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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I love Christmas and I make a fuss of my kids so Aibu to tell people who are clearly envious to sod the hell off?

277 replies

KathGeorge1 · 29/11/2015 16:01

Hi I have four children age 10,8,6 and 4 and Christmas is my absolute favourite time of year as it is for a lot of people. They are the most loveliest, happy, appreciative children you could imagine and whilst they aren't overly spoilt in terms of gifts they do get to enjoy other things associated with the festive period.

I'm currently I sahm (du works full time) I worked when my oldest three were little but when I had our youngest I decided to take a couple of years out until she was ready for school (next year) so I have the time to plan things over Christmas that maybe I wouldn't have had time to plan or do if I were working full time. To say I've come across a lot of negativity from some friends/family/aquaintenaces is kind of an understatement. I'm not one of those pushy, over enthused, obsessive parents who like to rub things what I'm doing in other peoples faces but if people ask what I'm doing and what I'm doing over Christmas then I'll happily tell them, but I wish I hadn't bothered now.

Over the next few weeks we have quite a lot on ie trip to see Santa (of course lol) a day out at a reindeer farm, breakfast with Santa at our local garden centre, day out at an indoor Christmas theme park. And as a lot of parents I've done the usual portable North Pole messages, ordered personalised Christmas letters and Christmas plates and I've spent time doing arts and crafts and making a lot of handmade Christmas gifts for family.

Now this sort of thing I love as do my kids and we really enjoy getting stuck in over Christmas but clearly some people have a problem with the effort I make. I told two grandma what I had planned and what I'd been up to and they sort of sighed saying that I'm Mary poppins, one friend then went onto Facebook the same evening and put at stays along the lines of she doesn't understand why Christmas is such a competition for some parents and why the hell they feel the need to take their kids on loads of trips she doesn't know!

I don't usually put anything on Facebook really and only tag in probably once a year when we are on our annual holiday but I decided the other day to put a status on saying how excited I was for Christmas and that we had lots of activities planned and I couldn't wait for the kids to break up from school. Well all I got was oh you must be crazy wishing the kids to break up, and you don't have to keep the kids entertained 24/7 Kath I'm sure they're capable of doing stuff on their own!

I was kind of shocked at first but when I thought about it, these sort of comments didn't surprise me as they were mainly off the same group of people (who are not necessarily friends just people I know) who do absolutely bugger all with their own kids and who would rather go out of a weekend spending all their money and then are too hungover and skint the next day to bother doing anything. And whilst what they chose to do with their own lives is their decision it's also up to me what I do myself, and i don't expect to have digs at me just because I enjoy spending time time with my kids and family. So would I be unreasonable to just ignore the ones on Facebook and to tell my so called real friends to keep their bloody opinions to themselves?

OP posts:
ghostspirit · 29/11/2015 20:10

is it always boasting though. i say stuff im doing with my kids..because im pleased or excited.

ghostyslovesheep · 29/11/2015 20:11

there was definately another poster who posted this then of a weekend their posts are about how their kids have gone to their dads house and they are then "out with the girls getting pissed" so where and when are they fitting in quality time with their chislren almost word for word

ghostspirit · 29/11/2015 20:15

fuck thought coffee was talking about me then... then rememberd it was tidy up day today... so all good

Cleansheetsandbedding · 29/11/2015 20:16

I have two women on my friends list that do this every Xmas, Easter, birthday and school holidays. Pictures of mountains of presents or itineraries that would make your eyes water.

It's bragging and showing off and I think it comes from a place of insecurity. It also puts pressure on other parents and makes then feel shite if the havnt got the time or money.

Do everything that makes you and your kids happy but maybe not advertise the whole lot. 'A few nice trips' would suffice if asked again.

atreya · 29/11/2015 20:17

I wonder if we know the same person, Nectar Grin That sounds very much like the one I mentioned. Lots of overt stealth boasting about how perfect her children are, but disorganised chaos behind the scenes.

atreya · 29/11/2015 20:19

It possibly does have something to do with the tone. I know somebody else who posts a lot about activities but it comes across as interesting rather than smug and preaching.

zzzzz · 29/11/2015 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jo4040 · 29/11/2015 20:23

I dont think the OP is doing anything other then explaining what her question is tbh.

I'm not on FB, I don't tell people what I'm doing, I'm a very private, personal introverted person. However when people ask me what iv been up to over the weekend for example, my answer is often something based around my children and entertaining them, spending time doing something or other with them.

I'm not showing of or making a point, just simply saying what iv done because I was asked what I have done.

Therefore because my answer normally consists of things around my children people make comments similar to the coments that the OP has experienced.

Therefore these coments make you think and could trigger someone who uses mumsnet to sound off or ask questions. Doesn't mean they 'are that parent'. I'm certainly not.

Bettercallsaul1 · 29/11/2015 20:24

I see you have got your detective's hat on tonight, Ghosty. Grin

ghostyslovesheep · 29/11/2015 20:27

not really Grin I just remember really clearly having that exact same comment thrown at single mums before - being one I tend to pick up on that stuff!

jipjap · 29/11/2015 20:28

Have you posted before, on a similar note, op? [santa]

Jo4040 · 29/11/2015 20:29

Also, I'm not on FB, I have never even taken the time to look into what FB is.

