enquired about her using all means at their disposal as they are legally obliged to do (remember that they are in loco parentis with you).

You don't have a leg to stand on with your "non-complaint", but if you really are desperate to make yourself out to be a twat then go right ahead. You will then become known in the school staffroom as one of "those" parents.

It is you who needs to apply common sense.

Let me also reassure you that secondary schools most certainly DO check up on unexplained absence in much the same way. I have had texts from my DD's school on a couple of days when the school contract bus has been late and caused her to arrive in morning registration after the register had already been called.

Stalked!!!! Really!!!! What a ridiculous suggestion. Should provide a bit of amusement in the staffroom though.

kali110 · 30/11/2015 01:22

Seriously, grow the fuck up.
All you've done is whinge.
You clearly thought everybody would pile on and slag the school off when all they've done is wonder where your child was!
Use common sense and ask the elven year old?
Grin give me a break!
It is the schools business because some parents keep their kids off school to hide abuse.
If your kid didn't make it to
School and they didn't contact you by all means i bet you'd be up there giving them hell.

As for reasonable answers, you've yet to ask a reasonable question.

PoorFannyRobin · 30/11/2015 01:28

Legally, the school is in loco parentis literally meaning in place of the parent when school is in session and so must know (or do everything possible to find out) where the student is at all times during school hours.

Fabellini · 30/11/2015 01:39

Both dss are in secondary school (different schools) and I have received texts and phone calls from both when I've been late or forgotten to phone and say they wouldn't be in, i thought all schools did that, and I totally understand why they do. I have apologised profusely when it's happened.

Fabellini · 30/11/2015 01:42

Actually, just as I was typing previous post I remembered on one occasion receiving a text from ds1s school to say he was missing from private study period mid morning. I phoned to say he flipping well should be in school as he had got a lift in, turned out it was a timetable mix up and he was there all the time....but clearly they don't get away with much skiving at his school!

WaxyBean · 30/11/2015 02:19

Employers do this too - after 10am I do a mental roll call of my staff to check that everyone I'm expecting in the office is there and call those who are not. A less formal process than in schools but still important in my opinion.

Sometimes it's delays on public transport, hangovers or even they've forgotten to mention/record they were working from home that day. But I've also spoken to staff who live on their own with severe migraines (who I've then asked to check in with me later in the day to confirm that meds are working as no-one else is aware they are ill or checking on them) and once called a colleague's wife after he didn't turn up to find out he'd had a heart attack and died on the train in.

I would far rather be annoying and know the whereabouts of my staff than find out something awful had happened and no-one had realised. And absolutely the school should have the same duty of care to my children.

BitOutOfPractice · 30/11/2015 02:20

Clearly op you believe your time is more important and precious than anyone else's. It SHOULD have been top of your list. Or you could've said "mum / dad can guy phone the school please?"

You forgot didn't you ? And you're annoyed at being called on it. Yabvu

MidniteScribbler · 30/11/2015 06:00

Some parents just like to whinge for the sake of it. No matter what the school does, the parent finds a way to bitch about it, usually very loudly and if they lose they argument they'll start on something else (like the tone of an email).

They're generally experts in all fields of education (as they went to school themselves) and they have all at some point used the phrase "I pay your wages, you know."