However, isn't the point if FB to talk about what you have done/doing. So if you spend alot if time doing stuff with your DC'S, what should you do?

Lie and say you have just been out with the girls/works do / pub with OH

OR sign up to FB then not bother posting Anything?! Confused

ghostspirit · 29/11/2015 20:30

im on the fence with this. i dont see why people shout not post things on face book even if it is me and the kids done xxxxx. and tomorrow we are doing xxxxx . my reply would. have fun/enoy hope kids enjoy it... think of me when im cleaning the house Grin

anyway its just how it is this time of year. lots going on for people.

ghostspirit · 29/11/2015 20:32

jip there is a link on page 8 that spot posted. different name but very simlar

MarthasHarbour · 29/11/2015 20:36

I am with ghosty i read the OP and thought 'oh it is halloween mum again'. I was also sure she posted about the single mums/after school club/on the piss when kids are at dads etc.

Then i had a quick shufty at the other OP - not the random use of 'lol' in both OPs ... Hmm

Seriously though OP, even if you arent the same poster, you need to chill. It isnt even December yet!!

coffeeisnectar · 29/11/2015 20:41

zzzzz unless you have last night's dinner remains (and quite possibly the night before) still on plates dumped on the drainer and empty packets and random rubbish strewn across the floor plus kids dirty clothes in the living room AND hallway (wherever they've been removed/flung/dumped) then I highly doubt it's you. Especially if it's not all covered in dog hair.

I thought my house was messy until I went round there but omg I couldn't live like that. I have helped on many occasions to clean her kitchen and tidy up all the random stuff but within two days it's in the same shit order.

We are no longer friends anyway. I found out she had been calling my dd (9) names (fucking little shit/brat/bitch) and then told her dd she wasn't allowed to play with mine anymore at school. No reason given and my dd never in trouble but she had fallen out with me so it had to extend to her kids too.

Still, she's got all that fur covered homebaking to enjoy. :o

Magicpaintbrush · 29/11/2015 20:47

OP, personally I hope you and your children enjoy the lovely things you have planned for them this Christmas, I'm sure your children will love it. I actually think a lot of people on here have taken your original post the wrong way, and whether or not they found your comments irritating I think what you said pales in comparison to amount of ganging up that has gone on on this thread. Reading all of this has been like being back in the school playground, and not in a good way. Don't let others dampen your enthusiasm for your Christmas plans, it's nice that you make an effort to get in the spirit of things. I'm on facebook a lot and know of lots of people who mention plans as you have, I wouldn't dream of shooting somebody down in flames just for being excited about the christmas plans they have for their kids, and nobody else I know would either.

Senpai · 29/11/2015 20:48

The unfriend button is located at the bottom of your timeline photo. HTH.

DrasticAction · 29/11/2015 20:55

op just keep things private, why post if your getting narky comments.

keep it to yourself and enjoy.

sleeponeday · 29/11/2015 21:10

My kids are lovely, and my house is a tip, and I don't even have 5. I have no excuse. Grin

I think your Christmas plans sounds lovely, OP. Not extravagant or show-offy, either, and I don't understand why anyone would mind - my timeline is full of parents doing cool stuff with their sprogs and I like reading about it, even though I don't do half as much with mine!

I'm sorry you are having this reaction.

sleeponeday · 29/11/2015 21:13

The unfriend button is located at the bottom of your timeline photo. HTH.

Well it wouldn't, necessarily, would it? Defriending people in shared social circles usually creates drama, and why do that avoidably? I only boot people who I don't have to see, and don't share any valued friends with. Life is too short.

OP you can stop following people you don't want a connection to, though, very easily - you can stop seeing their posts without their ever knowing. If some are on your friendslist simply to avoid the drama of defriending, then stop following them and you won't have to deal with their crap in future.

SharkSkinThing · 29/11/2015 21:14

I suggest you get a grip. Maybe have a small baileys?

Maybe it's just that Christmas isn't the same magical time for everyone. Not many people can afford even the cheapest things, or plan as much as you are able to due to work or other commitments.

I have done none of the things you have planned, and have no intention to. DS hates loud events, is not into crafts and freaks out at Santa's Grotto. This certainly doesn't mean that I do 'bugger all with my kids', it simply means it's not what we enjoy doing. And I couldn't give a fuck about what others do, quite frankly.

Do what you want - you clearly are anyway - and not only ignore others who don't share your enthusiasm, but perhaps have a little consideration for those who might find it a hard time of year or who don't go into overdrive.

whatdoIget · 29/11/2015 21:15

This sounds familiar to me too! There was one about half term that was almost the same, really really similar in tone.
Stay off Facebook would be my advice

goldglittershitter · 29/11/2015 21:21

Well said Magicpaintbrush

Roussette · 29/11/2015 21:26

Thank you zebra I was beginning to think I had dreampt the other thread which was nearly identical!

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